Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• Why Tantra allows you to be both fully spiritual and fully human

• The reason your nervous system goes numb trying to process intense emotion

• How to use spiritual practices as enrichment to your life rather than bypassing

• Why women's sexual energy after 40 years old ignites instead of dwindles

• A simple beginners' practice for overcoming ageism and unlocking confidence

Bio

Kirsti Kuosmanen is a lifelong artist, psychotherapist, and pioneer in women's sexuality and embodied spirituality. A professional actress since 1989 and a graduate of Drama Centre London, she is a founding member of Stella Polaris Improvisation Theatre, Finland's first improv theatre.

Alongside her performance career, Kirsti trained as a Gestalt Psychotherapist at the Gestalt Institute of Scandinavia and has spent nearly two decades guiding deep personal and relational transformation.

Her spiritual path began in 2006 and led her into Tantra in 2013, shaping her work at the intersection of psychology, embodiment, and sacred sexuality.

Kirsti is the author of Secrets of a Glowing Woman, Power Years of a Glowing Woman, and the forthcoming Garden of Venus. Kristi has trained extensively in Tantra, women's health, holotropic breathwork, psychedelic therapy, and coaching. She is a sought-after speaker for business organizations, teaching presence, communication, and embodied leadership.

You can follow Kirsti's work on Instagram and learn more on her website. Follow Layla!

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🌐 Website

💌 Weekly Email

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

🎶 Listen on Spotify

💋 MOOD Sexy Plant Activated Supplements

🔥 For Men: Men's Sexual Mastery

🌹 Obliss: The Sexual Masterclass for Women

Timestamps

00:00:00 - Guest introduction

00:04:27 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist: [FREE VITA Coaching Checklist]

00:07:02 - Why the birth of Kirsti's first child caused her a breakdown

00:08:57 - This is what it feels like to find your soul

00:14:18 - Tantra allows you to be both fully spiritual and fully human

00:15:22 - How the Tantric path supported Kirsti in a life transition through grief and loss

00:18:07 - Layla shares about her final conversation with her beloved stepfather

00:23:23 - Why your nervous system goes numb while trying to process intense emotion

00:26:13 - Experiencing spiritual practices as enrichment to your life rather than bypassing

00:29:16 - The witches were the original holders of grief, death, birth, and magic rituals

00:30:08 - [AD] MOOD Sex Magic - Podcast coupon code + 2 free sticks: [MOOD Sex Magic]

00:33:04 - Kirsti and Layla drink MOOD SEX MAGIC Elixir

00:37:02 - One of the top shadows that shows up in the Tantric field is ageism

00:39:38 - Why women's sexual energy ignites instead of dwindles after 40 years old

00:42:44 - Post-menopausal women used to use their power to become leaders and guides

00:45:46 - The younger male response Kirsti received when she began owning her sexuality

00:50:42 - Why men of ALL ages want to be sexually initiated, not just young men

00:54:00 - Some simple rules for experiencing Kundalini awakening

01:01:16 - Kirsti shares about her new book, Garden of Venus

01:05:29 - A simple beginners' practice for overcoming ageism and unlocking confidence

01:07:15 - Kirsti shares something she is currently struggling with and how she's overcoming it

01:08:44 - Conclusion

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• Layla and Rebecca share the stories of their Kundalini awakenings

• How undigested energy becomes trauma in our nervous systems

• How a Goddess dress and a case of norovirus became a spiritual crossroads for Layla

• How to tell whether your soul or your ego is speaking

• Rebecca's favorite simple way to stay connected with your soul

Bio

Rebecca Campbell is an international bestselling author, mystic, and spiritual teacher whose creations have inspired millions of people all over the world.

Her bestselling books, oracle decks, and trainings have been translated into over 40 languages worldwide and her work has been featured in Vogue, The Sunday Times, Oprah.com, Psychologies Magazine, and more.

Rebecca's mission is to support people to live a soul-led life and develop a direct experience of the sacred. Her events are full sensory experiences… you will always leave having shifted something energetically and connected deeply to your soul.

