We've learned a bit about Emotional Intelligence on our healing journey.. but now, let's learn from a unique and dynamic coach, who uses wild horses to teach connection in relationships. Byron Hogan provides Emotional Intelligence Workshops, where he teaches self-awareness, EI, and personal development. The work that Byron does, helps strengthen human connections and build's life-giving relationships between humans and their Creator. 

Byron says that we are wounded through relationships, but that we are healed through them as well. 

What is emotional intelligence, and how does it apply to our Christian walk? Is it something that we, as Christians, should be concerned with? I would venture to say YES! If you haven't yet heard the term emotional intelligence, get ready to learn some new and exciting information.

What I love about this topic, is how it highlights so much of God's design of us, and the thought He put into us, as His precious creations. He created us with emotions, which are signalers, He made us relational beings, and He also created a protective mechanism within us to help keep us functioning when we find ourselves in dangerous spots. 

Learning how to understand our emotions, the way they impact others, and how to think before we act are essential parts of our growth spiritually, relationally, and all around. understanding Emotional Intelligence is a must for everyone! 

What makes an abuser abuse? This is a question that we often ask ourselves when trying to understand our own abusive situations.  We don't understand the mindset of the person who is hurting us. 

Many factors can come into play, from how a person grew up, to mental illness. We can analyze all day long, but perhaps God has a much simpler answer to this question. 

Beyond that, sometimes, we can get so caught up in trying to understand our abuser's mind, that we lose sight of the importance of our own value, worth, and need for safety. I think it's important to have some perspective, yet not become lost in all of the many ways that we try to understand our abuser. 

God's Word always contains the right measure of understanding. Remember, the "why" is not as important as the fact that, the reality is, we are being abused. Also, the person who is abusing must be seeking their own understanding of things. 

Ask yourself... are they?

What is Narcissistic Abuse, and what makes it different than regular abuse? The term gets thrown around rather loosely these days, and many people don't quite understand what it is, or what makes it as damaging and traumatic as it is. In recent years, there has not only been a rise in the use of the word "narcissist" but also in narcissism itself.  Unfortunately, it has left some scratching their heads, while others roll their eyes in disbelief. 

The word, along with some of its associated terms, have been misused and overused... but that doesn't make its reality any less legitimate.  There is a spiritual component to narcissism and a genuine rise in its prevalence. But is it real or imagined? Well, I believe the Bible has something to say about those who would be rightly described to be narcissistic abusers. 

If you've ever encountered this specific type of abuse, then you know how difficult it can be to understand, let alone describe, or help others understand. In this episode, I will help explain this type of abuse, what makes it so sinister, and what sets it apart. We will also look at where it can be found very clearly in the Word of God, and how God says to handle such abusers. 

We've heard, so often, that God hates divorce.. and though that may be true, it is certainly not the only thing that God hates. So why are so many of the other things that God hates ignored for the sake of keeping a marriage intact? Does God want abused women to stay with their abusers, for the sake of a marital covenant that has already been defiled by the very nature of the abuse? I believe that God's character paints a very clear picture of where He stands on this matter.  God hates abuse, and all that goes along with it. His heart is of compassion for those who are being mistreated, and particularly when it is at the hands of the one who has vowed to love and protect us. Make no mistake about it; God is not mad at the woman who leaves. His anger is toward the man who drove her to it through his prideful actions.  

If you've ever been in an abusive marriage, then you have struggled with the question of whether you should remain in the marriage or leave. If you are a Christian woman, the inner battle is far more intense. We have often been admonished as to how "God hates divorce." We've been given all sorts of victim-blaming and shaming advice. And, of course, we want to keep our marriages intact. Perhaps we even still have love and compassion for our husbands. The confusion is overwhelming. 

I found myself in this dilemma. Many had told me to stay. Many had given me advice that was ineffective at best, and dangerous at its worst. My situation worsened, and though I still loved my husband my need for peace, freedom, and normalcy increased. Eventually, after crying out to God, I was given advice that was practical, biblical and wise, from a former pastor of mine.

What this pastor shared with me was the answer that I had pleaded for. Not only did this pastor tell me that I was free to leave but he also urged me to do so. He explained that, in his experience, these marriages rarely changed for the better. He further explained that when they did, on those rare occasions, there were certain indicators present. These indicators were strong signs of a heart willing and able for change.

I've shared these criteria with countless women, and now I want to share this wisdom with YOU!

The question of whether our abuser can change is a question that we wrestle with, often, as we navigate the storms of abuse. We believe in a God of miracles, and of the impossible, so it's difficult to accept that we might be hanging on to a lost cause. 

It is important to understand that the abilities of God are not what is really in question.  God is always able. We know this to be true. However, we must not forget that God is a God of free will, and He never imposes His will upon mankind. He will never override a person's will to remain in sin.  Our abuser must be broken and repentant before God, for their sin nature. They must be willing to be held accountable and to turn from their sin. 

Why is it that they most often do not?

Many factors come into play rendering the abuser stuck in their dysfunction and sin. This dilemma is between them and God. Sometimes, we must step away for our own safety and well-being, and let God work. YOU matter, apart from the results in the abuser's life. Sometimes, it is best in light of everything, to let go and begin to heal. 

Many women struggle to know whether or not they are, in fact, living in abuse. More accurately, they allow doubt to overshadow what they likely already know inside. If a woman isn't being physically beaten, she questions whether the mistreatment she has experienced qualifies as bonafide abuse. Christian women grapple with these questions and doubts, all the more, as the church, very often, contributes to our doubts by not giving us the proper support and validation that we need. What qualifies behavior as abusive? Today we will explore this question, and try to give some clarity, where there might be uncertainty.

After being abandoned by my first husband, and left to raise our child alone, I waited and prayed for the right Christian man. It seemed as though my prayers had been answered. After marrying the man of my dreams, my dream quickly became a nightmare, shortly after moving myself and my daughter into his home. 

Though I had never seen signs of abuse before our marriage, my experience with this man changed drastically afterward. After exhausting all resources, including a separation, I determined that I had to leave for good. Unfortunately, the church did not help me navigate any of this. They only enabled him while blaming me for his behaviors. This is an issue that needs to be discussed and rectified within the church.  Let's change fix this together by bringing this issue to LIGHT!