Imagine being a mother separated from her infant by an oppressive group like the Sullivanians with cult-like control. In this episode hear Annie's heartbreaking journey to rescue her daughter Rosie from the Sullivanians.  With the crucial help of a women's shelter's dedicated legal advocates, I helped  Annie orchestrate a daring escape and go into hiding.  There is urgency and tension in every step of her plan to reclaim her daughter.

Listen to the emotional turbulence that eventually culminates in the courtroom battle for custody that exposes the spurious workings of the  Sullivanians,  threatening their existence. The episode also sheds light on the broader experiences of former members of the Sullivan Institute, including the emotional and social challenges they faced. Through gripping accounts from individuals like Ben and Karen, who risked everything for their freedom, and the eventual downfall of the group under Saul Newton's erratic rule, this is a poignant exploration of life within a cult. 

When joining a cult you are unaware of the full level of commitment you are about to make, or the extent to which your autonomy is about to be curtailed. I hope that by sharing my personal story and shedding light on the Sullivanians, I've helped to explain why people are attracted to cults in the first place. In Annie's case, some are born into them, for some, it is the promise of a community or to better themselves,  or the promise of sexual availability, but it is usually during a time of vulnerability in a person's life.

This is the final chapter.  My name is Shelley Feinerman. I hope you have found the podcast of interest and I thank you for listening.  I went on to have a successful career, married, and have an amazing son. My artwork can be seen on Instagram. @ThroughaBlueWindow

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

What if you found yourself trapped within a group that controlled every aspect of your life, from your relationships to how you spent your money? This episode unveils some of the dark realities inside the Sullivanians, the infamous cult that hid in plain sight on Manhattan's Upper West Side, in the years after Cora left. Learn about the group's manipulative tactics, inspired by the theories of Harry Stack Sullivan, which forced members into rigid and often detrimental lifestyles. These oppressive dynamics strained family bonds, induced severe anxiety, and left members grappling with emotional and financial turmoil.

After 10 years Annie Steinman re-enters Cora's life. You will hear her how the Institute's brutal regime upended her life. With the absence of June Geddes, Saul's unyielding control became even more suffocating as the women of the group became mothers as Annie did..  Annie shares the protocols of pregnancy and the devastating loss of her daughter, Rosie, to the Institute's grip. Her story is a stark reminder of the profound personal costs of such manipulative environments. This episode is an eye-opening account of the search for autonomy and the enduring impact of living under such a repressive system. And in two weeks listen  for the climatic episode  "Escape  from Nirvana."

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

After being forced out of the apartment by Annie I was more convinced than ever that that I could no longer tow the party line.

In this episode and the next I will take a deeper dive into my relationship with Chris Crenshaw,  first mentioned in episode four which covered Jonestown's and my realization the group was a cult and the group’s exodus to Florida after The Three Mile Island accident and partial nuclear meltdown  ( it might be worth a re-listen)   and the Open Union,  an independent socialist, activist, and education center where we met. 

The threads of love, and loss, were woven into the unyielding force of the Sullivanian's influence on me.  Ollie briefly reenters my life and brings a flood of emotion and memories. We share a vulnerable conversation that navigates our shared history, the weight of regret, and love. As Ollie prepares to leave New York City, we grasp one more night together, and the promise of staying connected.  This episode is more than a narrative; it's a testament to the resilience of the human heart and the profound impact of our choices—intertwined with the relentless pursuit of personal freedom and political conviction becoming a catalyst for leaving the group and therapy

As always thank you for listening and please share your thoughts if so inclined .

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

In the five years I'd been in the group,  its ranks swelled and the group  with its emphasis on artistic endeavors that were once revered merged with the authoritarian cult-like Fourth Wall with its many directives and shifting focus. The shift coincided with  Lein's marriage to his second wife a soap opera actress and aspiring stage director. It was her idea to merge the two.

The Fourth Wall subsumed personal identities into the group's collective thinking. Membership was mandatory along with monthly dues and other burgeoning monetary costs. Annie,  Stan, and  Ollie betrayed me and after the summer my friendship with Annie disintegrated. 

Listen to this episode to learn more about how Annie forced me from the apartment and the bizarre twist  Stan threw my way the week after I'd moved out.  

Had I  lost my individuality?  After five years,  I was left with two choices: I could start over alone or stay and exist on the fringe

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

This latest episode continues to expose the machinations of the Sullivanian Cult    

 On a serene Labor Day morning, the summer house ignites into a tinderbox of drama and emotion after Sandra's inexplicable emotional breakdown behind the wheel of the summerhouse car.   Annie, who is without empathy believes Sandra should be punished. 

A month later,  when Stan takes a stand against Cora's relationship with Ollie she is stunned by his ultimatum: invite Ollie to a group party or he would be forced to stop therapy.  She complies but is left feeling vulnerable.  Then at the party,  after Ollie meets Bernadette Luden, Sandra's date, he abandons Cora. The following morning she is left to confront the feeling of neglect hanging heavy in the air.  

