The Sonder Effect

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In this raw and moving episode of The Sonder Effect, Alexa and Mariam sit down with Kaitlin Reagan to talk about the complexities of love, loss, and life after grief. Kaitlin opens up about losing her partner, Francesco, at a young age and the way that kind of heartbreak reshapes identity, relationships, and how we move through the world.

From the quiet ache of grief to the moments of healing, Kaitlin shares what it’s like to grieve in public, rebuild in private, and navigate dating, friendship, and self-trust along the way. We explore how grief lives in the body, the pressure to “move on,” and the guilt that can come with feeling joy again.

Through it all, Kaitlin brings humor, honesty, and heart to a conversation that reminds us: we’re allowed to be works in progress and still worthy of love.

This one’s for anyone who’s ever carried grief in silence, found strength in vulnerability, or needed permission to feel it all.

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In this episode of The Sonder Effect, Mariam and Alexa explore a common yet often overlooked pattern in therapy and everyday life: intellectualizing our emotions instead of feeling them. From clients who can name every reason for their pain without ever accessing it, to therapists who inadvertently stay in the safety of cognitive space, they unpack how and why this disconnection happens, and what we can do to come back to ourselves.

They discuss signs of emotional avoidance, the childhood roots of shutting down feelings, and the physical toll of suppressing emotions. Drawing on Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic therapy, Alexa and Mariam offer gentle and accessible tools for reconnecting with your emotional self, free from judgment and overwhelm.

Whether you’re a therapist, a client, or just someone trying to feel more human, this episode is an invitation to slow down, notice what’s real, and make space for the emotions that deserve to be felt.

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What happens when you take on one of the most intense jobs in the world, working in medicine, without the socially accepted pressure valve of alcohol?

In this episode of The Sonder Effect, Alexa and Mariam sit down with a first-year surgery resident who made the bold decision to get sober while navigating the chaos of residency and applying to Emergency Medicine programs.

Together, they explore what led her to reevaluate her relationship with alcohol, how she coped with early sobriety in a culture where drinking is often normalized (and expected), and what she discovered about herself in the process.

This conversation dives into emotional regulation, identity shifts, social pressure, and the surprising clarity that can come from saying no to numbing. With raw honesty and powerful self-reflection, our guest offers insight into what it means to reclaim agency over your life, even in the most high-stress environments.

Whether you're questioning your own relationship with alcohol or simply curious about what sobriety can look like behind the scenes of a high-stakes career, this episode is a reminder that strength sometimes looks like slowing down, speaking up, and starting fresh.

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Have you ever stumbled across an old photo of your partner with their ex and felt a sudden pang of jealousy you couldn’t quite explain? You’re not alone. 

In this episode of The Sonder Effect, Mariam and Alexa dive into the quiet but intense emotional experience known as retroactive jealousy—the obsession or discomfort over your partner’s past relationships that can creep into even the most loving connections.

They explore why retroactive jealousy happens, how it differs from everyday jealousy, and what it can reveal about our own fears of inadequacy, abandonment, and comparison. With thoughtful insight, clinical context, and a few nods to Esther Perel’s reflections on love and captivity, the episode uncovers how retroactive jealousy often stems from unresolved wounds, attachment insecurities, and the pressure of unrealistic romantic ideals shaped by pop culture and social media.

Mariam and Alexa explore how to move through retroactive jealousy with practical tools like grounding exercises, shifting thought patterns, honest dialogue, and therapeutic support when necessary. This episode serves as both a reflection and roadmap for anyone caught in cycles of comparison, insecurity, or lingering shame. Because although the past may shape us, it doesn’t have to write our story.

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In Part 2 of The Sonder Effect, hosts Mariam Ayvazyan and Alexa Montemayor take a deeper dive into OCD, moving beyond understanding obsessions and compulsions to focus on breaking free from the cycle. They explore Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)—the gold-standard treatment designed to rewire the brain’s response to intrusive thoughts. But recovery is more than just resisting compulsions; it’s about building resilience, tolerating discomfort, and fostering self-compassion along the way.

Whether you or someone you love is navigating OCD, this episode provides insight, practical tools, and hope for facing the journey with courage and understanding.

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Welcome to Part 1 of our two-part series on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) on The Sonder Effect with Alexa Montemayor and Mariam Ayvazyan! 

In this episode, we explore what OCD really is—how it manifests, why it develops, and how it differs from general anxiety disorders.

We break down the obsession-compulsion cycle, discuss why OCD thrives on uncertainty, and challenge some of the biggest misconceptions about the disorder. Plus, we dive into why traditional talk therapy alone isn’t always effective and introduce the principles behind Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), the gold-standard treatment for OCD.

Join us as we unravel the complexities of OCD, provide insights for those experiencing it, and offer a foundation for deeper understanding. 

Don’t forget to be curious, compassionate, and patient with yourself!

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Have you ever found yourself waiting for the “perfect” moment to start something—only to never actually begin? You’re not alone. 

In this episode of The Sonder Effect, Alexa Montemayor and Mariam Ayvazyan dive into the sneaky partnership between perfectionism and avoidance. Through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), they explore how these two inner forces keep us stuck in cycles of procrastination, fear, and self-doubt.

Join us as we uncover the deeper fears driving perfectionism, the ways avoidance convinces us to stay in our comfort zones, and—most importantly—how to break free. We’ll share practical strategies to reframe self-talk, practice mindfulness, and develop self-compassion so that you can move forward without the pressure of flawlessness.

If you’ve ever struggled with putting things off until the “right time” or felt paralyzed by high expectations, this episode is for you. Tune in and learn how to take action, even when things feel imperfect.

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Welcome to The Sonder Effect! In this debut episode, Mariam Ayvazyan, founder of Achel Therapy, licensed psychotherapist, and adjunct NYU professor, joins her co-host Alexa Montemayor, psychotherapist-in-training and NYU professor’s assistant, to explore the fascinating world of Internal Family Systems (IFS).

Discover how IFS helps us understand and embrace the “parts” within ourselves—managers, firefighters, exiles, and the wise core Self—while fostering compassion and transformation. Mariam and Alexa share personal stories about how IFS has shaped their lives and therapeutic practices, offering insights and practical tools to navigate your inner world with kindness and curiosity.

Take a step toward self-discovery and join us on this journey of embracing all your parts!

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In the debut episode of The Sonder Effect, hosts Alexa Montemayor (MA, MHC-LP) & Mariam Ayvazyan (MA, MBA, LMHC) introduce listeners to the heart and purpose behind their podcast. Mariam, a licensed psychotherapist, founder of Achel Therapy, executive coach, and adjunct professor at NYU, joins Alexa, a psychotherapist-in-training, professor’s assistant, and mental health researcher, to create a space for meaningful conversations about mental health, emotional well-being, and the profound connections that shape our lives.

Together, they explore the concept of sonder—the realization that every person we encounter carries a life as vivid and complex as our own. Through candid reflections and thoughtful insights, Mariam and Alexa lay the foundation for future episodes filled with stories, tools for growth, and conversations that bridge the gap between therapy and everyday life.

Listeners are invited to reflect on their own moments of sonder, exploring how these fleeting realizations can deepen our understanding of ourselves and others. Whether tuning in during a quiet moment or amidst the busyness of life, this episode sets the stage for a journey of connection, healing, and shared humanity.