The teenage years are primarily about identity formation—discovering who you are, and who you're not. One key piece of that exploration is learning to be honest about your limitations and weaknesses, and knowing how to respond to them. 

Join us this week as Scott interviews his own son, 15-year-old Cale Schimmel. Watch their interaction as Scott models how to engage a teenager in self-reflective discussions, and listen as Cale articulates who he is and who he's becoming. 

What we're fanatical about is helping young people get the tools, the skill set to be more reflective at an early age — and it's possible. It's possible, and we're going to dig into how in this episode.

If you learn to understand and embrace your own limits, you will:

The clearer I am about my weaknesses and limits, the more apt and prone I am to lean on other people and their strengths. And that makes the world go round.

What is trauma? How does it affect our kids? What's the difference between a difficult experience and a traumatic event? Why do some kids do better through extreme circumstances, and others suffer? 

We cover those questions and more in this incredibly relevant and practical interview with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Nervous System Coach/Consultant, Charlie Ruce. Every parent must listen and apply Charlie's practical wisdom.

About Charlie Ruce

Charlie Ruce, LMFT is a licensed therapist with extensive training in trauma and understanding how the autonomic nervous system reorganizes itself at higher and higher levels. Charlie’s primary training in this area comes from the model Organic Intelligence, founded by Steve Hoskinson. Charlie has been training with Steve since 2014. Using this understanding, Charlie has helped executives, small business owners and entrepreneurs heal their traumatic wounds and build their capacity to find more fulfillment and satisfaction in their personal and professional lives. Before starting his own coaching and counseling practice, Charlie spent 7 years working at the Soul Care House, a group therapy practice in San Diego. He also spent 2 years helping manage, train, and supervise the Soul Care House staff team as the Clinical Director. Charlie lives in San Diego with his wife Heather and their Great Dane Matilda.

To learn more and connect, go to charlieruce.com.

References in the Episode

Dan Siegel

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Preventing ACEs

What is Trauma?

About the Episode

Everyone has challenges that impede their growth and development. We all have villains in our life stories who oppose us and keep us from becoming who we're meant to become. The question is, how will we move past them? What will we learn from them?

Defining your own core beliefs is central to living an organized, purpose-filled life. It's not easy, though. In this interview with Tyler Allred, a guru in guiding teenagers to discover faith for themselves, we explore the three crucial ingredients to leading kids to define their own core beliefs.

Disclaimer: we both associate ourselves with a Christian worldview. However, the discussion is valuable for families from all faith (or no faith) backgrounds.

About Tyler Allred

Tyler understands the struggle to feel like our faith connects with our everyday life. He served for 14 years on college campuses helping students navigate the complicated world of the university to find that the Bible was relevant and applicable to real life. Then, he spent 5 years as a pastor to families and adults in local churches doing the same thing—turns out that people of all ages struggle with the same desire to connect with God in their daily grind. Helping translate and unlock the Bible for people of all ages in ways that are clear and relevant continues to be one of his greatest passions. Tyler is a devoted father of three girls and a self-described Bible and curriculum nerd.

What you believe shapes who you become. Your beliefs shape how you see the world and how you interact with it. They form the foundation of your identity, how you understand your purpose and interact with the world, and the quality of relationships you build.

It starts with knowing which questions to ask. It can feel counterintuitive, though. Most parents and teachers will default to a lecture format. They feel anxious about kids getting beliefs ‘wrong’, so they lecture, cajole, and sometimes threaten. However, in my experience, teenagers need a safe environment to explore beliefs on their own. In fact, they need an opportunity to test out ‘wrong beliefs’ for themselves, without fear of the adults in their life getting mad at them.

In this episode, Scott digs into the importance of defining your core beliefs, how to get there, and what questions parents and teachers can ask. 

