If heaven’s only good enough for you if other people can’t have it, then you’re not ready for it yet. But don’t beat yourself up about it.

If you steal root beer and then lie about it, you’re trying to kill Aslan. And, by the way, you might as well forget about trying to turn a baseball card into a dinosaur.

It doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out the difference between Old and New Testaments. A water bottle and a little mercy go a long way.

You’re eating a burrito and you notice a monster rose right over your shoulder. Just remember that yellow is for friendship.

Monday bonus! When it comes to a good beard, there’s just not that much to be said. We defy this principle. (Feat. Dmac)