The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married

By The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married Wedding PlanningSociety & Culture

The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married episodes

August 07, 20207. WEDDINGS - "The Big Day"
Speeches and Bridesmaids and Aisles! Oh my!
There is so much to get into in Episode 7 because we're finally getting into the icky traditions of the literal wedding day itself. First though, it's time to break down the build up! Why is it still often the woman's role to push the planning of the wedding? And on the day itself, are we still down with walking down the aisle with Daddy? As a modern woman, do you really believe in being "given away"? We offer our insight and advice on how we've incorporated the female voice into our weddings, giving a speech to the bride and the mother-of-the-bride. Finally, your The Thing About That hosts delve into the complexities of the bridal party and how you go about picking that select bunch of friends to aid you on the day. What does it mean to ask someone to be a bridesmaid or read at your wedding or even perform in the service, and how can you do that without burdening them unnecessarily or causing offence to others?
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes, where we're talking to wedding planners, elopement photographers and, very excitingly, the husband elects: Ben, Jacob and Tris!
Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Series 1, Episode 7 length: 42 mins 36 seconds
Division of Labour (00:40)
Is Wedding planning just more unpaid, unappreciated women's work?
Emotional Labour (04:02)
Why do women tend to take on this burden, even if they take on more of the financial responsibility too?

Roles that are gender-driven VS personality-driven

Know your partner's strengths and how to play to them.
Top Wedding Day Traditions (12:23)
Cutting the cake.

Marriage certificates stemming from a patriarchal, business background.

Speeches from the bride. Are brides still seen and not heard?

Why do we still push the idea that your wedding day is "THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!"?

Younger generations being selfish and selfless at the same time.
Creating a religious and atheist wedding (19:25)
What are the obligatory parts of a Church of England wedding?

"Love, honour and obey"
Walking down the aisle and being given away (22:05)
The option to rid yourself of an aisle entirely.

What if you have no father of paternal relationship?
Speeches (28:15)
Mother-of-the-bride speeches?
Secular ceremonies (31:22)
Have a friend as a celebrant.

Readings and Abba singalongs!
Bridesmaids (35:27)
How do you pick your bridesmaids without causing offence?

Accommodating changing friendships.

Joint bridesmaids and ushers shared between the couple.

Is it an unfair burden asking friends to perform?
Thank you for listening!
43 min
July 31, 20206. WEDDINGS - The Dress
Say YES to the Dress! And say NO to "the wedding dress diet"!
Arguably one of the most focal topics of a wedding: in today's world we're certainly not short on wedding dress options... but we're still pretty flipping short on examples of different-looking brides, right? How do you take something as traditional and iconic as the white wedding gown, and make it feel genuinely unique and personal to you? And how do you avoid the toxicity of the bridal image? In Episode 6 of The Thing About That, we say a hard no to "the wedding dress diet" and discuss our greatest struggles when picking an outfit for the big day.
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on Covid-affected weddings, in-laws and wedding aesthetics...
Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast
Series 1, Episode 6 length: 48 mins 41 seconds
The Reluctant Bride (02:21)
What do you wear when you don’t want to look like a bride but you love wearing white?

Not wanting to be the centre of attention too much.

The unpleasantness of knowing you’re being judged on your looks.
The experience of dress shopping (15:58)
Looking for non-traditional wedding dresses

How the experience ends up feeling like a performance

Lucy’s Phillippa Lepley experience

Instagram searching and Hettie’s Matcher’s Fashion Christopher Kane dress
Contradicting viewpoints within yourself over your outfit (19:46)
“Drawing the gaze of others can be very empowering”

How can I make the extremity of this outfit different from other extreme outfits?
How far can you push the boundaries? (22:43)
Challenging yourself to dress big

Say Yes to the Dress - the importance of trying things on because you never know what suits until you try

Deborah Francis White
The Evening Outfit (29:04)
Why bother changing? To dance or to protect your day dress.

The power of heals for a short woman.
Sexy wedding dresses (33:37)
Embracing your sexuality later in life

The "nudity" of modern wedding dresses

Colourful wedding dresses
Groom outfits! (31:46)
How can we make our men feel special as well?
When do you reveal the look? (39:08)
Wanting to hold it back to surprise your partner on the day.

