The Sober Creative Podcast

The most powerful creative transformations often begin in the darkest moments. For composer and arranger Matthew Goinz, that moment came staring at an empty whiskey glass in a bar, realizing his drinking had silenced the very voice that defined his identity—his ability to sing.

What followed wasn't just recovery; it was a complete artistic rebirth. From failing out of college twice to performing at Carnegie Hall and Lincoln Center, Matthew's 17-year sobriety journey reveals how clearing the mind doesn't diminish creativity—it unleashes it. His story demonstrates that the clarity we seek through substances already exists within us, waiting to be discovered through presence, not escape.

Show Notes

[00:00] - Breaking the Creative Culture Norm

* Discussion of how sobriety breaks the ingrained cycle of celebration and commiseration through alcohol in creative industries

* The unexpected connections that form when sober creatives find each other

* Challenge of navigating performance culture and nightlife without substances

[05:00] - The Downward Spiral Years

* Started drinking in college despite being "well-behaved" in high school

* Failed out of Concordia College twice due to alcohol-fueled poor decisions

* Restaurant industry amplified drinking problem exponentially

* Multiple dangerous driving incidents, including wrong-way driving on divided highway

[13:00] - The Epiphany That Almost Wasn't

* Moment of clarity staring at empty whiskey glass: "Something's got to change"

* First attempt at sobriety lasted 8 months until choir trip to UK

* Key insight: "Just quit. Don't say you're going to do this one more time and then quit. Just quit."

[16:00] - The Final Wake-Up Call

* August 7th, 2008: Couldn't sing during Music Man rehearsal after drinking until 4 AM

* Career vs. alcohol moment: "If I want a career, I can't do this anymore"

* Blew 0.21 BAC (nearly three times legal limit) but "didn't feel that drunk"—revealing extent of tolerance

[21:00] - The Academic Transformation

* Immediate grade improvement from 1.0 GPA to President's List after quitting drinking

* Lost 25 pounds in first month of sobriety

[26:00] - Uncovering the Root Causes

* Recent therapy work revealed drinking was masking anxiety, depression, and need for validation

* Childhood divorce created pattern of seeking father's approval

* Replaced alcohol with emotional walls until marriage crisis forced deeper healing

[31:00] - Creative Renaissance Through Sobriety

* Shift from purely performative work to original arranging and orchestration

* Recent success with first major orchestration project receiving professional validation

[34:00] - Overcoming Creative Perfectionism

* Working through fear of releasing original compositions

* Learning that not pleasing everyone is actually freedom

Key Quotes

"If I want a career, I can't do this anymore." - Matthew Goinz

"I went to class and I did the work...literally just because I showed up. We're not talking Yale or Princeton—just because I quit drinking." - Matthew Goinz

"I did what I would want to hear. I didn't do what I thought she wanted...I did what I would want to hear in this specific song." - Matthew Goinz

"People latch on to that if it comes from your brain and your heart and you're not trying to be someone else, musically, artistically." - Matthew Goinz

Resources Mentioned

* Concordia College (Moorhead, Minnesota) - Where Matthew studied with renowned choral composer René Clausen

* Mad Gallica - Rock artist Matthew collaborates with as music director and arranger

* "Enter the Vortex" - Mad Gallica's debut EP featuring Matthew's arrangements

* Therapy - Matthew emphasizes therapy as an essential tool for processing underlying issues that led to drinking

Where to Find Matthew

* Instagram: @matthew.goins

* Websites: matthewgoinz.com • mt-tracks.com

* Current Work: Music Director/Arranger for Mad Gallica

* Upcoming: Fall tour with Mad Gallica (dates TBA)

Your Next Step Into Clarity

Matthew’s story reveals a profound truth: our creative gifts don’t vanish when we get sober—they finally have the space to expand.

If you’re a creative professional sensing that alcohol might be limiting your potential—even just a little—you’re not alone. That quiet question you’ve been carrying? It’s often the beginning of your greatest work.

The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day 1:1 journey designed for professionals ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their full creative capacity. Together, we’ll navigate the practical tools and emotional landscape of creating from a place of clarity, just like Matthew did.

🔍 Curious if this path is right for you?

Because the work you’re meant to create is on the other side of clear.

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to Matthew Goinz for his extraordinary vulnerability and wisdom in sharing his journey. And to everyone who joined us live—your presence makes these conversations possible and creates the community that supports transformation.

What’s Next

The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.

✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.

💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.

✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.

Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

When Kimberly Kearns woke up that November morning in 2020, hungover and filled with self-loathing after another night she couldn't fully remember, she made a decision that would change everything. After 20 years of drinking, countless attempts at moderation, and years of her husband asking her to slow down, she finally said the words out loud: "I need your help. I cannot do this anymore."

What followed wasn't just sobriety—it was a creative awakening that transformed a woman who "didn't think she was good enough" to write into an author whose memoir now reaches people still suffering in silence. Kim's journey from sneaking morning vodka to writing her truth reveals something profound about the relationship between recovery and creativity: sometimes we have to lose everything we thought we needed to discover what we're truly capable of creating.

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Show Notes

[00:00] The Perfect Family Facade

* Started drinking at 14 to cope with family pain hidden behind a "perfect" exterior

* Used alcohol as social lubricant through teenage years and college

* Met husband at 18, married at 25, had three children under age 4

* Weekend binge drinking pattern while working as teacher

[07:00] The Mommy Wine Culture Trap

* Transitioned to daily drinking after becoming stay-at-home mom

* Found community with other moms who drank during playdates

* Avoided friendships with non-drinking mothers

* Pandemic drinking escalated to morning vodka consumption

[10:00] The Moment of Truth

* Thanksgiving weekend 2020: couldn't remember putting kids to bed

* 5 AM wake-up call filled with self-loathing and clarity

* First time admitting to husband: "I think I have a problem"

* Husband's immediate support and relief

[12:00] The Social Fear Factor

* Greatest barrier: fear of judgment from drinking friends

* Worried about being "the sober person" despite being known as "sloppy drunk"

