The Undead Symphony

Belgian 2019 and even though it is the first Belgian zombie movie this was done superbly well. I watched this back in Episode 46 BM (before Michael) and since then it has been a firm favourite. It is one of those movies I have seen over the last couple of years that are not on other people's radar.

Joining It Stains the Sands Red and Blood Quantum in my top list of movies most haven't seen, we meet Michael, Alison and her mother Sylvia from Belgium as they head into Eastern Europe to go to a cheap cosmetic surgery hospital. Nervous Ninny Michael doesn't like and ends up passing out, being anesthetized, and electrocuted before being taken away by local Lothario Daniel into the bowels of the hospital. Daniel is looking for drugs but they discover a woman strapped to a bed in a locked room. The woman is a zombie. And once she escapes all manner of craziness breaks loose.

We have top notch gore, a lot of comedy without losing the dramatic elements, and, despite you hating the characters, or not liking them and caring if they live or die, you enjoy it. Michael is annoying (the one in the movie), Sylvia is a witch, Daniel is a scumbag, Yulia is dodgy, Schultz is an animal and Oxsana is the only on you care about.

A solid 6.5/10 from both of us, recommendable and rewatchable 

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.

Now he is catching up with the DVDs Michael and I are discussing them. In this episode we cover Automaton Confusion, a movie that cost $30,000 to make and yet, up until the stupid its a giant experiment nonsense, was thoroughly enjoyable, punching way above its budget. It had fast paced zombies, genuine scares, and 80% of the story was basic but decent. 

And we have Summer Camp, a movie from the producers of Annabel, The Conjuring and REC. So Spanish. It starts as a pretty generic, four American counselors at a summer camp for kids kinda thing. It could have been anything, slasher, aliens, demonic possession, then from about 20 mins in it becomes a pretty unique frenetic chase and survive story where the monster changes from one person to the next.

Both scored 5.5/10 from us, which makes them recommendable, and re-watchable, which is a rarity at the moment given some of the crap we have watched recently.

Check out our chat here. 

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.

From the producers of [REC], Annabel and The Conjuring comes a bit of an anomaly.  2015. It is called Summer Camp, which is why it was never on my zombie radar, as that suggests it will be a slasher movie where perfect American teens and young adults are chopped up by some mask wearing former student or camp counselor using a [insert random weapon here].  It is not that kind of movie, although the first 20 mins of getting to know the Lothario Antonio, the other Lothario bespectacled Will, home troubled Michelle and uptight rich girl Christy suggests it will be.

In a camp set in an old run down, I want to say monastery in rural Spain with no phone signal and a house keeper and maintenance man who don't speak a word of English, they are preparing for the kids to arrive. But something is not right. A family of magic mushroom peddling druggies have moved into the woods. There are spores in the air, and the water from the nearby well, well, well, it turns the animals in the petting zoo on each other. 

A comment on the petting zoo. Cute white rabbits. TICK. Cute lambs and goats. TICK. Bloody great German Shepherd the size of a horse? Uh-huh.

Antonio turns first, going after Will. And we learn that the spores from the mushrooms and the mushrooms themselves now in the water supply turns the infected into a bloody rage monster but, and this is the catch, only temporarily. So the movie becomes a game of TAG. One is infected, and trying to kill the others. Then recovers, doesn't remember a thing and is then chased by someone else who has turned, but only temporarily. 

The infected makeup is CGI but done well. The acting, sets, music, tension, everything was good with this one. And a good ending, the first ending not the second one.

I would recommend it with 5.5/10 and probably would say watch it with Unhuman, as it had a similar feel.    

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.

A double bill from the DVD bargain bucket here.  I will try not to let the disappointment come through but I had high (ish) hopes about these two. We had, for starters SNL alumnus Chris Kattan, a profoundly average member of the cast, and James Denton from Desperate Housewives and the Good Witch as unlikely partners in this Cowboys v Zombies western.

Was it funny? No. Did it have any recommendable moments? I saw this about a week ago and I am struggling to remember anything good about it. The plot is that Geronimo, knowing he is going to die and with him the last hope for the native American people, curses the white man with the white man curse. It is basically a voodoo curse that means anyone white could bite anyone else who is white and they will turn zeke. They somehow keep their motivation, voice, brain, but just want to eat people. Kattan plays this idiot, Denton mostly plays it straight, and it was just weak.

The annoying thing is that after two movies (Zombie King and Zombex) where the Hollywood names were in it for barely a few minutes, Kattan and Denton were in this the whole movie and it was still horse shit.

3.5/10 

Zombie 4 aka After Death is one of those Italian zombie movies that looks like it was made in the late 1970s but was in fact man in 1989! No! Say it ain't so!

