Think Queerly

In this episode of Think Queerly, I speak with Jon Carl Lewis, the founder of Sex and the Gay Christian. He is also one of my coaching clients.

Jon Carl Lewis has studied theology, scripture, discernment, and ethics at Princeton Theological Seminary, Harvard Divinity School and General Theological Seminary. He is currently in training to be a spiritual director, which immerses him in contemplative practices designed to integrate an awareness of the Divine presence into every aspect of one’s personhood and relationships.

Throughout his studies, he has been distracted by questions he didn’t think he could ask — questions that seemed to be at the periphery of the concerns of the academy and the religious establishment. There were places where he could explore identity and questions of belonging as a gay man, as a Black man, and as a Christian embracing those two identities, but he didn’t find a place where he could answer his questions about actual sex, sexual ethics, sexual practice, and sexual relating.

• Who Jon Carl is and what he believes in;
• What has happened in his life that has created a curiosity to discover how his sexual attitudes and practices could better integrate with his spiritual life and practices;
• What led him to create “Sex and the Gay Christian,” a healthy, sex-positive, Christ-centred community, and;
• The book he is currently writing.

• How he was feeling before he reached out to me;
• What made him decide to connect with me;
• What happened at the end of our first session;
• How he is feeling now and what he is doing differently since we started working together three months ago, and;
• The value of coaching in his life.

You can learn more about Jon Carl and Sex and the Gay Christian by going to his Website or following him on Twitter and Instagram.

Darren Stehle is a coach, writer, and host of the Think Queerly Podcast. He helps deep thinkers & creatives cultivate their purpose & uniqueness to enjoy more peace of mind, acceptance, and freedom. Subscribe to Darren’s Newsletter to be notified of new articles, podcast episodes, and some of his best work and ebooks along the way.

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In a recent coaching session, my client asked me to send instructions on how to craft his "statements of self-truth."

He was telling me about using affirmations and trying to think positive. We had a discussion about how those words and actions are mostly meaningless because they don't connect with truth.

The truth is, we can improve who we are and how we feel about ourselves by accepting our current reality  —  our current truth  — and building upon that truth. Accepting where you are doesn't mean you have to settle there. It only means you recognize the truth of where you are.

Read the article here: "What Are Your Statements of Self-Truth?"

Darren is a Writer, a Human-Heartedness Coach, and Host of the Think Queerly Podcast. He helps deep thinkers & creatives cultivate their purpose & potential to enjoy more acceptance, peace of mind, and freedom. Subscribe to his newsletter to be notified of new articles, podcast episodes, and some of his best work and ebooks along the way.

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The cliché, “Success leaves clues” is telling. Success is nothing more than a process of completed actions that accumulate like the run-out sands in an hourglass and manifest as the accomplishment of one’s desired goal.

In this episode, I discuss:

• Why success isn't an end-destination.
• The negative effects of shame on success (which lead to "feeling" like a failure).
• If you don't accomplish a goal, does that make you unsuccessful and a failure?
• Why if your actions are more stressful than you can handle that it's human nature to fight, flee, or freeze.
• The most effective and seemingly too-simple strategy to deal with overwhelm.

Read the article on Curious: "Success Is Not the Opposite of Failure - How this Dichotomy Reinforces Self-Doubt and Shame."

⇩ How to Define, Refine, and Re-Align Your Failures as Successes

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This Personal Evolution Practice supports both parts of my Success & Failure article series. You can read Part I on Curious, Your Understanding of the Meaning of Failure Could Be the Reason for Unrealized Goals and Dreams, or listen on the Think Queerly Podcast, episode 176.

1. DEFINE: To help you understand why you believe you failed at a past goal or dream;
2. REFINE: How to reframe your understanding of that failure, and lastly;
3. ALIGN: To create a new and improved strategy to complete the refined goal, or to no longer see yourself as a failure.

⇩ How to Define, Refine, and Re-Align Your Failures as Successes

In my work, I help queer thinkers and creatives cultivate their purpose and potential by sharing practices from transformational coaching to help with your self-mastery. If you’d like to enjoy more freedom, acceptance, and peace of mind this year, find out more about how we can work together at DarrenStehle.com.

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In today's episode, I discuss,

• The meanings of failure that have nothing to do with personal accomplishment.
• I ask if failure is really a lack of success?
• How failure is a misunderstood and misapplied word
• I wonder what would happen if we replaced the word failure with something else?
• Why any task or action that doesn't work out as planned could be called a 'missed-take.'
• The difference between failure and choosing not to act.
• And how a Personal failure is a form of overwhelm in the form of fear or threat, not a lack of competence.

📖 Read the article here: Failure! Your Understanding of the Meaning of Failure Is the Reason for Your Failed Goals and Dreams

⇩ Download the Personal Evolution Process: How to Define, Refine, and (Re-)Align Your Failures as Successes.