* Lost friendships when sobriety held mirror to others' drinking

* Grief process for relationships based solely on alcohol

[18:00] Creative Floodgates Open

* Started writing immediately after getting sober

* Hadn't written since college despite being English major

* Writing became cathartic tool for processing buried trauma

* Created blog as accountability tool for husband and friends

[20:00] From Shame to Story

* Never felt "good enough" to write while drinking

* Would joke about "maybe someday writing life story" but never tried

* Sobriety revealed years of suppressed creative yearning

* Writing became way to "pay forward" the comfort found in others' recovery stories

[25:00] Beyond the Memoir

* First book "On the Edge of Shattered" published in 2022

* Currently writing fiction novel—modern retelling of The Scarlet Letter

* Lead writer for Season 2 of narrative podcast "F*cking Sober: The First 90 Days"

* Working with agents for second book publication

Key Quotes

"I didn't think I was worthy of creativity when I was drinking. I didn't think I was good enough. I didn't even bother. I knew that I loved to write for so long and I remember jokingly saying to my husband in my 20s like maybe someday I'll write my life story, but I was like, I'm never going to be good enough to do that." - Kimberly Kearns

"The writing really helped uncover those feelings. Much like a lot of people that drink, you drink to not feel and to numb. And the writing really helped uncover those feelings." - Kimberly Kearns

"I like to write about this topic in particular because I didn't have anything to turn to for so long. I felt like I was just suffering in silence. I was so terrified and so alone that when I finally did stop drinking and I found things to read and turn to—I was so grateful for all those novels that I read and all those memoirs." - Kimberly Kearns

"There's no blaming anybody. There's no pointing fingers. I'm taking responsibility in telling my story." - Kimberly Kearns

Resources Mentioned

* Book: "On the Edge of Shattered" by Kimberly Kearns (available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble)

* Podcast: "F*cking Sober: The First 90 Days" (Season 2 written by Kim)

* Newsletter: Unshattered Sobriety on Substack

* Recovery Program: Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

Where to Find Kimberly

* Substack: Unshattered Sobriety

* Book: "On the Edge of Shattered" (available wherever books are sold)

* Website: kimberlykearns.com

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to Kathi Foy, Richard Hogan, MD, PhD(2), DBA, Noelle Richardsand many others for tuning into our conversation. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible. I am grateful to Kimberly Kearns for her bravery in recovering out loud by sharing her story.

What's Next

The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter. It's a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays - Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations - Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation - Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

☀️ Want to gain clarity on where you are? In this Free 60-minute 1:1 session, we'll get clear on what's really keeping you stuck and explore what's actually possible for you.

🌱 Are you ready to explore your life without alcohol? A guided one-month experience for sober-curious creatives who are ready to let go and reconnect with their voice.

🧭 Feeling ready to go deeper? Learn more about my 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to reclaim your inner alignment through sobriety.

Each step forward is an act of becoming the person you want to be.

Thank you for being here.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The Story Behind the Transformation

Nick Neve's journey reads like a cautionary tale that transforms into a beacon of hope. In 2013, he was broke, burnt out, and working three jobs just to survive. But it was a single night—a night that ended with him unconscious behind the wheel, wrapped around a tree in Bel Air—that became the catalyst for a complete life transformation.

What makes Nick's story so compelling isn't just the dramatic rock bottom moment, but what he built from the wreckage. Today, he's a successful entrepreneur, relationship coach, and writer helping others navigate their own transformations. His journey from addiction and isolation to building a seven-figure business and finding authentic human connection offers profound insights for anyone feeling stuck or searching for deeper meaning in their creative and personal lives.

Show Notes

[05:00] The Family Pattern That Shaped Everything

* Growing up in a family that couldn't even say the word "alcoholic"

* Watching family members die from alcohol-related causes without acknowledgment

* How family silence around addiction creates dangerous blind spots

* The normalization of dangerous drinking behaviors

[08:00] The Night That Changed Everything

* Working as a server at Wayne Gretzky's former mansion in Bel Air

* The progression from champagne to whiskey to bartending while intoxicated

* Driving drunk down windy hills and crashing into a tree

* Waking up two hours later to police at the window

[13:00] The Aftermath and Awakening

* Blowing a .16 blood alcohol level hours after the crash

* Losing $20,000 and having a breathalyzer installed in his car

* The transformative experience of attending AA meetings

* Discovering vulnerable, authentic sharing for the first time

[16:00] Building Success While Staying Sober

* Meeting his sober wife and experiencing authentic connection

* Taking the risk to start a vegan snack business on Amazon

* Growing the company to seven figures while maintaining sobriety

* Learning what he was truly capable of without substances

[18:00] Finding Purpose in Human Connection

* Studying philosophy, psychology, and relationships

* Recognizing that human connection is what people crave most

* Becoming a relationship coach to help others break cycles

* Understanding how technology both connects and isolates us

[24:00] Creative Practices for Sober Living

* Evening creativity sessions for journaling and research

* The power of gratitude practice and spiritual connection

* Daily walks in nature averaging 10,000 steps

* "Floor time" practice for physical and mental grounding

[32:00] The Small Steps Philosophy

* Habit stacking: pairing new habits with existing ones

* Starting with just 2-5 minutes daily for any new practice

* How his business started with 5-10 minutes of daily work

* Why there's no "right way" to live your life

[37:00] Fear, Anxiety, and the Sober Mind

* How substances actually create the anxiety they seem to cure

* The instant changes that happen when you quit

* Learning to feel emotions fully instead of numbing everything

* Faith and breath work as tools for dissolving fear

Key Quotes

"You cannot become your best self if you're using drugs and alcohol. You just can't. If you think that it makes you a better person, it's an illusion because you pay the price tenfold later on." - Nick Neve

"The very thing you are doing is preventing you from being that person, from living that life. And it's such a crazy thing." - Nick Neve

"As a human being, you are so much stronger than you think. You are so much stronger than that." - Nick Neve

"It doesn't just numb the anxiety feeling. It numbs everything. It numbs even your body... it actually numbs all emotions." - Nick Neve

"There is no box. That's the illusion. You can actually live on your own terms and really do whatever you want." - Nick Neve

Resources Mentioned

* AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings

* Habit stacking technique

* Floor time practice (inspired by Japanese culture)

* YouTube and Substack for inspiration and recovery stories

* Meetup.com for building social connections

* Gratitude practice and spiritual connection

Where to Find Nick

Nick shares weekly insights on relationships and personal transformation through his Substack newsletter "Relationships with a Soul." He releases 12-15 minute podcast episodes every Tuesday covering common relationship challenges and features inspiring interviews with people who've overcome burnout and found their way back to authentic living.

