2-2 v Chelsea. We ate turd for 90minutes and stole a point from Satan's clammy and mostly dead clutches.

We discuss, hair pulling, Cuti cutting Havertz in half, evil, spitting on Eric Dier's shorts, Rich-snarlison, vomit, the absurd ambidextrousness of Perisic, the soon to become crowd favourite Bissouma and the enduring and flailing menace of bottom placed Manchester United.

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It was the 1st game of the 2022/23 season and Tottenham appear to be cooking. Southampton wilted 4-1 to a Spurs team that had purpose, poise and an unrelenting appetite to tenderise. Ahem.

We the turn our attention to Chelsea in the 2nd game of the season at Stamford Bridge aka "The Dark Shrine of fallen idols" full of unheralded confidence; and that's not something you can often say in the last 20 years.

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The Tottenham Chronicles team.

🤩Tottenham are on the precipice of something truly terrifying; a team and head honcho who feel that they could crush the football universe. 🙀 This is a rare event  and one that must be honoured, so rejoice.

Spurs are teetering, inconceivable notions have been dreamt, impossibilities suddenly seem tangible and so as of now, the Spurs army feel tall, perhaps the most substantial we've ever felt in recent memory...So obey this treasured moment; and despite almost 30 years of flickering light perhaps we this season we could burn brighter than ever before. Oh do bring the pain; but not for us, season 2022/23 is nigh. 🧟

This is the most comfortable transfer window in recent memory: UCL qualification, an incredible group of players that is being bolstered daily by assassins and a manager that brings the pain...and as for everyone else they are recovering from Ryan Mason's wedding piss up!

We talk Richarlison, Perisic and Bissouma and how the art of deception is Conté's secret weapon.

Nuno Espirito Santo, Pacos de Ferreira, Antonio Conte and NS Mura; this season has been a wild ride comprising of pain, hardship and more pain, but inexplicably we are now 90 minutes away from Champions league football. 

Soccerball, eh?

Our best night ever against our made up arch rivals and ill-conceived Arsenal followed by a dry Burnley match ( did you really expect anything less?) culminating in an Arsenal gut drop for the ages against Newcastle which sets up a final match of the season against an already relegated Norwich…what could possibly go wrong?

But if it all goes right...some of the best attacking talent in the World will be representing in the World's finest knock out competition...or it might be Eddy Nketiah!!!

We are building right!

UP the Spurs.!

It's a winner takes all (perhaps) in the penultimate, penultimate match of the season between 4th and 5th to maybe decide who will go into the prequalifying rounds of a competition that neither team can possibly win. 

Oh, this one is for the ages alright. 

It's a match as big as the 1991 FA Cup semi final at Wembley...and 5 years since Arsenal finished above Spurs in the league.

Can Tottenham survive the might of Rob Holding, Elneny, Cedric Soares and Eddy Nketiah?

This is the biggest, albeit spuriously rearranged, game for Spurs since 2019...

Take it all.

#coys

Losing to Brighton at home (0-1) and drawing away at Brentford (0-0) after obliterating Newcastle, Villa, Everton and Leeds to be 2 points behind 4th place with 5 games to go. The Nause-a-coaster continues apace. On the plus side, Europa league looks like it's in the Bag. Yeeeeeeeeaarrrruuhhhhvomithghgffft.

This week we discuss West Ham having bigger games than playing Spurs as they are rolled over (3-1), Newcastle sent packing with Shelvey at centre back (5-1), Romero being better than Diaz and looking forward to ripping the souls out of Arsenal in the play off to piss on United's grave. Top 4 here we come! Extended happy days!

COYS

A United loss and a painful reminder Ronaldo is the 34th best player on the planet at 37; followed by a Brighton routinely far from routine 0-2 victory that will only be remembered for Harry Kane's Pepsi endorsement by kicking a Coca-Cola bottle that we can only assume was lobbed by a Spurs fan. 

Heady days! Top 4 is somehow still on and the Arsenal rearranged defeat is still to come. Vamos!

We discuss the devil of Romero, Kane's insuperable brilliance and Kulusevski at Brommapojkarna of Stockholm Europe's largest football organisation with 247 age teams of mutiple age groups comprising of 3000 players. Dejan must have been a player to get through that lot.

9 Goals in 2 games without reply against Leeds and Everton to go some way to banishing the horror of our recent home defeats to set up a prize shitshow against feckless Manchester United at the Weekend. 

We talk loan players, the PSG collapse and why Marcos Llorente needs to sign for Spurs and why 2 images spliced together of Maradona's Body in 1986 and Matt Doherty's implacable face of 2020 has caused a minor internet sensation. Behold: Matt Maradoherty!

No crap quizes or rubbish competitions. Just crap. Enjoy!