Since we’ve been “staying at home,” we’ve heard from tons of couples that they’re struggling with opposite sex drives.

These are couples who don’t usually experience this - their desire levels are typically aligned.

But, people react differently to stress.

They react differently to ongoing stress.

For some, the stress response hits the breaks on desire more than their desire is accelerated, leading to a reduced sex drive. For others, their desire is accelerated more than the stress response hits the breaks. If these two people are in a relationship together, they may be experiencing opposite sex drives right now.

In this week’s episode, our resident Certified Sex Therapist, Marina Voron, is helping us identify whether this is what you may be going through, understand how and why this is happening, and giving strategies for how to navigate this successfully in your relationship.

Disagreements are challenging to navigate in general, but when you’re both under additional stress they can become explosive. Having the ability to recognize when an argument isn’t going anywhere and you and your partner may just not see eye-to-eye is key.

Agreeing to disagree means:

We fully heard each other’s position on this issue. We understand our own point of view and our partner’s. With that information, we still do not agree. We don’t “have to” agree or find a compromise right now. We can drop this and revisit it at a future time or it may not even require another conversation. We’re going to accept that we were not able to agree and move on with our day.

Having the ability to do this helps you avoid getting stuck in unnecessary conflict, spend more time feeling comfortable and supported in your relationship, and minimizes disruptions to rituals of connection and other positive routines.

In this week’s episode, we’re talking about:

- What makes agreeing to disagree so challenging
- How being able to agree to disagree benefits you and your relationship
- The exact steps to follow to agree to disagree successfully

One of the biggest challenges we’ve heard from couples we work with since quarantine began is managing household and childcare responsibilities.

All of a sudden, both of you were working from home. Schools and daycares closed, so the kids were home too.

Wow.

This has been a huge transition for families.

These circumstances lend themselves to increased stress and anxiety, less time for self-care, more conflict, and feelings of overwhelm. When both you and your partner are having a hard time, it can be extra challenging to come together as a team - but even more important.

There are a few simple strategies for navigating our new reality constructively:

- Get clear on where you’re at and what you want
- Approach your partner gently to discuss how you’re feeling and what you’re needing (and invite them to share the same)
- Come up with a plan and execute it

In this week’s episode, we’re talking about the struggles in this sudden transition, how to communicate with your partner to create a shared plan, and concrete tips for making it work.

The going has gotten tough.

In full transparency, we recorded this episode before the COVID-19 pandemic was a concern here in the U.S., but it certainly feels timely.

Using effective communication strategies, supporting one another, and maintaining your rituals of connection are much easier when life is “normal.” Add some additional stressors (think: kids, a demanding job, or quarantine) and your skills are sure to be tested.

When things around you are hard, it becomes even more important to remain a team. You’re in this together and could both use support and compassion.

There are a few things to be exceptionally mindful of when trying to stay a team when the going gets tough:

- Are you really listening to your partner?

- Are you being open to their influence?

- Are you honoring your individual needs with rest, recharge, and self-care (to the extent possible)?

- Are you honoring the needs of your relationship with time to talk, rituals of connection, and patience?

-Are you problem solving and making decisions jointly?

In this week’s episode, we’re talking about why it becomes harder to remain a team when external stressors are high, the benefits of staying connected throughout these times, and practical strategies for making it happen.

If you are currently or planning to become a parent, this week’s episode is for you. The transition to parenthood is a significant milestone for many reasons. It’s an exciting and life-changing time for you and your family, which can also lend itself to struggles like postpartum depression or anxiety and relationship issues.

When relationship issues go unresolved after the birth of a child, they can snowball. We often see couples who identify the shift in their relationship began 5-10 years ago, which happens to coincide with the birth of their first or second child. How this transition is navigated can have a significant impact on the future of your own wellness and the health of your relationship.

One of the ways to set a new parent up for the best possible outcome is through excellent partner support. Often, Mom (or the primary caregiver) shoulders the bulk of the childcare responsibilities, especially if they’re breastfeeding. This can leave their partner unsure of what to do to be helpful, feel like they don’t have a role, or even feel like they’re not able to take care of the baby as well as their partner. This type of dynamic can lead to disconnection and resentment.

In this episode, we have a special guest, Dr. Danielle Jenkins, who is a psychologist and maternal mental health expert and has been working with families for over 20 years. We’re talking about the lows and highs of the transition to parenthood, specific strategies for helping the transition go smoothly, and how to move forward as a couple and repair from a tough transition years later.

Dr. Danielle Jenkins is the founder of Mama Thrive Village, an online community that brings women together to prevent, overcome, and move through maternal mental health concerns. Danielle is offering her eBook, Depression Proof Your Family and Prevent Postpartum Depression, for free to our listeners. You can find Danielle on Instagram @mamathrivevillage or Facebook.

