Therapy with Men and Boys: A Guide for Clinicians

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

     The baby is here. Grandparents crowd the room, nurses check on Mom, and everyone wants to hold the newborn. And Dad? He's standing in the corner with the diaper bag, wondering where he fits.
     For many new fathers, the moment they've waited for brings unexpected loneliness. They want a deep bond with their child, but they don't know how to build one. They feel unneeded, and sometimes invisible. About one in ten will develop depression. Many more will struggle with anxiety. Yet with all eyes on mother and baby, almost no one thinks to ask how Dad is doing.
     In this episode, Erica and David sit down with psychologist and fathering expert Dr. Daniel Singley, founder of The Center for Men's Excellence in San Diego, to talk about the journey from "dude to Dad." Dr. Singley emphasizes that therapists can help new Dads find the connection they're longing for. He explains and demonstrates the essential strategies clinicians should use to help Dads manage their anxiety and reduce or avoid depression. And he makes it clear that clinicians of any orientation can make a real difference.
     If you work with expectant or new fathers, Dr. Singley can show you how you can transform their experience.

     The Center for Men's Excellence offers Dad-Focused Parenting classes both virtually and in-person in San Diego. For more information, their website is menexcel.com.

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

We keep hearing two things about AI Therapy and mental health — it's either going to replace therapists, or it's going to ruin a generation of men who talk to their phones for help instead of a person. However, as we know from most new technologies, there can be downsides, but also upsides. Clinicians need to know about both. In this episode, we go straight to Dr. Matt Englar-Carlson, someone who's actually inside the world of AI Therapy developers, someone who knows AI Therapy’s potential for good and for harm. 

Dr. Englar-Carlson directs the Center for Boys and Men at Cal State Fullerton, helped write the APA's guidelines on working with males, and is a clinical advisor to two of the leading AI mental health apps, one of which, Mental, is designed specifically for men and boys. The second is, The Path, which was created to help anyone seeking answers to their psychological struggles.  He's seen the backend — what these tools actually do at 2am when a guy is alone and won't call a therapist, how they handle suicide risk in real time, and where they fall apart.

We get into the critical distinction between a chatbot (e.g., Chat GPT) and AI Therapy, why Matt calls it "a gateway drug" to treatment with an actual human, and the uncomfortable question every therapist is quietly asking: are we about to lose our jobs? Spoiler — his answer surprised us, and it might surprise you too.

If you work with men and boys, or you're just trying to figure out where the line is between helpful tech and something to worry about, this conversation will certainly increase your knowledge about AI, and might very well change how you think about it.

Dr. Englar-Carlson recommends the following links. The first two are for the two apps, Mental and The Path: 

getmental.com 

thepath.ai

From The Dispatch.  Men are Struggling: Can an App Help Them?https://acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:US:07948490-b1af-4e97-ba3e-65aa85dc945a

From ExecutiveGov (HHS) :   HHS Vows to Prioritize Guidance, Coordination for AI Adoption in Clinical Care. https://www.executivegov.com/articles/hhs-artificial-intelligence-clinical-care-rfi

Two From the American Psychological Association:

 Discussing AI Use in Therapy:  https://www.apa.org/topics/artificial-intelligence-machine-learning/discussing-ai-use-therapy

 Your Patients are Using AI: Here's How to Talk with Them About It https://www.apa.org/topics/artificial-intelligence-machine-learning/practitioners-talk-ai-patients

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

A fifteen-year-old sits on the couch, eyes down, one-word answers. His parents are terrified they've lost him. Sound familiar?

In this episode, Drs. Erica Liebman and David Shepard sit down with Robert Scholz, LMFT, LPCC — a private practice therapist and adjunct professor at Pepperdine with nearly 30 years of experience working with boys and men across the lifespan. Robert shares how he builds trust with teenage boys who never asked to be in therapy: tossing a football, walking side-by-side instead of facing off, getting curious about violent video games instead of judging them.

We dig into motivational interviewing as a framework for meeting boys where they are, how to "reflect the grunt" when words won't come, the influence of hyper-masculine online spaces on today's teens, and what it really takes — patience, flexibility, and a willingness to let go of the agenda — to earn a boy's trust.
If you work with adolescent boys, or are raising one, this conversation offers a different way in.

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

In previous episodes, psychologists Erica Liebman and David Shepard have interviewed master therapists who take a relational approach to helping male clients. This time, we’re doing something different: We are learning about a pragmatic problem-solving approach, and a new way of conceptualizing our clients. Our guest is Dr. Andrew Smiler, a therapist with 30 years of clinical experience with men from 15 to 85. He has developed the Multifaceted Masculinity Framework – a masculine identity-based approach that fits with many men's problem-solving orientation. 

Dr. Smiler describes the framework, and then two cases. Gary is the Breadwinner, and is suffering from depression due to his wife’s leaving him after he loses his job. Bart presents as the Unemotional Man, a man whose limited emotional awareness has left him chronically stressed and struggling to connect with the people around him. You will learn how these kinds of umbrella themes – seven in all - can guide you to understand what your client is experiencing, and what practical steps can be taken to relieve their symptoms. You don’t have to give up your relational approach to use Dr. Smiler’s framework. But it may open up your therapy work to innovative thinking about your clients and using interventions that may be powerful agents of change. 