Buy her latest book, Your Soul Had A Dream, Your Life Is It.

Learn more about Rebecca's work on her website and follow her on Instagram. Follow Layla!

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🌐 Website

💌 Weekly Email

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

🎶 Listen on Spotify

💋 MOOD Sexy Plant Activated Supplements

🔥 For Men: Men's Sexual Mastery

🌹 Obliss: The Sexual Masterclass for Women

Timestamps

00:00:00 - Guest introduction

00:02:34 - Layla's invitation to you as you listen to this episode

00:04:31 - What does your soul most want you to know in this moment?

00:05:08 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

00:09:21 - Rebecca shares the experience that initiated her spiritual path

00:10:59 - The moment Layla realized there's something deeper inside of her

00:14:53 - Rebecca's first time seeing soul in her adult life

00:19:08 - The two appropriate responses for pretty much anything in life

00:20:22 - The story of the soul death portal Layla experienced when her stepfather passed

00:25:47 - How undigested energy becomes trauma in our nervous systems

00:29:49 - Western society doesn't know what to do with death or how to honor it

00:33:31 - [AD] [MOOD Sex Magic] - Podcast coupon code + 2 free sticks

00:36:53 - How a Goddess dress and a case of norovirus became a crossroads for Layla

00:39:52 - Birth, death, and grief are beautiful… but they're not pretty

00:42:33 - Why Rebecca was afraid to become a mom

00:50:01 - Rebecca's story of her Kundalini awakening

00:53:20 - Layla shares the story of her Kundalini awakening

00:59:04 - How Western culture has let those of us who have energetic awakenings down

01:03:09 - How simple obligations can help to ground and regulate an awakening

01:04:52 - Layla shares guidance for people having a Kundalini awakening

01:09:42 - How to tell whether your soul or your ego is speaking

01:17:57 - Rebecca shares her favorite simple way to stay connected with your soul

01:18:55 - Bonus question with Layla

01:24:39 - Conclusion

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• How pelvic floor health directly connects to pleasure

• How modern life and high heels create tightness in your pelvic floor

• What you can start doing now to improve your pelvic floor health

• Lauren's advice to women who feel numbness during sex

• Bonus pelvic floor practice with Layla

Bio

Lauren Ohayon is the creator of "Restore Your Core®" (RYC®), a comprehensive and sustainable fitness program that empowers women who aim to be strong, long, mobile, and functional.

With more than two decades' of experience as an internationally renowned pelvic floor movement specialist, Lauren focuses on resolving core and pelvic floor issues minus the "burn and shred" mentality. Her signature program has helped over 10,000 women regain confidence in their bodies and a life no longer limited by pain and pelvic floor symptoms. RYC® also boasts over 500 highly trained movement professionals around the world.

She is also the co-founder of Body Ready Method® which is rooted in the RYC® Method and offers evidence-based online pregnancy, birth, and recovery programs and has trained over 1,800 professionals globally.

Lauren and the RYC® teachers help women across the globe gain core strength, achieve ideal pelvic floor function, and learn to move efficiently and exercise optimally.

Learn more about Lauren's work on her website and follow her on YouTube and Instagram.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaurenohayon/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@restoreyourcoremethod

Website:

Normal UTM (if you are hyperlinking text): https://restoreyourcore.com/?utm_source=tantric_life&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=homepage&utm_campaign=promotion

Tiny URL (if the link shows): https://link.restoreyourcore.com/4d4b9uxv

Follow Layla!