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If you create something, but there’s no one to appreciate it, is there a point? 

If your initial desire was to make money, not having an audience is a problem. 

But what if you are compelled from something deep within who you are? 

What if you can’t help yourself but to dive deep into a subject that gives you life?

Many creatives have struggled with those questions, but what do you do? What are your options?

Read the post, Are You Waiting For Something to Happen?

Subscribe to my Human-Heartedness Newsletter to be notified of my new articles & episodes every Saturday, and I’ll also send you some of my best work, ebooks, and more.

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It’s not death that we are afraid of, it’s living.

We hold ourselves back from living fully, playfully, authentically, unabashedly, and freely. We waste our lives planning for a moment when our consciousness will cease to exist. Is that not ironic, if not a paradox?

Why then are we afraid of living?

"The Fear Of Death Is Illogical — What We Are Actually Afraid Of Is Living"

Darren Stehle is a coach, writer, and host of the Think Queerly Podcast. He helps deep thinkers & creatives cultivate their purpose & uniqueness to enjoy more peace of mind, acceptance, and freedom. Subscribe to my Human-Heartedness Newsletter to be notified of my new articles & episodes every Saturday, and I’ll also send you some of my best work, ebooks, and more.

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In this episode, I dive deep into the nature of dualities from a Taoist perspective and speak to the synthesis and harmonization of opposites — better expressed as dualities. I quote Wing-Tsit Chan’s translation of the second verse of the Tao Te Ching (from “The Way of Lao Tzu”). 

“Being and non-being produce each other;
Difficult and easy compliment each other;
Long and short contrast each other;
High and low distinguish each other;
Sound and voice harmonize each other;
Front and behind accompany each other."

Chan’s comments about the second verse are my starting point:

“…everything has its opposite and […] these opposites are the mutual causations of each other… Opposites are […] presented not as irreconcilable conflicts but as compliments.”

Next, I consider the relationship between our ideas and nature. 

To navigate in this world, we created distinctions, labels, and categories to describe what we see and perceive. And to get along with others in ever larger groups of people — from family units to nation-states — we developed mythologies to support doctrines for how things are, or how they ought to be.

When we deconstruct our perception of reality, we realize that everything we label is a duality. 

How we determine what is morally right or wrong, normal or abnormal, is again an idea, a doctrine that simply leans more to one side of the duality than the other. And we have seen through history how this “moral leaning” can relatively quickly shift from one side to the other.

The solution, I believe, is to see clearly through the illusions of socially constructed moralities that deem some humans less than others, or even morally wrong. 

We need to accept the natural diversity of who we are as sapiens — without dogma or doctrine — in relation to the natural, ecological diversity that generates human beings.

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Darren is a coach, writer, and host of the Think Queerly Podcast. He helps deep thinkers & creatives cultivate their purpose & uniqueness to enjoy more peace of mind, acceptance, and freedom. Subscribe to my Human-Heartedness Newsletter to be notified of my new articles & episodes every Saturday. I'll also send you some of my best work, ebooks, and more.

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In part I and part II of this series (the previous episode, 171) I discussed the qualities that define our humanity and support one’s integrity. These qualities include your character traits, core values, and beliefs. Knowing these qualities support what you stand for in life, but without a meaningful purpose, you won’t have clarity or direction about where you’re going in life and why.

In this episode, I dive into the much bigger picture: Where do you as an individual ground yourself in the larger, moral landscape to commune with the rest of humanity in a balanced way?

Read the complete post here: Does Your Moral Character Commune Understanding and Respect for Human Dignity?

Darren Stehle is a coach, writer, and host of the Think Queerly Podcast. He helps deep thinkers & creatives cultivate their purpose & uniqueness to enjoy more peace of mind, acceptance, and freedom. Subscribe to my Human-Heartedness Newsletter to be notified of my new articles & episodes every Saturday, and I’ll also send you some of my best work, ebooks, and more.

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Do You Know the Qualities that Support Your Integrity — Your Foundation in Life?
There are many things that define our humanity. What I share in this episode are the qualities that aspire to our moral choices and our personal leadership. These are,

1. Your natural and desired character traits;
2. Your core values, which essentially the character traits that you judge to be the most important in your life, and;
3. The beliefs that protect you from the outside world by allowing you to see what’s happening in the environment to create prediction and response.

You can see how these elements work together, but what’s missing from the equation is direction — your personalized map to chart a direction in life. Without a meaningful, actionable purpose, you might be a fine and upstanding person, but you’re left standing at the intersection of life unsure of where to go next.

This is the foundation of integrity: having a meaningful, actionable purpose.

☞ Click here to watch the video about my forthcoming, Where You Stand Project.

You can read the complete article here: “Is What You Stand For In Life Making a Meaningful Difference in the World?”

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