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If chemistry has ever fooled you into thinking you’ve found closeness, this conversation offers a new map. We break down intimacy into a sequence that actually works—know, trust, rely, commit, then touch—and unpack why flipping that order can feel amazing at first and empty soon after. Along the way, we add the missing layers: emotional safety that makes honesty possible, and intellectual curiosity that keeps two minds playful, challenged, and aligned.

With Melissa’s therapist lens, we explore how attachment styles influence the way we seek or avoid closeness. Secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized patterns can make the same moment feel safe to one partner and threatening to another. The good news: these patterns aren’t destiny. Through self-awareness, therapy, and repeated positive experiences, couples can move toward secure connection. We offer practical language to lower defensiveness—asking “Do you want listening or feedback?”—and simple rituals that stabilize trust, like setting a clear time to reconnect when one person needs space.

We also tackle common friction points between men and women without caricatures or clichés. Many men are trained to prioritize the mission over emotion; many women need emotional responsiveness to feel bonded. Translation helps: a headline share without a forced deep dive, a hug while taking space, and clarity that “it’s not you.” We talk about depending on a partner without collapsing into dependency, repairing after missteps, and how small, consistent follow-through builds deep security over time. If you’re wondering how to feel seen, not just close, you’ll leave with steps you can try tonight.

If this sparked reflection, share it with someone you care about, subscribe for more candid conversations, and leave a review with one insight you’re planning to practice this week.

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A quiet morning catch-up turns into a charged exploration of where therapy ends and state power begins. We dig into Colorado’s HB 19-1129 and the case of a licensed, faith-based counselor challenging the state’s ban on “conversion therapy” for minors, asking whether the law polices harmful conduct—or polices words and beliefs in the treatment room. Along the way, we read the statutory definition, examine what it does and doesn’t allow, and test it against real scenarios where a teen asks for guidance aligned with their faith or seeks affirmation amid family conflict.

From there, we open the lens: How do clergy carve-outs square with tighter rules for licensed clinicians who operate under codes of ethics and disciplinary oversight? Could bans unintentionally push sensitive identity work into less regulated spaces? We trace the patchwork of state laws, the split in federal courts, and why the Supreme Court’s review could reset the boundaries of professional speech for therapists, physicians, and teachers. Grounding the legal questions are clinical fundamentals—do no harm, client autonomy, informed consent—and the crucial difference between exploration and direction. We also confront tough edge cases: What counts as harmful speech in therapy, and what’s just radical candor? Where is the line between respecting conscience and imposing values?

Finally, we tackle the age question and the “follow the science” refrain. If neurodevelopment justifies bright lines at 18, what about the prefrontal cortex maturing into the mid-20s? If minors lack capacity for certain decisions, how do policy carve-outs stay coherent? No easy answers here—only a reasoned, good-faith attempt to map the terrain so you can decide what’s consistent, ethical, and sustainable for kids, families, and clinicians. If thoughtful debate is your thing, you’ll feel at home.

If this conversation made you think, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review with your take. And tell us: should licensed therapists be free to counsel minors consistent with a minor’s faith and goals, or should the state draw the line?

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The shouting match on Capitol Hill wasn’t just a bad day at work—it was a mirror. We open on the chaos, then follow the ripple effects across the culture: public glee at a political killing, campus protests that blur into crime, and media ecosystems that reward the most dehumanizing lines. Along the way, we draw the crucial boundary between consequences and censorship, showing why community judgment belongs in a free society—and why state pressure over speech is a line we can’t let any administration cross.

We unpack how labels like fascist and Nazi turn neighbors into targets, how the “martyr effect” makes silencing by force backfire, and why original sources beat viral edits every time. From immigration enforcement to late-night monologues, from cancel culture’s unending punishments to platform policies shaped by backroom calls, we map the real-world costs when debate is replaced by coercion. Tech companies can set rules, but when government jawbones platforms or affiliates, private moderation becomes public power by proxy—and that should alarm anyone who cares about civil liberties, regardless of party.

Grounded in the founders’ warnings and a moral call to speak truth with care, we argue for thicker skin, sharper reasoning, and a wider marketplace of ideas. Free speech is not a promise of comfort; it’s the oxygen of a healthy republic. If truth unsettles us, maybe it’s doing its job. Listen, challenge us, and bring your best arguments—we’ll put them at the front of the line and let ideas compete in daylight.

If this moved your thinking, subscribe, share with a friend who loves a good debate, and leave a review telling us where you draw the line between consequence and censorship. Your voice keeps this conversation honest.

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What happens to a free society when speech goes quiet? We open the Equalizer Series by tracing the moral, historical, and legal roots of free expression—from “Let there be light” to the First Amendment—and make the case that words don’t just describe reality; they create it. Evan lays out his worldview shaped by faith, family, service, technology, and firsthand political experience, then builds a clear framework of first principles to show why speech is the bedrock that upholds conscience, press, assembly, and petition.