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🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

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💋 MOOD Sexy Plant Activated Supplements

🔥 For Men: Men's Sexual Mastery

🌹 Obliss: The Sexual Masterclass for Women

Timestamps

00:00:00 - Guest introduction

00:02:58 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

00:04:26 - How pelvic floor health connects to pleasure and sexual experiences

00:09:24 - How modern life and high heels create tightness in your pelvic floor

00:12:51 - One of the best things you can do for your pelvic floor

00:19:07 - How the Tantric and Daoist traditions view the pelvic floor

00:22:54 - Why tighter isn't better for your pelvic floor

00:26:24 - Pelvic floor work should train the pelvic floor to be responsive

00:30:53 - MOOD Sex Magic - Podcast coupon code + 2 free sticks

00:35:10 - Loving your pelvic floor allows it to do what it needs to do to heal

00:37:34 - Why the most important part of a jade egg practice is your relationship to it

00:46:17 - What you can start doing now to improve your pelvic floor health

00:51:12 - Blood flow is the core biological basis of sensitivity in your body

00:56:11 - Lauren's advice to women who feel numbness during sex

00:59:57 - A powerful moment Lauren fell in love with the capacity of the pelvic floor

01:03:18 - What would happen if the whole world was in touch with their pelvic floor

01:06:13 - Conclusion

01:06:43 - Bonus pelvic floor practice with Layla

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• Layla explains what she calls the 3% in a relationship

• Why it's important to process challenges somatically using your bodies

• The #1 question Layla asks herself when conflict arises

• How to use conflict as a vehicle into a deeper level of connection

• How a couple in their 70s went from roommates to intimacy, safety, and turn-on

Bio

Fabienne Annick is a Sex, Love & Spirit Coach who sees sexuality and partnership as profound mirrors for self-awareness and gateways to healing, growth, and magic.

Her work is deeply inspired by her own exploration of conscious relationship with her beloved husband, Jef.

Explore Fabienne's programs and coaching on her website and follow her on Instagram.

Jef weaves together integrative psychology and cognitive restructuring as an improvisational art form. He has served as a consultant, coach, speaker, healer, teacher, and high performance mentor for more than a decade.

A master level Shadow EFT practitioner who has innovated his own methodology, Jef's highest ideal is to model and help people influence energetic/emotional mastery with patterns of thought that create internal harmonization.

His vision is one of stabilization and healing which continuously disperses itself throughout the collective psyche, while recognizing, honoring, and learning from the template of Union, alongside with his wife Fabienne, as their most sacred and valuable endeavor.

Discover Jef's powerful work on his website and follow him on Instagram.

Follow Layla!

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🌐 Website

💌 Weekly Email

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

🎶 Listen on Spotify

💋 MOOD Sexy Plant Activated Supplements

🔥 For Men: Men's Sexual Mastery

🌹 Obliss: The Sexual Masterclass for Women

Timestamps 00:00:57 - Guest introduction

00:02:59 - Layla explains what she calls the 3% in a relationship

00:04:33 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

00:06:06 - Fabi and Jef share their epic engagement story

00:14:53 - How sovereignty and self-responsibility show up in conflict

00:19:16 - Why your relationship with yourself impacts your partner's ability to relate to you

00:23:03 - The value of processing things individually before coming together as a couple

00:24:15 - Keys to processing challenges in connection somatically with your bodies

00:26:14 - Second ad: MOOD Sex Magic (clean, scientifically-backed aphrodisiac supplement)

00:28:07 - Layla's top question for herself when conflict arises

00:35:47 - How to practice self-responsibility during relational challenges

00:47:04 - Fabi shares how she uses parts work to process high emotional intensity

00:55:03 - We all still think we're the only one who is broken and flawed

00:57:37 - Layla share the 5 core emotions that feel the most vulnerable for her in conflict

01:03:11 - 95% of humanity's problems come from the unwillingness to feel pain

01:07:00 - How to use conflict as a vehicle into a deeper level of connection

01:13:24 - What it looks like to walk through life as a perpetual student

01:17:06 - Fabi shares an experience of conflict with Jef that put her in full denial

01:24:55 - A vulnerable moment that made Jef fall more in love with Fabi

01:31:44 - Jef shares how a couple in their 70s went from roommates to safety and turn-on

01:39:08 - Conclusion

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• Exactly what the "witch wound" is and where it lives in your body

• The one thing Layla would change in the Catholic teachings

• Why spiritual lies live inside our bodies as self-hatred

• How spirituality impacts our ability to be a sexual being

• What most people still don't understand about Mary Magdalene

Bio

Meggan Watterson is the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Mary Magdalene Revealed. She is a feminist theologian with a Master of Theological Studies from Harvard Divinity School and a Master of Divinity from Union Theological Seminary.