OR sharing the look with your partner to prevent anxiety.
Thank you for listening!
49 min
July 24, 20205. WEDDINGS - Family and the In-Laws
"Families are the most beautiful things in all the world" according to Louise May Alcott, but they're also a marital minefield.
We're diving into some spicy conversation for you in Episode 5: that of Family and In-laws. Whether you're experiencing total elation or utter despair around the lead-up to your wedding day, we can guarantee that you or your partner's families are involved. What happens when the wedding starts to feel more like your mother's party than your own? How has family involvement in weddings changed over the years? What happens when your family and your husband's family differ in religious beliefs? The Thing About That covers the thorny, guilt-ridden issues of juggling all the people you love most in the world in the lead up to your big day.
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on Covid-affected weddings, in-laws and wedding aesthetics...
Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Series 1, Episode 5 length: 47 mins 12 seconds
In-laws differing in their ideas about your wedding (00:47)
What happens when your mother or mother-in-law sees this as a party for them more than for you

Expectation vs reality for people who ultimately don’t get to have a final say in this. Social expectations of taking on the role of “in-law” or “mother-of-the-bride”

How the role of parents in a wedding have changed over the decades. Weddings used to be for the parents, a “coming out party”

The pressure to please others (07:12)
Wanting other people to have the wedding experience that they’ve always dreamed of.

What happens when you’re paying? How to know when to put your foot down and say no to something.

When a joyful event ends up making you sad (12:07)
Frustration at people around you and guilt at making people you love sad.

When family being around for a wedding is one of your primary reasons for doing it, “I want it to be a positive experience for them so much, maybe too much.”

Disagreement over money. Emotion turns small issues turn into big confrontations.

How emotionally invested friends are in your wedding (17:47)
From judgement to care.

Having been a guest and a bridesmaid before, it makes it much harder to be blasé about decisions now.

Church VS Non-Church (22:03)
What happens when an atheist and a Christian want to get married? Where do you do it?

Families coming to terms with a fast engagement (26:15)
How a quick relationship leaves family members lagging behind

Throw the rule book out the window. Your wedding should be whatever it can be and whatever you want it to be.

Shifting sibling relationships (28:33)
How do siblings see it as an opportunity to bond, what role do they want to play?

What if you want a sibling to be more involved than they want?

Does your marriage take over an existing relationship with a family member?

Guilt around not playing the role of “the single one” in your family or friendship group anymore.

Easy in-laws (43:10)
Counting your blessings when the in-laws are easy or your parents and your in-laws get on

Extended family as guests (44:42)
Where do you draw the line? What is there are tricky family dynamics?

Thank you for listening!
48 min
July 17, 20204. WEDDINGS - Corona Brides
Have you had to cancel your wedding due to Covid-19? You're not alone!
If you've had to postpone your big day due to the 2020 Corona lockdown (or for any other reason in the past) you'll understand the complex emotions that come with such an upheaval. Frustration at the lost money, sadness at the lost day, worry at the lost time... when will you start that family? And why should that still matter in the modern day? In Episode 4 of The Thing About That, 2 of our hosts discuss their own personal experiences of cancelling their weddings because of Coronavirus.
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on proposals, name-taking and wedding aesthetics...
Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Series 1, Episode 4 length: 42 mins 36 seconds
When and why did you choose to postpone? (02:33)
Worrying about the health of loved ones or being forced into it by government regulations.

What does it mean to have a wedding under the current social distancing regulations?

Communications plan

What is hardest about losing the big day? Sentimentality, the fear of losing a loved one before the new date, financial implications
The “ticking clock” for women in their 30s (13:10)
The expectations of women to achieve marriage, children and career progression.

“All of a sudden life isn’t sprawled out in front of you, there’s a certain order you’re supposed to be doing things in”

Has postponing a wedding held up baby-making plans?

Expectations for women to look their best at their wedding.
How postponement changes one's feelings towards the wedding (17:30)
Are you reevaluating whether to do it at all?

“If not now, then shall we just not?
The financial implications (23:14)
Difficulties that come from the government allowing things but encouraging against them.

