The Urban Foster Dad

Every placement disruption affects a child.

When a child loses another home, they may hear a message that nobody wants them—even when that was never what the foster parent intended to communicate.

So instead of asking only, “What did this child do to lose their placement?” we should also ask:

“What happened to this child before they ever walked through that front door?”

And we need to ask foster parents another question:

“What support did you have before you reached your breaking point?”

Foster care is not easy for the child.

It isn't easy for the foster parent either.

The goal shouldn't be to blame one side. The goal should be to understand what happened, learn from it, and figure out what can be done differently so the next placement has a better chance of succeeding.

Behind every foster child is a story that most people will never hear. These are children who have experienced loss, uncertainty, and things no child should have to go through.

As a foster parent, I’ve seen firsthand how much these young people need—not just a safe home, but someone willing to show up for them, listen to them, encourage them, and remind them that they matter.

That’s why I’m asking my podcast family for your help.

If you believe in what we’re doing and want to help me continue sharing these stories, supporting foster youth, and bringing awareness to the foster-care experience, please consider making a donation.

No donation is too small. $5, $10, $20—whatever you can give can help make a difference.

And if you aren’t able to donate, please share the podcast. Sometimes simply helping someone hear the message can change a child’s life.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring. And most of all, thank you for helping us remind children in foster care that they are not forgotten. ❤️ www.joejones.shop

Behind every foster child is a story that most people will never hear. These are children who have experienced loss, uncertainty, and things no child should have to go through.

As a foster parent, I’ve seen firsthand how much these young people need—not just a safe home, but someone willing to show up for them, listen to them, encourage them, and remind them that they matter.

That’s why I’m asking my podcast family for your help.

If you believe in what we’re doing and want to help me continue sharing these stories, supporting foster youth, and bringing awareness to the foster-care experience, please consider making a donation.

No donation is too small. $5, $10, $20—whatever you can give can help make a difference.

And if you aren’t able to donate, please share the podcast. Sometimes simply helping someone hear the message can change a child’s life.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring. And most of all, thank you for helping us remind children in foster care that they are not forgotten. ❤️ www.joejones.shop

Today was one of those reminders that foster parenting isn't always picture-perfect. My foster son got overwhelmed and punched one of our kitchen cabinets. In that moment, I had a choice: react to the damage or respond to the pain behind it.

Many children in foster care carry trauma that shows up as anger, fear, or frustration. While we hold them accountable for their actions, we also have to help them learn healthier ways to express those emotions.

The cabinet can be repaired. Helping a child learn self-control, trust, and emotional regulation—that's the real work. That's what foster parenting is all about. (www.joejones.shop) https://www.youtube.com/@JustsewJoeJones

(www.joejones.shop )To everyone listening, I want to share something that's very close to my heart.

When you purchase one of my handmade bags or pieces of clothing, you're buying more than a unique product—you are helping change a young person's life.

For years, I've been a therapeutic foster parent, and I've seen firsthand what happens when young people age out of the foster care system. Many of them leave with very little support and face challenges that most of us can't imagine. Some need help with clothing, transportation, housing, school supplies, work essentials, or simply someone who believes in them.

That's why I create every bag and every piece of clothing by hand. My business isn't just about fashion—it's about creating opportunities. A portion of every sale goes toward helping foster youth who have aged out of care as they work to build independent, successful lives.

Your support allows me to continue doing what I love while giving back to young people who deserve hope, encouragement, and a chance to succeed.

If you're explaining why foster care payments may not seem to match the level of a child's behavioral challenges, some common reasons include:

1. The payment rate is based on a classification system rather than the day-to-day reality of the child's behavior. If the child has not been officially assessed at a higher level of care, the payment may remain at a lower rate.
2. Behavioral needs may have increased over time. A child may have entered care with one set of needs, but trauma, mental health concerns, or developmental issues may become more apparent later.
3. Documentation may be incomplete. Agencies often require behavioral reports, psychological evaluations, incident reports, and treatment records before approving a higher payment level.
4. Rates are set by policy and budget limitations. Foster care reimbursements are often standardized and may not fully reflect the actual time, supervision, and resources required.
5. The reimbursement is intended to cover basic care expenses, not compensate foster parents for every hour of supervision, transportation, therapy appointments, school meetings, or behavioral interventions.
6. Specialized rates may require a separate approval process. Even when a child has significant behavioral challenges, the agency may not automatically increase the payment without a formal review

If you're explaining why foster care payments may not seem to match the level of a child's behavioral challenges, some common reasons include:

1. The payment rate is based on a classification system rather than the day-to-day reality of the child's behavior. If the child has not been officially assessed at a higher level of care, the payment may remain at a lower rate.
2. Behavioral needs may have increased over time. A child may have entered care with one set of needs, but trauma, mental health concerns, or developmental issues may become more apparent later.
3. Documentation may be incomplete. Agencies often require behavioral reports, psychological evaluations, incident reports, and treatment records before approving a higher payment level.
4. Rates are set by policy and budget limitations. Foster care reimbursements are often standardized and may not fully reflect the actual time, supervision, and resources required.
5. The reimbursement is intended to cover basic care expenses, not compensate foster parents for every hour of supervision, transportation, therapy appointments, school meetings, or behavioral interventions.
6. Specialized rates may require a separate approval process. Even when a child has significant behavioral challenges, the agency may not automatically increase the payment without a formal review

Reasons an adoption process might be stopped before finalization:

• Safety concerns about the child or family situation
• Behavioral or mental health needs that the family feels unable to meet
• Financial hardship or major life changes
• Medical issues involving the child or adoptive parent
• Marriage or relationship problems
• Lack of bonding or serious adjustment difficulties
• New information discovered about the child's history or needs
• Agency or court concerns about the placement
• Housing, legal, or background check problems
• Feeling unprepared or overwhelmed to parent long term

Foster care stipends are intended to support the needs of the child, not to be personal income you can freely spend on yourself. That said, the reality is a little more nuanced.

The money you receive is to cover things like:

• Food, clothing, and housing for the child
• Transportation (school, appointments, visits)
• Personal care items
• Activities, school supplies, etc.

Indirectly, yes. For example:

• Paying rent/mortgage or utilities (since the child lives with you)
• Buying groceries the whole household eats
• Gas for driving the child around

Nothing prepares you for moments like this. In this episode, I break down a tough situation that crossed the line, and how I addressed it with firmness, respect, and a focus on teaching better behavior.