Meggan is the founder of The House of Mary Magdalene, a spiritual community that studies the sacred texts left out of the traditional canon and practices the soul-voice meditation.

Her work has appeared in media outlets such as The New York Times, The New Yorker, HuffPost, TEDxWomen, and Marie Claire.

Meggan's most recent book, The Girl Who Baptized Herself, was recommended by Glennon Doyle in ELLE as "the book that kept me up way too late."

You can follow Meggan's work on Instagram and find her books, meditations, and offerings on her website. Follow Layla!

🌸 Instagram

🌐 Website

💌 Weekly Email

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

🎶 Listen on Spotify

💋 MOOD Sexy Plant Activated Supplements

🔥 For Men: Men's Sexual Mastery

🌹 Obliss: The Sexual Masterclass for Women

Timestamps

00:00:45 - Guest introduction

00:02:36 - The moment the gospel of Mary Magdalene began transforming Meggan's life 00:05:40 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

00:06:20 - Layla explains the messaging that Catholic scripture sends to women

00:12:32 - The shift in Christianity from fighting the unjust to enforcing it

00:19:41 - How distorted teachings contribute to loneliness and alienation

00:24:43 - A sovereign power exists within every person

00:26:36 - The one thing Layla would change in the Catholic teachings

00:33:00 - How experiencing rage helped Meggan finally return to her body

00:36:21 - The original definition of salvation

00:42:46 - We are only ever as far from our power as we are from our own embodiment

00:49:32 - Spiritual lies live inside our bodies as negative self talk and self-rejection

00:58:53 - Meggan shares her experience with self-doubt and a desire for external validation

01:05:18 - Layla shares the hallmarks of the Tantric tradition

01:17:37 - How spirituality impacts our ability to be a fully expressed sexual being

01:23:59 - It's easier to control men who don't have a power center outside of religion

01:30:15 - What most people still don't understand about Mary Magdalene

01:32:15 - A simple practice you can do right now to reconnect with the voice of love within you

01:43:09 - Conclusion

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• Ian's definition of great sex and how you can bring it into practice

• Why basic chemical attraction is part of what keeps couples together

• How dating apps impact relational and sexual experiences

• The number one key to Ian and his wife's sex life after 25 years together

• A daily practice for men and one for women to enhance presence and pleasure

Bio

Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sex therapist who works with individuals and couples on a range of relational issues that often lead to distress.

He's regularly featured as an expert in various media, such as The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Economist, and NPR, as well as contributes regularly on the topic of relationships for CNN.

Ian lectures frequently, with recent presentations for the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, the Ackerman Institute, Tony Robbins, Goop, and TED 2021, and is the New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First and the recently published So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.

In addition to being a Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT), Ian is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and is also a member of the American Family Therapy Academy (AFTA).

He's the co-founder and co-director of the Sex Therapy Program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy, one of the oldest and most respected not-for-profit mental health training and treatment facilities in New York City.

You can learn more about Ian's work on his website. Follow Layla!

🌸 Instagram

🌐 Website

💌 Weekly Email

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

🎶 Listen on Spotify

💋 MOOD Sexy Plant Activated Supplements

🔥 For Men: Men's Sexual Mastery

🌹 Obliss: The Sexual Masterclass for Women

Timestamps

00:00:46 - Guest introduction 00:02:36 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist: FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

00:05:21 - Ian shares how his personal experience inspired him bring his work to the world

00:10:28 - The science behind how pleasure is created in the vagina through intercourse

00:15:53 - How sensual touch above the waist and communication impact sex and pleasure

00:16:59 - How to get a woman's desire going and enhance it throughout sex

00:24:25 - Ian shares his definition of great sex

00:31:18 - Layla explains what a recap after a sexual experience is and how it helps

00:33:00 - Ian and Layla drink MOOD SEX MAGIC

00:37:17 - How basic chemical attraction is part of what keeps couples together

00:39:45 - Can you create sexual desire if it was never there in the first place?

