We get honest, funny, and a little feral about the fictional characters who live rent-free in our heads, from Regency classics to modern fantasy heartthrobs. Along the way we name the psychology behind it, swap our most questionable crushes, and admit what these stories let us desire without real world consequences. 

• our favorite literary crushes across genres and eras 
• the popularity of classic “book boyfriends” like Mr Darcy 
• fictophilia and why novels can feel like relationships 
• Outlander and the enduring appeal of Jamie Fraser 
• fantasy romance tropes like immortals, vampires, and shapeshifters 
• Magic Bites and the slow-burn pull of Curran and Kate Daniels 
• True Blood crush debates and why certain vampires win 
• “problematic” or embarrassing crushes we still remember 
• how beautiful writing intensifies attraction in classics like Gatsby and Hamlet

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First, we share which U.S. state tops the charts for chlamydia, gonorrhea & syphilis--a wake-up call for anyone dating in midlife. Use condoms. Be safe. Especially if you live in or are visiting the certain areas of the country!  

From there, we dig into modern midlife dating and dating apps, including what the data says about which age group is the fastest growing online daters (I wonder who that could be??) We talk about why apps can feel more efficient than meeting people “in the wild,” how intentions can be clearer, and why priorities shift after divorce. Emotional stability, kindness, and consistency start to beat drama and chaos, even when the chemistry is real. We also get honest about first-date sex and compatibility, including how different people wire differently around trust, attraction, and vulnerability. 

We share personal stories about stating sexual needs upfront, learning the difference between sexting and follow-through, and what it looks like to build a casual roster without losing yourself. We also talk about body acceptance, feeling more liberated as we get older, exploring new attraction, and the way manosphere content and social media algorithms can quietly poison the dating pool. 

If you want real talk about post-divorce dating, midlife relationships, sexual confidence, and staying safe while still having fun, hit play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more midlife daters can find us.

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Aging gracefully sounds simple until you’re staring at a mirror, a sunscreen bottle, and a menu of “quick fixes” that all promise confidence. We get honest about what actually helps, what scares us, and what feels worth it, starting with the most unforgettable skincare lesson imaginable: a family melanoma warning that turned sunscreen into a lifelong habit. If you’ve ever skipped SPF, wondered whether “anti-aging” is even the right goal, or felt pressure to change your face to keep up, you’ll feel seen here. 

We dig into everyday skin aging and photoaging with practical clarity and talk real-world routines that make sun protection doable. Along the way, we swap stories that make sunscreen non-negotiable. 

Then we move into the complicated middle ground of cosmetic procedures: the history of facelifts, Botox, and how easily it can go sideways. We also share a sobering cautionary story about laser skin resurfacing, complications, and why “cheap” and “safe” do not belong in the same sentence when someone is literally burning layers of your skin. The bigger question underneath it all is identity: how do you care for your appearance without losing the version of you that people recognize, including you? 

We end with the most human part of aging well: habits that support longevity and self-respect. Think movement, stretching, real food, staying curious, and even embracing your inner neighborhood guardian when something actually matters. If this conversation helped you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs a calmer take on aging, and leave us a review. What’s one aging habit you’re keeping no matter what?

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Customs doesn’t pull you aside when you look healthy. They pull you aside when you look like you haven’t slept in days, you’re sweating through August heat, and you’re dragging one sad bag while trying not to throw up. We start with that moment at LAX and work backward into a set of vacation mishaps that hit every nerve: missed flights, sudden illness, lost luggage, and the kind of bad luck that makes you question why you ever leave home.

We also get surprisingly honest about the psychology of vacation planning. The anticipation can feel like a lifeline when work is crushing you, but the trip itself can turn into an itinerary-driven grind. We draw the line between a true vacation and a “trip,” and share why having the next getaway on the calendar can keep you sane. Along the way, we swap a few grim travel stats and the very real reality of getting sick while traveling, from traveler’s diarrhea to a full-on medical emergency abroad with a language barrier.

