In this episode your host, Gary Monti, discusses how to neutralize one of the impediments to humility – reactivity. Topics include:

The danger or reactivity

Definition of humility and its benefits

Humility is contrasted with reactivity

A range of emotions associated with reactivity and the trouble they can cause

Rage

Greed

Instinct

Desire

Jealousy

Pride

Reactive patterns develop in response to the emotions if they are left unchecked

The patterns can grow and interlace with each other compounding the situation

Meditation can help dissolve the reactive patterns and return to a humble state

Mid-life crises are discussed and how one can work through them

The elusiveness of humility, especially as we get older, and its root-cause is discussed

Reactive patterns take on a life of their own

When it comes to meditating simply sitting still can be a big challenge

The eventual reward is to just be which makes room for joy, discipline, compassion, and empathy not to mention the opportunity to be with others and have community and a sense of flow

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In today’s podcast we sit down with Kwame Christian, Esq., an attorney specializing in family- and business law. We will discuss

Business Operations Planning and Continuity

Business Succession Planning

If you want to jump to a particular topic in the podcast click on the timestamp below.

00:00  Why do we need succession planning? When an owner dies what is next? Who takes care of the business after the owner dies?

03:00 The funeral home is not the best time or place to start answering those questions. If left unaddressed issues from the past that need time and negotiations to resolve come to the surface and usually cause damage. Better to plan when everything is okay.

05:00 What are reasonable expectations of an attorney?

07:38  Set the stage for success by talking with your attorney before there is a problem. They attorney can guide you through the process of succession planning.

08:12  Kwame discusses ethical issues attorneys must address. This includes knowing when to withdraw due to lack of agreement between the owner and (future) survivors or between the eventual survivors themselves.

10:43  The law works best when used to create agreements before hand rather than as a means to resolve disputes after the owner(s) death.

11:50  Kwame relates the “Game of Thrones” metaphor one of his associates uses to describe how few family-owned businesses make it to the third generation.

13:43  Succession planning works best when started at the beginning of a business. This includes:

putting an operation agreement in place

having a buy-sell agreement.

15:15  The difficulties associated with the owner(s) looking at their own death is discussed with regards to business succession planning and estate planning.

17:00  There are benefits associated with planning when all is going well, the two greatest being clarity and peace-of-mind.

18:40  Unresolved issues with regards to planing for the future can lead to costly mistakes in the business today.

19:49  Kwame discusses the toxic impact of arrogance and fear. Gary discusses some change management issues that arise in such situations – usually a sense of invincibility on the owner’s part. During family/business meetings a blanket denial of the “elephant(s) in the room” can occur making the attorney’s job that much more difficult and the number of wasted billable hours increases.

26:55  Kwame discusses the need to negotiate and suggest going to his podcast (Negotiation For Entrepreneurs) at one of his websites, the American Negotiation Institute.

28:24  The discussion shifts to humor and it reflects the challenge associated with keeping the humanity of the situation included in the legal transactions in order to avoid getting lost in the law. Kwame discusses how the law is meant to keep people within certain boundaries. The key is combining the two (humanity and law) to get to a negotiated deal that meets the participants needs.

29:46  At least three different frame-of-mind are running through the situation:

operational “truth” – the way the family-owned business runs

emotional  “truth” – the frame-of-mind and emotional state each individual has in terms of how they perceive the situation and respond/react to that situation

legal “truth” – the possibilities, options, and limits present under the law

Successful negotiations are achieved when, for everyone involved, there is alignment between the three different systems.

32:30  The more work done ahead of time to resolve the emotional issues the better the legal part of the work will go.

Our co-host, Jennifer, listened to the three prior podcasts on humility and today she shares with Gary her view on the topics:

Humility vs Humiliation

Humility and Abundance

Humility and Freedom

In thinking about the differences between humility and humiliation real-life experiences bubbled to the surface for Jennifer. For example, her job of 11 years where her boss had a very different management style than Jennifer. Her success in that job had a large part to do with Jennifer deflecting her boss’s micro-management style by practicing humility both with her boss and her direct reports. She kept the turnover rate on her team very low.

Jennifer then gives an example from her personal life – dealing with her ex-husband. This is contrasted with having a relationship with someone who also believes in humility. It engenders trust and improves the relationship. Which led her to the podcast on humility and abundance. No need to be perfect, just willing to make room for each other and work on the relationship.

