How much of yourself have you changed, hidden, or made smaller just to keep other people comfortable?

In this deeply personal—and frequently hilarious—episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari explore what it really means to live authentically, especially as Gen X women who grew up learning to be agreeable, fit in, and care far too much about what other people thought.

The conversation begins with everything from targeted ads pushing the so-called “cool midlife fashion uniform” to the complicated meaning behind Shakespeare's famous “to thine own self be true.” But it quickly gets much deeper.

Jane reflects on slowly losing parts of herself in a seven-year relationship and eventually realizing that the person she had become no longer wanted the same life. Etienne opens up about how gradually silencing herself in a relationship left her feeling trapped in her own home and disconnected from who she really was. Heidi discusses neurodivergent masking, making yourself smaller for others, and the freedom that comes when you finally stop trying to be the person everyone else expects.

The women also explore authenticity at work, listening when your body tells you something is wrong, walking away from situations that no longer align with your values, finding “your people,” and why being yourself doesn't mean using authenticity as an excuse to be an asshole.

And because this is The Women Are Plotting, a thoughtful discussion about living your truth eventually leads to the ultimate test of intimacy: whether you're comfortable enough to fart in front of the person you love.

At midlife, maybe authenticity isn't about discovering one permanent “true self.” Maybe it's about giving yourself permission to keep changing—and refusing to abandon yourself along the way.

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What are you addicted to—and how do you know when something you enjoy has crossed the line into something that's controlling your life?

In this unusually raw and personal episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari take on addiction in all its forms, from cocaine and alcoholism to sex, shopping, relationships, compulsive behaviors, and the endless dopamine machine of social media.

Etienne shares the disturbing experience of discovering that a man she was sleeping with was addicted to crack—and watching as his choices contributed to the destruction of his career while he continued using. Heidi opens up about growing up with a mother whose lifelong alcoholism ultimately became fatal, the family's attempts to intervene, and the heartbreaking experience of briefly getting her mother back during a period of sobriety.

Etienne also gets candid about her own history with alcohol, including blackouts, hallucinations, damaged relationships, and the surprising sense of freedom she experienced after finally quitting.

But addiction isn't always about drugs or alcohol. The conversation expands into genetics, brain chemistry, dopamine, OCD, ADHD, gambling, shopping, sex, exercise, unhealthy relationships, and social media. Can we become addicted to a person? Is compulsively checking something fundamentally different from chasing a chemical high? And when does an innocent habit become a problem?

Ultimately, the women arrive at a simple question worth asking ourselves: Is something helping you live the life you want—or has it started getting in the way?

From crack cocaine and family trauma to peppermint oil, Ryan Gosling videos, and the irresistible pull of the algorithm, this episode explores why humans keep reaching for things that make us feel better—and what can happen when the thing that soothes us becomes the thing we can't stop.

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What happens when sex stops being private—and somebody else accidentally becomes part of the experience?

In this wildly candid episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari dive into what they jokingly call “secondhand sex”: walking in on people, overhearing them, getting caught, or realizing after the fact that someone else had a front-row seat.

The conversation begins with childhood memories of walking in on parents having sex and the surprisingly different ways families handle those awkward moments. Jane shares both a loving childhood memory of accidentally interrupting her parents and a much more mortifying college-age encounter that resulted in what she calls the most “joyless” slice of New York pizza of her life. 

From there, the stories only get more outrageous. Jane recounts the karmic payback of having her own toddler overhear her and Brendon, leading to a hilariously disastrous attempt to explain that Mommy and Daddy were “playing a game.”  Etienne shares stories involving an unwanted voyeur, a boyfriend who kept having sex while her future stepbrother sat on the bed talking to them, and the lengths she went to avoid hearing her mother masturbate. 

The women also get into public sex, celebrity scandals, being caught outdoors, sex in swimming pools, and the unforgettable couple Jane spotted having sex against a tree on a family hike while desperately pretending they were simply very interested in the bark. 