Friends don’t let friends personal growth all over their partners.

We love reading, listening to podcasts, and doing online courses. We love to learn and share that knowledge with anyone who will listen. (I mean, we host this podcast…). What we have had to learn not to do, is share this knowledge with our partners when they’re not interested.

Often, one partner is more into personal development than the other. This can become a source of conflict when that partner tries to pull the other into their world.

The other partner can feel:

- Criticized
- Attacked
- Not good enough
- Like there’s something wrong with them
- Like their partner doesn’t like them
- Like maybe they’re not a good match anymore

Odds are, these are not the intended messages. I bet the partner who is into personal growth is looking to help their partner solve a problem, feel better, or learn things they find incredibly interesting. The action is coming from a loving place, but it’s not likely to be received that way.

Listen to this week’s episode to learn more about why we push personal growth on our partners, how it feels on each end of the interaction, and what you can do to share your passion without harming your relationship.

Well, things have certainly shifted over the past few weeks. Here in NY, schools are closed, restaurants and many small businesses are closed, and a ton of people are working from home who never have before.

There is a heightened level of stress and anxiety right now that’s weighing on everyone. Aside from concerns about the impact on the health of ourselves, friends, and family, there are financial concerns, and the need to adapt suddenly to unexpected lifestyle changes.

We recorded this episode last week, so some information may already be outdated. The strategies, however, remain consistent. It’s time for self-care, boundaries, and effective tools for managing your emotional load.

In this week’s episode, we’re walking you through how to navigate your own stress and anxiety, while preserving your relationship health, as we face the coronavirus pandemic together.

We realize many couples are suddenly home together full-time (some with their kiddos) or one or both spouses are working around the clock in healthcare. In an effort to provide additional support, Meredith is offering free online coaching, Feel Closer to Your Partner in 9 Days, starting this Monday, March 23rd. You can register here

So, it’s not really about the coffee.

You know by now that taking responsibility for keeping your side of the street clean is a key component of healthy relationships.

This isn’t always easy. We have days where we didn’t sleep well, are under extra stress, or are just in a bad mood. If circumstances like this have primed us to be irritable or have a short fuse, it’s likely we’re not going to do the best job at managing our emotions.

There are, however, things within our control that have an influence over how effectively we can self-regulate. Consuming excessive amounts of caffeine, sugar, or other stimulants will send your central nervous system into overdrive and create a shorter distance to being emotionally flooded. Focusing on negative thoughts, consuming stressful or negative content, or holding onto negative emotions for an extended period of time will set ourselves up for flooding.

Part of taking responsibility is managing your physiological and emotional stress loads in an effective way. For us, we started by cutting out caffeine. What’s one change you could make to reduce your stress level and set yourself up for success?

If you’ve found yourself hiding boxes from your online shopping in your garage, car trunk, or closet - welcome. You’re in good company.

So many couples struggle with speaking openly about finances and coming to a shared perspective for future financial goals, how money should be spent/saved, and how to organize their budget. Often, this leads to an unspoken “agree to disagree” arrangement, which involves each partner doing what they feel is right. Communication about money is avoided because we anticipate it leading to an unsolvable conflict, so resentment builds.

Then, the Amazon box arrives.

Enter: resentment overflow.

The non-shopper sees the box, feels overwhelmed with frustration about all disagreements about money, and conflict ensues.

So, the next time you order something online - you hide the box. You stash it away, so there isn’t a conflict. The hope is you can just ignore that part of your relationship because things are pretty good between you, as long as you don’t talk about money.

Unfortunately, this strategy doesn’t work long-term. It’s actually a form of infidelity.

Financial infidelity.

Holding secrets about your shared finances, spending large amounts of money without your partner’s knowledge, or stashing money in your rainy day fund (note: not your shared savings) are all forms of financial infidelity.

Surprised?

Most people are. Be sure to listen to this week’s episode if you want to learn more about what constitutes financial infidelity, how to re-open the lines of communication with your partner around money, and some money strategies that can be effective.

Have you ever wondered about emotional affairs?

We’ve worked with many couples who have gone through the experience of a partner having an emotional affair. Let us tell you - an emotional affair is just as damaging (if not more) than a physical affair. The dishonesty and turning towards someone new instead of your relationship partner creates a significant breach of trust and requires a lot of repair work to move forward.

There are a few key components of emotional affairs:

1 | They’re secretive.

2 | They involve a LOT of communication.

3 | There is intense emotional closeness and vulnerability.

In this week’s episode, we’re going into more depth on emotional affairs. We’re defining them, discussing the context in which they can occur, and giving you strategies for repairing and moving forward should you be experiencing this in your relationship.