Then come the save-or-scrap moments: a backpack left on a JFK shuttle with a passport, medication, and basically an entire identity inside, and a Christmas trip almost canceled because the name on the ticket doesn’t match the name on the passport. These stories are chaotic, but funny in hindsight.

If you’ve ever cried in an airport, fought with a gate agent, or somehow pulled victory out of the jaws of defeat, you’ll feel seen here. Subscribe, share this with your favorite travel buddy, and leave a review, then tell us what’s the worst vacation mishap you’ve lived through?

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Penis size is one of those topics everyone jokes about and almost nobody talks about honestly, so we decided to do it out loud. We start with the basics of micropenis as a medical definition, why it’s considered rare, and what affects male genital development. Then we pivot into what people actually want to know: how size, girth, and sensitivity show up in real sex, real relationships, and real self-esteem. 

From there, the conversation gets surprisingly practical. We talk erections that happen without warning (yes, including babies and teens), what nocturnal erections during REM sleep can reveal about erectile dysfunction and cardiovascular health, and why “use it or lose it” is more than a crude saying. We also share personal stories about partners on the extreme ends, including why “too big” can be just as complicated as “too small” when pain, tearing, and infections enter the chat. 

We don’t stay stuck in problem mode. We get into condom fit and condom technique, why practicing with condoms can help men stop losing erections during application, and how basic penis hygiene and safer sex habits prevent yeast infections and unnecessary antibiotics. We also talk about oral sex, hands, toys, and communication as the real foundation for closing the orgasm gap and making sex better for everyone, regardless of anatomy. 

If you laughed, learned, or yelled at your speakers, subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s one sex myth you want us to tackle next?

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One missing piece of Tupperware should not feel like a five-alarm emergency, and yet somehow it can. We start with the kind of domestic “micro crisis” that turns into a full body stress response, then zoom out to the bigger question: why do adults act like children when they’re overwhelmed, frustrated, or embarrassed?

We talk through “Peter Pan syndrome” as a pop psychology concept, including traits like avoidance of responsibility, emotional paralysis, and turning partners into a parent figure. Then we connect it to something more universal: emotional coping styles that can form in early adolescence and resurface later as door slamming, short quips, and that teenage “I hate you” energy when conflict hits. We also touch on emotional childishness and narcissism, including what it looks like when someone needs constant attention, lacks a filter, blames everyone else, and shows little self-reflection.

From there, we get personal and practical. Heidi shares a mortifying meltdown from her time in Korea, Jane tells the legendary Tupperware incident of 2012 and the revenge-blender twist, and Etienne opens up about how hormones, bottled resentment, and unspoken frustration can push any of us into an adult tantrum. We close with what helps: boundaries, earlier conversations, real apologies, and even cathartic outlets like rage rooms when you need to get the anger out safely.

Subscribe, share this with a friend who has strong feelings about kitchen containers, and leave a review if the conversation hits home. What’s the smallest thing that has ever set you off?

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A terrifying thought flashes across your mind and instead of fading, it sticks. It replays. It mutates. It demands proof that you’re a good person. That’s the lived reality of Harm OCD, and it’s why so many people suffer in silence while the world dismisses OCD as a “neat freak” trait.

We sit down with author Kim Conrey to talk about her memoir, You’re Not A Murderer, You Just Have Harm OCD, co-written with her child, Finn. Kim breaks down what intrusive thoughts actually are, why they target the people and values you love most, and how shame keeps people from saying the words out loud. We also dig into the caregiver perspective, the fear of being misunderstood by professionals, and what it’s like to parent through anxiety and still keep the family moving.

Along the way, we connect the science to real life: reassurance loops, compulsions you can’t always see, postpartum triggers, and why Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is considered the gold standard for OCD treatment. We also talk about something that surprises people: humor. Not as denial, but as a way to form a new pathway, take the bite out of the obsession, and reclaim a little joy while you do the work.

