Tired of expert NFL analysis that actually makes sense? Join Scotty V and Big E for a masterclass in how not to bet on football, where the only thing lower than our win rate is our tolerance for half-filled protein tubs. This week, we attempt to salvage our dignity (and bank accounts) with Week 17 picks while tackling life’s truly important debates: Is a $300 karaoke machine a valid mid-life crisis purchase? Do Pringles actually taste worse now? And why are mechanical bulls suddenly invading your local gym?

Come for the football picks, stay for the absolute chaos of two guys trying to justify buying frozen pizza over cooking dinner. Featuring a breakdown of a liquor store prank involving a fake snake that nearly sent a man to the afterlife and a heated discussion on whether "Ernie" is a roast-worthy name. Click play before Scotty V spends his imaginary $25,000 winnings on something even stupider than a karaoke machine!

Is your six-year-old ready for a cold, hard lesson in financial reality? This week, Scotty B explores the "entitlement" of crazy sweater days while the crew debates the exact age children should be purged from the family cell phone plan (spoiler: 26 is the magic number for healthcare, but the bill is eternal). From accidental bike rides under the influence to the existential crisis of being a "divorce dad" at Trader Joe’s, the Lopez brothers are back to prove that being a "world-famous" podcaster is mostly just a fancy way of saying you talk over each other for a living.

The highlight? Fern takes us on a "wurmhole of flavor" through Nashville, where he discovers that you simply cannot trust a Mexican man without a mustache and that every meal in the South is legally required to be served on two slices of Wonder Bread. “One is for the beans, the other’s for the meat,” according to Big R’s Texas gospel. We also dive into our "Losers Bracket" NFL picks, where we’re so good at being bad that we’re actually winning by losing.

Grab your old-school AM radio and some queso—it’s time to see if "Man vs. Machine" can finally pick a winner. 

🏈 "We Suck at Betting, But We're Great at Confessing" 🍫

Welcome back to the podcast that's mathematically eliminated from winning anything—except maybe the Losers Bracket championship! This week, Scotty B and Big E deep-dive into the struggles of "adulting," questioning why the internet keeps telling them they're failures because they don't own a yacht. Big E shares his highly scientific theory on why no one wants to tackle Derek Henry (hint: it involves potential clavicle breakage), while Scotty B recounts the horror of having his late-night stress-eating habit exposed.

Wait until you hear the full, gut-wrenching details of the Gingerbread House Massacre! The key takeaway? "I will get like a double cheeseburger and a McChicken, and I'll just go park at the very end of a parking lot and just eat by myself. Happily."

Press play now to hear the full story of secret fast food sessions, the world's most drunk commercial shoot, and why the Raiders are the worst franchise in the history of sports! You deserve this.

Is it possible to be so bad at gambling that you accidentally become a genius? The boys are putting that theory to the test in Week 14. After "shitting the bed" on their picks for a month straight, the Winning Parlaiy crew unveils a revolutionary new strategy: The Loser’s Bracket. Since they can’t pick a winner to save their lives, they’ve decided to bet against themselves. It’s reverse psychology, but with actual stakes.

Meanwhile, the prodigal son Fern returns from exile (the podcast bathroom) with a shocking confession: he may have accidentally committed grand larceny at a Walmart self-checkout. Tune in to hear why "a middle-aged white guy with glasses" is apparently invisible to loss prevention, witness a tearful "loving embrace" apology to Brock Purdy, and find out if picking the Jaguars is ever a good idea—even when you’re trying to lose.

Press play before Fern gets extradited to Nashville.

Welcome to the "Winning" Parlay Podcast (Results May Vary)

This week, Big E and Scotty B are back to nurse their bruised egos and their even more bruised 1-4 betting record. We kick things off with a traumatizing deep dive into YMCA locker room etiquette—specifically, Ernie's impassioned plea for old men to stop drying their "crumpled up bag of chips" in the middle of the room. If you’ve ever been scarred by a gym locker room, this therapy session is for you.

Next, we relive the glory days of mid-40s athleticism as the newly dubbed "Torn Achilles Brothers" recount the exact moments their bodies betrayed them on the basketball court and flag football field. Scotty recaps his night as a giant at a Filipino karaoke party (featuring a questionable rendition of "Sexual Healing"), and we debate whether NFL officiating is actually a conspiracy or just incompetence. Finally, we unveil a revolutionary new betting strategy: picking the absolute worst teams possible, because our current method is clearly broken. Come for the "Dicker the Kicker" stats, stay to see if we can actually pick a loser correctly.