It's hard to change course in your life when you've already started down a path. It's a lot more effective if you figure out where you're going ahead of time- so you can avoid detours and wasted time.  There's a collective theory in the world that tells young people they can't figure themselves out- they have to wait until they get older. But, that's not true! We just don't have self-awareness as a goal or an expectation for students when they graduate high school...yet.  You are deciding who you are and the type of person you will become during your middle and high school years, and that determines where you’re headed in your life. So, it’s really important that you get to figure out what’s most important to you- not to your parents, not to your friends, and not to the culture at large.   

In this conversation, Scott Schimmel interviews Kathy Pham about how she's organized her life to reflect her fundamental values- the costs associated with standing for something she believes in and the impact she gets to make through her work.  

About Kathy Pham 

Kathy hails from Little Saigon in Orange County, where she grew up with an older brother, divorced parents, and a HUGE, loving extended family. While attending CSULB, she had a tutoring business and was in leadership on campus and in church. After graduation, she was a retail executive for a few years. Eventually, she responded to God's call to go on missions and full-time ministry which landed her in City Heights. Now, as the Director of Spiritual Development at UrbanLife, she is living her calling: to love students and to help students know and love Jesus! Kathy is down for youth transformation, Enneagram chats, strategic planning and execution, and banana eating races - not in that particular order.

It’s interesting- we ask students to write clear, persuasive essays and perform the Pythagorean theorem, but don’t quiz them on what’s most important to them. Which has more lasting, relevant value for their future? Of course, values are more caught than taught, but the critical translation to make other people’s values your own comes after you think through them and express them in your own words. Can you imagine what someone would miss out on if they didn’t define their fundamental values?

To get access to the curriculum that goes along with these episodes, just head to theyouschool.com/store to sign up.

There's only one YOU- but, ironically, learning about yourself and finding the courage to authentically express yourself are rare.

In this interview, Scott Schimmel interviews Michael Davidson from Team Rubicon- one of the most authentic servant leaders you'll find anywhere. Listen to the episode wherever you like to get your podcasts.

We also have an accompanying curriculum to go with these episodes- so you can do the deep, reflective work, too. Get access at theyouschool.com/store

About Michael... Accomplished, results-oriented executive with extensive experience directing logistics, operations, strategic planning, and complex conflict resolution. Background includes establishing global partnerships, managing teams of 100+ employees, administering multimillion-dollar budgets, and coordinating humanitarian missions to Ecuador, Nepal, Afghanistan, Indonesia, and the Philippines. Dedicated to uncovering opportunities and maintaining operational effectiveness with diminished resources. Professional experience in Asia-Pacific and Middle East regions—global mindset, remain open to travel. YouSchool Guide. Gallup StrengthsFinder Coach. INFJ.

About Team Rubicon... Team Rubicon is an international non-government organization specializing in disaster response.

There is no one like you. Never has been; never will be. No one will ever know what it’s like to be you, think like you, see like you, act like you, or dream like you. There’s no one who will ever express themselves like you or make a mark like you. The world needs you to discover, own, and express the standout you.

Foundational Question #2: What makes you unique and stand out?

There are beauty and wonder in all the differences, isn’t there? There’s no way we could all be alike- the world would be terribly predictable if we were. All the beauty, wonder, and creativity come through integrating the differences.

Fitting in is vital to a life well-lived. Belonging to others is key to feeling safe and cared for. It’s through others we experience and express love. Everyone needs safe, trusted people. Everyone needs a tribe. But relationships get funky when we don’t pay enough respect to the differences we bring. When we expect each other to see, think, feel, and act as we do- those are the ingredients of conflict and misunderstanding. When push comes to shove, though, most people will hide or mask or negate their own uniqueness if it threatens a bond.

That’s why it’s so important to discover, own, and express the standout you. We need each other not only to accept and appreciate the differences but to also see the differences in each other. We serve as mirrors of identity and uniqueness; it’s only by getting closer to people that we understand who we are and what makes us different.

Discovering, owning, and expressing the unique attributes of who you are is foundational to constructing a meaningful life.

Go to theyouschool.com/store to get access to the full Critical Foundations Podcast & Curriculum.