Funny, explicit, and full of stories that are impossible to unhear, this episode is a celebration of embarrassment, boundaries, consent, and the very human reality that sometimes your private moment is not nearly as private as you thought.

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What if that gut feeling, strange coincidence, vivid dream, or piece of information that seemingly came out of nowhere wasn't just your imagination?

In this deeply personal—and occasionally very weird—episode of The Women Are Plotting, Gen X friends Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari explore psychics, mediums, intuition, synchronicities, and their own experiences with things they simply can't explain.

The conversation begins with just how common belief in psychic phenomena actually is before turning to Heidi's interest in psychic mediumship and Laura Lynne Jackson's The Light Between Us. But things quickly get personal when Jane shares what happened the night she met a complete stranger named Greg in 1996—and somehow knew it was his 21st birthday, that he played guitar, and that he had stopped writing poetry. Thirty years later, they're still best friends, and Greg ultimately became the person who introduced Jane to her husband. 

From there, the stories get even stranger. Etienne recalls psychic and past-life readings from her years in Los Angeles, while Jane talks about relatives who've been told she's a medium, visits from deceased loved ones in dreams, and a great-grandmother who she says used to sit on her bed and sing to her as a child.  

Then comes one of the episode's most remarkable stories: Jane recalls seeing an unfamiliar woman washing dishes in her boyfriend's mother's kitchen. After Jane described the woman's clothing and earrings, she learned she'd apparently described the family's deceased grandmother—including the outfit she regularly wore to church. What happened afterward, involving a psychic, a message from the woman's mother, and a single rose delivered by an unsuspecting neighbor, left everyone wondering how much can really be dismissed as coincidence. 

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Did fairy tales teach us how to fall in love—or did they completely screw up our expectations?

In this funny, personal, and surprisingly revealing episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari take a hard look at the “happily ever after” stories many of us grew up believing. From knights in shining armor and damsels in distress to Disney princesses and romantic comedies, the women explore how the stories we consume can shape what we expect from love, marriage, and ourselves.

The conversation dives into the darker side of princess culture, including benevolent sexism, traditional gender roles, the pressure for women to make themselves smaller to attract men, and the dangerous idea that enough patience and love can transform a troubled partner into Prince Charming. 

But what happens after the prince and princess finally get together? Drawing from marriages, divorces, parenting, therapy, loss, and their own relationship histories, the women contrast fairy-tale romance with the much messier reality of loving another human being. Real love, they argue, isn't about finding someone who saves you or completes you. It's about two whole people choosing to grow together, support each other, survive the hard stuff, and keep doing the work long after the credits would normally roll.

Maybe we don't need “happily ever after” at all. Maybe what we should be looking for is happily ever more.

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Is age really just a number when it comes to dating—or might a big age gap actually make for a better relationship?

In this candid and decidedly NSFW episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari dive into the complicated, sometimes controversial, and often very entertaining world of older women dating younger men.

The conversation begins with research suggesting that women partnered with younger men can experience surprisingly high levels of relationship satisfaction. From there, Etienne and Heidi draw on their own dating and relationship experiences to explore why younger men have become increasingly appealing—and why dating men their own age hasn't always delivered what they were looking for.

The women get into the differences they've noticed across generations when it comes to sex, communication, consent, emotional intelligence, gender roles, open-mindedness, and expectations in relationships. They also discuss whether younger generations of men may have grown up with a more egalitarian view of women—and whether that translates into being better partners both inside and outside the bedroom.

Of course, age-gap dating comes with its own challenges, from wildly different cultural references and life stages to the sometimes questionable planning abilities of a 24-year-old.

With plenty of explicit stories, laugh-out-loud moments, and some surprisingly thoughtful observations about Gen X, relationships, female pleasure, and what women actually want at this stage of life, the women ask an important question: When you're finally confident enough to know exactly what you want, why should someone else's idea of an "appropriate" age stop you from finding it?

