This is Your Life

In this episode, I discuss the seven steps necessary to becoming the kind of happy person others want to be around. This is a topic that has intrigued me for a long time. I’ve noticed that there are at least two kinds of people: those who are positive and attract people and those who are negative and repel people.

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Several months ago, my wife, Gail, and I attended an industry mixer at a conference where I was speaking. Almost immediately, I was cornered by an author who proceeded to complain about all the incompetent people in his life.

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He grumbled about his literary agent, his booking agent, and his publisher. No one, it seems, measured up to his standards. I tried to change the subject, but he persisted.

The conversation made me feel very uncomfortable. I finally had enough and excused myself. I felt a little rude, but I didn’t want to steep in his brew of negativity.

As I thought about this, I realized how destructive complaining about others is. My author friend didn’t make me think less of the people he grumbled about; it made me think less of him.

Complaining about others has the potential to hurt you in four specific ways:

It trains your brain. I remember when I bought my first Lexus. I never really noticed Lexus cars before. But suddenly, they seemed to be everywhere. This demonstrates the principle that you see more of what you notice. If you focus on people’s faults, you will find even more of them.

It makes you miserable. My author friend was not happy. His humor was biting and sarcastic. He seemed entitled and discontent. His attitude was highly toxic—which was why I felt the need to get away from him. He was contagious!

People pull away. One of the consequences of complaining is that healthy people don’t want to hang around you. They avoid you. As a result, you miss scores of great opportunities, both social and business ones.

People don’t trust you. This is perhaps the saddest consequence of all. As my friend was complaining about others, I began to wonder, What does he say about me when I am not around. I then instinctively thought, I don’t trust him.

After I left the presence of my negative friend, I bumped into an agent friend, who is one of the most positive, encouraging people I know. He told me about all the great things happening in his life and business.

Whenever he mentioned someone’s name, he raved about them. He exuded gratitude. I didn’t want to leave his presence. It was like balm to my soul.

My second friend was such a contrast to the first, it made me realize these are two entirely different mindsets and approaches to life. The good news is that if you are a negative person, you don’t have to stay that way.

Here are seven steps to reversing this pattern and becoming a happy person others trust and want to be around:

Become self-aware. Are you a negative person? Do you tend to see the glass half empty or half full? If you are in doubt, ask your spouse or a close friend for candid feedback. Negativity is costing you more than you know. Frankly, it’s like having bad breath or b.o.

Assess your needs. What need are you attempting to meet by complaining? Perhaps the need for connection? Maybe a need for significance? Are there better, more healthy ways to meet these needs?

Decide to change. Complaining is a habit. And like all bad habits, change begins when you own your behavior and make a decision to change. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn out process. It will take conscious effort at first, but it will become automatic over time. You can start today.

Shift your identity.

In this episode, I discuss discovering and using your strengths, based on the StrengthsFinder assessment developed by the Gallup organization. I first took this test back in 2003. It was a major turning point in my leadership philosophy.

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/MichaelSvoboda

One of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is this: “What are my strengths?” Knowing the answer is the key to job satisfaction and effectiveness.

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Unfortunately, most of us have been trained to think first about our weaknesses. For example:

Teachers pointed out our errors and marked them with a red pen.

Parents scanned our report cards and focused on those subjects where we needed to improve.

Employers have noted our weaknesses and discussed them at our annual performance review, often under the heading, “Opportunities for Improvement.”

I used to do the same thing with my direct reports. I thought I was being helpful. As a leader, I thought that this was my role.

Everything changed when I read, Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton’s bestseller, Now, Discover Your Strengths. At the time, both men worked for Gallup. The book was based on their research there.

They had a simple but powerful thesis. The best way to get ahead in your career and be satisfied in your job is to focus on developing your strengths. No matter how hard you try, you really can’t improve your weaknesses. You are wasting time and energy trying to do so. The best thing you can do is discover your strengths and then find a role that allows you to use them.

In their extensive research, Buckingham and Clifton identified thirty-four different strength themes. They also developed an online strengths assessment that identified your five top strengths. Since the book originally came out, Buckingham left Gallup and went on to write several more bestsellers. Sadly, Donald Clifton passed away.

However, Tom Rath, another Gallup employee, picked up the torch and refined the research. He used the results from the four million people who took the first test to develop an even more accurate, reliable, and faster assessment tool.

