Things I Meant to Say Naked

Figs never understood the allure of the "bad boy" archetype; quite frankly, they seem like a big inconvenience. Yet many women seek these bad boys out in media, literature, and even in real life. 

What's even more surprising is how women even fall for really, really bad men- we mean men who have committed violent crimes, including serial killers. How?? That's what led Figs to discover that there are layers to the fascination with serial killers, and this is a documented, primarily female phenomenon. How bizarre.

Today's episode is part 1 of a four-part series that explores this spectrum, starting with the women who love true crime.  Why do women make up between 73-90% of true crime consumers even though they make up the majority of potential violent crime victims? 

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Or if you want to write Figs a letter on something you meant to say naked and want it spoken on air. Email her at: [email protected]

Citations and Things I Read:

Bonn, S. A. (2014, November 2). Serial killer myth No. 5: All victims are female. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201411/serial-killer-myth-no-5-all-victims-are-female

Chaney, R. A., Baer, A., & Tovar, L. I. (2024). Gender-based heat map images of campus walking settings: A reflection of lived experience. Violence and Gender. https://doi.org/10.1089/vio.2023.0027

Pasquarelli, D., Mastronardi, V. M., & Calderaro, M. (2021). Hybristophilia: "Cause mama I'm in love with a criminal". Rivista di Psicopatologia Forense, Medicina Legale, Criminologia, 26(1-2-3), 1–10. https://doi.org/10.4081/psyco.2021.616

Scrivner, C., Johnson, J. A., Kjeldgaard-Christiansen, J., & Clasen, M. (2021). Pandemic practice: Horror fans and morbidly curious individuals are more psychologically resilient during the COVID-19 pandemic. Personality and Individual Differences, 168, Article 110397. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110397

Smith, K. N. (2022). Theorizing a continuum of serial killer fandom and fascination in our society [Honors thesis, Eastern Kentucky University]. Encompass. https://encompass.eku.edu/honors_theses/907/

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

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In today's episode, we invited Dr. Julie Gittelson, a clinical psychologist and pole athlete, to talk about the stigma surrounding pole dancing and, more importantly, its potential connections to confidence, embodiment, community, and performance psychology. Of course, we digress and laugh a bit as we talk about Julie's journey into pole dancing, the sex work history of pole dancing, and the debate among athletes about whether we should erase the history and connection of sex work from pole dancing. We also issue a call to action, as stigma has created a gap in the literature on our understanding of pole dancing. And how that stigma continues today despite how mainstream the sport has become, including its consideration for the Olympics. 

A bit more about Dr. Julie Gittelson:

Dr. Julie Gittelson is a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder of Mind & Muscle Psychotherapy, a private practice serving clients with a broad range of presenting concerns. Her clinical and professional interests include performance psychology, identity, self-confidence, motivation, and the connection between psychological well-being, physical performance, and the mind-body relationship.

Outside of her clinical work, she is a pole athlete, instructor, and competitor. As both a psychologist and practitioner of the sport, she is interested in the psychological experiences surrounding pole, including skill development, body image, confidence, vulnerability, embodiment, and the stigma that continues to surround the activity. Her perspective brings together psychological knowledge with firsthand experience as a participant in the sport.

Through her work and writing, Dr. Gittelson hopes to advocate for and create space for more nuanced conversations about sports and performance, movement, identity, sexuality, and psychology without reducing people or their experiences to stereotypes.

Check out her website: https://www.mindandmusclellc.net/about-us

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/juliegittelson/

Instagram: @mindandmuscle_llc or @dr_juliegittelson

Substack: https://drjuliegittelson.substack.com/

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

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In today's episode, Figs gets a bit more vulnerable as she explores whether love can truly feel authentic when partners don't share the same first language.

Figs talks about her experience of living abroad and how a date and a drinking game inspired this topic, and how theories of love show us that multilingual relationships invite deeper self-awareness than we thought. 

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Or if you want to write Figs a letter on something you meant to say naked and want it spoken on air. Email her at: [email protected]

Citations and things I read:

Birnbaum, G. E., & Reis, H. T. (2012). When does responsiveness pique sexual interest? Attachment and sexual desire in initial acquaintanceships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(7), 946-958.

Caldwell-Harris, C., Kronrod, A., & Yang, J. (2013). Do more, say less: Saying" I love you" in Chinese and American cultures.

Carswell, K. L., & Impett, E. A. (2021). What fuels passion? An integrative review of competing theories of romantic passion. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 15(8), e12629.