On a random jungle island a group of western scientists are trying to cure cancer. Really? On a crappy island? Anyway they try to cure the local Voodoo priest's dying daughter but she dies. The priest then sends his own wife to Hell to be with her, and curses the scientists who are then killed by the priest's wife who has gone full on Demons rip-off, other than a 5 year old girl.

20 years later the girl returns, not sure how, or why, but she is with some mercenaries and a few other randoms. At the same time an archaeological group (we think) including a porn star from Can I be your bratwurst, please? (genuine movie) also arrive. The zombies are fast runners but in stupid ninja costumes, and they can talk, and when hit oof, ow, urgh...

A few ok bits but mostly shit. Like I said, made in 1989 but looks like 1979

3.5/10

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.

Michael and I talk about two films starring 80s superstar Corey Feldman - Zombie King and Zombex.

Zombie King - He plays a Haitian voodoo demon that is summoned by Edward Furlong's widower to bring Ed's dead wife back from Hell.... for about 3 minutes.

Zombex - He plays a scientist in the last 2 scenes along with Sid Haig and Malcolm MacDowell and Lew Temple. MacDowell is in about 5 scenes. Haig is in 1. 

So we know we have been conned when the big names are not in the show. Remember Tom Everett Scott and Harold Perinneau in Z Nation? They are on the DVD box, the poster, the cover and how long do they last?

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.

Coming in probably the most fabricated DVD box I have ever seen, this British movie came with arguably the worst acting, zero originality and, well, let's read the box again shall we?

Can't wait for Zombie Undead! - George A Romero. Either a lie, or they paid him for a quote.

Makes zombies terrifying again - NOPE

Destined to become a cult classic - NOPE

Fantastic - NOPE

A brain munching classic - NOPE

The Purest British Gore you can find - NOPE

And there are no zombie zombies, like the box, there are no soldiers fighting zombies in the hospital, no buildings on fire, and no skin stripped zombies. There is even a picture that isn't from this movie on the box.

Jay's constant over gesticulation will annoy you, he can't speak without throwing his arms around, Steve can't emote or even dress a wound despite being an ambulance driver, and Sarah was pathetic. You wanted them all to die.

3/10

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.

Zombie Wars-  2007 – 2.8/10 from IMDB 20% on Rotten Tomatoes

And it has a unique selling point – the zombies are organised. They breed and farm the humans for food and it reminded me of Planet of the Apes, the original Charlton Heston version.

We have a female voice over, Apparently the zombies came alive 50 years earlier.  NO one knows why. Awful awful credits with a warped camera and bad music. Written directed and edited by David Prior. The guy already has a lot to answer for.

A group of women, uneducated in rags are leg in a chain by zombies. They roped together. Two heroes, Briana and David save them as they are being guarded and led by zombies. Smart organised zombie. They have guns but let the zombies get so close they have to wrestle them. NICE SHOOTING MAN. And after shooting one in the head and looking through the whole. How did you do that bro? Both are man. Totally man. They guys are in fatigues and army vests and t shirts with M-16s and pistols.  They say SMILE and NIGHT NIGHT when they shoot the zombies.

Camp has kids being trained as soldiers. A war of never ending battles. A war that cannot be won. 

6 minutes in and I was struggling.

David Walker of DVD Talk rated the film 1/5 stars and said, "Zombie Wars is not a terrible film in the sense that it is not completely unwatchable. It is, however, a terrible film in that the script is bad, the direction is lackluster, the acting is marginal and the premise, which has hints of Planet of the Apes, is laughable in its execution."

Peter Dendle wrote that the film is "conceptually ambitious" but dragged down by its poor writing, acting, and production values.

Me? I actually gave it 3/10. I have seen a lot worse but a lot better. The 50 year thing made no sense. The zombies being organised made no sense. The farm made no sense. The soldiers dressing, being armed, and talking like it is now made no sense, when it is 50 years after the zombie apocalypse.

And we have Trench 11 or Death Trench. Another movie where they put Nazi zombies on the cover despite it being set in WW1 (when there were no Nazis). Misrepresentation.

2017 – modern, a quite extraordinary 5.4/10 on IMDB. That is the highest we have seen for a while, although am not going to get my hopes up. 92% on Rotten Tomatoes! Gott in Himmel. And it is Canadian. Won some awards in a quiet year.

The blurb

INGLORIOUS BASTARDS meets OVERLORD meets OUTPOST in this terrifying, blood-soaked, gore-filled, stomach-churning zombie horror. In the final days of WWI a shell-shocked tunneller leads an Allied team into a hidden German base… 100 hundred feet below the trenches. The Germans have lost control of a highly contagious biological weapon that turns its victims into deranged killers. The Allies find themselves trapped underground with hordes of the infected, a rapidly spreading disease and a team of German Stormtroopers dispatched to clean up the mess. The only thing more terrifying, is what lies beneath it.