Find him at: Relationships With A Soul

Ready to Transform Your Creative Life?

Nick's story demonstrates that our greatest challenges often become the foundation for our most meaningful contributions. If you're ready to explore what's possible when you create from clarity instead of chaos, I'd love to support your journey.

Book a free Coffee & Connection chat if you're curious about coaching, feeling stuck in your creative practice, or simply want to explore what sober creativity might look like for you. Sometimes the most powerful transformations begin with a single conversation.

Feeling ready for deeper work? Explore Unfiltered Creation — my 90-day 1:1 coaching experience designed to align your work, sobriety, and creative purpose. Because your authentic creative voice is waiting on the other side of whatever's holding you back.

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to Nick Neve for his extraordinary vulnerability and wisdom in sharing his story. And to everyone who joined us live for this conversation—your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free)

Start Where You Are and Gratitude are short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Full access to my library of guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free connection call if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Life unfiltered is where the real creativity lives.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In a world obsessed with productivity and endless achievement, Libby Walkup has discovered something revolutionary: the power of stopping time. As the creative force behind Unraveling, Unmoored, Libby's journey from burnout and generational trauma to what she calls "contemplative creativity" offers a profound roadmap for anyone seeking to heal through slowness and presence.

What makes Libby's story particularly compelling isn't just her academic credentials—degrees from Bath Spa University, the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and the University of Iowa—but her willingness to completely reimagine what creative success looks like. After years of pushing through exhaustion and operating from a dysregulated nervous system, she made a radical choice: to put healing first and let creativity emerge from that foundation of wholeness.

Her transformation reveals something many of us desperately need to hear: that our deepest creative work often comes not from forcing or striving, but from creating space for what wants to emerge. Through practices like meditative circle drawing, morning pages, and intuitive writing, Libby has learned to become what she beautifully describes as "a state of receiving."

Show Notes

[00:00] Opening: The Art of Meditative Drawing

* Libby shares her practice of drawing thousands of tiny circles on large sheets of paper

* How repetitive, meditative art creates natural flow states that bypass mental resistance

* The importance of loving your creative work at every stage: "I walk by it and say 'you're such a sexy drawing'"

* Why forcing creativity rarely works—and what does

[08:00] From Burnout to Breakthrough: A Personal Transformation

* Growing up neurodivergent in a small Minnesota town with generational trauma

* The moment of recognition: working only 6 hours a week but needing 24 hours to recover

* How traditional productivity models fail sensitive, creative people

* The shift from "writing first" to "healing first"

[24:00] The Healing Journey: Practices That Changed Everything

* Starting with yoga and meditation in early 20s (when it was still "weird")

* The pandemic revelation about nervous system taxation

* Discovering breathwork, EFT tapping, Reiki, and morning pages

* How incremental shifts create massive transformation over time

[30:00] Learning to Trust Intuition

* The toxic relationship that became a spiritual wake-up call

* Developing clairvoyant abilities while learning to actually listen to inner wisdom

* Why taking action on intuitive guidance is often the hardest part

* Living from intuition vs. traditional planning and goal-setting

[32:00] Understanding Trauma Release

* How healing happens in layers, not linear progression

* Observing thought patterns shift word by word through practice

* Why "spending days crying on the floor" can actually be progress

* The Buddhist concept of impermanence as a healing tool

[37:00] Morning Pages as Prayer and Guidance

* Using Julia Cameron's morning pages practice for clarity and connection

* How stream-of-consciousness writing clears "ego gunk" and opens channels

* Receiving answers to questions through automatic writing

* The subtle shift when creativity becomes channeled vs. forced

Key Quotes

"It's like a state of receiving... but how to get there? We literally have to just relax and relax and relax and relax until we can allow that receiving." - Libby Walkup

"Everything that's coming forward, especially when I'm in practice, is like a layer of something being released. It makes those days I spent crying on the floor less hard... they're coming forward and they're being released." - Libby Walkup

"I think people can be creative without being aligned. But there's something that drops down... I'm being guided or receiving that thing like it just sort of takes over." - Libby Walkup

"Understanding that nothing is permanent, even when it's really f*****g hard, has been really useful in this journey." - Libby Walkup

Resources Mentioned

* Books: Brené Brown's work, Carla McLaren (emotion work), Thich Nhat Hanh, Julia Cameron's morning pages, Liz Gilbert's Big Magic

* Practices: Zentangle drawing, morning pages, breathwork, EFT tapping, Reiki, yoga

* Educational: Domestica.com for art tutorials, University of Iowa Center for the Book

* Concepts: Autism spectrum awareness, complex PTSD healing, nervous system regulation

Where to Find Libby

* Website: UnravelingUnmoored.com

* Personal site: LibbyWalkup.com

* Email: [email protected]

* Instagram: @LibbyWalkUp

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to Corie Feiner, Nick Neve, Jari J and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Libby Walkup for her extraordinary wisdom and vulnerability. Your willingness to share the messy, sacred work of choosing presence over productivity and healing over hustle offers a beacon of hope for anyone learning to trust their own contemplative path.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free)

Start Where You Are and Gratitude are short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Full access to my library of guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free connection call if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Life unfiltered is where the real creativity lives.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Five years ago, Ryan Conklin stood at the intersection of devastating loss and profound possibility. His dream job eliminated. His identity shattered. Everything he'd built carefully constructed around his career in the spirits industry—gone in a single day.

