The Transatlantic Times

Joseph and Benjamin are tired of the news; a good vibe is in order. Also, Channing Tatum is a dog or something.

Jonathan the tortoise is simultaneously the oldest and horniest chelonian in existence; build-a-bitch is a way of the past, it's time to build your personal preference pizza.

Big Sperm only cares about the bottom line, but this one man is in it for the people; Even the Taliban has to wait in line at the amusement park; The 2022 Winter Olympics promotes social distancing by encouraging safe-sex.

Our nation's most dangerous stockpile of nuclear armaments is being guarded by an elite force of Dolphins, China schedules official foreplay preceding the 2022 Winter Olympics, Tucker Carlson wants M&Ms he can have a drink with.

Mars Candy Company changes the social climate by changing their beloved characters; FedEx wants laser planes; the Royal Family wants to pay you minimum wage.

A young entrepreneur uses her body for profit; fish are closer to street-legal than they've ever been; cows are manipulated - I mean, encouraged to make more milk.

Sometimes, one must ask of our leaders: who gave that man a microphone?

Illegal pistachio peddling ring is cracked wide open; This school gave 10th grade boys the opportunity to "Build a B*tch"; A relationship goes awry - are Dippin' Dots to blame?

Santa's got a new ride.

An American icon's flavor is almost extracted; camels are no better than the Kardashians; global supply chain issues peak in Canada.