Moving on to humility and freedom Jennifer was reminded of when early in her career she felt she had to prove herself, have no flaws, and “do it all!” without accepting help. She relates a story of regret with regards to a time someone offered her help and Jennifer initially refused, to which the woman making the offer replied, “If you never ask for help no one will ever know you are human.” Accepting that help made a great difference in Jennifer’s management style, which helped later in life with the micromanaging boss.

Jennifer and Gary discuss the impact of Jungian Type on the perceptions of humility vs humiliation.

The discussion moves to the relationship between “being right” and humility/humiliation.

Why is humility difficult to practice? The relationship between humility and karma is discussed.

The final topic is the importance of humility in promoting a sense of togetherness in a relationship.

Well, that concludes another podcast in the Power of Humility series.

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Today’s topic, humility and freedom, is a continuation of the power of humility series.

Recall the definition of humility is choosing to go to a small place, representing an awareness of what one can and can’t do. One side-effect (or benefit) of humility is experiencing freedom.

To get an idea of what freedom is let’s start with defining what it isn’t. Lack of freedom is being trapped and at the core of being trapped is suffering. In turn, suffering is based on being attached to something or someone.

An example of attachment is given: hitting my thumb with a hammer. There are two distinct components to this situation: the actual pain felt and how I decided to deal with that pain. Suffering is getting hung up on the pain, e.g., feeling sorry for myself, feeling I can take it out on others, etc.

A distinction is made with regards to the value of the physical pain, i.e., getting me to pay attention to thumb to avoid hurting it further and to allow it to heal.

At the core, freedom is being present with what is occurring and letting go of suffering.

Decision points deciding to be free or suffer occur throughout the day and I do have the power to choose to suffer, e.g., pushing my child to get an A on a test, that woman will love me, boss will give a raise, etc. Or, I can choose to simply be present with what is, immerse myself in the experience and be present. Choosing the latter approach frees me to see what is available in the moment. In other words, see options.

Choosing to attach to an experience and become reactive creates tunnel vision and options fly out the window.

Presence includes being with the specific activity or person in front of me while also being aware of the environment and what is going on in the periphery.

One example of enjoying the freedom that comes with humility and being present is sitting in the sunroom in the morning with Jeny, enjoying her presence but also being aware of the squirrel outside trying to steal seed from the bird feeder, the cats vying for position on our laps, etc.

Freedom can also be present with uncomfortable tasks. The letting go of the difficulties and/or uncomfortable feelings opens up the opportunity to see and pursue options.

Astronauts formally train to do this letting go activity by going through an risk management exercise called, “The next thing that can kill me is _______ .” This helps them learn how to respond to a situation rather than react and lose site of options.

How do I get to a reactive state? By having expectations. With expectations there is a desire to control someone or something beyond my humility boundary. Attention disappears and there is just a pushing of my agenda, e.g., pushing my child to get an A or badgering my spouse or partner to be a certain way.

Expectations lead to throwing away freedom. Suffering results.

This is an age-old problem. The Roman philosopher Epictetus (c. 50 AD) stated, “There is pain and there is torture. Pain is when we now the source of our discomfort. Torture is when we don’t.” Suffering creates torture and the associated blindness. When in pain I can see the options available and decide what to do. This is exercising freedom. This also applies to when feeling well.

Expectations lead to an unrealistic sense of control, a cause-and-effect relationship between me and the person or situation I want to satisfy me expectation.

The listener is challenged to look for situations where they abandon their freedom or decide to remain humble and embrace the freedom.

Now, there is a paradox with regards to humility and ambition.  It is fine to have goals and make certain sacrifices. However, it is important to watch out for the risk of turning oneself over to the desired goal and losing oneself,

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Thrive and Connect, the second in a series of podcasts dealing with the power of humility. Today I’ll talk about how the practice of humility can lead to abundance.

  I am your host, Gary Monti, publisher of Aurelius Press, providing the only Jungian Type assessments, the Majors PT Elements and PT Inventory, that not only provide both whole Type, those 4 letters such as ESTP, but also real-time measure of the 8 Jungian mental processes, introverted Thinking, extroverted Sensing, etc., providing information on both how one tends to think based on the neural pathways established at birth but also adaptations that have been made while moving through life. For more information go to aureliuspress.com.

Let’s get back to our topic Humility and Abundance.

You might recall the last episode differentiated humility from humiliation and the results may not have been that exciting. After all, it might not sound very cheerful when even in health it’s all about going to a small place.