But instead of numbing the pain, Ryan made a vow that would transform his life: "Stay awake for this." That same day he quit drinking, not because he labeled himself with any particular identity, but because he chose presence over escape. What followed wasn't just recovery—it was a complete remaking of how he related to himself, his purpose, and the wilderness both outside and within.

Ryan's journey from spirits industry professional to vision quest guide reveals something profound about the nature of transformation: sometimes our greatest breakdowns become our most essential preparation. Through his Substack "Maps of the Inner Wild," he explores what becomes possible when we stop running from our unraveling and start listening to the quieter voice that emerges from stillness.

Show Notes

[00:00] The Mirror Moment - When Identity Disappears

* Ryan describes the moment he couldn't recognize himself after losing his job and relationship

* The disorientation of asking "who am I?" outside of professional identity

* Why some breakdowns are actually breakings-open rather than breakings-down

* The choice between staying in victimhood or empowering transformation

[05:00] From Hospitality to Spirits - A Career Built on Connection

* 31 years studying "how what we do makes people feel" through hospitality

* The spirits industry job that required visiting 8 bars per day with a $4,000 monthly entertainment budget

* How professional success can become a sophisticated form of numbing

* The difference between creating experiences for others vs. staying present to your own experience

[10:00] The Leadership Program That Changed Everything

* "You can't lead others until you can lead yourself" - the teaching that sparked transformation

* Moving from preparation for promotion to accepting demotion with dignity

* How shadow work and facing discomfort became the foundation for real leadership

* The retreat experience that whispered "walk with me" and led to vision quest training

[15:00] Shifting from Monologue to Dialogue

* The revolutionary practice of turning self-criticism into self-curiosity

* Practical example: How to handle distraction (like scrolling social media) with compassion

* "Curiosity is literally a synonym for love" - showing up for yourself with genuine interest

* Moving from "you're terrible at this" to "what's going on? what do you need?"

[23:00] Creativity as Survival and Remaking

* Ryan's background in professional snowboard photography before spirits

* How 5 years of survival mode (parents' health crises, career loss) shut down creative expression

* The vow to play: "engaging with something without a need for outcome"

* Learning flute, fly fishing, and bow hunting as acts of creative rebellion

[33:00] Vision Quest - Holding Space in the Wilderness

* The 9-day process: preparation, 4 days/nights alone on the land with no food or shelter

* Sitting inside a question, drawing a spiritual circle, being held by guides

* The challenge of returning to society after deep wilderness attunement

* How guiding others through transformation has become Ryan's creative expression

[38:00] The Wildest Place We'll Ever Know

* "The wildest place we'll ever know is inside of ourselves"

* Connection defined as feeling heard, seen, met, felt, honored, and celebrated

* The correlation between depth of self-connection and ability to connect with others

* Wilderness as the art of noticing - accessible in backyards and bus stops, not just remote forests

[43:00] Making Decisions from a New Place

* Shifting from "Am I safe? Do I fit in? Seeking the blessing?" to "I am safe. I belong. Embodying the blessing."

* How trauma creates survival-based decision-making patterns

* The ontological approach: studying who we're being in everything we're doing

* Creating from the future rather than reacting from the past

Key Quotes

"The wildest place we'll ever know is inside of ourselves." - Ryan Conklin

"Curiosity is literally a synonym for love, and when we can show up from a place of love towards ourselves, it makes so much more possible." - Ryan Conklin

"My invitation, my work, is shifting it from a monologue to a dialogue. Shifting these voices, these thoughts from monologues to dialogues... taking something that is internal self-criticism or judgment and shifting it into an allyship." - Ryan Conklin

"Vitality lives on the other side of grief. And grief is not something to be done or completed or moved through, but actually something to be in deep relationship with." - Ryan Conklin

"The way I define play is engaging with something without a need for outcome. Just doing something just to do it." - Ryan Conklin

Resources Mentioned

* Maps of the Inner Wild - Ryan's Substack exploring transformation and wilderness connection

* The Bridger Coaching - Ryan's coaching practice

* Man Uncivilized/Uncivilized Nation - The men's organization where Ryan leads chapters

* Vision Quest/The Initiation - 9-day wilderness transformation experience

* Rumi's poetry - "Beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there's a field. I'll meet you there"

* Tom Brown's Tracker School - Wilderness awareness and primitive skills

* John Young's bird language teachings - Connecting with nature through observation

* Sit spot practice - Regular time in one outdoor location to deepen awareness

Where to Find Ryan

* Website: TheBridgerCoaching.com

* Substack: Maps of Inner Wild - Ryan Conklin

* LinkedIn: Connect for thoughtful conversations about transformation

* Availability: Open to connecting with readers in Denver or via phone calls

The Wisdom of Undoing

Ryan's story reveals something essential about the creative life: sometimes our greatest art is the remaking of ourselves. His journey from spirits industry to vision quest guide shows how transformation becomes possible when we stay present with our breaking points instead of numbing them.

If Ryan's approach to wilderness connection and men's work resonates with you, I encourage you to explore The Bridger Coaching and his community work with Man Uncivilized.

For creatives specifically seeking to align their artistic practice with sobriety and authentic purpose, The Sober Creative offers a complementary path focused on the intersection of creativity, clarity, and sustainable business practices.

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to Dr. Amber Hull, Allison Taylor Conway, and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Ryan Conklin for his extraordinary wisdom and vulnerability. Your willingness to share your journey of staying awake through life's breaking points offers hope to anyone navigating their own wilderness.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)

Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Full access to my library of guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Life unfiltered is where the real creativity lives.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The conversation that changes everything often starts with admitting the one truth we've been running from. For Katie MacBride, that moment came at 23, in a hospital bed with a blood alcohol level that should have killed her—0.4, five times the legal limit. What followed wasn't just recovery, but a complete reimagining of what it means to create authentically.

