Episode 16 reminded me that there was an attempt to bring my YouTube channel roaring back with a new idea, some awesome new gear, and a fresh set of ideas on how to make content. You'll never believe it, but I managed to screw it up and suffered the most humiliating violation, just adding a final insult to injury.

Episode 15 picks up with the outcome of the final massive failure that brought me to all of this. All of the time planning, building, preparing, and work that went into what I was so sure would be my big break. Well, here's what happened.

Episode 14 has inadvertently turned into a multi-part story. I didn't intend that but there is just too much to say about the final failed creative project of mine that brought me to the lowest point I've been in these past 15 years. This part 1 will lay out the idea I had, how I went about planning and putting it together, and the very first warning sign I missed. The very first signal that I was headed for disaster.

Episode 13 found me in my laundry folding clothes because hey, why not? So, from a clinical perspective, no I do not suffer from actual OCD. However, I do get pretty damn stuck in my ways and I get pretty frustrated if I don't have an efficient, repeatable set of steps to follow when I make content. The process I came up with for myself today, the way I will go about translating these podcasts into YouTube videos sure does feel like freaking OCD. Fun times.

Episode 12. Man makes plans and Gods laugh. That might play a part in all of this. Though I appear to have indeed jumped the shark by manifesting some kind of catharsis before I could achieve the desired episode count for the season. In plain English, I think I spoiled my own plans. Sounds about right.

Episode 11 and I am getting closer to the finish of this story. Last year I went on a personal journey to improve my health and lose weight AND I was inspired to use the experience to create content. That part of it worked and further inspired me to write a book about the experience. Everything after that though...well.

Episode 10 feels like a tiny bit of a milestone, I suppose? A look at where I've gotten so far in this project and the very small number of people I have even told about this podcast existing at all. None of them know the name of it or where it is and that's fine. If they find it, so be it but for now, this is still just me talking to myself and working through my issues, lol.

Episode 9 explores my first attempt at a podcast. After so many years of trying to pass myself off as a talk show host,  and entertainer, everything except who I actually am. I jumped in and everything was great...for a little while. Ultimately, it failed. I'm still having a hard time accepting why.

Episode 8 I got me thinking about the relationships and friendships I've built over these past 15 years. Some of them proved to be deep lasting friendships while others just sort of faded away. The ugly reality is, some of these connections I made were based on one of the most toxic things that happen among YouTubers; Support For Support. I watch you so you watch me. It's a sad, fake relationship that just doesn't stand the test of time. I'm not proud of it.

Episode 7 proves to me once again that these things can easily go off in a direction I don't anticipate. In this episode, I explore the fact that I fundamentally lack a lot of the technical skills needed to produce "professional" content. I also allowed myself to express how I (apparently) really feel about some of the most successful people on YouTube. Still, it was important for me to stop and recognize that I have had some successes, however small and fleeting.