Think Queerly

In this deeply personal episode, I share my thoughts about how far we have come, and how far we still have to go regarding universal human dignity. Throughout history, humans have exercised and practiced various forms of control, which Yuval Noah Harari refers to as the myths that create our culture in his book, "Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind." These controls have dictated who belongs and who doesn’t within society.

I argue for an end to dehumanization, for a more critical reflection of rigidly held religious beliefs, and I express dismay at the fear and hatred of LGBTQ2S+ people and the neglect of the arts and technology we queer people have created and contributed to the betterment of society.

The only way forward in creating a universal human dignity is to hold loving, open-minded, compassionate, and non-contentious dialogue with those who are willing to participate in these potentially challenging conversations, which have the potential to transform social norms and morality as we know them.

• The Normal Heart
• Larry Kramer In Love and Anger
• Tao Te Ching. Stephen Mitchell or Gia-Fu Feng & Jane English translation.
• Brené on Words, Actions, Dehumanization, and Accountability
• Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari
• Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story by Martin Luther Dr. King Jr. (Chapter VI: Pilgrimage to Nonviolence).

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"Out North: An Archive of Queer Activism and Kinship in Canada" is described as, “Canada’s definitive visual guide to LGBTQ2+ movements, struggles, and achievements.”

I’m honoured to bring you this interview, one I have been waiting to record since late July 2020. In reading "Out North" to prepare for the podcast, I realized how much I have been both a witness to and a participant in much of the history depicted and disused in the book. I have personal connections with many of the individuals represented in the book, as well as lived experience, which contributes to this deeply thoughtful and generative discussion with all involved. 

For complete show notes, images from the book, guest bios, and where to purchase your copy of "Out North," see the post:

"Interview with the Authors of “Out North: An Archive of Queer Activism and Kinship in Canada”

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Creating Anything New is a Form of Transformation.

Metaphorically, transformation is like the potential that exists inside an apple seed. Without water and soil for it to take root, the apple seed remains unremarkable. Yet, with the nourishment of water, nutrients from the soil, and the right conditions the seed will transform from an almost unnoticeable speck into a tree that provides hundreds of delicious apples, year after year.

The same is true of a new idea — be that a philosophy, a new approach, revolutionary software, or a scientific breakthrough. Greatness is a kind of transformational breakthrough that has nothing to do with ego. Instead, greatness is the challenge to confront that which you don’t know how to solve, yet you face the problem head on, not knowing if you will succeed, but you keep trying anyway. 

Read the article, "On Staying Insecure and Embracing Imposter Syndrome."

=> Interested in a Clarity & Focus Session with Darren? Click here to request a session.

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We find it easy to do the things we have repeatedly done, so long as the original conditions that supported that habit or action are still relevant or present. So, what does that mean?

If you’re no longer doing something that used to be easy, something you’ve done almost unconsciously for years, ask yourself, “What’s changed?”

To answer this question, look to the last time when you easily, effortlessly, and repeatedly performed and completed your habit without fail. Consider the following:

• What are the conditions that made doing that task or habit easy?
• What was the environment like, e.g., your home, workplace, inside, outside, time of day, colours, sounds, etc.?
• What was your inner environment like, e.g., self-acceptance, emotional state, stress level, contentment, etc.?
• What did your daily routine look like, e.g., work calendar, family time, time with friends, rest and recovery, etc.?

Look at the conditions of this moment, the moment in which you are not doing the thing you want to be doing.

How have the conditions changed? What conditions are no longer being met? 

Read the complete article: "What To Do When You Can’t Figure Out Why You’re Not Doing What You Want (P.E.P.)"

Download the Free Personal Evolution Process Worksheet.

=> Interested in a Clarity & Focus Session with Darren? Click here for details and to request a session.

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On the morning of New Year’s Eve, I published, “Your 2020 Year-End-Review Personal Evolution Process.” I shared a simple 5-step journaling process to review the meaningful highlights, milestones, and insights that shaped you in the year gone by. To show the effectiveness of the process, I shared my own review in complete detail.

Later in the day, I wrote in my journal, “What’s missing from my 2020 review?”