So what to do? This is where humility opens the door to something very powerful — abundance.

Personally, learning this lesson was a big surprise to me.

Without going into details I can say I spent a large part of my life in the confusion between humility and humiliation. The short version is I tried to make humiliation work. That created a rather painful, frustrating trap of feeling stuck in a small place with no way to get out since it was someone else’s fault I was in there and my only way out was by trying to please the other person who was rummaging around inside my head. Not a happy way to live!

In turn, I tried to compensate for this insanity by trying to please that voice inside my head believing I should be able to do everything by myself – I should be a Superman!

Well, if ever there was a death trap, that was it. No matter what was achieved it wasn’t enough. Humiliation is a black hole with an infinite appetite.

Eventually I burned out trying to fill it and started looking for something else. This something else ended up being humility, which, surprisingly, led to my discovery of abundance. Abundance makes it fine being in a small place. Abundance does this by facilitating connection.

Let me explain with a personal story — something that happened recently. I tried planning what appeared to be a rather ordinary social event. The secret reality was that while the event may appear ordinary on the surface it had importance to me. In fact it had mythic significance. Again, it was just meant to be a pleasant time, or so it seemed.

I was taken by surprise when one of the invitees said they were already planning an event around that time, it was something they did every year, the date was important, etc., etc., etc. They ended up inviting the same people that I was planning to invite. (I’ll come back to this other person later in the podcast.)

I chose to let go of my plans. This ended up being a triggering event that brought up the humiliation. Ironically, the getting past humiliations of the past was the mythic component of the event I was planning. Finally, I was free! Or so I thought. Can you believe it!

But then I thought, “Wait a minute! This is a chance to continue working with humility and getting beyond humiliation.” And that is what I did.

The work consisted of staying with the process of letting go of the reactivity humiliation creates and staying out of the personal hell created by holding on to urges to do whatever (you can fill in that blank with some of the urges you might have had in the past to set people straight, get even, etc.)

By the way, the work to free myself was done through Dharma practice (I’m a secular Buddhist) and I was able to go to the other party and actua...

Hi, and welcome to today’s podcast. I am your host, Gary Monti, publisher of Aurelius Press (aureliuspress.com).

Today’s podcast is the first in a series dealing with the power of humility. We’ll start with how humility is frequently viewed and confused with humiliation.

It would be an understatement to say in today’s world humility is not one of the desired traits needed for taking care of oneself and getting ahead in life. In fact, humility is often viewed as something for weaklings, those who don’t have what it takes to get the relationships they want and get ahead in the world. I strongly disagree and believe those criticisms are based on confusion humility with humiliation. (more on that later.)

Now, there is a real power associated with humility. In fact, when students or clients ask me what traits must a good leader possess both in personal and professional life I reply, “There are 3 key traits, courage, discipline, and humility.”

1. Courage. Leaders venture into the unknown where the rulebook increasingly loses its relevance. This is a pretty scary place to be. Courage based on the belief in oneself and the team is essential for success to occur. This is true in personal life when a couple are going through the challenges of their relationship. Also, when a parent is dealing with a change or crisis a child may be having.

2. Discipline. There are two aspects associated with discipline. The first one is having a stick-to-itiveness where one continues persevering in the face of discouragement and challenges. The second component has to do with building oneself intellectually and spiritually in order to have the personal tools needed to work through the situation. Think of how a piano student practices and practices until there actions are spinal and their hands just know what to do.

3. Humility. Simply put, humility is knowing what I can and can’t do. It is knowing where my limits are. The importance, then, of humility is understanding there are times when bringing in others for support is critical. This all sounds well and good and I would guess you are in agreement. We need, though to make this real — put some flesh and muscle on the bones of intellectual definitions.

A deeper dive will help where we look at the real challenges as well as the benefits associated with practicing humility.

One of the best ways to bring the concept of humility into focus is to contrast it with its nemesis, humiliation. We can start with their definitions which have some common ground but then diverge significantly.

There are two parts to the definitions of these words. The first part is the same for both and its origins are in the word “humus,” meaning rich earth. This comes from earth-based religions where one is taught to think about their roots, where they come from, who nurtured them, and that we each have a place in the world but it is a small one compared to the broader universe and is not necessarily at the center. Consequently, the first part of the definitions of humility and humiliation is “to go to a small place.”

That’s tough enough as it is. This is the 21st century. Who wants to go to a small place?! “I want it all!” “Me first!” Those are what is encouraged in order to get ahead when It’s important to win at all costs, dominate, and control. Let the other guy be humble or humiliated!

