The Whole of Us

We didn't plan to go quiet. We just couldn't show up regulated. And for a podcast built around wholeness we needed to honour the moment.

In this episode, we get honest about the last six weeks: a half-renovated house, an old April pattern that keeps resurfacing, and a marriage that hit some familiar pain points. What carried them through? Shame resilience. A faster rupture-to-repair cycle. And a growing trust that it does, actually, work out okay.

If you've ever felt like pausing meant failing — this one's for you.

What we cover:

• When limited capacity is the honest answer
• April body memory and how to hold seasonal pain gently
• Shame resilience as the real game-changer in marriage
• Window of tolerance — what it looks like in real fights
• The difference between toxic positivity and grounded hope
• What consistency actually builds over time

0:20 Introduction and Hiatus

0:50 Life Challenges and Renovations

2:25 Decisions and Moving Forward

3:25 Embracing Change and Control

4:52 Marriage and Personal Growth

6:24 Handling Pain and Resilience

8:21 Trust and Ownership in Relationships

10:35 Shame Resilience and Personal Reflection

13:10 April Challenges and Healing

15:26 Consistency and Social Media

17:52 Inner Critic and Control

20:35 Revisiting Pain and Building Resilience

22:26 Marriage Dynamics and Trust Building

24:19 Community and Marriage Support

27:56 Conclusion and Call for Engagement

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast

🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX

🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

🎙️ Podcast page: https://thewholeofus.riverside.com/

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If you have to schedule fun, are you actually playing?

We thought play was something kids did and adults outgrew. Turns out it's a survival circuit, wired into the same deep part of the brain as grief & fear. And we've spent decades suppressing it in the name of productivity.

This conversation cracked something open for us. The four-part definition of real play that finally let us off the hook. Why "I'll play with the kids for five minutes" leaves everyone feeling worse. The research linking zero childhood play to seriously dysregulated adults. And the eight play types, so you can stop trying to be the parent who loves imaginary mouse games when that's not your thing.

In this episode:

🎙 0:20 — Why play matters for adults, not just kids

🎙 0:56 — Redefining play beyond childhood

🎙 1:49 — How society quietly killed our ability to play

🎙 3:24 — The real definition of play (and why most of what we do isn't it)

🎙 4:20 — What other cultures still know that we've forgotten

🎙 5:20 — The Gottman finding: play predicts marriage success more than communication

🎙 8:26 — The seven subcortical circuits and why play is one

🎙 10:30 — Play dropped 25% in a single generation

🎙 16:16 — How play activates the default mode network and makes you smarter

🎙 20:31 — Why ball pits at work actually increase productivity

🎙 22:01 — Play as nervous system regulation (real mode change, not just calming)

🎙 29:18 — The eight play types: Joker, Kinesthetic, Explorer, Competitor, Director, Collector, Creator, Storyteller

🎙 36:42 — How to start playing again as an adult

🎙 40:25 — Your homework + takeaways

What did you love doing between 8 and 12? It might be time to go back there…

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast

🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX

🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

🎙️ Podcast page: https://thewholeofus.riverside.com/

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We threw out the workbooks. Well, almost.

This is the conversation we've been having behind closed doors for months. The wrestle between structure and freedom. The fear of getting it wrong. The days where everyone's crying and nobody's learning. And the quiet moments where our girls ask a stranger how their day was and actually wait for the answer.

Homeschooling for us isn't about replicating school at home. It's about building something that fits our kids, their curiosity, their pace, their wiring. And it's messier than any Instagram version of it would have you believe.

If you've been curious about homeschooling or just want to hear what it honestly looks like, this one's for you.

0:20 – Why We Chose to Homeschool Our Kids

1:11 – The Honest Truth About How Hard Homeschooling Is

3:10 – How to Tailor Education to Fit Your Child

4:10 – Teaching Kids Through Real World Experience

5:51 – Intrinsic Motivation vs Forcing Kids to Learn

6:39 – How Your Nervous System Affects Your Homeschool

9:28 – The Life Skills School Doesn't Teach

15:36 – Making Homeschool Work as a Family Team

17:04 – How to Start Homeschooling (What We Wish We Knew)

28:13 – Why Parents Are the Real Authority in Education

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast

🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX

🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

🎙️ Podcast page: https://thewholeofus.riverside.com/

❤️ Follow Along

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🌿 Our Website + Stories

🔗 https://thewholeofus.com/

What do you do when the dream you've been building your whole life starts crushing you?

In this episode, we get really honest about a season we've been walking through quietly. Four years ago we sold a business and stepped away from a dream that had shaped our identity, our purpose, and our plan for the future. We held onto it for a long time. Waiting to be ready. Waiting to go back. Until we realised that holding on was the thing keeping us stuck.