Chen, S. X., & Bond, M. H. (2010). Two languages, two personalities? Examining language effects on the expression of personality in a bilingual context. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36(11), 1514-1528.

Dewaele, J. M., & Salomidou, L. (2017). Loving a partner in a foreign language. Journal of Pragmatics, 108, 116-130.

Dewaele, J. M. (2008). The emotional weight of I love you in multilinguals’ languages. Journal of Pragmatics, 40(10), 1753-1780.

Parr, B. H. (2013). " Baby, Te Amo": Code Switching as a Way to Develop and Limit Intimacy in Multilingual, Romantic Relationships. Journal for Undergraduate Ethnography, 3(2), 12-22.

Shin, H., & Bruno, R. (2003). Language use and English-speaking ability: 2000. (No. C2KBR-29). Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/main/www/cen2000.html

Tien, N. C. (2013). Communication and relationships of intercultural/multilingual couples: Cultural and language differences. University of Northern Colorado.

Tobore, T. O. (2020). Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The quadruple theory. Frontiers in psychology, 11, 862.

Yao, S. (2026). ‘How You Apologize is Just Who You Are’—An Investigation of Apology Components and Self-Construals in Intercultural Romantic Relationships.

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

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As Figs travels the world, one message keeps coming up, over and over, from friends and family: she's going to fall in love with a foreigner.

But falling for someone across a language barrier is hard to imagine when your love language is yapping and deep conversation. So what happens after the initial spark, once you're trying to actually know someone — to understand them on a level that requires more vocabulary and clothes? How do you repair a rupture when there's something fundamentally lost in translation to begin with? If it isn't obvious yet: Figs is a cynic.

So in this episode, she puts her own skepticism on trial. Can relationships survive a language barrier? Figs interrogates her doubt and goes looking for what actually makes international relationships work. 

Along the way: we dive into topics such as code-switching and private language as its own love language,  Figs' own dating history, every Latino family's resident Carl (you'll understand soon), and — somehow — the Addams Family.

Today's episode is also part 1 of a duet series "love with a language barrier," so stay tuned.

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Or if you want to write Figs a letter on something you meant to say naked and want it spoken on air. Email her at: [email protected]

Citations and Things I've Read:

 Caldwell-Harris, C., Kronrod, A., & Yang, J. (2013). Do more, say less: Saying" I love you" in Chinese and American cultures.

Carswell, K. L., & Impett, E. A. (2021). What fuels passion? An integrative review of competing theories of romantic passion. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 15(8), e12629.

Chen, S. X., & Bond, M. H. (2010). Two languages, two personalities? Examining language effects on the expression of personality in a bilingual context. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36(11), 1514-1528.

Dewaele, J. M., & Salomidou, L. (2017). Loving a partner in a foreign language. Journal of Pragmatics, 108, 116-130.

Dewaele, J. M. (2008). The emotional weight of I love you in multilinguals’ languages. Journal of Pragmatics, 40(10), 1753-1780.

Parr, B. H. (2013). " Baby, Te Amo": Code Switching as a Way to Develop and Limit Intimacy in Multilingual, Romantic Relationships. Journal for Undergraduate Ethnography, 3(2), 12-22.

Shin, H., & Bruno, R. (2003). Language use and English-speaking ability: 2000. (No. C2KBR-29). Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/main/www/cen2000.html

Tien, N. C. (2013). Communication and relationships of intercultural/multilingual couples: Cultural and language differences. University of Northern Colorado.

Tobore, T. O. (2020). Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The quadruple theory. Frontiers in psychology, 11, 862.

Yao, S. (2026). ‘How You Apologize is Just Who You Are’—An Investigation of Apology Components and Self-Construals in Intercultural Romantic Relationships.

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Support the show

In light of the Lindsay Clancy trial, Figs realized how little she actually knew about postpartum psychosis. Confronting her own preconceived notions, she invited advocate and author Aaisha Alvi, who wrote "A Mother Like That," chronicling her own experience with postpartum psychosis, onto the show.

And oh, how wrong Figs was.

What if the warning signs everyone's told to look for are the exact ones that get mothers missed? Aaisha shares what postpartum psychosis actually looks like.

Some of the topics we cover include the nature of hallucinations and delusions that can occur during postpartum psychosis, and how these symptoms can cause great emotional pain for mothers, but they're often unobservable, as many mothers can "seem" functional. 