We dig into Scripture’s view of language as creative and accountable, where the tongue holds the power of life and death, prophets speak under pressure, and Babel warns that words can unite or scatter nations. From there, we scan Greece’s isēgoria and parrhesia, Socrates’ fate, Rome’s eloquence and hierarchy, the Magna Carta’s checks on power, and Milton’s Areopagitica, arguing that truth thrives in open contest. By the Enlightenment, natural rights theory points straight to America’s design: a First Amendment that protects religion, then speech and press, then assembly and petition, each layer reinforcing the next.

Breaking down the amendment’s order reveals why the founders put speech at the heart of liberty’s architecture: without it, faith can’t be confessed, the press can’t investigate, people can’t gather, and grievances can’t be heard. We draw a firm line between state censorship—which must be resisted—and personal responsibility—which must be embraced. Speech is a right to defend and a duty to steward, the “oxygen of freedom” that keeps a nation honest, curious, and capable of change.

If this conversation gave you something to wrestle with, subscribe for more Equalizer deep dives and share this episode with someone who cares about faith, freedom, and first principles. Leave a review with your take: what speech would you defend even if you disagree?

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Shame can feel endless—like a tunnel with no exits. We unpack why it grips so hard, how it colonizes your thoughts and body, and what it actually takes to climb back to steady ground. With Melissa’s trauma therapy lens and our lived experience, we separate guilt from shame, map the nervous system states (ventral safety, sympathetic fight/flight, dorsal shutdown), and show how those “turtle shell” moments quietly damage connection unless we repair them with honest words and consistent action.

We trace roots across childhood messages, cultural and faith expectations, and relationship patterns that fuse behavior to identity. Words matter; “you are bad” sinks deeper than “that choice hurt.” You’ll hear practical language swaps, why journaling moves feelings into facts the brain can work with, and how to spot the exact moment a spiral shifts from defensiveness to collapse. We talk resilience, emotional safety, and attachment—what a safe relationship really sounds like, and why repair starts with owning the spiral, naming its impact, and inviting others to flag early warning signs without fear.

For parents and partners, we offer tools you can use today: grounding scripts, two-column journaling (Facts vs Story), device and social media resets, and how to build a circle of safe adults for teens who won’t talk to mom or dad. We also dig into the comparison trap online—how curated feeds inflate expectations and intensify shame—and how a short detox can visibly reduce anxiety, depression, and isolation. Finally, we reframe shame as a signal rather than a sentence: convert “I am bad” into “I made a mistake,” then repair, regulate, and reconnect.

If this conversation hits home, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review with the one tool you’ll try this week. Your words help others find a way out of the spiral—and back to themselves.

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What happens when a child who once embraced their biological sex suddenly announces they're transgender following a traumatic experience? Is this genuine gender dysphoria or trauma manifesting as identity fracture? These are the questions we're not afraid to ask in this thought-provoking discussion.

The statistics are startling—3.3% of American teenagers now identify as transgender while adult rates remain steady at 0.5%. Something significant is happening with our youth, but what exactly? We dive deep into the potential explanations, from increased social acceptance to the possibility that many cases represent trauma responses rather than lifelong gender incongruence.

Melissa, a clinical therapist, shares her professional perspective on how trauma can manifest as identity confusion and why a rush to medical intervention might miss critical underlying issues. We explore how the concept of gender itself has evolved historically, from its linguistic roots to its modern application, and examine why teenagers might be particularly vulnerable to identity exploration through this lens rather than through other developmental pathways.

The financial realities can't be ignored—gender surgeries can cost upwards of $120,000 with lifelong pharmaceutical regimens, while therapy-first approaches cost a fraction. Are medical systems and insurance companies incentivized to promote certain pathways over others? The UK's Cass Review recently called the evidence for youth medical transition "remarkably weak," raising serious questions about clinical practices.

For parents navigating these waters, Melissa offers this crucial advice: "Pause and don't be afraid that your child is going to hate you for the rest of their life. Get a second opinion from a different provider that views things differently." Trust your instincts, seek comprehensive care, and remember that addressing potential trauma isn't denying your child's experience—it's ensuring they receive complete care before making life-altering decisions.

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The brutal assassination of Charlie Kirk has forced America to confront an uncomfortable reality: our societal disconnect has deadly consequences. Kirk, who believed passionately that "when people stop talking, really bad stuff starts," was murdered by someone who embodied the very isolation and detachment from reality that Kirk sought to combat.

What drives people to such extreme violence? As we explore in this episode, the root causes often lie in disassociation, dehumanization, and desperate isolation. The killer, so immersed in internet culture that he inscribed memes on bullet casings, represents a growing segment of society that has retreated from human connection into digital echo chambers where the most extreme views are normalized and amplified.

This pattern of disconnection extends beyond political violence. We examine the shocking case of Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska, whose brutal murder on a Charlotte train was witnessed by multiple passengers who chose to look away rather than help. This bystander effect reveals how thoroughly we've lost our sense of shared humanity and responsibility to one another.