This is a conversation about grief, identity, courage, and what it looks like to finally surrender something beautiful that no longer fits.

If you've ever…

• Held onto a dream long past its expiry because you didn't know who you were without it
• Felt crushed by the thing that was supposed to give you purpose
• Wrestled with hope and felt guilty for not just pushing through
• Wondered what safety actually looks like when everything feels uncertain

0:20 — What to Do When Your Dream No Longer Fits

2:06 — The Wisdom in Keeping Big Dreams Close

3:14 — Stepping Out of the Cage onto the Cliff Edge

5:07 — How to Know When It's Time to Quit

7:01 — What Happens When You Embrace the Unknown

10:15 — Why Letting Go of a Dream Feels Like Losing Identity

15:32 — How to Find Safety When Everything Feels Uncertain

20:41 — The Trap of Forcing a New Dream Too Soon

23:05 — How to Grieve a Dream (and Why It Matters)

29:15 — Finding Joy and Purpose in the In-Between

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast

🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX

🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

🎙️ Podcast page: https://thewholeofus.riverside.com/

❤️ Follow Along

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🌿 Our Website + Stories

🔗 https://thewholeofus.com/

Someone asked us recently how we incorporate God into our life. And honestly? We don't incorporate him. He's not a habit we slot in — he's become the lens through which everything else makes sense.

But getting here nearly cost us everything. Our marriage, our identity, our sense of safety. We had to unlearn a version of God built on performance and guilt before we could meet the one who just wanted to sit with us in the mess.

This is probably our most vulnerable conversation yet. We talk about faith deconstruction, what it meant to let God into the places we were most ashamed of, and why the kindest thing we ever did for ourselves was stop trying to be good enough.

What we talk about:

• What deconstruction actually means (and why it's not destruction)
• The moment faith stopped being about rules
• Meeting God in people and places we never expected
• How healing trauma and deepening faith go hand in hand
• Why God doesn't need you to have it all figured out

0:20 How We Actually Integrate Faith Into Daily Life

1:40 Why Deconstructing Faith Doesn't Mean Destroying It

4:22 Reframing Who God Actually Is

7:11 When God Didn't Feel Safe

10:05 Vulnerability as the Gateway to Real Faith

15:24 Healing Trauma and Finding Freedom in Faith

19:08 Encountering God in Unexpected People and Places

23:25 What Unconditional Love Actually Looks Like

31:29 Why Healing Your Past Isn't Selfish

39:22 You Don't Have to Figure It Out Before Coming to God

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast

🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX

🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

🎙️ Podcast page: https://thewholeofus.riverside.com/

❤️ Follow Along

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🌿 Our Website + Stories

🔗 https://thewholeofus.com/

Have you ever felt stuck between holding tight to what you believe is true and still wanting to stay open and curious?

We scrapped our planned episode and leaned into a genuine conversation about exactly that. We explore how travel shifts our lenses, why labels and opinions have become tied to our identity, the global sense of hopelessness, and why the mental health crisis feels more like animals in the wrong environment than just individual struggles.

We talk about the challenge of slowing down to actually experience joy, the beauty and risk of vulnerability in our relationship with God, and the freedom that comes from processing emotions honestly.

If these tensions feel familiar, come and sit with us in this unscripted wrestle.

Chapters:

• 0:20 - Introduction
• 1:27 - Black and White Truths
• 3:24 - Travel and Different Perspectives
• 5:21 - Identity and Opinions
• 6:13 - Hopelessness and Purpose
• 7:29 - Mental Health Crisis
• 10:44 - Knowing God and Being Known
• 13:05 - Mindfulness and Grounding
• 17:33 - Relationship with God
• 28:49 - Conclusion

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast 🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX 🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

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We shared a reel about how kids are treated in public spaces and the response was overwhelming.

What struck us most wasn’t the debate about parenting styles. It was the depth of anxiety, judgment, defensiveness and grief underneath it.

This episode explores:

• The rise of individualism in Western culture
• The loss of multi-generational community
• Why children can feel “inconvenient” in adult-centred spaces
• The tension between tolerance and boundaries
• How emotional regulation changes the way we respond to conflict
• The danger of reducing people to ideas
• And the quiet power of small acts of kindness

We reflect on:

• Hunt, Gather, Parent and what traditional cultures teach about integrating children into adult life
• Falling birth rates and shifting generational expectations
• Trauma, regulation and what happens when we process pain alone
• Why outrage feels easier than curiosity
• And how option C might exist even when we feel trapped

This isn’t just about kids. It’s about whether we still know how to live together.

🎧 If this conversation stirred something in you, we’d love to hear your perspective.