In 2007, he wrote a follow-up book called StrengthsFinder 2.0, documenting his research. Gallup then made the new assessment available online, renaming it “Clifton StrengthsFinder 2.0” in honor of Donald Clifton.

We have a misguided maxim in our culture that says, “You can be anything you want to be, if you just try hard enough.” Rath tells the story of Rudy Ruettiger as an example of this. He became a cultural icon for this philosophy.

After much research, Rath suggests a better principle: “You cannot be anything you want to be—but you can be a lot more of who you already are.” This is a major key to success.

Here are seven steps you can take to discover your strengths and start operating according to your unique design:

Step #1: Buy the StrengthsFinder 2.0 book and take the test. Inside the book, you will find an “access key” that enables you to take the online assessment. (If you buy the Kindle edition of the book, Amazon e-mails you the key after you complete the purchase.)

Step #2: Review your customized report and reflect on your strengths. Ask, “How well do these strengths describe me?

In this episode, I continue with my best advice for first-time authors, which I began last week. Even if you’ve never thought about writing a book or don’t think you could, this episode is for you.

Let me provide a quick review of the last episode to give you some context if you are just tuning in. There are at least four reasons why you should consider writing a book:

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Reason #1: It can add value to others. Everyone is an expert at something. You may not be aware of it. Or you have forgotten that you know what you know. But you have something that could add value to others.

Reason #2: It can establish you as an authority. Nothing credentials you like a book. Not even a Ph.D. Having a book makes you an authority (at least in terms of the perception).

Reason #3: It can advance your career. It can help you launch a brand new one. A book often goes where you can’t go. It opens doors. It starts conversations. It creates opportunities.

Reason #4: It can create an additional income stream. Even if the book itself doesn’t generate a lot of money, it can be used to sell back-end services and other products.

The problem is that it can be tough to get published. My premise in the last episode was that becoming a published author begins by taking five steps:

Step #1: Educate yourself.

Step #2: Start building your platform.

Step #3: Write a killer book proposal.

Step #4: Consider your publishing options.

Step #5: Find a good literary agent.

I want to spend the bulk on this session, answering questions from my listeners.

Listener Questions

Andy Traub asked, “What does a really good publishing deal look like?”

Bernd Geropp asked, “What should I consider when choosing an agent?”

Brad Blackman asked, “What is the process for getting a non-traditional book like a coffee table book published.”

Debra Smouse asked, “Should you let a publisher know that you have a body of work you want to publish?”

Derek Ouellette asked, “Is it more difficult to get published by U.S. publishers if you are Canadian?”

Donna Nabors asked, “Under what circumstances would you recommend self-publishing?”

Tor Constantino asked, “Is it worth the hassle to get an agent and go through the process of traditional publishing?”

J.E. Scott asked, “What comes first: building a tribe via the methods you describe in your book or seeking marketing assistance from a professional firm?”

Jason Salamun asked, “Should a first-time author begin writing his or her book as they are building a platform or wait until it’s already built?”

Joanne Kraft asked, “How much travel is too much as an author?”

In this episode, I share my best advice for first-time authors. Even if you’ve never thought about writing a book or don’t think you could, this episode is for you. - There are at least four reasons why you should consider writing a book:

In this episode, I talk about what it takes to get to the next level in any area of your live—health, marriage, or career. Based on my own experience, I share the single most important thing you can do to make your dreams become reality.

The very fact that you are listening to this podcast (or reading these show notes) tells me you are the kind of person who wants to grow. I am too. Personal growth is the driving force of my life.

According to Dr. Timothy Pychyl, writing in Psychology Today:

… the successful pursuit of meaningful goals plays an important role in the development and maintenance of our psychological well-being. To the extent that we're making progress on our goals, we're happier emotionally and more satisfied with our lives.”

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Tony Robbins says it even more directly: “Progress equals happiness.”

If the key to happiness is making progress toward a goal, how do you do that? How do you ensure that you are making consistent, steady progress toward your goals?

I believe it is this: Enlist the help of the best coaches and instructors you can afford.

Why is this important? Three reasons:

Because you want to speed up the learning process and get to your destination faster.

Because you don’t want to reinvent the wheel. Someone, some where has already done what you are attempting to do.

Because you want to avoid the common mistakes—and pain—along the way.

Episode Outline

So, practically speaking, how do you do this? I suggest three strategies. From least expensive to most expensive, they include:

Strategy #1: Read relevant content.

Strategy #2: Take specialized classes.