The path forward requires breaking cycles of isolation and returning to genuine dialogue. America was founded on liberty and the free exchange of ideas – values that demand we engage with those who think differently. As one host poignantly observes, "Hurt people don't always hurt people. Sometimes hurt people can choose to help heal people." In response to those who would silence through violence, we must not retreat further into our tribal corners but instead speak more loudly about our shared values and humanity. Listen now and join the conversation about how we reconnect in an increasingly disconnected world.

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The word "narcissist" gets tossed around constantly these days, but what does it really mean? When does ordinary selfishness cross the line into something more sinister and destructive? 

In this revealing conversation, Melissa draws from her specialized training under Dr. Ramani Durvasula to explain the clinical reality of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Far from simply being self-centered, true narcissists display at least five of nine specific traits including entitlement, exploitation of others, and a profound lack of empathy that affects every relationship in their lives.

What makes narcissistic abuse so insidious is how invisible it often remains. Behind their charming public personas, narcissists systematically strip away their victims' identity and self-worth, creating a reality where the victim feels crazy for questioning what's happening. "These people don't want others to see who they truly are," Melissa explains, detailing how victims develop "betrayal blindness" – an inability to recognize abuse from someone who's supposed to love them.

Perhaps most heartbreaking is the generational impact. Children raised by narcissists either become extreme people-pleasers or adopt the same destructive patterns, perpetuating cycles of trauma. Through powerful examples and expert insights, we explore why narcissists rarely seek help, why traditional therapy often fails them, and how survivors can begin reclaiming their identity and reality.

Whether you suspect someone in your life might be narcissistic or you're simply curious about this frequently misunderstood condition, this episode offers clarity, validation, and hope. Evil flourishes in darkness, but together we can bring these patterns into the light. Join us every Tuesday at 6am for new episodes, or subscribe through our website for early access and exclusive content.

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The emotional rollercoaster of back-to-school season affects every family differently, yet the mixture of excitement and anxiety remains universal. Parents rejoice at the return of routines while simultaneously worrying about their children's safety and success. Meanwhile, kids bounce between enthusiasm for seeing friends and fear of the unknown challenges ahead.

This episode dives deep into the behavioral changes parents often notice during this transition. Those increased sibling fights, the whining, the defiance – they're not random. Every behavior has a cause, and during back-to-school season, that cause is often stress – even when it's positive stress. Children's nervous systems respond to excitement and anxiety similarly, triggering fight-or-flight responses they struggle to regulate independently. As parents, our job isn't to punish these behaviors but to recognize them as signals and help our children navigate their complex emotions.

School safety emerges as a primary concern for most parents. We explore the delicate balance of trusting school staff while remaining vigilant about appropriate boundaries and interactions. The conversation doesn't shy away from difficult topics like teacher misconduct, school violence, and bullying, examining how geographic and socioeconomic factors influence these issues. Particularly enlightening is the discussion about COVID's lasting impact on social development, especially for children who missed crucial years of learning facial expressions and social cues behind masks.

For parents feeling overwhelmed, this episode offers practical strategies: validating children's feelings, advocating for accommodations like 504 plans and IEPs, building relationships with supportive teachers, and empowering children to understand their own needs. One guest shares her ritual of creating personal tokens with her children to symbolize their intentions for the year ahead – a beautiful way to acknowledge anxiety while focusing on growth.

Remember – you're not a nuisance when you speak up for your child; you're their most important advocate. Connect with us on social media Twitter/X: @UnmentionablesX; Facebook/Instagram/TikTok: @theunmentionablespodcast to share your own back-to-school experiences and strategies that work for your family.

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Have you noticed how quickly people dodge responsibility these days? From workplace mishaps to personal relationships, it seems like accountability has become an endangered skill.

In our debut episode, we dive deep into why personal responsibility feels increasingly rare in modern society. We break down the crucial difference between responsibility (having a duty) and accountability (owning the results), exploring how these concepts intertwine with trust, healthy relationships, and integrity. Through compelling real-world examples—including a professional athlete who abandoned his family without explanation—we examine how accountability avoidance manifests at all levels of society.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn as we explore the generational roots of this phenomenon. From helicopter parenting that shields children from natural consequences to the "trophy for everyone" approach, we trace how certain parenting styles inadvertently created entitlement rather than responsibility. Yet amid these concerning patterns, we find surprising hope in how millennials and Gen Z are consciously working to break these cycles.

We offer practical insights on teaching accountability by framing actions as choices with consequences, helping listeners shift from a victim mentality to empowered decision-making. We also examine how social media and internet anonymity have further eroded our collective sense of responsibility, while acknowledging the psychological challenge of admitting when we're wrong.

Whether you're struggling with accountability in your own life, trying to instill these values in others, or simply curious about this cultural shift, we provide thoughtful analysis and actionable wisdom. Join us as we champion the philosophy that accountability isn't about perfection—it's about the willingness to own mistakes, learn from them, and commit to doing better.

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