Think, Pair, Swear

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Recorded live from Kansas City’s KC Oasis, it’s time to don a pink satin jacket, rub a heavy pomade into the hair, and squeeze into the black hot pants. Grease is the word, baby. Other than the “word” it’s full of Carol Channing, Lizzo, Jeff Conway’s lazy eye, a track hurdler’s nut sack, a hotdog penis, the Thunder Cats, what results in the unholy union of Alvin the Chipmunk and Elvira, a Britney Spears school shooting, lots of students in their 30s and 40s, the origin of Covid-19, teachers clocking into work, Travolta’s basketball shorts “short comings,” Principal McGee getting banged, Ronnie causing Gator’s VIII to go silent, the Hickman High School Kewpies, jism, Leo’s cheeks, a bedroom full of wigs, “Please Mister Please, Don’t Play B17,” the B & J Skate Center, Ronnie’s twink death, Justin’s ignorance the Kill Bill volume 1 pussy wagon, Travolta doing a Veruca Salt imitation, Kevin Bacon doing gymnastics, Frenchie’s death scene, Justin’s girlfriend Jan, Vince the sexual predator, slamming a car door on a dick, Rizzo’s back alley abortion, feces on Thunder Road, the auto shop teacher’s school liability, retired teachers getting screwed in this universe, DoxyPEP, a quote from Doc Brown, the death of Danny and Sandy, and Sandy being the real villain of the movie. 

If you missed the show, please follow the link provided and consider donating to Our Spot KC: https://secure.givelively.org/donate/our-spot-kc . They do great work with the LBGTQ+ community in Kansas City and in lieu of charging admission, Ronnie and Justin suggested a donation to them. Also please rate and review the podcast as it helps others find Think, Pair, Swear. 

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The ins and outs of a the first year of grad school are full of comic hijinks, methamphetamines, and getting it on in Gross Anatomy. With the help of some cadavers that look like they were on the X-Files, Joe and Laurie learn how to dissect a taint and each other’s hearts in this romantic romp that’s actually a big old yawn. Join Ronnie and Justin as they get to the bottom of pop quizzes where students share the grade, hiding rock music cassettes from evangelicals, bad roommates, Jo from Melrose Place, so many studying montages, Coca-Cola Classic, Miles’s hair, praise and worship music, jobs orderlies don’t do, Dr. Robbie, people who carry around basketballs, pregnant women mainlining formaldehyde, Route 66 study groups, those creepy-ass ducklings from the Dawn commercials, cheating badly, Lou’s dental dam, Ronnie thinking he has polycythemia, extra credit HIPAA violations, lupus, giving birth next to some burnt ends, and eating paper that hundreds of hands have touched.

 Exit ticket: First generation med school students are not prepared for med school. Justin and Ronnie have thoughts about students not prepared for college. 

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My So Called Life (S1E1 “Pilot” and S1E3 “Guns and Gossip”)

Claire Danes' chin may do all the acting when her character cries, but we fell for her character Angela anyway. Why did this show only get one season when ten years later it would have had at least a seven season run on the CW? The 90s wasn’t ready for it or for Animal Crossing phone booths, breaking the fourth wall and scaring Justin, eating all the cheese, the Catalano deck where one can watch a magician perform, Ronnie losing a friend his senior year, the dreaded Yearbook class, John Stewart discussing JD Vance, Morissey, lucky Anne Frank, working with your spouse, a backyard mosh pit, the cancellation of New Sunnydale, Stefan telling us about the hottest new club in town Let’s Bolt, Snackwells, bisexuality, tree stalkers, 9/11, basking in sex rumors, continuing to teach after a gun was fired, being questioned by the police without a parent, a herpes spoon, flirting by the choking poster, and standing up to admin. 

Exit ticket: In honor of Ricky’s bisexuality, Ronnie finds a teacher on Reddit worried kids will discover he’s bi in a small town in a red state. Sounds dangerous. Advice is given. 

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A DJ that plays Concrete Blonde and The Pixies but every now and then he fakes masturbation doesn’t make one want to listen to his show. Let alone the endless teen angsty diatribes. Why is this show so popular? We find out along with cassette tapes, Melrose Place guest stars, a 90210 call back, ancient school busses, a severed penis toy, oblivious parents, “Suddenly Seymore,” reading student writing out loud, Jimmy Swaggart, late 80s teen boredom, what memos were, violated confidentiality, horny magic pixie dream girls, poorly handling suicidal ideation, a proliferation of boom boxes on campus, Shep Sheperdson, short wave radio vs a good long distance plan, sitting too close to a microwave, male sexual assault and homophobic cops, “Without Me,” the 80s version of Turning Point USA, Seth Green, last minute parent assemblies, teacher try hards trying to be an AP, deciding not to get it on outside, teen pregnancy, how SAT data works, a January 6 noose, a baby’s arm, Brandon Carr, and school commissioners. 

Exit ticket: Ronnie has a news story about a frat’s podcast being shot down due to rape culture. Where’s the line between free speech and hate speech in a school setting? It depends on policies put in place. Ronnie and Justin have thoughts. 