Dr. Smiler is the author of five books, including the bestseller, The Masculine Self.  His latest book is Clinical Work with Men: Understanding Masculinity in Psychotherapy, published in Spring 2026 by The American Psychological Association.

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

In Part 1 of this 2-part series, suicidologist, Dr. John-Sommers Flanagan discussed with Erica and David what researchers know and don’t know about why so many men kill themselves. While males and females attempt suicide in equal numbers, men are 3-4 times likely to succeed. John spoke to some of the things researchers do know – e,g., loss of a job and relationship break-ups are leading triggers for males.  But he also made clear how much we really don’t know. The episode ended with John promising to do a role play.

This episode features that role play. John plays the therapist, and David plays the client, a middle-aged unsuccessful novelist, whose suicidal ideation was triggered by his wife’s confronting him with his failures. We’ll listen to, among other things, how John creates a collaborative, non-threatening style; his use of scaling intensity of emotions, and searching for what can lift them; and his continual empathic reflections ensuring a strong therapeutic relationship. John is a strong believer in the use of evidence-based therapy, so everything you hear is grounded in current research.

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

Imagine this scenario. Your client is a middle-aged man - depressed, possibly suicidal. But he won’t talk about his feelings. He admits to suicidal ideation but brushes it off. You are very worried. You go through your assessment checklist and your acronyms, but they aren’t helping. This man is just too withdrawn. But you know that doing a suicide assessment right may be your most important task as a clinician.

In this episode, Drs. Erica Liebman and David Shepard talk with Dr. John Sommers-Flanagan, a suicidologist who is also an expert in working with boys and men. Using cutting edge, evidence-based strategies, he will teach you, with examples, how to have an effective assessment conversation with a suicidal male. You will hear how an assessment can be a collaboration, not an interrogation. 

This episode is Part 1 of a 2-part series on how to talk with males about their suicidal thoughts and feelings. The episode ends when Dr. Sommers-Flanagan is ready to do a demonstration of a suicide assessment. In the next episode (to be dropped two weeks after this one), you will hear that demonstration.

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

Female therapists face unique challenges when male clients make sexualized comments—whether overt advances, suggestive language, or subtle seductive tones. These moments can rupture the therapeutic alliance and trigger countertransference, making it difficult to maintain boundaries while keeping the conversation therapeutic and shame-free.

In this episode, Drs. Erica Liebman and David Shepard interview Dr. Ali Shames-Dawson, Director of Education at Therapists of New York and expert in men’s sexuality. Dr. Shames-Dawson helps female clinicians navigate sexual dynamics in treatment, offering practical strategies to understand men’s sexualized behavior and model effective boundary-setting language.

She demonstrates how to protect yourself while keeping male clients feeling safe, set firm limits without shaming, and transform boundary violations into deeply therapeutic opportunities. Her approach is both no-nonsense about what’s unacceptable and compassionate in exploring the deeper meanings behind sexualized comments—helping clinicians turn challenging moments into powerful clinical work.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

How do you help men who won’t seek help? Dr. Audra Horney found the answer on TikTok.

In this episode, co-hosts Dr. Erica Liebman and Dr. David Shepard talk with psychologist Dr. Audra Horney about her innovative approach to one of therapy’s biggest challenges: getting men through the door in the first place. With over 100,000 followers on TikTok and 20,000 on Instagram, Dr. Audra has become a social media influencer with a mission—reaching men in emotional pain and showing them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Dr. Audra shares how she entered the world of social media, what she’s learned from connecting with thousands of men online, and the specific strategies she uses to create a therapy environment where men feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Whether you’re a clinician looking to expand your reach or simply trying to better understand how to support the men in your practice, this conversation offers fresh insights into meeting men where they are—both online and in the therapy room.

About the Guest:
Dr. Audra Horney is a licensed psychologist based in Arizona, specializing in men’s mental health with a growing social media presence dedicated to breaking down barriers to therapy for men.

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

If you’re a heterosexual therapist working with adult men, chances are you'll also be working with gay men. But how prepared do you really feel? Most graduate programs and internships offer little guidance on how to navigate the unique clinical and cultural nuances of working with gay male clients. So as you sit with your gay client, questions may arise: Will they feel safe with me? Do I really understand their lived experience? What if they ask about my own sexuality?

In this episode, Drs. Erica Liebman and David Shepard sit down with Dr. Will Elder, psychologist at the South Texas VA and expert in therapy with gay men. Dr. Elder shares practical strategies, clarifies common misconceptions, and offers insights that help heterosexual clinicians feel more competent, attuned, and confident in their work with gay men.

Please Send Us Your Thoughts on this Episode or the Podcast!

Why are so many men ambivalent about coming to couple therapy? And so many therapists struggle with engaging men in the therapy process? In this special episode, Dr. Erica Liebman looks for answers by interviewing her co-host, Dr. David Shepard, who is a leading expert on making couple therapy effective for male partners. Together, David and Erica will explain why men in heterosexual relationships are ambivalent about couples work. David will then discuss what clinicians can do to help them overcome their ambivalence, and instead, make them feel couple therapy is a safe place for the vulnerable work of expressing tender, often attachment-related emotions.  The episode will reveal how to build a therapeutic relationship with male partners, how to know when a man is ready to explore painful emotions, how to make sure a man doesn't worry about a female therapist taking his partner's side, and other solutions to making sure therapy is a place where men and women can feel more deeply connected.