The chroniclers forensically dissect whether Troy Deeney will make Ndombele the best footballer in the world whilst holding Harry Kane in a headlock.

"He pulled his pride string." With Europa League qualification in the bag the chroniclers return to review the last Morbid-ball game of the season against Crystal Palace as we put the case forward for Troy Deeney to become one of ours. Heaven forbid!

Tottenham's potential hijacking of Leicester City's Champions League place continued to make good progress at St James' Park in front of some journo's, a stretcher and some baked on pigeon faeces.

A victory against Arsenal eh? Well I'll be damned.

It is our privilege to pick the sweetcorn out of this 0-0 display against a plucky Bournemouth. Much work to do!

This is one of those games where you have grave concerns that this is some poor kids first - and it would put them off for life. We enjoyed it though.

We slosh around in the guts of Tottenham's latest sufferball defeat to Sheffield United in the Premier League...Ouchy!

The boys return to gorge themselves on the lacklustre hammers.

2 retired Hackney Marshes veterans dissect Tottenham Hotspur matches with a rusty spoon, fresh from polluting their minds with it. Let the healing begin.