Katie, now a health science journalist whose work appears in New York Magazine, Rolling Stone, and beyond, has spent the last 17 years proving that our most powerful creative work emerges not from chaos, but from clarity. Through her newsletter "Ask A Sober Lady," she's become a vital voice for anyone questioning the myth that substances fuel creativity, offering instead the radical proposition that our truest artistic voice is waiting on the other side of that conversation we've been avoiding.

Show Notes

[00:00] The Moment Everything Changed

* Katie's wake-up call: surviving a 0.4 blood alcohol level at 23

* The psych ward revelation that broke through years of denial

* Why direct confrontation about drinking often backfires completely

* The defensive mechanisms that keep us trapped in destructive patterns

[06:30] The Life Support System

* How alcohol becomes an "emotional support animal" for creatives

* The myth of needing substances to access our authentic selves

* Why early drinking experiences can feel transformative for sensitive people

* The isolation that comes from believing "no one understands what this means to me"

[14:00] Creative Identity Crisis

* Dismantling the romanticized "drunk brilliant writer" archetype

* Katie's attempt to emulate Hemingway: early morning drinking sessions that ended in passing out

* The brutal reality: always prioritizing the substance over the creative work

* How substances actually block access to our authentic creative voice

[20:00] Life on the Other Side

* Building a quiet, intentional life in rural Washington with goats and purpose

* How animals force presence and interrupt destructive thought patterns

* Transitioning from AA meetings to newsletter writing as a recovery practice

* The evolution of recovery needs over time

[28:00] The Writing Life Reimagined

* Using the newsletter to maintain a consistent creative practice

* The importance of capturing "glimmers"—those flash moments of inspiration

* How audiobooks replaced TV to stay connected to literary craft

* Building sustainable creative rhythms without the chaos

[33:00] Defining Recovery Your Way

* Katie's practical definition: "abstinence from deliberate consumption of alcohol"

* The difference between sobriety (not drinking) and recovery (ongoing growth)

* Why rigid rules often alienate people who need help most

* The danger of one-size-fits-all approaches to recovery

[36:00] Media Representation Matters

* The best portrayals of addiction: 28 Days, Clean and Sober, Single Drunk Female

* Why most drunk characters in media miss the mark completely

* The strange intimacy of treatment: strangers becoming survival partners

* How accurate representation can save lives

Key Quotes

"If you knew what it felt like for me to be sober, you'd never ask me to be that way. And it just, like, I think about it all the time. Because that is what it felt like. It felt like this injustice." - Katie MacBride

"I was always going to prioritize the drinking over the writing. Always." - Katie MacBride

"One of the best things about animals is how much they will force you to be in the present moment." - Katie MacBride

"Too many hard and fast rules really just serve to alienate people who need help. And that's not what we should be trying to do." - Katie MacBride

Resources Mentioned

* Ask A Sober Lady Newsletter - Katie's Substack offering recovery advice and essays

* Books: Works by Hemingway, Pam Houston's concept of "glimmers"

* Films: 28 Days, Clean and Sober, Single Drunk Female (TV series)

* West Wing - Leo McGarry character as positive recovery representation

Where to Find Katie

* Newsletter: Ask A Sober Lady on Substack (free subscription)

* Website: KatieMacBride.com for journalism portfolio

* Email questions: [email protected]

* Follow her goat adventures and writing updates across social platforms

Join the Movement

Katie's story illuminates a truth many of us are discovering: our most authentic creative work doesn't require substances—it requires presence. If you're ready to explore what your unfiltered creative voice might sound like, you're not alone in this journey.

Unfiltered Creation is my 90-day 1:1 coaching experience designed specifically for creatives ready to align their work, sobriety, and purpose. Together, we'll build the practices, mindset, and support system you need to create from clarity rather than chaos.

This isn't about following someone else's path—it's about discovering your own. Ready to see what emerges when you stop numbing and start creating?

to explore if this feels like the right next step for your creative journey.

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to Kathi Foy, Jari J, Lori, Viviana Roco and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Katie MacBride for her extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional, creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)

Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Full access to my library of guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

P.S. Did this conversation spark something for you? Hit reply and let me know what resonated most. I read every response.

Three and a half years ago, Allison Taylor Conway made two life-changing decisions: she entered recovery and left her 20-year corporate career to pursue creative work full-time. What emerged wasn't just sobriety—it was a complete creative renaissance.

As a published author, poet, voiceover artist, and certified addiction recovery coach, Alison embodies the transformation many of us dream about but fear we'll never achieve. Her journey from single teenage motherhood through corporate success to creative fulfillment—all while navigating a destructive relationship with alcohol—offers profound insights into the connection between recovery and authentic creative expression.

In my latest conversation, Allison shared the raw truth about creativity, addiction, and the unexpected gifts that emerge when we choose clarity over numbing. Her story challenges the romantic notion that creativity requires self-destruction and proves that our best work often comes from our clearest moments.

Show Notes

[00:00] The Perfect Storm: When Escape Becomes Identity

* How responsibility without emotional tools led to alcohol as the "perfect answer"

* The cultural messaging that alcohol solves everything from celebration to grief

* Why blending in with excessive drinking felt safer than asking for help

* The illusion of high-functioning while slowly losing yourself

[05:00] Breaking the Silence: "I Need Help"

* The profound difficulty of admitting vulnerability, especially for "good girls"

* How perfectionism and people-pleasing create internal pressure cookers

* The belief that needing help and being loved were mutually exclusive

* Why saying "I'm not actually doing okay" felt impossible

[15:00] The Creative Paradox: Big Emotions vs. Responsibility

* Living between two extremes: passionate creativity and shut-down functionality

* How society teaches us to "tone it down" instead of embracing our depth

* The exhausting cycle of performing competence while craving escape

* Finding balance between feeling deeply and functioning responsibly

[22:00] Deconstructing the Artist-Addiction Myth

* The dangerous romance between creativity and self-destruction

* Why poetry felt unsafe in early recovery without alcohol as a "safety net"