What about the second part of the definitions? This is where it gets interesting and possibly confusing.

In the case of humility I choose to go to a small place while with humiliation I am pushed there by somebody else. Can you feel the confusion? First off, I am going to a small place and, second, my options are to either go there myself or be pushed by someone else. This doesn’t sound very good.

For example,

National Suicide Prevention Life Line 1-800-273-TALK, that’s 1-800-273-8255.

Today we talked with Patricia (Cia) Rodemann, the Director of Business Development and Communications for Pomegranate Health Systems, a provider of adolescent psychiatric services.

Pomegranate has both residential and crisis centers.

Pomegranate accepts patients from all over Ohio on a 24/7 basis via professional referrals only. Interventions typically start with a parent bringing a child to the emergency room or Net Care. Pediatricians and counselors can also refer directly.

If in crisis in Ohio call That Care Access, 614-276-2273, or go to the nearest emergency room. Also one can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK, that’s 1-800-273-8255.

Cia described how a component of care is parents having a hard-to-heart connection with their children, watching for changes in mood or behaviors. It is important to pay attention to small cues.

She also discusses misconceptions and mistakes regarding suicide. She writes a personal experience where it would be better if she would have intervened.

Pomegranate has a blog serving as a resource guide for articles on adolescence mental-and behavioral health issues. The website is www.pomegranatecares.com.

In terms of periodicity, times of high drama throughout the school year can have a big impact on children.

The decision-making process has to deciding whether inpatient or outpatient care is required is discussed.

Pomegranate is performing leading-edge DNA-based diagnoses and prescribing, leading to better and more effective selection of drug regimens.

Pomegranate also provides trauma-inform care which is based on what has happened to the child.

Finally, post discharge instructions following acute care are shared.

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Amy Acker, president of APTi (Association of Psychological Type International) took some time to sit down with us and go over her Letter From The President, published to APTi membership.

PRESIDENT’S LETTER

February 16, 2016

Dear APTi Members:

Happy New Year!  It is hard to believe we are a month into our 2016 year already and I hope that it has started off well for all of you.  I am looking forward to a productive and fun year serving as the 37th President of APTi.  I have had the good fortune since I joined the APTi Board in 2013 to watch the role modeling of three former presidents, Linda Berens, Susan Nash and last year Maryanne DiMarzo lead this organization with such great passion for serving our community, with such great commitment to forwarding the work of psychological type and with such generosity of their time and energy to this organization in general.   It is my personal goal and commitment to continue that legacy.

We have a seasoned group of professionals returning to the Board this year and several of them are in new roles.  Our newest member is Doug Woodworth who joins us as Director of Finance.  Please go to the APTi web site (www.aptinternational.org) if you are interested in the board members and their backgrounds.  As a board, I view our chief responsibility to not only lead an agenda that creates satisfaction for our membership but to also preserve and accelerate the organization.  I am confident that our board is not only committed to this but also up to the task – and there is much work to be done!

The Executive Committee of the Board spent a weekend planning session together in mid-January, heads down – aligning on our 2016 agenda and priorities.  An important point and distinction that I want to make is that I purposefully did not call it a “strategy” session because as I shared with the board, it is not my intent to call a new “strategic play” or direction for this year.  The incredibly hard work and great work that Maryanne lead the team through last year to create our new strategic direction, value proposition and values will remain – this year’s task is to ensure that we bring that value proposition to life in everything that we do – and I would add with execution excellence!!  To remind everyone, our value proposition “is to be the independent voice of type and serve as the standard bearer for psychological type lighting and enlightening ones’ journey towards type expertise…..”  I am hoping that these words sound familiar because they are part of our Mission Statement and Values.  Again, I would invite you all to visit our web site if you would like to read the entire Mission Statement and Values.

I would like to share with you our priorities for 2016 in no particular order as all are important:

1.  Better and more targeted communication with our members.  We will be launching a new membership management system on March 1st.   This will include a new front end, re-designed web site and a backend membership portal that will allow us to interact with our members and them with us with more ease.  This will be our single largest investment in our infrastructure this year and most likely in the next few years.  A lot of work is already underway and remains to be done and we are so excited to announce this!