If you’ve ever worried that a thought means something terrible about you, this conversation is a reminder that thoughts aren’t actions and help exists. Subscribe for more, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more listeners can find it.

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Someone can go from “texting you nonstop” to acting like you’re engaged after one date, and suddenly you’re trapped in a conversation that won’t end. That’s where ghosting, blocking, and boundaries stop being abstract ideas and become very real decisions.

We talk through the psychology of ghosting with research and lived experience, including why people disappear, why excessive texting can push someone to cut contact, and why many ghosters report feeling relief afterward. We also get honest about the darker side: the mental health fallout for the person left behind, how silence can feel passive-aggressive, and why so many of us crave closure even when we know the relationship is over. Along the way we share stories from dating apps, friendship breakups, and one unforgettable “blocked guy” twist that ends at a front door with a pizza.

We also separate ordinary dating etiquette from safety. If someone is abusive, threatening, or sexually aggressive, going no-contact is not immaturity, it’s self-preservation. But when the situation is simply uncomfortable or disappointing, we explore how a direct message, a clear boundary, or even a scripted hard conversation can help both people grow and improve communication skills. We dig into generational shifts too, including how Gen Z and millennials navigate dating apps and why “just unmatch” can feel easier than being honest.

Listen now, then subscribe, share with a friend who’s dating, and leave a review if this helped you. Where do you draw the line between ghosting and protecting your peace?

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A stranger’s hand on your body. A customer who won’t leave your register. A coworker who hides behind “just kidding.” We go there, because sexual harassment is not a rare horror story, it’s a pattern that shows up in everyday workplaces and gets excused as flirtation, culture, or “that’s just how he is.” 

We (Etienne, Heidi, and Jane) trade real experiences from retail and hospitality to the military, nursing homes, and public schools, along with the data that proves how widespread workplace sexual harassment still is. We talk about the confusing gray zones people love to weaponize, like when consensual joking between friends gets misread by someone new, or when friendliness on the job is mistaken for romantic interest. We also dig into the power dynamics that keep people quiet: low wage jobs, customer entitlement, chain of command, tenure pressure, and the exhausting reality of having to “prove” what happened with perfect dates and documentation. 

The heart of the conversation is consent and respect. If you’re interested in someone, ask once with basic decency, accept no immediately, and don’t make it weird. If you’re being targeted, we share what helped us in the moment, what we wish workplaces did better, and why speaking up can protect the next person, especially young women and students. 

Subscribe to Women Are Plotting, share this with someone who needed it years ago, and leave a review so more listeners can find the conversation. What boundary do you wish everyone learned sooner?

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Someone asked Jane if he could saran wrap her boobs, which sets this episode's tone: honest, hilarious, and more thoughtful than you’d expect. We discuss sexual kinks and fetishes without fake shock or shame, using real experiences and real definitions so you can finally understand what people mean when they say “I’m into that.”

We break down the kink vs fetish difference in a way you can actually use in dating and relationships, especially when desires don’t match perfectly. Foot fetish comes up a lot and we explore the psychology theories people use to explain it: conditioning, reward loops, disgust and taboo, and even the brain science that links sensory maps of feet and genitals. If you’ve ever thought “I don’t get it,” we give you a different way to think about it.

Then we go straight into watersports, also called urolagnia. We talk about why people find it intimate, taboo, or comforting, share surprising sexual fantasy stats, and add practical sexual health and consent considerations (including what not to do, and how to reduce risk if you’re experimenting). We also touch on auralism, exhibitionism, mummification, age play, and BDSM dynamics, with a clear through-line: two consenting adults, good communication, and a safe word when you need one.

If you like episodes that mix research, storytelling, and real-life boundaries, hit subscribe, share it with a friend who loves a spicy psychology deep dive, and leave us a review. What kink or fetish do you still not understand, or what do you wish more people talked about openly?

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