* Learning to feel deeply without numbing mechanisms

* The confrontation with your true self that recovery demands

[28:00] The Gifts of Clear-Minded Living

* Genuine laughter returning after months of sobriety

* Self-love without conditions or achievements

* Having honest conversations with young people about substances

* The jarring realization of what drinking actually took away

[32:00] Recovery Skills as Life Skills

* Why everyone needs tools for emotional regulation and presence

* The trap of external validation through technology and metrics

* Trusting your body as your best guiding system

* Breaking free from mental spirals and victim consciousness

[38:00] The Evolution of Sobriety

* Year one: daily struggle and white-knuckling

* Year two: false confidence ("I got this")

* Year three: humbling realization of how much work remains

* Year four: genuine ease and authentic presence in social situations

Key Quotes

"I had that first drink and it was like, where has this been? Alcohol was an immediate love affair. It was like, this is how I escape. This is how I put down all this stress that I don't know how to carry." - Allison Taylor Conway

"I couldn't say the simple things like, I need help. I'm not actually doing okay. I thought I had to be the one that handled everything, that never needed help. It was like you couldn't need help and be loved at the same time." - Allison Taylor Conway

"I feel like there's this through line of extremes, like with alcoholism... if one is good, more is better. I was so passionate and so creative and everything felt so big and so deep, and then the opposite extreme was responsibility—don't feel anything, just get it done." - Allison Taylor Conway

"One of the most beautiful things about recovery is simply the fact that I laugh a million times more during the day than I ever did... this laughter that was like, Oh my God, where did that come from?" - Allison Taylor Conway

"I feel like you need recovery skills to exist in this world that we live in. Everybody." - Allison Taylor Conway

Resources Mentioned

* Authors: Annie Grace, Holly Whitaker, Laura McGowan

* Books: Luminae and Vane (Allison's poetry collections)

* Concepts: Early sobriety (first five years), high-functioning alcoholism, meditation practice

Where to Find Allison

* Recovery Writing: Dry Humor Me

* Poetry: The Wildflower Field

* Recent Essay: The 12 best things about 1200 days sober

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation—your presence and engagement make these conversations possible. And to Allison Taylor Conway for showing us that genuine laughter, self-love, and creative authenticity are the real gifts waiting on the other side of recovery.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)

Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Extended guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

P.S. This conversation reminded me why I love hosting these live discussions. There's something magical about real-time connection between sober creatives. Please tag a friend or someone you may think would be great to sit down with!

What do you do when you have all the skills to create art, but can't bring yourself to pick up a brush? When success in your creative career feels hollow because you've lost touch with your personal artistic voice?

In this episode of Clear Conversations, I sat down with Leeanne Brennan, a creative artist who spent two decades mastering technical skills in the fields of video games and motion graphics—only to discover she hadn't made personal art in 10 years. Her journey from creative paralysis to launching a thriving art business and coaching practice reveals profound truths about resistance, intuition, and the spiritual nature of creative blocks.

Leeanne's story isn't just about returning to art. It's about discovering that our greatest creative obstacles often point us toward our most authentic expression. Through mindfulness, manifestation, and what she calls the "Awaken, Channel, and Create" method, she learned to release the pressure for perfect outcomes and trust the creative process itself.

Show Notes

[00:00] - The Identity Crisis Moment

* How professional success masked a deeper creative disconnection

* The playground conversation that changed everything: "What do you do?" "Nothing."

* Why quitting her job to stay home didn't solve the underlying problem

* The realization that depression was directly linked to missing personal creative practice

[05:00] - The Overwhelm of Big Dreams

* Why having "all the ideas" can become paralyzing rather than inspiring

* The crushing pressure of outcome-based thinking versus process-based creating

* How perfectionism and comparison to family artists added extra weight

* The difference between creating from the thinking mind versus channeling through spirit

[09:00] - Discovery Through Spiritual Practice

* Finding manifestation and mindfulness through a women's circle

* The pivotal realization: "This isn't about the art—I need to reconnect with myself"

* How a year of inner work created the foundation for creative return

* Learning to trust intuition over forcing predetermined outcomes

[15:00] - The Vegetable Paintings: Starting Small

* Creating an "entry ramp" back into art with low-stakes daily practice

* Using cheap materials and simple subjects to remove pressure

* The power of treating creative practice like yoga—for the experience, not the result

* How pregnancy timeline created healthy urgency without overwhelming pressure

[22:00] - Following the Thread of What Feels Right

* The evolution from vegetables to crystal grids to manifestation drawings

* Learning to recognize when content doesn't align with authentic voice

* Why meaning and message became more important than technical mastery

* The courage to pivot when something doesn't feel authentic

[28:00] - The 100-Day Practice Revolution

* How becoming a mother actually simplified and focused the creative process

* Switching from painting to digital drawing for practical reasons

* The "AI approach" to idea generation: feeding your brain data all day

* Creating a system for capturing ideas during everyday moments

[35:00] - Channeling vs. Forcing Creative Ideas

* The practice of writing down intuitive flashes immediately

* How ideas come through when you're not actively trying to create

* Building trust that consistent small actions compound into big results

* The paradox: stopping the rush actually speeds up meaningful progress

[40:00] - Embracing What Comes Naturally

* Questioning cultural pressure to constantly "level up" and improve technique

* Finding peace with drawing style that flows easily rather than struggling toward complexity

* Focusing energy on exploring new topics rather than perfecting technical skills

* Permission to stay with what brings joy instead of what "should" bring achievement

Key Quotes

"I was like, yo, what do I do? And I remember just looking at her and I was like, nothing. I said nothing. I was like, I'm just home with my daughter. And it was like, oh, it hit me like a ton of bricks." - Leeanne Brennan

"I knew if I made art I would be happy and I knew if I made art I would be able to reclaim that identity piece to say I am the artist... Because I make art every day." - Leeanne Brennan

"What if what comes easy to you is what you're supposed to do here on earth. Like what if what comes naturally out of your body is like what the universe is like, hi, hello. I was trying to tell you this is what you're supposed to do." - Leeanne Brennan

