This Thing Rules

Who doesn't want a nice tall glass of salt and hard liquor first thing in the morning? Well, healthy people, probably. Well, what if there was tomato juice and celery too, is that healthy enough for you? The Bloody Mary is an absurd cocktail no matter how you look at it, but it gets even dumber when you start sticking asparagus and strips of bacon and maybe even small hamburgers in it. Yet, that's something people regularly do... in broad daylight no less! Join Brian Altano and Max Scoville as they pour out some bartending lore, cautionary anecdotes and tipsy tricks regarding this gross drunk morning soup. Here's that photo of hungover Max with that princess dog toy.

Intro contains clips from "Buddy" of Adam Sandler's 1993 album "They're All Gonna Laugh At You," the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes animated series, and a way too sexy early 90s Clamato commercial.

Gummi candy rules! But wait, what counts as “gummi?” Gummi bears, sure, but not gum. What about fruit snacks, Swedish Fish, Jelly Babies, and so on? It’s hard to say, but one thing’s for certain: that Haribo bear is suspicious as all hell. Still, we’re willing to let it slide because he makes such yummy little candies. We (“we”) actually did some research for this episode, and we’re happy to report that the origins of our favorite sweets and treats are as weird as we’d hoped.

If you’d like to read the wonky (but not Wonka-y) candy book Max keeps referring to, it’s Sweets: A History of Candy by Tim Richardson. You can also just watch Unwrapped, which is probably more appropriately junk foody in its presentation. 

Intro contains clips from commercials for Trolli Sour Brite-Crawlers, Amazin’ Fruit Gummy Bears, Bassett’s Jelly Babies as well as the terrifying mid-credits scene of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and the episode of The Simpsons with the Gummi Venus De Milo and Homer getting accused of sleeping nude in an oxygen tent to get sexual powers.

Alligators rule! And so do crocodiles! Though they’re regularly vilified in popular media, these modern-day dinosaurs (that aaaaactually have been around almost as long) don’t deserve such a bad rep. We were fascinated with these radical reptiles as kids, and as adults, we’ve somehow wound up dealing with them for vaguely work-related reasons on more than one occasion, which just got us even more worked up about the big leathery monsters. Join us as we sing the praises of these prehistoric terrors of Florida, share some tales (and tails) of our own alligator adventures, and spout questionably accurate scientific trivia about them. Bear in mind: we are alligator enthusiasts, not experts. Zippity zound, alligators all around!

If you want to check out the cool stuff actual alligator experts Chris Gillette and Gabbi Nikole are doing, frequently involving alligators, check them out on Instagram @gatorboys_chris and @gabbinikolle. If you don’t believe we went swimming with a real alligator (or how stupid we said our wetsuits looked) you can find that here, and you can see us riding around on a fanboat like an old married couple that rides fanboats, that’s here. If you’d like to see a really stupid video involving a monitor lizard (the underachieving loser cousin of the alligator) we have one of those as well.

Intro contains clips from E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, Lake Placid, Happy Gilmore and a Gator Golf commercial.