00:43:39 - Chemistry comes in all different forms

00:47:33 - Why porn is easier than partnered sex

00:55:54 - Ian shares what he sees as the biggest contributors to sexual issues

01:00:11 - How dating apps impact relational and sexual experiences

01:06:37 - The role willingness plays when it comes to sex in a long-term partnership

01:09:55 - The 3 different ways sex gets started

01:13:10 - The big key to Ian and his wife's sex life after 25 years together

01:13:56 - Conclusion

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• Different ways we unknowingly leak our sexual energy in modern life

• Key ways to begin rebuilding your sexual energy

• How exchanging energy with your partner leads to increased pleasure

• What obstacles men face in becoming multi-orgasmic and how to fix them

• A simple practice to feel your Qi in less than 30 seconds

Bio

Lee Holden is a Qi Gong Master who has brought ancient tradition to the mainstream. He's the author of the bestselling book Ready, Set, SLOW and a PBS favorite with shows such as Less Stress, More Energy and Your Fountain of Youth.

Lee is the founder of Holden Qi Gong, an online education center for Eastern Wisdom.

You can learn more about Lee's work on his website and find him on Instagram:

@holdenqigongofficial Follow Layla!

🌸 Instagram

🌐 Website

💌 Weekly Email

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

🎶 Listen on Spotify

💋 MOOD Sexy Plant Activated Supplements

🔥 For Men: Men's Sexual Mastery

🌹 Obliss: The Sexual Masterclass for Women

Timestamps 00:00:00 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

00:00:51 - Guest introduction

00:02:11 - Discover the VITA™ Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching Certification

00:05:30 - Sexual energy as the source of vitality

00:13:26 - When you can celebrate your power, you no longer have to hate yourself

00:14:41 - Transforming sexual energy into life force energy into spiritual energy

00:17:50 - Sexual energy is universal energy

00:22:24 - Get 2 FREE stick packs of MOOD SEX MAGIC™ Elixir using code PODCAST

00:24:20 - Different ways we unknowingly leak our sexual energy in modern life

00:27:45 - Layla's shares her favorite question to take inventory of your stress

00:32:52 - When you're inspired about the future, you have more energy in the present

00:40:36 - Key ways to begin rebuilding your sexual energy

00:44:19 - How sexuality used to be part of prescribed medicine

00:49:54 - How exchanging energy with your partner leads to increased pleasure

00:52:42 - What multi-orgasmic means for men

00:58:34 - How Lee learned to become multi-orgasmic

01:02:03 - Layla's shares her story of how she learned to be multi-orgasmic

01:04:06 - What obstacles men face in becoming multi-orgasmic and how to fix them

01:06:34 - Why becoming multi-orgasmic is important for both the man and his lover

01:09:12 - Energy work can build a bridge so both partners feel in the mood

01:10:51 - How slowing down during sex heightens and amplifies sexual energy

01:11:59 - Lee shares a simple practice to feel your Qi in less than 30 seconds

01:15:08 - Conclusion

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

• How the American approach to pleasure compares to other cultures

• Layla shares one of her favorite cemetery sex stories

• The #1 way to get back into a sexual headspace

• How to approach shame around your sexuality

• Dr. Kate shares a take home practice you can use to connect with your body sexually

Bio

Dr. Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D is a Licensed Psychologist (Clinical and Forensic) in California, Florida, New York, and Illinois. She's a Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist – Supervisor, and PACT III trained couples' therapist.

As the Founder of Modern Intimacy, a nationwide therapy practice, Dr. Balestrieri is a passionate advocate for mental, relational, and sexual health. Throughout her work, Dr. Balestrieri focuses on helping people build resilience and recovery from what ails them to move from a position of pain or discomfort to one of thriving holistically in their lives.