Problems with compensation and sticky details of wedding insurance.
Taking stock and re-evaluating (28:54)
Is this an opportunity to reevaluate wedding choices?

What absurd OTT things have you spent money on for your wedding that you would take back if your could. “Wedding-mania” / Party-mania

“A pressure to facilitate other people having memorable moments!”
The original day (33:39)
What will you do on the would-be day? Is it worth celebrating or is it a day of mourning?

The frustration of only seeing the happy people on social media.

Hettie explains why she has gone totally silent on social media. The weight of everything going on in the world (from coronavirus to Black Lives Matter).
When will this sadness pass? (40:00)
Will you feel better when your original wedding date is passed?

Hettie and Becca raise again the idea that the weddings may never happen now.
Check out Becca's previous wedding stationary work here and here and here, and if you'd like to commission her to do yours, get in touch.
Thank you for listening!
43 min
July 10, 20203. WEDDINGS - The Surname
To take his name or not to take his name? That is the question.
In Episode 3 of The Thing About That we discuss the complex thought processes behind "the surname decision". In a modern world where we're led to believe that everything is possible, it's only right that a modern woman can expect to side-step the custom of giving up her maiden name. But is it really that easy? A lot goes into what a would-be-bride ends up deciding to do: should she go along with tradition, make the big request of asking the husband to take her name, or come up with something new altogether? Sharing a name says something about the unit you are creating together, but as with all things in a wedding, the conversation is never simple.
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on Covid-affected weddings, in-laws and wedding aesthetics...
Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Series 1, Episode 3 length: 34 mins 29 seconds

Option 1: Husband takes the wife's name (02:09)
Hettie tells her story. Not wanting to take her fiancé's surname after marriage out of principle.

We hear how Jacob decided to take her name instead and what led him to reach that decision.
Modern attitudes towards giving up your surname (07:25)
How are women’s attitudes shifting in regards to losing their maiden name?

What does it mean for your sense of identity to adopt a new name?

When can a new name give a sense of opportunity and when can it give a sense of yielding?
Broaching the subject of surname choice with your family (11:35)
How to tackle a difficult conversation with your family and in-laws if you are choosing to do something that is not traditional or expected.
Option 2: Combine your names to make something new (14:33)
Becca explains how her and Ben reached their decision to create a new surname.

The option of amalgamating your two names to create something double-barrelled or even brand-new.

What does the surname decision mean for possible future children?
The guilt of being a non-traditionalist (19:20)
What does it feel like to know that you constantly put people on edge by not going along with old-fashioned ideas.

Why are progressive people considered the tiring, boring ones?
Option 3: Stick with convention and take your husband's name (21:52)
Lucy explains the apathy around this choice that eventually leads to a more traditional decision on name-taking, taking your husband’s name just because you don’t care that much!

A brief discussion around whether one should be walked down the aisle or not, and by who. Tradition vs progress and what works for you.
Surnames and lineage (25:48)
The surname you choose in marriage is a lifeline to your family.

What does it mean, as a woman, to expect to cut your family name's line short if you get married?
Option 4: Leave it to chance (27:54)
Our hosts discuss occasions where people have allowed a game to decide what they end up with as a surname!
Unfortunate name-combos and "Diary Corner" (28:34)
Examples of unfortunate name combinations and unfortunate names.

On Becca's request, Lucy shares a snippet of her teenage diaries.

Thank you for listening!
35 min
July 03, 20202. WEDDINGS - Proposals
Let us tell you a real-life love story or three!
In Episode 2 of The Thing About That we're covering our hosts' 3 unique proposals. The romance, the ridiculousness of it all, the elation and the bits that we probably could have done without. Who proposed to who? And did you see it coming? Getting engaged is one of the most romantic and talked about moments of a relationship, but it's rife with anxiety, confusion, and a slurry of overwhelming emotions. Whoever you are, and whatever your story, between Becca, Hermione and Lucy, there will certainly be something to relate to! The women discuss their feelings in the lead-up to and the aftermath of an engagement and that ever-important issue of "the ring"!
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on name-taking, in-laws and wedding aesthetics...

