Day twelve of Profit Activator week, and the last one. Profit Activator 8.
Thirty years ago, in journal number six, there were only seven steps. I've been working on this eighth one ever since, so let's finish the picture properly.
Nurturing lifetime relationships was never only about repeat business.
And there's a psychology to why people refer that most of us have completely backwards.
Here's the backwards version.
That referrals have to be earned. That somebody sending you a name is doing you a favor.
Which leads straight to compensating them for it. Incentivizing them. A finder's fee.
And the moment you do that, you break the thing that was already working.
Because we are already wired to add value to the people around us. It's not something you have to install.
Go back far enough and we're in tribes of about a hundred and fifty.
Robin Dunbar at Oxford put the number on it, and it's still the number. You can hold about a hundred and fifty relationships. You've got a hundred and fifty right now.
In a tribe that size you had to know everybody. And you had to be a contributor.
The worst thing that could happen to you was to be shunned.
So we contribute. Constantly. It's how we keep our status in the herd.
Let me put you out on the savannah.
I find a big patch of blueberries, gather some up, and on the way back to camp I run into Josh.
Hey. There's a blueberry patch over those hills. Go and get some... maybe Nancy makes her muffins tonight.
In that moment I am higher status than Josh. He's riding on my coattails.
So he immediately tells me to watch out behind those rocks, because he saw a lion on the way over.
Now we're both better off. And we're square.
That is still running. Every day. In every city.
It's why reciprocity works the way it does.
Dan Ariely has a lovely illustration of what happens when you put money into it. It's in Predictably Irrational.
Say I need to move a piano, and I call Josh and offer him twenty bucks to help.
Now he can do the math. Twenty dollars, that piano, those stairs... not worth it.
But if I just ask him, Josh, I need to move a piano, he's drawn to say yes. Because we're friends and I need help.
I think every piano ever moved by a friend was moved because a certificate came with it. Good for one reciprocal piano move, whenever you need it.
Bring the economic exchange in and you remove the social contract. So don't reach for it.
Every referral you have ever received happened inside a conversation.
And in that conversation, three things had to happen.
They had to notice the conversation was about what you do.
They had to think of you.
And they had to introduce you.
Three things. Every time. Miss one and there is no referral.
We used to run big real estate seminars, and for three years running I'd have ten people stand up and tell me the story of their last referral.
Eighty percent of the time it was a stranger calling them. Hi, I got your name from Bob.
That's a passive referral. It's already done by the time you hear about it.
The other twenty percent was the client calling to say I was talking to my friend Nancy, you should call her.
That's a reactive referral. You react to it.
And then there's a third kind that I've never heard anybody talk about.
An orchestrated referral.
You've got your hundred and fifty. Say each of them has ten meaningful conversations a day. It's far more than ten, but say ten.
That's fifteen hundred conversations a day. Nearly fifty thousand a month.
Your job is to program those hundred and fifty so that when the right conversation happens, they know exactly what to do.
Something happened to me that made this obvious.
Somebody in our real estate forum posted asking where they could get a carpet replaced that day. Closing tomorrow, and the painters had spilled paint all over it.
And my brain immediately started singing a carpet company's toll-free jingle.
Planted years earlier. Without my permission. Sitting there waiting for the words same day carpet.
So here's the question I like to ask.
What if you could plant a chip in the ear of everybody who knows, likes and trusts you, and listen in on their conversations?
What would you program it to listen for?
What are the trigger words?
Bob's got a job transfer, we're moving to Poughkeepsie. We're thinking about a place in the country. The kids are graduating so we're downsizing. There's another baby coming and we need more room.
All real. All happening today.
Now here's the flip that makes it work.
Most of us tell our clients don't keep us a secret, tell your friends about us.
And they do it. They say you should call Josh, he's great, he sold our house.
Which quietly puts all three things back on them.
Instead, get them to tell you about people.
Just a quick note. If you hear anybody talking about selling their house this fall, and right after Labor Day is when they list, text me and I'll get you a copy of our book to give them.
Now it's easy. They're not selling anybody on you. They're handing a friend something genuinely useful.
And they get to be the hero inside their own tribe... which is the only thing they ever wanted.
Here's your nudge for today.
Write down the three trigger words that would tell you a referral conversation is happening.
Then write the one sentence that asks your hundred and fifty to tell you about people, instead of telling people about you.
Show notes: https://deanjackson.com/podcasts/tol/095-getting-referrals-the-secret-psychology-of-why-people-refer/