Referenced in this episode:  Kennethplay.com

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Can you build a meaningful writing life while juggling a full-time job, family responsibilities, and the reality that most authors don't make a living from their books?

In this episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari have an honest conversation about what it really takes to sustain a creative life. From the surprising writing habits of authors like Franz Kafka and John Boyne to the financial realities facing today's writers, they explore the balance between earning a living and protecting the time and energy needed to create.

The hosts share personal stories about career choices, burnout, editing massive manuscripts, finding accountability, attending writers' conferences, and why community can make all the difference. Along the way, there are plenty of laughs—from sleep-deprived writing marathons to legendary conference adventures—as they remind listeners that there is no single "right" path to becoming a writer.

Whether you're working on your first novel, revising your tenth manuscript, or simply trying to carve out an hour to write each week, this episode offers practical advice, encouragement, and a refreshing reminder that building a writing life is a marathon—not a sprint.

Topics include:

• The financial realities of being an author
• Finding time to write with a busy life
• Choosing a career that supports your creativity
• Building sustainable writing habits
• Editing, critique partners, and writing communities
• Writers' conferences and lifelong learning
• Why persistence matters more than perfection

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Has social media made us more aware of mental health—or has it made us too quick to diagnose ourselves and everyone around us?

In this thought-provoking episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari explore the growing trend of armchair diagnosing, self-diagnosis, and the explosion of mental health content on platforms like TikTok and Instagram. They discuss the fine line between recognizing legitimate symptoms and assigning labels without professional evaluation, along with the risks of misinformation, confirmation bias, and using diagnoses as excuses instead of tools for growth.

The hosts share personal experiences with ADHD, OCD, therapy, autism spectrum traits, and the challenges of navigating relationships with neurodivergent friends, family members, and partners. They also examine how social media has helped some people seek life-changing treatment while simultaneously spreading misleading information that can trivialize serious mental health conditions.

Filled with humor, compassion, and honest conversation, this episode encourages listeners to approach mental health with curiosity instead of certainty, seek professional guidance when needed, and remember that a diagnosis should be the beginning of healing—not the end of personal responsibility.

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Have you ever dreaded going to work or wondered if it's time for a career change?

In this honest and relatable episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari discuss the realities of career burnout, changing professions, and finding work that aligns with your passions and values. They share personal stories of leaving stressful jobs, reinventing themselves, navigating the fear of starting over, and discovering that fulfillment often requires taking a leap of faith.

The conversation explores everything from nursing burnout and corporate "golden handcuffs" to teaching, writing, entrepreneurship, therapy, and midlife career pivots. The hosts also discuss the emotional challenges of staying in a job for financial security, how AI is changing the workplace, and why developing uniquely human skills like empathy, creativity, and authentic connection may be more valuable than ever.

Whether you're considering a career change, feeling stuck in a job you no longer enjoy, or simply looking for encouragement to pursue work that brings meaning to your life, this episode offers practical insights, humor, and reassurance that it's never too late to create your next chapter.

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How common are threesomes—and do they live up to the fantasy?

In this candid, funny, and surprisingly thoughtful episode of The Women Are Plotting, Etienne Rose Olivier, Heidi Willis, and Jane Gari explore one of the most talked-about sexual fantasies while sharing their own real-life experiences. From first-time threesomes and unexpected awkward moments to hilarious mishaps and successful encounters, the hosts discuss what actually happens when fantasy meets reality.

The conversation covers communication, boundaries, consent, bisexuality, ethical non-monogamy, dating apps like Feeld, and the importance of making sure everyone involved feels respected and comfortable. The hosts also examine why threesomes remain one of the most common sexual fantasies, why fantasy doesn't always translate into real-life interest, and how trust and honest conversations are essential before anything happens.

Whether you're simply curious, have wondered about the psychology behind threesomes, or enjoy honest conversations about modern sexuality, this episode offers humor, personal stories, and a refreshingly sex-positive perspective on one of society's most misunderstood topics.

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