2. Better understanding of our members’ needs and concerns – this is something that the entire board is so passionate about.  As such, we will be doing a “Membership Survey” sometime mid-year.  We have a wonderfully, diverse membership.  Some of our members join for personal passion and development, some join to contribute to forwarding the research and thinking in the area of type,

In today’s podcast we show how the Jungian Type assessment, the Majors PT Elements, can be used with a couple to assess their relationship and decide in a very conscious way what to do with it. The couple, who have agreed to be public about the assessment are Jennifer from Aurelius Press and her partner Ben.

For more on the specifics regarding the personal response to this work go to Jennifer’s blog on Aurelius Press’s website, “Wherever I Go, There I Am: Romance and Jung.”

There are four considerations when listening to this podcast:

1. Some technical terms will be presented in fleshing out the specifics of Jennifer and Ben’s relationship. If there is any confusion regarding these terms please feel free to contact us either by clicking on the voicemail link at the right of this page, or using the comments capability indicated at the end of the show notes.

2. The personality formation component of the Majors PT Elements is discussed reflecting its two components, i.e., perseverance (reliance on oneself) and level of adaptation (how one chooses to work, or not, with others).

3. Native Type, i.e., the preferred pathways within the brain that we are born with. This is commonly reflected in the four character dichotomous code, e.g., ESTJ.

4. The eight Majors-Jungian process scores which show how one chooses to use the eight function-attitudes currently (introverted Sensing, extroverted Feeling, etc.). This is a real-time measure of how one is reacting/responding/adapting and walking through life using the eight function-attitudes.

The discussion expands to show the power of understanding both one’s native type, what one is born with, as well as what one is doing with his/her potential. This understanding rolls into being able to negotiate and build a loving relationship by seeing very consciously where connections occur along with any disconnects. The couple is then empowered to decide how they want to change personally for the sake of self and the relationship. It’s all about growth, love, and abundance.

Ethical considerations using an assessment such as the Majors PT Elements and other Jungian assessments are discussed. This includes avoiding using assessments to gather information that can be used against someone else, using assessments as job selection tools, or trying to pigeonhole someone based on their assessment results. The focus is on gaining understanding in order to decide which path is appropriate for taking care of oneself and moving through life today and into the future.

For more on the Majors PT Elements and PT Inventory go to www.aureliuspress.com/assessments.

Your feedback is important. Choose from the following options:

Click on “Send Voicemail” over to the right,

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call us at 614-664-7650.

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Gary discusses a personal transformation with regards to the holiday season – switch from holidays to holy days. Rather than promoting a specific religous approach the value of a secular Buddhist practice for improving everyday living is presented. This has led to greater enjoyment of this time of year.

His story starts over 23 years ago when still suffering 2 years after a divorce and feeling stuck. The desire to get un-stuck merged with the mediation portion of the 11th step in a 12 Step program. The insight gained was this: addiction is associated with expectations. Gary came to call the holiday season, “The Disneyland of Addiction.” A time of high emotionality and expectations where trying to satisfy feelings, similar to a child in the “terrible twos,” takes precedence over principle-based behavior. It can lead to suffering. This is contrasted with healthy emotional responses in line with principle-based behavior.

Consequently, holidays are about expectations while for Gary holy days are about being responsible, living by one’s principles, and treating others in a compassionate, respectful manner. Said more simply, the goal of this work is to:

“Have my butt and my brain in the same place and time zone.”

It’s about being present, which is where secular Buddhism comes into play, i.e., developing daily habits that keep Gary present, aware, and “in” life moment by moment. This leads to loving-kindness for self and others. It puts the “holy” in holy days.

The switch to holy days allowed a breaking out from the trap of expectations. Life got simpler. Pain didn’t necessarily go away but suffering lessened. This led to an increase of acceptance in contrast to just being patient. Life is as it is. Accept and decide.

Acceptance has led to the development of options and better decision-making rather than being hung up on a given expectation.

A not-so-obvious option is being prepared to still take care of self even when plans fail. Take the energy from the disappointment and move it into something construction. And, if a plan does come to fruition move that energy as well into something greater than can be built.

It’s all about abundance and expanding the space in which the abundance can grow. Joy can result!

In contrast, when there is a hanging onto expectations a tightfistedness sets in that is very controlling and leads to misery.

Gary closes with the lifestyle he has now, i.e., having left the Catholic Church but enjoying his Italian-Catholic heritage, Christmas music, cooking,etc., all of which leaves room for others, their beliefs and practices.

The listener is encouraged to have a Merry __________ . (fill in the blank with what is important to you this time of year.)