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Well Justin picked this one without looking it up. He thought it was about dancing. Nope, we’re headed back for some more football. Put on your jockstraps, or take them off because Tom Cruise drops some peen in this one. We hit the turf and find A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington, a better film called Reckless, a generically named steel mill, dick donation, Typing class, sexually violating a desk, Tom Cruise’s high pitched voice, Nickelback, John Locke, Pop’s gay lover, teenage pregnancy, Marty McFly’s mom getting fingerbanged, Kristi Noem, coach’s track record with winning, Rachel Dolexal, lots of mud, a cheerleader witch’s circle, the consequences of vandalism, student non-apologies, wearing only a towel in public, putting Jesus in your jeans pocket, “Oh Little Town of Bethlehemmeroids,” another classroom arrest, getting a ride in a brown Pinto, emulating Marc Sebastian’s vocabulary, dropping out of high school to shovel coal, and the worst movie soundtrack ever. 

Exit ticket: Justin has a quiz on basic football knowledge for Ronnie? Who will win and have to purchase something football related for the other person? 

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Did this movie turn Ronnie straight? Not quite but Megan Fox gave it her all. This week we attempt to answer the question, “What does a bisexual demon possessed cannibal wear to prom?” Turns out a lot of blood and an orchid corsage. Can her “ugly” (see glasses plus a ponytail) best friend save her while also scissoring in mid-air after Tarzan-ing through a window? Yep. All this and lawn horseies, a swirling butthole vortex, “Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls,” Republican Chris Pratt, Adam Brody in JD Vance’s eyeliner, Low vs Cold Shoulder, the Dodge ‘89 Rapist, Costco rotisserie chicken, an unexplained hook and neck scars, lazy eyes, Snow White murder animals, the great Amy Sedaris, night terrors, more Rocky Horror Picture Show, four minutes, the occult section of school libraries, Twin Peaks, the Cheesecake Factory, adult diapers, Chekov’s pepper spray and devil knife, criss-cross apple sauce, and yearning for part 2.

 Exit Ticket: What do you do when one on of your students is accused of murdering her step mom? A Reddit user wants to know. It’s quite the whiplash from the subject covered today, but Ronnie and Justin offer some advice. 

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Daria (S1E13 "Misery Chick" & S5E6 "Lucky Strike")

Put on that frown and dust off those Doc Martens, we go back to the late 90s early 2000s with Daria Morgendorffer. Justin and Ronnie would have been all over Trent back in the day, but Tommy’s Cro-Magnon face leaves them with a bit of the ick. It’s time for some school ennui with a side of staff photos in need of a background, red solo cups in the lunchroom, crop top football jerseys, neurofibromatosis type 1, flesh colored lips, safe schools watch where you step videos, NEA and MSTA coming together, MTV no longer existing, progressive dinners, Sega Genesis, pizza gone by the fourth lunch shift, Ronnie’s shitty ass novel read aloud in class, fisting, a stray chicken leg, squirts, the bushes during the Civil War, a nail in a tire, scabs and dead John Kersey’s stint at McDonald’s. Fuck that guy. 

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 (S3E9 "Bird Is the Word" & S3E16 "Home Ec")

We get into Rosanne Barr before she became a racist Trumper in this week’s episode. How does she handle a suspension and a field trip? How does Dan handle it when DJ is bullied at school? Will you be surprised with “not well”? Well you shouldn’t be. In addition to that there’s Aunt Gladys, French cuisine made with dryer sheets, school picture chaos, parents excusing bad behavior, Anne Murry, OSS v ISS, Ronnie changing the oil in his car, the Liberty Fire Department changing Ronnie’s tire, bad moms, Publisher’s Clearing House scams, getting banned from McDonald’s, the price of Twinkies, throwing rocks at gorillas, corn flakes, Epstein’s meatloaf, why sending letters home to parents never works, saying Trevor was handsome, ransom notes, job shadowing a Real Housewife, and loose meat. Exit ticket: A Reddit user has a field trip from hell and it gives us all PTSD. How can a trip to the aquarium go awry? Justin and Ronnie find out. 

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Ronnie and Justin respond to some listener emails including a saucy romp with a professor in the 70’s, a teacher who’s writing some curriculum for a social/emotional learning program, a teacher who is addressing their school board about sex education, and a college student who’s refusing to participate in a unit on diverse literature because of Jesus. Then Ronnie and Justin read a professor’s decision to respond to students overusing AI for composition papers, followed by a little experiment. They read two college entrance essays and attempt to determine if any were written by AI. And as always they reveal the first piece of media they will cover for the spring trimester. 

Here’s a copy of the essays we read to determine if any, one or both were written by AI: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AfnE5cMsXSnpHYUVVFSJ5lbfFOyrq2RMxuGOmZlvn6Y/edit?usp=sharing 

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A witch has come to a school district and creates havoc in this week’s film. And by a witch this time they aren’t talking about a mom for liberty. How will the district respond to seventeen missing students? Well there’s Hilary’s pizza parlor basement again, Resident Evil, celebrating missing kids in class, a Dunkin’ Refresher, tweakers, a principal making a bad choice to have a parent assembly, bubble gum vodka, CPS, a teacher stalking a student, junk food, prop comedian Carrot Top, school shootings, the Barbarian tie-in, how districts deal with grief, eyes bugging out of heads like Rodney Dangerfield, the importance of taking PrEP after getting a needle stick, parasites, bad wigs, learning voodoo, and showing your cooter via a karate kick to automatic doors. Exit ticket: It’s the trimester Andy Cohen “Rose and Thorn” ceremony with a look over the winter semester. Ronnie has a three way tie for first and one thorn. Justin has a three-way. 

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