Aaisha also breaks down why postpartum psychosis is often misunderstood in both clinical and public conversations, and why rushed appointments, insurance pressure, and oversimplified screening can turn a treatable condition into a preventable tragedy. 

A bit more about our special guest, Aaisha Alvi:

Aaisha Alvi is a postpartum psychosis awareness advocate and writer. She is the author of A Mom Like That: A Memoir of Postpartum Psychosis. Her book has received praise from reproductive mental health experts and organizations, including Postpartum Support International (PSI), Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP), and Library Journal.

As a result of the extreme difficulty she experienced in accessing care for her PPP, her mission is to increase public and provider awareness of postpartum psychosis toward preventing unnecessary suffering and tragedy.

Aaisha frequently presents to various audiences on the misdiagnosis of postpartum psychosis. She is also an active volunteer with Postpartum Support International. Educational materials she has created about postpartum psychosis are featured in trainings delivered by PSI.

Feel free to follow along on her awareness @aaishaalviwrites or her website: aaishaalvi.com

Free Book preview of the first five chapters:

A Mom Like That: A Memoir of Postpartum Psychosis - Aaisha Alvi - Google Books

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

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We're seeing more and more folks coming out of the "broom closet," but we're not seeing those same numbers in the therapy office. Why? 

In today's episode, Figs focuses on destigmatizing witchcraft, tarot, spell work, and manifestation and makes the case for why therapists should start recognizing the identity and the healing space we can hold for our spiritual girlies. 

You’ll discover how grounding, intention-setting, mindfulness, and even tarot can fit naturally into psychotherapy without imposing beliefs or compromising ethics. Figs explains why witches often arrive in session already doing deep work, how their practices can strengthen the therapeutic relationship, and why spell work can be understood as goal-setting, grief work, and self-empowerment rather than something to dismiss. We also break down where clinicians need to draw the line between spirituality and spiritual psychosis, and why context, functionality, flexibility, and distress matter far more than labels. If you work in mental health, identify as spiritual, or have ever felt judged for practices that help you feel whole, I hope this opens a conversation for you. 

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Or if you want to write Figs a letter on something you meant to say naked and want it spoken on air. Email her at: [email protected]

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Support the show

Most self-help books promise quick fixes, but do they really fix anything? Self-help books may lack validity, but that doesn't mean they can't serve as entry points for growth. In this eye-opening episode, renowned psychologist Dr. Daniel Watter and I dissect the complex world of self-help literature, exposing what's real, what's risky, and what we might be missing.

As we discuss self-help books, we break down the ethical dilemmas faced by authors, especially when framing issues like mental health disorders without clinical assessment. We explore the cultural biases embedded in many popular self-help titles and how one-size-fits-all may not be all that helpful. 

This episode isn't just a critique—it's a call to approach self-help with discernment and curiosity. Perfect for clinicians, mental health enthusiasts, and anyone seeking meaningful growth. Whether you're considering reading a new book or wondering about the future of self-help, you'll walk away with a sharper perspective on authentic healing, the importance of ethical practice, and how to make self-help work for you.

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

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Today’s episode explores the downward spiral Figs went through after a conversation with a friend who confidently declared that only two things end a marriage: babies and threesomes.

Figs has thoughts...

In this episode, she challenges that claim by asking the uncomfortable (and fun) questions: Are threesome fantasies actually that common? Is this really a male-centric fantasy? Is it an even split where one person pushes to have a threesome and the other partner complies? Who’s even having threesomes? How do they impact relationships in real life? And finally, is it possible for a threesome to benefit a relationship rather than destroy it?

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Or if you want to write Figs a letter on something you meant to say naked and want it spoken on air. Email her at: [email protected]

Citations and Stuff I read:

Armstrong, H. L., & Reissing, E. D. (2014). Attitudes toward casual sex, dating, and committed relationships with bisexual partners. Journal of bisexuality, 14(2), 236-264.

Johnston, S. W. (2025). “My First Threesome with Them Was a Religious Experience”: A Mixed-Methods Study of Symbiosexual Experiences. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 1-18.

Jonason, P. K., & Marks, M. J. (2009). Common vs. uncommon sexual acts: Evidence for the sexual double standard. Sex Roles, 60(5), 357-365.

Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy?. The journal of sexual medicine, 12(2), 328-340.