That got me thinking about how to plan for 2021 now that I’ve completed a review of the previous year. Moving from 2020 to 2021, or any new year is a social construction. We are quite simply ending one day and waking up in the next one. The personal development industry gets its audience so worked up with expectations about what they need to plan to accomplish that the herd runs headlong like bison toward the edge of the cliff.

Read the article here: "If You’re Missing This One Thing, You’ll Fail at Your Goals — Just Like Last Year."

If you’re curious about how to cultivate your purpose and create meaningful goals in a way that will help you experience more freedom, impact, and joy in 2021, find out more about how we can work together at DarrenStehle.com.

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I am pleased to share this intimate discussion with my cousin, Kelly Walker. If ever there were a person to speak with about the fragile but necessarily formative transitions that happen in our lives, that require both trust and love of the self and others, it is Kelly.

Kelly and I share a purpose in life; helping liberate people and transforming institutions. In our discussion, Kelly shares the wisdom of living life as a celebration. At 79, he is living as a happy elder who accepts himself as (his words) both ‘old’ and ‘older.’ We look back at his rich life and experiences, including,

• Facing the possibility of death and surviving cancer, twice;
• His 20 years spent in a Dominican monastery and acting as Prior across Canada;
• Experiencing severe burnout to the extent his doctors told him he would have to leave the priesthood if he wanted to live;
• How we came to know we are related and our intergenerational friendship of almost 45 years;
• Getting straight-married after leaving the Dominicans, coming out, and then getting gay-married;
• His life-long sense of delight in life, living, and celebration;
• Being 79, sexually interesting, interested, and always exploring new ways to play at life, and;
• The three conversions we need to make as humans if we are to survive and thrive as a species.

“I’ve got more depth to me because I almost died, again.”

Read Kelly’s full bio in the expanded show notes here.

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You might want to book 1-2 hours in your calendar to work your way through this process. You may also find that you need to add to it over the next few days as you remember important milestones and insights.

1. Define your new beginnings: Define the new projects, books, habits, job/career, friendship or relationships you took on that had a meaningful impact (positive or negative) on your life.
2. Define your 2020 milestones: What really stands out in this past year as a significant event, be that an important goal, something you accomplished that took a lot of time and effort? Why does this matter to you? How did each milestone change you?
3. Define your key insights in 2020: Think of insight as shining light on an awareness you’ve never had before and how that changed your perceptions. Define what you learned this past year that made a significant impact on your life.
4. Refinements — What did you stop doing in 2020? This was the work, projects, habits, friendships, relationships that you quit. Why did you stop and what were the lessons learned from making these refinements?
5. Establish emotional alignment with your end-of-year review: Answer this question only after you have completed the questions above. Review your answers and then ask yourself how you feel about what you have written about your year What did you learn about yourself?

Download the P.E.P. worksheet for this process: " What Was Truly Transformative in Your Life in 2020?"

Read the complete article here: "Your 2020 Year-In-Review Personal Evolution Process (P.E.P.)"

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One of the biggest mistakes we make in human relationships is expecting others to act in a particular way. 

We may expect them to accept and care for us in a way that will satisfy our needs, but that is not something we can control. We may get emotional, angry, or frustrated when people don't do what we expect them to do. 

In the second bonus part of this episode, "Personal Evolution Practice (PEP): Love and Respect," you'll discover how to create clear definitions about what the feelings of love and respect mean to you. 

Article & video link: "You Can’t Expect Others to Make You Feel the Way You Want to Feel."

If you're reading this, you're not currently on my premium feed and will only have access to the first part of this episode. As a Think EXTRA Queerly subscriber, you can download today’s Personal Evolution Process worksheet, watch the video training, attend a live Zoom coaching session, and listen to the AMA (ask me anything) bonus episode.

Click here to subscribe: https://thinkqueerly.supercast.com.

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It’s an interesting intellectual as well as an emotional challenge right now, trying to imagine how to feel or experience joy in another way, at a time when an event, a tradition called “Christmas” — nay, “The Holidays” for the politically correct —  has been shut down because of a pandemic.

What conditions can be met that will allow you to “revel” in those Christmassy holiday feelings that are based on historical significance?

Find out in this very special "holiday episode" of Think Queerly. 

Read the article on my website: "How to Have a Happy & Healthy Pandemic Holiday."

[Jingle Bells theme by Scott Holmes Music]

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