Three Cylinder Stardrive

There is a movie called "5G Zombies".  We watched it.  It was horrible.  Probably worse than any other movie we have dared to watch.  We made it through to the end even though both of us wanted to shut it off.  We also watched "Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings" which was incredible and we review that here.  Happy Labor Day, folks!

If you love 2D rendered special effects, the re-use of rubber severed limbs, watching as a stuffed animal is torn apart or a gorilla suit posing as a Sasquatch costume, then you'll love this gem we found in the garbage.  Tune in to hear the highlights, or just watch it on Tubi with commercials.  You'll need those breaks in between the insanity.

Cannibal women?  Check.  Radical Feminists? Check.  An avocado jungle that takes up most of Southern California for some reason? Check.  Bill Maher? Ew.  Yep.  This one was a doozy.  

Have you ever heard of that creepy sailor boy doll which is supposed to be possessed and has been supposedly responsible for a few deaths?  Well, this movie isn't about that actual doll.  In "Robert", we have a doll that looks strangely like Willem Dafoe but if he had been stung about the face by a swarm of bees.  This slow-paced (and we ain't kiddin'... it's S-L-O-W) movie takes literally 42 minutes to go anywhere at all toward a horror film, and it tries hard to be just a family drama with a weird little Willem Defoe doll that goes all murdery.  

On this episode, we look into the sad, sad, button eyes of the killer sofa which is actually a recliner.  It kills people because it's possessed by a demon.  It's a really fun movie, so sit back, relax, put your feet up, and try not to get stabbed by its large springs.

This week we take a look at "Nightman", a comic book turned television show that ran for two seasons from 1996-1998.  It was created by Glen A. Larson, a prolific creator who is responsible for such classics as "Magnum P.I.", "Battlestar Galactica", "Knight Rider" and "Hawaii Five-O".  Well, even great creatives sometimes make garbage.  Nightman is currently available on the free (with commercials) streaming service Tubi.  It is, in every way, unintentionally funny.  I mean, it's about a "famous" saxophonist (who solos at a club no less) who is struck by lightening on a cable car and suddenly can hear the bad guy's thoughts.  What can go wrong?

A first for us, we review "A Glitch in the Matrix", a "documentary" (we use the term lightly) about... you guessed it... whether or not we are living in a simulation.  Well, the "documentary" falls victim to many of the logical fallacies that many people today are prone, mainly false cause and cognitive dissonance.  When are people going to realize that anecdotes do not equal evidence?  You can check it out on Hulu, and be warned, most of the "witnesses" in the program are only visible via their weird gaming avatar.  

Because we usually review horrible movies on this podcast, movies that are so bad they are unintentionally funny, we watched the latest Fast and the Furious mess that is called "F9".  Probably written by a 5 year old, listen in as we talk about the reasons you should watch this movie, and not all of them have to do with the fact that it was so bad we laughed all the way through it.

We have reviewed some real stinkers in our day, but this one made us force each other to finish it.  "Monster Force Zero" is about a bunch of zeroes who, with zero plot, zero talent and zero budget fight aliens on behalf of other aliens while throwing out one liners from other movies and somehow getting away with using licensed costumes without permission.  Oh, and there are furries.  Lots of furries!

In this episode we break down all the upcoming movies premiering this summer and some that are coming later in the year.  These are the films we are excited to see, and we hope you rush back to the theater now that the vaccine is available for free.