The Zen Within

As I approach the holidays and the new year it has been challenging. My whole life has changed. Some is good right away. Others have taken some time to adjust to. The past weekend led me to realize I have to get back to basics in my life. I am not sure what that means but I have a few weeks until the end of the year.

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

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I have realized that there are three parts of my life that need to be balanced. Like a stool, all three legs need to be equal and in good shape. This has been nearly impossible. I feel broken and lost.

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

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It has felt like a real struggle lately to be grateful for anything. Don't get me wrong I have so much to be grateful for, it is just hard to find. I am, at my core, happy. It is just buried under so much pain, trauma, and other issues. After a mental health walk, I feel recharged. Ready to find my gratitude again.

"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

I was talking to my wife and told her the paradox that I had created for myself. It is my “reason” to hold on. It might not be the best but it is working for me at the moment

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

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As I have been learning more about myself I find that I am more of a morning person than I thought. I am always up before the sun and my whole house. This is not bad except it gives my mind quiet time. Which as of late has just been a spiraling mess. Good morning but not for my crazy, won’t stop head, some days.

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

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I have been bombarded by my family in the past few weeks/months. They all are so interested in me and my life now. However, it only seems to be to find out more about what I am doing in my private life. They push until I get so frustrated I just tell them stuff I am not ready to share. Then I get upset at myself for not having the strength or willpower to stand my ground and not share stuff that can use against me. Abandonment rears its ugly head again. Get access to the private Discord chat when you support the show. Available to all our Patreon supporters. Share your stories, ideas, inspiration, pain, fear, joy, or whatever you want with our supportive community.

"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

A drive home turns into my mind spinning for hours over reality. I have memories of billboards that never existed and many oddities. Tell this to others has led to weird looks.

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

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This was originally going to be two bonus episodes but why. They are short and kinda work together. My view of music is that it speaks to our subconscious. The part that has no voice. Then I was free writing and had this idea about being a puzzle built by everyone I build into my life.

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

When life feels chaotic I try to trust the universe. It seems like an impossible task right now. My head is filled with noise or fog or maybe both. All I want is to have a moment of calm when I sit in meditation. It seems the universe might be busy.

Netflix Documentary: Stutz

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0

License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

I had a realization after some close friends showed up to be there for me on a very difficult week that ended in a rough Saturday night. But family is much more than blood, cliché I know. It is true though. You can find love and acceptance in so many places and so many people.

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"Broken Reality" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/