Today was one of those reminders that foster parenting isn't always picture-perfect. My foster son got overwhelmed and punched one of our kitchen cabinets. In that moment, I had a choice: react to the damage or respond to the pain behind it.

Many children in foster care carry trauma that shows up as anger, fear, or frustration. While we hold them accountable for their actions, we also have to help them learn healthier ways to express those emotions.

The cabinet can be repaired. Helping a child learn self-control, trust, and emotional regulation—that's the real work. That's what foster parenting is all about. (www.joejones.shop) https://www.youtube.com/@JustsewJoeJones

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(www.joejones.shop )To everyone listening, I want to share something that's very close to my heart.

When you purchase one of my handmade bags or pieces of clothing, you're buying more than a unique product—you are helping change a young person's life.

For years, I've been a therapeutic foster parent, and I've seen firsthand what happens when young people age out of the foster care system. Many of them leave with very little support and face challenges that most of us can't imagine. Some need help with clothing, transportation, housing, school supplies, work essentials, or simply someone who believes in them.

That's why I create every bag and every piece of clothing by hand. My business isn't just about fashion—it's about creating opportunities. A portion of every sale goes toward helping foster youth who have aged out of care as they work to build independent, successful lives.

Your support allows me to continue doing what I love while giving back to young people who deserve hope, encouragement, and a chance to succeed.

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If you're explaining why foster care payments may not seem to match the level of a child's behavioral challenges, some common reasons include:

1. The payment rate is based on a classification system rather than the day-to-day reality of the child's behavior. If the child has not been officially assessed at a higher level of care, the payment may remain at a lower rate.
2. Behavioral needs may have increased over time. A child may have entered care with one set of needs, but trauma, mental health concerns, or developmental issues may become more apparent later.
3. Documentation may be incomplete. Agencies often require behavioral reports, psychological evaluations, incident reports, and treatment records before approving a higher payment level.
4. Rates are set by policy and budget limitations. Foster care reimbursements are often standardized and may not fully reflect the actual time, supervision, and resources required.
5. The reimbursement is intended to cover basic care expenses, not compensate foster parents for every hour of supervision, transportation, therapy appointments, school meetings, or behavioral interventions.
6. Specialized rates may require a separate approval process. Even when a child has significant behavioral challenges, the agency may not automatically increase the payment without a formal review

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-urban-foster-dad/exclusive-content

If you're explaining why foster care payments may not seem to match the level of a child's behavioral challenges, some common reasons include:

1. The payment rate is based on a classification system rather than the day-to-day reality of the child's behavior. If the child has not been officially assessed at a higher level of care, the payment may remain at a lower rate.
2. Behavioral needs may have increased over time. A child may have entered care with one set of needs, but trauma, mental health concerns, or developmental issues may become more apparent later.
3. Documentation may be incomplete. Agencies often require behavioral reports, psychological evaluations, incident reports, and treatment records before approving a higher payment level.
4. Rates are set by policy and budget limitations. Foster care reimbursements are often standardized and may not fully reflect the actual time, supervision, and resources required.
5. The reimbursement is intended to cover basic care expenses, not compensate foster parents for every hour of supervision, transportation, therapy appointments, school meetings, or behavioral interventions.
6. Specialized rates may require a separate approval process. Even when a child has significant behavioral challenges, the agency may not automatically increase the payment without a formal review

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-urban-foster-dad/exclusive-content

Reasons an adoption process might be stopped before finalization:

• Safety concerns about the child or family situation
• Behavioral or mental health needs that the family feels unable to meet
• Financial hardship or major life changes
• Medical issues involving the child or adoptive parent
• Marriage or relationship problems
• Lack of bonding or serious adjustment difficulties
• New information discovered about the child's history or needs
• Agency or court concerns about the placement
• Housing, legal, or background check problems
• Feeling unprepared or overwhelmed to parent long term

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Foster care stipends are intended to support the needs of the child, not to be personal income you can freely spend on yourself. That said, the reality is a little more nuanced.

What the stipend is meant for

The money you receive is to cover things like:

• Food, clothing, and housing for the child
• Transportation (school, appointments, visits)
• Personal care items
• Activities, school supplies, etc.

Can any of it benefit you?

Indirectly, yes. For example:

• Paying rent/mortgage or utilities (since the child lives with you)
• Buying groceries the whole household eats
• Gas for driving the child around

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Nothing prepares you for moments like this. In this episode, I break down a tough situation that crossed the line, and how I addressed it with firmness, respect, and a focus on teaching better behavior.

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Many foster kids do things that foster parents strongly dislike, but usually it’s not because they want to make the foster parent miserable. In most cases, the behavior comes from trauma, instability, or learned survival habits from their earlier life. Since you’ve been a foster parent for many years, you’ve probably seen some of these patterns already.
1. Poor Emotional Regulation

Kids who grew up in unstable homes often never learned how to:

• handle anger
• deal with frustration
• manage stress

So instead of talking about feelings, they may act out through behavior.

2. Lack of Life Skills

Some foster children were never taught basic routines:

• hygiene (showers, brushing teeth)
• cleaning up
• respecting personal space

What feels like “common sense” to adults may actually be new skills they still need to learn.

3. Feeling Powerless

Foster kids often have very little control over their lives—where they live, what school they attend, who they see. Acting out can be their way of regaining some sense of control.

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Typical monthly foster care payments (Virginia)

As of around 2025–2026, the base payments are approximately:

• Ages 0–4: about $580 per month
• Ages 5–12: about $677 per month
• Ages 13+: about $861 per month

These payments are meant to cover the child’s needs and are generally not considered taxable income.

Additional money that may be provided

Foster parents can sometimes receive extra payments, such as:

• Clothing allowances
• Higher rates for children with special or therapeutic needs/ more money
• Transportation reimbursements
• Respite care support

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Why you wouldn't want to adopt a kid who is ADHD or has autism. Both are neurodevelopmental conditions, meaning the brain develops and processes information differently. Children with these diagnoses can be very capable and talented, but they often require more structured parenting and support.

Why some people hesitate

1. Behavioral challenges

• Impulsivity, emotional regulation issues, meltdowns, or defiance can occur.

1. Extra time and supervision

• Parents may need to monitor hygiene, homework, routines, and social behavior much more closely.

1. School and therapy needs

• Many children require Individualized Education Programs (IEPs), therapy, or medication.

1. Stress on the household

• Siblings and caregivers sometimes experience higher stress levels if behaviors are intense.

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