Why do we sometimes become most deeply attached to the people we cannot quite have?
In this episode of Women, Books & More, Irene Rawlings talks with journalist and intimacy advocate Amanda McCracken about her candid new book, When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love.
Amanda explores limerence—the intense fixation on an idealized, often emotionally unavailable person—and explains how it differs from an ordinary crush or from falling in love. She also considers why uncertainty can heighten desire, why unfinished relationships can be so difficult to release and how longing may sometimes feel safer than being truly known.
Drawing on her own experiences with dating, sex, faith, marriage and motherhood, Amanda speaks openly about dating more than 100 men, remaining a virgin until age 41 and confronting the lasting influence of purity culture. She also discusses the connection between limerence and perfectionism—and how dating apps and undefined “situationships” can keep us pursuing possibility instead of choosing a real, imperfect relationship.
Irene and Amanda also explore:
Why emotionally unavailable people can seem irresistibleThe difference between healthy hope and longing that keeps us stuckWhat happens in the brain when we become fixated on someoneWhy we may grieve relationships that never truly beganHow perfectionism can become a form of emotional self-protectionThe practical steps that can help break the cycle of limerenceWhy healthy love may initially feel quieter than infatuationWhat it means to risk vulnerability and choose authentic intimacyCandid, insightful and ultimately hopeful, this conversation reminds us that the greatest obstacle to finding love may not be the absence of possibility—but our attachment to the possibility we have imagined.
For more about Amanda: amandajmccracken.com
Ted Talk; https://youtu.be/5JqGeP240Tc?si=RjP8TS3uhYUZOB1q
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