Dr. Balestrieri is the author of What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist's Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection and Pleasure, and is the host of the Get Naked with Dr. Kate podcast.

You can learn more about Dr. Balestrieri's work on her website and find Dr. Balestrieri on Instagram: @drkatebalestrieri Timestamps 00:00:00 - Take your business to the next level with my FREE VITA Coaching Checklist

00:00:55 - Guest introduction

00:01:54 - Discover the VITA™ Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching Certification

00:04:39 - Dr. Kate's 2025 mid-year sex in review

00:05:20 - The top ways Dr. Kate sees people lose desire

00:08:40 - How the American approach to pleasure compares to other cultures

00:11:15 - Layla shares one of her favorite cemetery sex stories

00:13:54 - Layla and Dr. Kate drink MOOD SEX MAGIC Elixir

00:16:19 - Dr. Kate shares a deep dive into her work with sex and addiction

00:18:22 - Get 2 FREE stick packs of MOOD SEX MAGIC™ Elixir using code PODCAST

00:20:27 - What it's like working with sex offenders in prison settings

00:25:04 - How better prevention can stop sexual violence

00:28:02 - The #1 way to get back into a sexual headspace

00:30:50 - How sexuality has changed from a cultural perspective over the last 20 years

00:32:11 - Dr. Kate's personal favorite thing about sex

00:32:54 - Dr. Kate shares her current sexual growth edges both personally and professionally

00:35:14 - How to approach shame around your sexuality

00:36:28 - Layla explains what it means to "eat shame for breakfast"

00:37:33 - Dr. Kate shares a take home practice you can use to connect with your body sexually

00:39:17 - Pleasure comes from within and you can access it anytime you desire

00:42:35 - Conclusion

Show Notes

• Take your business to the next level with my ⁠VITA™ Coaching Checklist⁠

• The difference between objective truth vs. your truth (a.k.a. how to stop arguing with your own assumptions)

• A practical script for conflict that doesn't melt into blame soup

• The Five A's of Requests (Ask, Acknowledgement, Apology, Action, Agreements)

• How to repair trust and build integrity like it's a daily gym routine

• Why "Do you want to be heard, helped, or held?" is the relationship cheat code

• Men's work, shame alchemy, and the real work of becoming who you say you are

Bio

Andrew Horn is an entrepreneur, writer, and relational leadership coach whom Forbes calls "Dale Carnegie for the digital age." He grew his last company, Tribute, to eight figures in revenue and millions of users, landing on the Inc. 500, before stepping away to focus on coaching and transformation. He also co-founded Junto, a community for leaders to explore men's work and personal growth. Andrew has shared his insights on global stages including Conscious Capitalism, Summit Series, and Google Talks, and coaches founders and executives from some of today's most innovative companies, including Hinge, Casper, and Everyday Dose.

Learn more about Andrew's work ⁠on his website⁠, at ⁠Junto⁠, and follow him on Instagram @itsandrewhorn

00:00 Truth hits like electricity: authenticity, curiosity, presence

01:01 Meet Andrew Horn and why "being right" is overrated

03:03 The Burning Man suitcase origin story

04:00 Take your business to the next level with my ⁠VITA™ Coaching Checklist ⁠

05:31 "I love the sh*t out of you" - friendship, on record

08:07 Bad communication = hyperbolic criticism (why "never/always" backfires)

09:41 Learning to meet fire with skill (Non Violent Communication, ownership, objectivity)

10:56 Gestalt wake-up: three pillars to speak from your spine

13:40 The eye-contact exercise that turned truth into lightning

15:02 Coffee-machine confession: when honesty cracks reality open

16:09 Matrix moment: you don't meet people, you meet your story about them

19:16 Layla's jungle-cult nights and the psychedelic power of saying the uncomfortable thing

25:02 Choosing aliveness over being liked

27:49 Objective > subjective: the foundation of clean communication

31:16 Feelings at work and the "clear ask" example

32:12 Get 2 FREE sticks packs of ⁠MOOD SEX MAGIC™ Elixir⁠ using code PODCAST at checkout