"Our ego is like, what's the point? Like, why would I start so small? That's like a waste of your time... And that's what I teach in my program is like there absolutely is a point and you cannot skip the steps." - Leeanne Brennan

"Once you stop rushing and forcing, that's when your results speed up." - Leeanne Brennan

Resources Mentioned

* To Be Magnetic - Lacy Phillips' manifestation program and workshops

* Procreate - iPad drawing software Leeanne uses for her artwork

* Women's Circles - Community spiritual practice for connection and growth

* Somatic Movement - Body-based practices for disconnecting from thinking mind

* Epic Bones - Leeanne's affirmation card business and art platform

Where to Find Leeanne

* Art & Products: Epic Bones - epicbones.com

* Instagram: @epic_bones

* Coaching: leannebrennan.com - Awaken, Channel, and Create programs for returning to creative practice

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, your presence and engagement make these conversations possible. And to Leeanne Brennan for her extraordinary openness and wisdom.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)

Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Extended guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This week, I sat down with Edward Zaydelman, who's spent over 20 years building intentional communities in Costa Rica while navigating his own journey with sobriety. What started as a conversation about alternative living quickly became something deeper—an exploration of how sobriety doesn't just change what we create, but how we experience the creative process itself.

Edward's story challenged everything I thought I knew about the relationship between substances and creativity. From his days as a nightclub promoter in New York to playing Native American flutes in the Costa Rican jungle, his journey reveals how numbing ourselves—whether through substances or workaholism—blocks the very creative fire we're trying to access. This conversation reminded me why I started The Sober Creative in the first place: to prove that our most authentic work emerges not despite sobriety, but because of it.

Show Notes

[03:00] The Origin Story: When Numbing Begins

* Edward traces his substance use back to childhood trauma and family dysfunction

* Early experimentation with substances as escape from uncomfortable emotions

* Recognition that numbing started as a survival mechanism during adolescence

* The pattern of avoiding reality rather than learning to process difficult feelings

[06:00] The Nightclub Years and Early Addiction Patterns

* Promoting nightclubs in high school while maintaining straight-A student facade

* The embarrassing night his mother caught him on ecstasy—sleeping between his parents while rolling

* Distinction between alcohol (never a problem) and marijuana (his primary addiction)

* How he became an expert at hiding his substance use from family and authorities

[12:00] Plant Medicine and the Blurred Lines

* Edward's mother's insight: "Drugs and parties just became ceremony and medicine"

* The challenge of distinguishing between healing and recreational use with psychedelics

* Years of ayahuasca ceremonies and the eventual recognition of leisure masquerading as spirituality

* Why he's cautious about endorsing plant medicine despite personal benefits

[16:00] The December Turning Point

* How getting sick with COVID-like symptoms created a natural break from substances

* Being encouraged to try a 12-step program (Marijuana Anonymous) by a trusted mentor

* The mentor's promise: "This will be the deepest spiritual journey you've ever done"

* Initial resistance to 12-step programs and what changed his mind

[17:00] Discovering Community and Connection to Source

* The power of community support without needing to "have it figured out"

* Developing personal definitions of God and spirituality outside institutional frameworks

* Moving from being the "director, actor, and stage crew" of his life to surrendering control

* How sobriety opened access to life force energy he could see in nature

[18:00] Finding Your Signal: The Anger Phase

* A month of intense anger as suppressed feelings surfaced

* "Chopping s**t" in his life—relationships, expenses, boundary violations

* People saying "you're not the nice guy you usually are" and his response

* Learning to say no to clients who wouldn't pay: "I love you, I'm here at service, but I can't do it"

[23:00] Creativity Unleashed: When the Fire Ignites

* How sobriety awakened musical expression he never knew he had

* Morning practices with Native American flute and shruti box

* The overwhelming nature of creative energy and learning to ground it

* Writing, gardening, and music as natural expressions of his authentic self

[40:00] Redefining Sobriety Beyond Substances

* Edward: "Real contact with reality, feeling everything there is to feel"

* Josh: "Tapping into the true essence of who you are"

* How sobriety extends beyond drugs to include presence vs. workaholism

* The advancement of emotional intelligence as a civilization

Key Quotes

"I realized there were a lot of layers blocking me getting to know who I am—like me knowing me, for Christ's sake, let alone algebra or the hermetic principles. I've been avoiding getting to know this guy here." - Edward Zaydelman

"The biggest gift has been feeling my own signal. Because there was s**t that happened that I was just pissed about for a month, and I started f*****g chopping s**t in my life." - Edward Zaydelman

"My creativity is on fire. I'm coming up with ideas... I start to cry because I'll walk and I'll feel so much because it's different now. It's personal." - Edward Zaydelman

"Sobriety to me means really being in touch with reality, feeling everything there is to feel and experiencing what it is to feel wholeness as a human." - Edward Zaydelman

"For me, it's tapping into the true essence of who you are. Your true being... the most authentic version of yourself." - Josh Woll

Resources Mentioned

* Marijuana Anonymous (MA) - 12-step program for marijuana addiction

* Recovery Dharma - Buddhist-inspired recovery community

* Leap Forward - Personal development program mentioned by Edward

* Sacred Growth Club - Writing community on Substack that connected Josh and Edward

* Native American drone flute tuned to 432 Hz (Schumann resonance)

* Shruti box - Harmonium-style instrument for vocal toning

Where to Find Edward Zaydelman

* Website: https://www.livethepossibility.co

* Substack: Live the Possibility

* Instagram: @edwardzaydelman

* Connect through The Sacred Business Writing Collective on Substack

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Edward Zaydelman for his extraordinary openness and wisdom. Special appreciation to Carolina Wilke and Phil Powis ❤️⚡️ for their thoughtful questions in the chat that deepened our exploration. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)

Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Extended guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this episode of Clear Conversations: Creative Minds in Sobriety, I had the privilege of speaking with Ellie Nova, a sober coach, mentor, and writer whose journey from shame to liberation mirrors what so many of us experience in our relationship with alcohol.

