Can we still have a reasonable discussion about a male-only priesthood in a post-“Junior”-starring-Arnold-Schwarzeneggar world? You’ll just have to listen to find out.

Let’s be honest, at our best we feel like A.C. Slater climbing onto a backwards chair. But there are the Screech moments as well.

If heaven’s only good enough for you if other people can’t have it, then you’re not ready for it yet. But don’t beat yourself up about it.

If you steal root beer and then lie about it, you’re trying to kill Aslan. And, by the way, you might as well forget about trying to turn a baseball card into a dinosaur.

It doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out the difference between Old and New Testaments. A water bottle and a little mercy go a long way.