OK so it stars a lot of people I don’t recognize, and the late great Donald Sutherland's least famous son Rossif, who I didn't recognize and didn't even know existed.

Didn’t like the ending

The locations/sets were drab

Could have been better but I have seen worse. Not the 92% RT gives it. More like the 5.2 IMDB gives it. Was tense at times. Dark.

It had the same feel as another Canadian zombie horror Eiree 13. Was done well but felt like a slightly duller slower version of a UK or US movie.

5/10 from me

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1973. Spanish. Dubbed with over the top macho American voices despite it being set in England this overly campy voodoo tale looked like it was a script Hammer House of Horror turned down, with the star Paul Naschy playing not one, not two, but three roles, and all of them poorly. 

The plot: In England heiresses are being murdered by a mysterious man in a mask, cowboy hat, cape, before being brought back as a zombie to kill their families. Why? Well, it is a revenge kick by one of the three Paul Naschy characters. Add a lot of 1970s breasts, a chain smoking daddy of a psychologist, a few weird scenes, awful camera work, terrible acting, and that is before the terrible dubbing, and a snuff scene with a chicken, and you have a movie that they put on at the same time as The Exorcist with a more devil themed title, and Dawn of the Dead with a zombie title, to blatantly ride the coat tails of the infinitely better movies to make a bit of box office cash.

For a man dubbed the Spanish Lon Chaney, I was disappointed in Naschy's perfomance(s), and took three sittings to get through this. Not even as good as the  1940s voodoo movies. Deservedly in the bottom chunk. Worse than Burial Ground. And that is saying something.

2/10 okay, maybe 2.5 as it was better than Zombie with a Shotgun and Night of the Flatulating Dead. But still very poor.

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.

2012 and a more than generous 2.6/10 on IMDB this is a three part movie, well, three separate stories and none of them containing as the title of the collection suggests - Nazi zombies.

The first story is a weird bag of crap that tells the story of a cowardly British soldier George during WW1 who, after seducing a fan dancer, writes a condolence letter from the army saying he had died. For some bizarre reason her father is an American army major, who tells him his daughter tried to commit suicide and then was kidnapped by the Nazis (again this is WW1) including Hitler (again this is WW1)'s lead occultist who is in the SS (again this is WW1) and that if George doesn't go an save her he will be killed, shot, poisoned, turned into a zombie, who knows? It was a bag of cats, including at one point a fight between the zombie Red Barron and a Japanese Kamikaze pilot zombie.

The second story felt a bit Dr Who-ish as a very hoity toity lady paranormal investigator arrives in a tiny village where a murder has been committed. A pair of lovers were attacked in the woods by a blindfolded Nazi ghost. The local priest is skeptical, but the local yokel police constable is happy to help the investigation.

And finally, you know the phrase "save the best til last?" Well, they didn't. The third story is about demons being attracted to the chaos of war. Hm, original? No. But the demons in question look like Boggles. Remember Boggles from the 1980s? Those rubber ugly puppet today? Too awful to even describe.

2/10 for me and that feels generous looking back on it. I would suggest the title is unrepresentative of the content. There were NO Nazi zombies in this whole movie.

We watch them so you don't have to.

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This awfully titled debut by Steven C Miller (Silent Night, Deadly Night, Extraction, Werewolves) was hailed in 2007 by Bloody Disgusting as being one of the best zombie movies in decades. I was skeptical. Why? Well, 28 Days later (2002), Dawn of the Dead and Shaun of the Dead (2004) and 28 Weeks Later that year. According to BD this was the holy grail of true independent horror films featuring the leanest, meanest, fastest zombies ever filmed in a non-stop horror masterpiece. Bold.

What it was was a pretty frenetic zombie movie, well filmed, well acted, superb practical effects, tense, full tilt in terms of running to literally survive. I could see Miller's potential showing through. Akin to Neil Marshall's talent coming through in his debut Dog Soldiers. 

We follow some high schoolers that look like high schoolers, not 20-30 somethings. We have 3 friends, Chris, Scott and Tim, who have normal lives, Tim likes a cheerleader, the jocks hate this, Scott protects Tim, Chris is a stoner who dates one of the cheerleaders, and they all live in a podunk city in the middle of nowhere as people start to get sick and turn into fast moving, thinking, feeling zombies that want to kill and kill and kill again.

I liked it. Other than a couple of elements that were added late in the day. The effects and everything felt well planned and executed. Until the last bit with the janitor and then at the morgue, I was planning to give it 6, but ultimately it let me down. High hopes dashed.

However, it was recommendable and certainly better than most of the shit I watch. It was, for example, much better than that Nick Cannon version of Day of the Dead.

5.5/10 check it out, my people

I'd love to hear from my dear listeners. Recommend a zombie movie or show I haven't covered, or some on and chat all things zeke. Or just like and share.