34:02 Curiosity as the antidote to mind-reading

39:46 Byron Katie and "everyone makes sense to themselves"

43:49 Boundaried vs. boundaryless and the sacred pause

47:45 "Violent" (charged) communication vs. objective language

51:10 Needs-based consciousness (OFNER) - a map out of reactivity

52:26 The Five A's of requests: Ask, Acknowledgement, Apology, Action, Agreements

58:24 Why agreements beat "good intentions" every time

1:00:55 Rituals that keep love alive: weekly check-ins & love dates

1:01:12 "Therapy speak" complaints - the pragmatic reframe

1:02:40 Integrity = knowing yourself, speaking the truth, and keeping agreements

1:06:37 Rebuilding integrity after breaches: deconditioning and working with shame

*Correction: Nonviolent Communication was developed by Marshall Rosenberg (not Marshall Goldsmith).

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my ⁠FREE VITA Coaching Checklist⁠

• How Shay's childhood taught her the impact trauma has on adult relationships

• Why we have a tendency to draw in partners who are a perfect match for our wound

• How to know if you're in a dead end dynamic in your relationship

• The one question Shay asks herself when her inner saboteur comes up

• The importance of loving your parts so they don't hijack you in destructive ways

Bio

Shay Aiyana is the best-selling author of Becoming the One and the founder of Rising Woman, a global community dedicated to self-healing, relational transformation, and spiritual embodiment. Her work blends somatic awareness, inner child healing, and grounded spiritual insight to guide millions through the landscapes of heartbreak, love, and personal rebirth.

With a writing style that is both poetic and piercingly clear, Shay weaves personal storytelling with practical tools to offer readers a deeply human, emotionally resonant experience. Her words are a balm for those who have been lost in self-abandonment, teaching them how to come home to themselves with compassion and truth.

Having grown up in foster care and overcome cycles of abuse, addiction, and heartbreak, Shay's teachings are not theoretical – they are lived. Through Rising Woman, she has helped millions remember that healing is not about becoming someone else, but about reclaiming the love, power, and wholeness that was always theirs.

Learn more about Shay's work on the ⁠Rising Woman website⁠ and follow her on Instagram ⁠@sheleanaaiyana⁠

Timestamps

00:00:00 - Take your business to the next level with my ⁠FREE VITA Coaching Checklist ⁠

00:00:59 - Discover the ⁠VITA™ Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching Certification ⁠

00:02:29 - Guest introduction

00:04:39 - How Shay's childhood taught her the impact trauma has on adult relationships

00:07:30 - Why we have a tendency to draw in partners who are a perfect match for our wound

00:09:26 - How raising a child has helped Shay recognize adult attachment behaviors

00:13:01 - There are different levels of the expression of your wounds

00:17:04 - Why attachment and trauma wounds need to heal through relationships

00:21:24 - What is a healthy amount of healing that can be done in a relationship?

00:23:14 - How to know if you're in a dead end dynamic in your relationship

00:27:01 - A conversation that taught Shay she wasn't the partner she thought she was

00:29:31 - What it looks like to let your partner off the hook but still be self-responsible

00:32:14 - Get 2 FREE stick packs of ⁠MOOD SEX MAGIC™ Elixir⁠ using code PODCAST at checkout

00:36:03 - How changing your self-approach to "I've got you little one" shifts everything

00:40:52 - How being honest about your hurt in the moment improves your relationship

00:46:30 - How bringing "death energy" to her husband deepened Shay's marriage

00:49:49 - The one question Shay asks herself when her inner saboteur comes up

00:52:31 - A breakdown of Shay's first book, Becoming the One

00:56:52 - Layla's biggest takeaway from this powerful conversation

01:01:43 - True mastery is loving your parts so they don't hijack you in destructive ways

01:04:40 - 4 pieces of wisdom Shay used to create a better life than she was born into

01:06:38 - Conclusion