Strategy #3: Hire an experienced coach.

I provide numerous examples in the podcast. If you don’t intend to listen to the podcast, you can read much of the content in this post I wrote called, “3 Ways to Go Further, Faster.”

Imagine what could happen if you enlisted the best coaches and instructors you could afford (whether it is via book, a class, or coaching) and determined you would go to the next level? You don’t need to struggle for months or years by reinventing the wheel. You can go further, faster by employing the three strategies I have outline above.

Listener Questions

Jennifer Hoverstad asked, “How do I dig out from under being overcommitted? Then how do I tell those involved?”

Chris Stevens asked, “How do you take your family along for the journey?”

Bobby McGraw asked, “How do you stay healthy when traveling so much?‘

Special Announcements

I will be in Ft. Worth, Texas next week, speaking for Cendera Funding and a lecture series they are sponsoring called, “Business with Purpose.” I will do two sessions: “The 5 Marks of Authentic Leadership” and “Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.” If you are in the area, come join me.

If you are interested in having me speak for your event, check out my speaking page.

In this episode, I talk about what the Internet is doing to our brains. I summarize and then respond to an article in the July 2012 issue of Newsweek called “Tweets, Texts, E-mail and Posts: Is the Onslaught Making Us Crazy?”

I read the Newsweek article on my vacation while I was offline. I found it very disturbing. Here are some of the highlights:

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Episode Outline

A few years ago, people were ridiculed for suggesting that the Internet was having a negative impact on our minds. But now the proof is starting to stack up.

“The first good, peer-reviewed research is emerging, and the picture is much gloomier than the trumpet blasts of Web utopians have allowed. The current incarnation of the Internet—portable, social, accelerated, and all-pervasive—may be making us not just dumber or lonelier but more depressed and anxious, prone to obsessive-compulsive and attention-deficit disorders, even outright psychotic. Our digitized minds can scan like those of drug addicts, and normal people are breaking down in sad and seemingly new ways.”

The problem is that we are continuously connected. Thanks to smart phones and other technologies, we have almost become cyborgs—creatures that are half human, half machine.

Here are some interesting facts from the article:

On average, American stare at some type of computer screen for eight hours a day.

When President Obama ran for office last time, the iPhone had yet to be launched.

Now smart phones outnumber regular ones. More than a third of users get online BEFORE they even get out of bed.

The average person, regardless of age, sends or receives about 400 text messages a month—four times the 2007 number.

The average teen processes an astounding 3,700 texts a month, double the 2007 figure.

Again, quoting from the article,

“Altogether the digital shifts of the last five years call to mind a horse that has sprinted out from underneath its rider, dragging the person who once held the reins. No one is arguing for some kind of Amish future. But the research is now making it clear that the Internet is not ‘just’ another delivery system. It is creating a whole new mental environment, a digital state of nature where the human mind becomes a spinning instrument panel, and few people will survive unscathed.”

New brain scan technology shows that our brains are being rewired. Heavy web users have fundamentally altered prefrontal cortexes. The brains of Internet addicts, it turns out, look like the brains of drug and alcohol addicts. Even worse, Chinese researchers have shown that our grey matter—the part of the brain responsible for processing of speech, memory, motor control, emotion, sensory, and other information—is shrinking or atrophying.

Numerous studies show that the more a person hangs out online the worse they are likely to feel. Web use often displaces sleep, exercise, and face-to-face exchanges, all of which can lead to loneliness, a sense of isolation, and depression.

So, as I said, I found this article very disturbing. I think you can see why. Gail and I had several long conversations about this and how we might respond. There are three possible responses:

Withdrawal. You just “Go Amish,” delete your social media accounts, and swear off the Internet.

Immersion. You shrug your shoulders, give up, and keep marching with the lemmings right over the cliff.

Moderation. You become intentional about your Internet usage, understanding that it’s a double-edged sword.

In this episode, I talk about some nut-and-bolt strategies for getting the most from your vacation. Gail and I are about to take our annual summer sabbatical, so vacations are very much on our mind.

Surprisingly, some people never take vacations. I don’t know if this is because they think they are indispensable or because they might discover they are not. Regardless, vacations are essential for your spiritual, emotional, relational, and physical health.

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Episode Outline

My premise for this episode is that you will be more rested, re-energized, and refreshed if you are intentional about your vacation and do a little planning. I discuss the following seven steps.

Understand the various types of vacations.

Choose the vacation that makes sense for you.