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast 🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX 🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

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🌿 Our Website + Stories 🔗 https://thewholeofus.com/

Chapters

00:00 Why This Reel Went Viral 00:48 The Cruise Ship Comment That Sparked It 01:47 Western Culture vs Other Cultures Around Children 02:56 Individualism & The Loss of Community 04:12 Generational Shifts in Parenting 05:36 The Middle Ground Between Tolerance & Entitlement 07:12 Why Modern Life Feels So Overwhelming 08:48 Emotional Health Without Community 10:11 Judgment, Trauma & Not Knowing The Full Story 12:07 Teaching Kids to Belong in Adult Spaces 14:13 Integrating Children Into Real Life (Hunt, Gather, Parent) 16:15 Postnatal Psychosis, Judgment & Compassion 18:40 Rebuilding Kindness in Small Daily Ways

I love my kids. So why do I still yell?

We talk about emotional regulation like it’s a destination. Like one day we’ll finally be calm enough, healed enough, patient enough.

But regulation isn’t staying calm.

It’s noticing what’s happening in your body before you explode. It’s recognising when your window of tolerance is small. It’s slowing down enough to choose repair instead of shame.

In this episode we talk honestly about:

• What regulation actually is • Why awareness must come before change • How trigger logs helped us understand our bodies • The importance of safety cues • Why shame makes dysregulation worse • Repair, ownership, and modelling emotional health for our children • Teaching kids how to pause instead of explode

This is not about achieving some perfect regulated state.

It is about slowing down enough to catch what is happening inside us so we can respond instead of react.

If you’ve ever thought, “I love my family… so why do I keep losing it?” this conversation is for you.

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast 🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX 🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

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1. Introduction and Feedback 0:20 - Discussion on feedback received about regulation and emotional health.
2. Understanding Regulation 0:50 - Clarifying what regulation means and its impact on daily life.
3. Triggers and Responses 1:20 - Explanation of triggers and appropriate responses.
4. Awareness and Dysregulation 2:11 - Importance of awareness in maintaining regulation.
5. Emotional Health Program 2:58 - Experience with an emotional health consulting program and trigger logs.
6. Defining Triggers 3:37 - What triggers are and examples of disproportionate responses.
7. Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn 4:20 - Different types of stress responses explained.
8. Somatic Experiencing 5:35 - The role of body awareness in emotional regulation.
9. Window of Tolerance 11:01 - Concept of window of tolerance and its impact on regulation.
10. Practical Application of Trigger Logs 12:43 - How trigger logs help in understanding and managing emotions.
11. Safety and Regulation 20:21 - Connection between safety awareness and regulation.
12. Parenting and Emotional Regulation 24:13 - Challenges of parenting while managing emotional regulation.
13. Repair and Ownership 26:56 - Importance of repair and ownership in relationships.
14. Teaching Regulation to Children 31:20 - How children learn emotional regulation from parents.
15. Conclusion and Next Steps 34:49 - Closing thoughts and potential topics for the next episode.

Making friends as an adult can feel weirdly vulnerable — like you’re back in high school, with better manners and less time.

In this episode, we talk about why friendship gets harder as life gets fuller… and why so many friendships don’t end from one big moment, but from a slow build-up of unspoken expectations, assumptions, and missed repairs.

If you’ve ever:

• felt that pit in your stomach trying to “put yourself out there”
• grieved a friendship breakup and didn’t know what to do with it
• wondered if you’re the only one who overthinks every interaction
• craved a real village but don’t know where to start…

…this conversation is for you.

We share what we’re learning about building deeper connection: showing up with curiosity, creating room for misunderstanding, asking for clarity, and learning how to repair when things get messy, because real community isn’t found fully formed. It’s built.

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast 🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX 🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

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00:00 Making Friends as an Adult 01:52 Why Adult Friendships Feel Hard 04:33 Loneliness & Why Community Matters 07:33 How Deep Friendship Is Built (Time + Presence) 10:23 Expectations That Sabotage Friendship 13:10 Normalising Awkwardness + “Getting It Wrong” 15:27 Friendship Breakups: The Pain + The Why 18:04 Rupture & Repair: Conflict Skills That Keep Friends 22:48 Assumptions, Misunderstandings & Clarity 26:46 Rebuilding Community After Isolation 30:33 Common Humanity: Connection Across Difference 35:39 Creating Room for Misunderstanding (Grace + Curiosity) 37:40 Outro

We chased independence. Travel, freedom, no boss, no obligations… and it looked like the dream.

But the truth? It can get brutally lonely.

In this episode we unpack community vs independence — why “my truth” can become a cage, why small talk is the glue, and why discomfort might be the doorway back into real friendship and belonging.

💬 What’s harder for you: starting conversations or staying when it gets uncomfortable?

👉 Follow The Whole of Us for honest conversations on belonging, faith, relationships, and realistic thriving.

✨ Listen to the Full Podcast 🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6YFuoKTYMYQBkoBqDU6RWX 🍎 Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whole-of-us/id1852384590

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