Kulibert, D., Moran, J. B., Preman, S., Vannier, S. A., & Thompson, A. E. (2021). Sex on the Screen: A Content Analysis of Free Internet Pornography Depicting Mixed-Sex Threesomes from 2012–2020. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 11(4), 1555-1570. https://doi.org/10.3390/ejihpe11040110

Morris, H., Chang, I. J., & Knox, D. (2016). Three’sa crowd or bonus?: College students’ threesome experiences. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 2(November), 62-76

Pandey, M. K., Thakral, H., Mishra, P., & Rao, T. S. (2025). Decoding Threesomes: Insights into Motivations, Gender Dynamics, and Societal Impact. Journal of Psychosexual Health, 26318318241299028.

Pornhub (2025, March 18). 2024 year in Review. Pornhub Insights. https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2024-year-in-review#categories 

Scoats, R., Joseph, L. J., & Anderson, E. (2018). ‘I don’t mind watching him cum’: Heterosexual men, threesomes, and the erosion of the one-time rule of homosexuality. Sexualities, 21(1-2), 30-48.

Scoats, R. (2019). ‘If there is no homo, there is no trio’: Women’s experiences and expectations of MMF threesomes. Psychology & Sexuality, 10(1), 45-55.

Scoats, R., Anderson, E., & White, A. J. (2021). Exploring gay men's threesomes: Normalization, Concerns, and sexual opportunities. Journal of Bodies, Sexualities, and Masculinities, 2(2), 82-106.

Scoats, R., & Anderson, E. (2019). ‘My partner was just all over her’: jealousy, communication and rules in mixed-sex threesomes. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 21(2), 134-146.

Scoats, R. (2019). Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy (1st ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780429453328

Valovirta, E. (2021). Repeated Pleasure: Reading the Threesome Ménage Romance as Digital Literature. Powerful Prose, 45.

Art: bofenglin

For updates, follow figs the therapist's Instagram: @figstherapy or their podcast Instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist or want figs as your therapist check out  figstherapy.com

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

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Today’s episode features an anonymous letter from a listener navigating the blurry, emotionally charged terrain of a situationship that refuses to stay casual. After a recent divorce and a firm decision to “take things slow,” what begins as an easy reconnection slowly turns into daily check-ins, intimacy, emotional support, and mixed signals that don’t quite line up with the label nothing serious.

Together, we unpack what it means when words and actions don’t match, why consistency can feel more powerful than commitment, and how attachment, timing, and self-protection shape modern dating. This episode explores the quiet confusion of relationships without titles, the comfort of being chosen without promises, and the question many of us avoid asking out loud:

Can this be healing, or is this the bare minimum?

If you’ve ever felt emotionally close to someone who insists they don’t want more—yet keeps showing up anyway—this one is for you.

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Or if you want to write Figs a letter on something you meant to say naked and want it spoken on air. Email her at: [email protected]

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Support the show

Today's episode wraps up our three-part series on situationships.
(And if you haven’t heard the first two yet, I highly recommend you give them a listen first.)

Now that you know what a situationship is, let’s talk about what happens when you realize… you’re actually in one. In this final chapter, we’ll explore your options—whether you choose to stay, redefine the relationship, or walk away.

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Citations and things I read for today's episode:

Delizo, S. K. D. J., Dapliyan, Y. A. R., Ban-eg, H. T. A., Canlas, C. A. F., Tong, N. I. D., & Yusingco, E. R. I. (2025). Navigating Ambiguity: An In-Depth Exploration of Situationships in Contemporary Romantic Relationships.

Dolan, E. W. (2025, August 4). New Psychology Research reveals why people stay in situationships. PsyPost. https://www.psypost.org/new-psychology-research-reveals-why-people-stay-in-situationships/ 

George, A. S. (2024). Escaping the situationship: Understanding and addressing modern relationship ambiguity among young adults. Partners Universal International Innovation Journal, 2(3), 35-56.

Gibson, T. J. (2020). If you want the milk, buy the cow: A study of young black women's experiences in situationships

Langlais, M. R., Podberesky, A., Toohey, L., & Lee, C. T. (2024). Defining and describing situationships: An exploratory investigation. Sexuality & Culture, 28(4), 1831-1857.

Singh, S. Fooling in the Name of Love: Welcome to Gen-Z Relationships.

Shah, K. (2024, January 31). Half of 18 to 34 aged Americans have been in a “Situationship.” YouGov. https://business.yougov.com/content/48492-half-of-18-to-34-aged-americans-have-been-in-a-situationship 

Stanley-Blackwell, R. (2025). Navigating Casual Relationship Breakups-The Role of Attachment Orientation and Expectations on Coping Strategies and Distress (Doctoral dissertation).

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Support the show