Hit play before we tear another tendon!

🤣🏈 From Parlays to Partnering: The Guide to NOT Being a Creep (and Winning, Sometimes) 🎁

This week on the podcast, we try to talk football but mostly end up solving the world’s problems (and then immediately causing new ones). We dive deep into dating: Guys, ditch the flowers and go straight for the gift basket—your sister and mother will thank you. But if you’re still too shy, we found the ultimate—and deeply disturbing—solution: Blush AI, the dating simulator for real feelings. Wait... real feelings with robots? 🤖

We also try to stay warm while making our Week 14 picks and take a moment to celebrate the NFL players whose names make us giggle like teenagers. From "Dick Butkus" to the legendary "Ha Ha Clinton-Dix," prepare for a descent into absolute naming genius.

“If you can make a girl laugh, that means she’s comfortable, she’s calm... she just wants a Honda Accord, bish.”

Is this a football podcast or group therapy? Honestly, we're not sure, but it’s a blast either way. Hit play now to hear our machine-vs-man picks and find out why one of us is wearing socks to bed.

The Turkey Is Gone, But The Mediocrity Remains

We’re back for Week 14, battling a Thanksgiving hangover that includes a 2-3 betting record and Big E fighting for his life against a hotel pillow. This week, Scotty B proves that "Dad Energy" peaks at age 77, recounting the harrowing tale of his father panicking over a lost wallet for 14 hours—only to realize it was in his back pocket the entire time. 

Between roasting Caleb Williams’ manicure and questioning why NFL kickers are suddenly made of glass, we actually manage to lock in some picks for the Eagles, Steelers, and a surprisingly spicy Bears vs. Packers matchup. We also lose our absolute minds reacting to the trailer for Tiptoes (yes, the one with Gary Oldman on his knees).

Press play to find out if our simulations can save us from our own bad decisions, and why Big E might get canceled for his take on punters.

What hurts more? Placing a heavy bet on the Saints when they’re imploding, or having your six-year-old daughter announce to a gymnastics camp that your puffy eyes are just the result of "hope and joy leaving Daddy's eyes"? This week, Scotty B recovers from that emotional assassination while Big E questions his entire existence after a disastrous week of picks.

We’re serving up a full Thanksgiving platter for Week 13, featuring the legend of the "Thicker Kicker" (5'11", 243 lbs of pure athlete), a heated debate on why paying $50 to run a Turkey Trot is a scam, and why Hawaiian rolls have no business at the dinner table. Plus, we lock in our picks for the Lions, navigate the Chiefs/Cowboys landmine, and try to figure out if the 49ers are actually good or just messing with us.

It's the chaotic Week 12 Thursday edition, and we've got a live guest, Alan, who's here to keep some of us honest. We're diving deep into the NFL's terrible overseas "products," debating whether the Cowboys deserve to be loved (or covered), and putting the Patriots' hot streak on blast. Plus, we've got a man-vs-machine showdown for all the best bets, and let's just say AI doesn't trust a single thing Fern is doing this week.

🚨 Key Moment: The hosts dig up the iconic photo of Raff's doppelgänger, the "Caballero de la Salsa," leading to a confession about signing a fan's chest.

Finally, Alan takes us on a deep and surprisingly poetic dive into the Wurmhole of Flavor with a Wonton Soup review so heartfelt, it might just replace Fern as the host. Don't miss this one—hit Play before we edit it all out!

It was a winning week, which means Scotty B can finally put down the stress-eating ice cream and sleep soundly! (Scott looks noticeably svelt.) This week, the guys dive into the weird world of football betting, sharing their agony and ecstasy in the high-stakes Circa Millions contest.

Hear the moment Big E completely mistakes a famous quarterback for a random, unathletic fan in the stands, and find out the hilarious, math-backed reason "the old folks were having sex on Valentine's Day." But that's not all! The boys unleash their complaints, including why Chip Kelly should be fired (again) and their pure confusion over "Chess Boxing." Plus, we settle the great debate: Is Arch Manning actually... garbage?

Don't miss our Week 12 Lock, Landmine, and the most miserable game of the week (spoiler: it involves the Browns). Tune in before our hot takes get cold!