Ellie's story begins with a familiar struggle—using alcohol to escape emotional pain and feeling trapped in a cycle she couldn't break free from. After her mother passed when she was just 14, Ellie learned to be "the good girl," holding her emotions inside until alcohol became her release valve at university. For over a decade, she lived with the shame of feeling dependent on something that everyone around her seemed to handle "normally." When she discovered Annie Grace's book This Naked Mind in 2018, everything changed. What started as a personal transformation has blossomed into a mission to guide others toward the freedom she found.

What struck me most about our conversation was Ellie's unwavering compassion—both for herself and for others walking this path. She's living proof that the other side of alcohol isn't just about abstinence; it's about creating a life where sobriety requires no effort because you've addressed the root causes that led you to drink in the first place.

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Show Notes

[00:02:50] - The Pre-Sobriety Journey

* Ellie started drinking at 16, with consumption accelerating dramatically at university

* Following her mother's death at 14, Ellie had suppressed her grief, using alcohol to cope with emotions she was afraid to feel

* Despite appearing successful with a career and relationship, she was drinking daily and using alcohol as the answer to everything

* Lived with tremendous shame about her inability to control her drinking, thinking there must be "something wrong with me"

[00:06:40] - The Book That Changed Everything

* Discovered This Naked Mind by Annie Grace through a BuzzFeed article on reducing drinking

* Over 20 months, she went from 365 days of drinking to just 20 occasions in that first year

* Had her last drink on December 26, 2019, and experienced complete freedom from the desire to drink

* "I honestly feel like I've been given a second chance at life. I never imagined I could have this life."

[00:11:01] - Learning to Be With Emotions

* Ellie shares the practice of "focusing" - creating space between yourself and your emotions

* Rather than saying "I am anxious," she learned to say "something in me is feeling anxious right now"

* This approach creates distance that allows for compassion toward the feeling part of yourself

* Mindful self-compassion became essential—treating herself with kindness rather than cruelty

[00:14:35] - Creativity Without Alcohol

* Ellie had believed she needed alcohol to write, having identified as a writer since childhood

* Was willing to give up writing completely if necessary to achieve sobriety

* Instead of losing creativity, she found greater creative capacity after getting sober

* Completed an MA in Creative and Life Writing, which she'd wanted to do for 10 years

[00:17:31] - From Personal Journey to Professional Passion

* After getting sober, Ellie completely reassessed her values and what mattered to her

* Trained as a life coach and specifically as a sober coach

* Finding purpose in helping others escape the shame cycle she experienced

* "To go from a place where I was full of so much shame... to be here now is just such a gift"

[00:24:02] - The Messy Reality of Transformation

* Ellie discussed how change isn't about sudden epiphanies but gradual, non-linear progress

* "It's slow and steady and one step forward. And then maybe a step back and maybe you fall down and you get back up"

* The neuroplasticity of our brains requires repetition and patience

* Learning to create new patterns and responses takes time—for both sobriety and self-compassion

[00:29:22] - The Role of Meditation and Presence

* Josh shared how consistent meditation practice (currently 243 days of his 365-day goal) has been transformative

* Ellie recognized that presence and mindfulness happen in everyday moments too

* Reading to her son became a form of meditation when approached with full presence

* Both discussed how these practices affect everything else in life

Key Quotes

"I honestly feel like I've been given a second chance at life. I never imagined I could have this life. And so I'm obviously so passionate about sharing this with other people who might feel the way I felt all those years ago." - Ellie Nova

"It's slow and steady and one step forward. And then maybe a step back and maybe you fall down and you get back up and you practice and practice and you remember and you forget and it's okay. And it's imperfect and messy. And that's what life is." - Ellie Nova

"I was full of so much shame... to be here now is just what a gift. I'm just so grateful. It's so nice to talk about it because it just reminds me of the gift I feel I've been given and hopefully can share with other people as well." - Ellie Nova

"Something in me is feeling anxious right now. It just allows that little bit of pausing and just being with that part, which helps that part to feel safe and know it's being listened to." - Ellie Nova

Resources Mentioned

* This Naked Mind by Annie Grace - The book that changed Ellie's relationship with alcohol

* Focusing - A practice for creating space between yourself and your emotions

* Mindful Self-Compassion - Learning to treat yourself with kindness rather than cruelty

* Beautiful You Academy - Where Ellie trained as a life coach

* The Sober Club - Where Ellie completed her sober coach training with Janie Lee Grace

Where to Find Ellie Nova

* Website: www.ellie-nova.com

* Substack: A Little Fantastic Sober Life

* Instagram: @ellienovacoaching

Thank You

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to Ellie Nova for her extraordinary compassion and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.

What's Next

☀️ The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter.

It’s a movement—and now, a growing community of creatives choosing clarity.

✍️ Read the Essays (free)

Stories and strategies for building a clear, intentional creative life without substances.

🎙️ Join Clear Conversations (free)

Live interviews with artists and entrepreneurs navigating sobriety and deep creative purpose.

🧘 Try a Guided Meditation (free/paid)

Short, powerful practices to reconnect with your creative voice and ground your nervous system.

🌟 Go Premium (paid)

Support this work and unlock full access:

* Extended guided meditations

* Exclusive live meditation sessions

* Priority Q&A and community insights

Become a paid subscriber for $8/month

👥 Founding Members (paid)

Founding members receive lifetime access, a 1:1 coaching session with me, and the opportunity to help shape the experience and future offerings of The Sober Creative—without changing its core mission.

Join as a founding member for $240/year

💬 Let’s connect

Book a free coffee chat if you’re curious about coaching, community, or just want to say hey.

🧭 Feeling ready?

Explore Unfiltered Creation — a 90-day 1:1 coaching experience to align your work, sobriety, and purpose.

Each step forward is an act of creative rebellion.

Thanks for walking this path with me.

Josh

The Sober Creative is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.