Ollie's unexplained behavior, missing Maria,  Cora's lost friendship with Annie,  and Stan's betrayal.   Listen to this episode and learn more about these events and how they combined and contributed to leading Cora away from the Sullivanians.  And catch up on the other episodes you might have missed.

Thank you for your interest and support.

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

This episode delves into The 1960s generational divide and societal pressures, and how it impacted my relationship with my mother which led to an emotional confrontation revolving around her cliched disapproval of our then-unconventional choice to live together. Her concern for social optics clashed with my desire for personal identity and love and framed my future. Are  you struggling with familial bonds in the pursuit of individuality and independence?    This episode  details the complexities of carving out one's path while honoring the roots from which we've grown. 
 It was true, Greg was young and unformed, as my mother had said, but he'd responded to me with a purpose others had never hinted at, and I'd fallen in love with him, loving me and the idea that we would leave home together

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

Today's episode begins Thanksgiving Day three years after   I became entangled with the  Sullivanians a seemingly benign group  that   supported creativity but  would morph into the singular cult that remained undetected on Manhattan Upper West Side.

Annie was my roommate and friend,  but I on that day I began to realize her ardent belief in the Sullivanians as the vanguard party that would would soon shape  the world's future was all encompassing.   On that frigid day we found our way to a Greenwich Village cafe where Annie also openly discussed wrestling with the presence of her mother in the group.  I'd often  thought of Maria as an older sister and  Annie as the younger but going forward,  her declaration left me in the murky waters of uncertainty.  

The episode doesn't end at the café, though. Learn why I was referred to a fourth therapist in three years and how I  wind up at Reliable Lists, Inc and how I'm guided by  Stan Arnold, my new therapist, to become part of that office's union drive. 

 The episode culminates in an emotionally charged farewell,, as Maria Alena departs for Sierra Leone.   This  episode carries you little further along my intertwining personal path, that  eventually carved a way for me out of the Sullivanian cult and towards a new beginning.

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

This episode weaves an intricate tale  that begins with a wedding invitation and pulls at the threads of an emotional odyssey navigating the murky waters of a narrative steeped in abandonment,  lies, and a profound search for the truth from my  mother and estranged father,  that would pave the way to the Sullivanians  

There was a reunion where my sister and I were faced with the complex emotions of rekindling the long-lost connections with our father whose approval still felt like the cornerstone of our existence. We're confronted with the superficiality of his gestures and his strange declaration,  "That's what fathers are for" and grapple with the innate desire for parental affirmation.

Eight years pass and then during the rawest of conversations with my mother, she unveils secrets that have simmered beneath the surface for decades. Prompted by my therapist I'm meeting with my father who amid the clinking of dinnerware,  has some revelations of his own.    As they  tumble out my emotions are stretched thin,  and with these betrayals, you bear witness to what eventually  led me to the Sullivanians and the the enduring struggle to understand the past 

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

Initially, the group was a vibrant blend of energy—artists, musicians, writers, actors, politics, and interpersonal drama. Serena left the apartment, and Sandra Aguilar, the only minority in the group, was added to the mix. In the group, there was an elite hierarchy among the trainees, the therapists of the institute, and the people they dated, who were given preferential placement in the burgeoning Marxist classes. In this episode, you'll learn about the conflict created by Annie's decision to hire and then fire Steve Berman, a non-Sullivanian, as an instructor of Intro to Marxism based on the directive of Annie's therapist.  This is another example of Annie's intractability and a foreshadowing of events to come as heard in the  Aug 30, 2023, Through a Blue Window( getting out) episode. 

The episode takes an intimate and harrowing turn as it recounts the dictate given to me by my therapist after a call from my sister,  the support I did receive, and the emotional wasteland I still can find myself wandering in a lifetime later.  

In the immediate aftermath of leaving the Sullivanians, in the quiet of my new apartment, I wrote an eulogy for my mother.  This was the first step in helping me shape the trajectory of my life and  45 years later I still turn to it when I feel her presence and profound absence. Join me as I navigate these deeply human experiences, with insights that may resonate with your journey facing the complexities of life and relationships.

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you

-After two and a half years of shifting roommates and apartments, I finally found an apartment and a tight-knit group of women and the rewarding discovery of profound connections hitherto absent from my life  This episode continues to explore the daunting task of navigating the tightrope of school, intense Sullivanian therapy, and the interpersonal dynamics of the group mixed with family estrangement, and memories that continue to haunt.

Take a seat at the latest  Sullivanan house meeting where personalities clash over perceived acceptability, the human need to belong. and the moral debate stirred by unconventional lifestyle choices.
The roommates:
Lanni, whom I met on Thanksgiving Day,  my entry into the group 
Annie, an ardent Sullianian with a bizarre history even by group standards
Serena, beautiful and unconventional pushes the envelope on  what is acceptable Sullivanian  behavior 

Then,  sparked by an unexpected message from her Aunt Hannah a  haunting memory resurfaces. 

I am grateful to all who have listened to my podcast and find this next episode of interest.

The complete documentary Through a BlueWindow can be seen on my youtube channel shellfein1. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you