Get caught up before you leave.

Delegate authority to act in your absence.

Set other people’s expectations.

Focus on the purpose of your vacation.

Block the first day when you get back to catch up.

Your vacations are more important than you think. If you are going to stay healthy spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and physically, you need to be intentional about them.

Listener Questions

Austin Hill asked, “I only have time to write and do social media on vacation, so how do I unplug.”

Jen McDonough asked, “Is it okay to be checking my e-mail during my vacation?”

Michael Nichols asked a similar question but with a story from Seth Godin that gives a different twist.

Michele Cushatt asked, “I always feel a pretty significant loss of momentum when I disengage. How can I prevent this?”

Tony Paganelli asked, “I find unplugging from e-mail really stressful, wondering what is landing in my inbox. Is this really necessary?”

Wayne Stiles asked, “What do I do with Twitter during vacation? Do I pre-schedule tweets or just let it go?”

Special Announcements

The Platform book continues to do well. It remains in Amazon’s top 500 books overall, which is fantastic a month after initial publication. It’s still #1 in several categories and it is #2 in Marketing. If you haven’t bought it yet, I hope you will.

I just returned from West Palm Beach, Florida, where I spoke at an event hosted by John Maxwell. We had about 800 people there, and I loved interacting with the people in the audience. I gave my “Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World” speech.

If you are interested in having me in to speak on this topic, I’d love to talk with you. Click here for more information. I can customize the content for your particular industry, whether it is mortgage bankers, real estate agents, small businesses, etc.

I am going on vacation until Friday, July 20th. I will not be producing a podcast while I am away. I will post my next episode on Wednesday, July 25th. In the meantime, you might want to take this opportunity to catch up. You can find my entire archive of podcasts at

In this episode, I talk about how to write killer blog posts. I define what constitutes a killer blog post and then share seven keys for writing one.

In Episode 13, I shared how my blog traffic has grown from a few hundred unique visitors a month when I first started in 2004 to about 300,000 unique visitors a month now.

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Episode Outline

One of the things I love about blogging is the analytics. I can tell exactly how popular a blog post is. I know whether or not it resonated with my audience—or fell on deaf ears.

So when I talk about writing a killer blog post, I mean something very specific. I'm not talking about whether or not you, your family, or your friends liked your blog post.

My definition of a killer blog post is one that performs well as measured by three specific metrics:

Traffic

Engagement

Shares

Frankly, if you want to boil this entire episode down to one statement, it is this: The secret to creating killer blog posts is to write stuff people want to read and share.

Here’s how: You can unlock the potential of your blog posts with seven keys:

Focus on your readers.

Write a powerful headline.

Include a relevant photo.

Tell a relevant story.

Make your posts scannable.

Keep your posts brief.

End with a question.

If you put these keys to use, you increase the likelihood of writing killer blog posts.

Listener Questions

Bill Kerr asked, “What tip do you have for finishing blog posts that you start?”

Dana Pittman asked, “How do you do a blog post that is gives enough information but not too much?”

Jon Stallings asked, “How to you write a killer blog post without manipulating your audience?”

Mary DeMuth asked, “Have you ever had the experience where you have written a blog post that you didn’t think was very good, and it was a raging success?”

Melissa Taylor asked, “How do you tell personal stories and yet have the keyword in the first paragraph?”

Ron Cantor asked, “What do you mean when you encourage people to write a controversial blog?”

Shannon Milholland asked, “What metrics do you use to determine if a blog post was really a killer post?”

Sharon Swing asked, “What is the best way to get your customers to talk about what has wowed them about your products or services in a way that makes it easy to share on your blog or website?”

Travis Dommert asked, “How do you come up with a steady stream of great ideas for blog posts?”

Special Announcements

My book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World is continuing to sell well. As you may know, it hit all the major bestseller lists, including the New York Times, USA Today,

In this episode, I talk about “The How of Wow.“ If you are going to be successful in getting the attention of the market, you will need to start with something remarkable. In this episode, I define wow and how you can create it by answering five questions.

If you have read my new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, you know that the first section of the book is called, “Start with Wow.” This is the first step in building a platform. Why? Because of something David Ogilvy said two generations ago: “Great marketing only makes a bad product fail faster.”

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Episode Outline

The purpose of marketing is to prime the pump. But if people aren’t wowed by your product and want to use it, they won’t recommend it to their friends. In other words, you won’t get word-of-mouth promotion.