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Series 1, Episode 2 length: 39 mins 55 seconds
Lucy's engagement story (01:49)
"A remarkable, whirlwind romance."

Lucy catches you up on the totally unbelievable story of how she met her fiancé and how they ended up engaged after only half a year.

"It is no exaggeration to say that for me it was the biggest shock I had ever experienced in my life."
What are the social obligations of being proposed to? (11:34)
To post on instagram or not to post on instagram?

The difficulties of shouldering everybody else's excitement.
Becca's engagement story (13:01)
An engagement that came after 5 years of relationship and an immense amount of pressure from people around them.

"The whole thing just felt profoundly odd to me that there needed to be some sort of 'level up' involved."

When the man needs to ask, more than you need to be asked.
Are proposals ever still a genuine question? (17:17)
A proposal example that encompasses the enormity of the question itself. Tris asks Lucy to marry him, not knowing for sure that the answer would be yes.
Joint back accounts (20:00)
As a modern married couple, should we be putting all our money in one shared pot?
Hermione's engagement story (23:35)
"I sort of expected that I would see a lot more women proposing to men to initiate the marriage process."

What caused Hermione to propose to her partner after an entire life of resisting marriage?

How did Jacob feel being proposed to? What's it like to be a man who has the question popped to them rather than the other way around?
Becca's engagement story continued (33:30)
A proposal up the side of mountain in the Lake District.

How do you experience a proposal when you know it's coming up?

"What better way to be proposed to than with a mouthful of hula hoops?"
Engagement rings (39:58)
To wear or not to wear?

How do you find a ring that feels personal and not generic?

Diamonds vs emeralds vs black opals
Thank you for listening!
40 min
July 02, 20201: WEDDINGS - Why Marriage?
Welcome to The Thing About That! And welcome to your tribe!
We're here to hold you tight and discuss everything that you feel like people have been side-stepping for years. In our first series, we're chatting weddings and marriage, and in Episode 1 you'll get to know your 3 hosts, Becca, Hermione and Lucy, who have been friends since the days of gel pens and furbies. As modern women, we discuss why we're even getting married, when we have so many reservations, who the lucky men are that we're marrying and whether we prefer to use the term fiancé or partner.
Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming conversations on proposals, name-taking and wedding aesthetics...

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:
Follow us on twitter: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast
Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Series 1, Episode 1 length: 27mins 28 seconds
Introductions - Meet Becca, Hermione and Lucy (01:43)
Becca is an artist, Hermione a lawyer and Lucy an actress. But they've all ended up planning a wedding within the same year and they've got a thing or two to say about this journey.
Why are you getting married? (04:51)
Did you always envisage yourself ending up as "a wife"?
What a wedding actually means today (08:01)
What does a wedding actually mean in the modern day?

"Planning an event rather than a commitment"

Is the proposal a bigger statement than the wedding itself?
Tackling the issues with marriage (08:53)
What happens when you're absolutely against the idea of marriage but end up falling in love with someone to whom the gesture is really important?

"The genesis of marriage has always been motivated by trying to control, commoditise and ultimately disenfranchise women from living the life that they were born to live."

Wanting to stand by and even celebrate those people who choose not to get married.

How can we fight for weddings to evolve as the world around us evolves?

What does the potential of a civil partnership for heterosexual couples represent?
A fiancé by any other name smells as sweet (16:45)
What's better? Fiancé, partner, boyfriend or husband.

The women share some entertaining stories about the ludicrous conversation of how to refer to that special other person in your life.
Bad date stories (20:04)
Lucy and Becca divulge the details of their worst dates.

Should the modern woman be paying for their date? Is it ok for the modern woman to order beer?
Finally, who are our men? (22:58)
Meet Ben, Jacob and Tris - the men behind our 3 fabulous hosts.

How long into their relationships did Becca, Hermione and Lucy get engaged? And when are their weddings planned for?
Thank you for listening!
28 min

About The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married

From the publisher's feed

Modern life for women is better than ever! But isn't it time to unpack the stumbling blocks that remain unspoken? From marriage to the workplace and beyond. Let us be your tribe!

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The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married

The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married episodes

About The Thing About That: A Modern Woman's Guide to Getting Married