You can’t spend enough money or be clever enough to overcome a lack of word-of-mouth marketing. It just won’t work. This is especially true in the world of social media, because it accelerates the word-of-mouth process. Why? Because of two facts:

Everyone now has a megaphone.

Everyone is connected to everyone else.

So what is wow? Here’s how do I define it:

Wow is the gap that exists between your prospect’s expectation and his or her experience.

If that gap is negative—your customer’s experience doesn’t live up to his expectation—he is disappointed. This is the opposite of wow.

If that gap is positive—your customer’s experience exceeds his expectation—he is wowed.

I first noticed this a few years ago when Steve Jobs introduced the first iPhone back in 2007. As I reflected on his presentation, I came away with three insight into wow:

Insight #1: Create products you would personally use.

Insight #2: Create products that solve problems in unexpected ways.

Insight #3: Create products that exceed your customers’ expectations.

My premise for this episode is this: Wow can be engineered. Not perfectly. Not every time. But once you understand what wow is simply a function of exceeding your customer’s expectations, you have a much better chance of making it happen.

You can create wow by asking five QUESTIONS.

Question #1: What is the product or experience I want to create or transform into a wow?

Question #2: How will the customer or prospect feel as a result of this experience? (In other words, what is the specific outcome you want to create?)

Question #3: What specific expectations does the typical customer bring to this experience?

Question #4: What does failing to meet customers’ expectations for this experience look like?

Question #5: What does exceeding customers’ expectations for this experience look like

Here’s the bottom line, if we want to win in today’s competitive marketplace—if we want to build a powerful platform, we must start with wow. Without it, we can’t achieve our full potential.

Listener Questions

Question #1: “Blessing Mpofu asked, How do you constantly create new and fresh material to become a thought leader?”

Question #2: Claire Dias-Ortiz asked, “How can you best turn blog content into the early draft of a new book?”

Question #3: J.D. Smith asked, Where should the Wow be located, on your homebase or in the outposts? Should it be from the author’s perspective or the listener or readers’?

Question #4:

In this podcast episode, I talk about how leaders can create alignment in teams. This is a crucial leadership skill. Without it, your organization cannot achieve its full potential.

It doesn’t matter if the context of your leadership is your family, small business, a large corporation, a network of free-lancers or volunteers, or a church, the more aligned your team is, the more likely you will produce the outcomes you are after.

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Episode Outline

As a leader, you create alignment in your team by practicing three key DISCIPLINES.

Discipline #1: The Discipline of Contact. You cannot keep your team aligned unless you have frequent contact with them. They are going to do the best with what you give them. If you don’t spend time with them, it is inevitable that they are going to make decisions you are uncomfortable with. It is your responsibility to initiate this contact. You can do this through regular one-on-one meetings, staff meetings, and by just walking around.

Discipline #2: The Discipline of Communication. Contact is not enough. You have to communicate. Your people cannot read your mind. They need to know what you expect. They need to understand the mission and the vision. You need to verbalize it. Over and over again. In addition, if you don’t like something, you need to speak up—before you get into a high stakes situation where dialog is happening in real time.

Discipline #3: The Discipline of Connection. Communication is not even enough. For true alignment to take place, your people have to know and trust your heart. They have to be committed to your success and the success of the team. You may be tempted to think that you are entitled to this by virtue of employing them. You’re not.You can buy their presence, but you can’t buy their heart. You must earn it. You can only create a connection—and thus alignment—when you open your heart and let them in.

Alignment is critical if you want to get the right things done and move your organization forward in the most effective and efficient way possible. However, it won’t happen on it’s own. As a leader, you must take the initiative to create it.

Listener Questions

Question #1: Nick Cook asked, “What are some of the ways you had to change as a young leader in order to create alignment?”

Question #2: Lawrence Wilson asked, “How do you create alignment among team members you inherited from a previous leader who are still loyal to that leader?”

Question #3: Stephen Robles asked, “How can I get my teammates to align with my leader’s vision?”

Question #4: Nathan Martin asked, “What do you do to foster alignment among virtual workers that are spread out geographically.”

Special Announcements

My new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World if officially a bestseller. It hit all four major bestseller lists this past week: Amazon, New York Times, USA Today, and the Wall Street Journal. To celebrate, I am making a very special offer available for my listeners who haven’t yet bought the book. The offer is worth $110.97, and it’s free when you buy the book. BUT you have to listen to the podcast to get the details.