ThriveologyPodcast – Thriveology

I’ve noticed that many times, when someone is stuck, it is because they have something that keeps hanging on to them, dragging them down.  They have something they need to release… someone they need to forgive.

And when I note this, I often get a knee-jerk answer of “how dare you tell me to forgive! I have been hurt! That person does not deserve to be forgiven.”

To which I note that this has nothing to do with “deserve.”  Because my suggestion to forgive really has nothing to do with the other person.

Forgiving is for the person who is doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven (at least primarily).

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore some reasons to consider forgiving — some even being health reasons!  But most are about getting unstuck and moving forward in your life.

Take a listen below!

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Have you noticed how we talk about time and money the same way?  You can spend time/money, waste time/money, or save time/money.  But never confuse the two.

Money… we can always make more.  Time… it is passing moment by moment, day by day, not to be recaptured or held.

We all have the same 24 hour days live.  The question is whether you feel like you have some time to “spend” as you want (Time Affluence) or whether all of your time is claimed and out of your control (Time Poverty).

Research repeatedly shows that material purchases (buying stuff) does little to influence our overall happiness (once basic needs are met).  Interestingly, experiential purchases (doing something, going somewhere) has been shown to increase happiness.  But you can’t do stuff and go places when there is no time left to do it.

In a study a couple of years ago, over half the respondents said that they would give up a day of pay each week for a day of freedom each week.

And yet, many times, we “spend” our time in ways that don’t foster time affluence — leading to a feeling of time poverty.

How can we make shifts in life that bring us more Time Affluence?  That is the topic of this week’s Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below.

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Have you ever wanted something… just knowing that if you had it, you would be… happy?

And if you got it, did you find yourself happier?  Not just for a few moments or days, but long-term?

Sometimes, the “buyer’s remorse” sets in right after the purchase, with you realizing that no, that shiny new object didn’t make you happier (and may have even become an instant burden), and no, happiness did not suddenly appear.

The term for our wanting those things that don’t actually lead to satisfaction or happiness is “mis-wants.”  The wants we have that aren’t as significant as we thought.  We literally “miss” when we aim at those “wants.”

And guess what?  That is MORE often true than not.  Rarely does that thing get us the effect we want and expect.

What DO we want?  We think it is happiness.

But it isn’t.

Not really.

Listen to the episode for more on those Mis-Wants.

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My coaching client was wanting to thrive.  He told me he was constantly studying about self-growth.  But he wanted to really transform his life.  And, he told me, so much of what he was reading was, to quote him, “woo-woo stuff.”  He used that term as a reference to ideas he thought were “out there.”

So first, let me just say, what is “out there” to one person is commonplace and sensible to another.  But I knew what he was saying.  He wanted to change things in his life… but he wanted it based in research and reliability.  He wanted to get it down to the basics.

I told him we could easily look at the “low hanging fruit,” the easy things to accomplish — the ones that give the biggest bang for the effort… pretty much guaranteed.

In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I outline 4 areas to improve, all in very “non-woowoo” ways… and very simple ways… so that you can get the biggest bang for your efforts.

Listen in for the details!

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It’s a trap.  And we all fall into it.

Sadly, we set it up on ourselves, then step right into it.

WHACK!  We are stuck… waiting.  And that’s the trap — the wait.  Life can’t begin until….

What’s the trap?  The “When/Then Trap.”  You know, that time when you say, “When ____ happens, then I will ______.”  When you finally get that great job, get that perfect spouse, make $$’s, win the lottery, etc.  THEN, life can finally get started.  THEN you can be happy, help others, find meaning, do… well, you get the point.

It just seems that something has to change, (right?) before you can get to something else.  And so, we get stuck… waiting for that something to change.  Not realizing that there may be other ways to get there… or even other places to get to!

There are alternatives to being stuck in the “When/Then Trap.”  In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, we explore why and how we get stuck.  And how to get out of that trap.  Listen below.

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It seems to be a specialty of mine… getting people UN-stuck.  Which means I spend a fair amount of time noting what gets people stuck in the first place.  Makes sense, right?  If you want to get un-stuck, you need to know why you got stuck.

There are some clear reasons why people get stuck.  For example, when you violate one of the 16 Immutable Laws Of Living I highlight in my latest book, you will end up stuck.  Guaranteed.  Which is why I try to spell them out for you, so you can get unstuck.

One area that consistently gets people stuck is fear.  And the way to get un-stuck is not to eliminate fear.  Mostly because it is impossible to eliminate fear.  It is wired into your brain.  Just part of being alive.

But, and this is the good news, you only have to do a little pivot in order to let fear help you.

Before I go into how you can pivot, though, I clarify three primary ways that fear can get you stuck (and keep you stuck).  Listen to learn the three ways, and the one necessary pivot.

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Have you noticed how many books there are in the bookstore on how to be happy?

Which raises the question on why, in a recent poll, only 1/3rd of Americans claimed to be happy.

We have fallen into the “happiness trap,” chasing after happiness as if that is the goal of life.

It isn’t.

Over the past few weeks, I have been doing lots of interviews in lots of places about my new book, The Immutable Laws of Living.  In just about every interview, they ask me about the Immutable Law, “It isn’t about happiness.”  Some have even asked how that can be so, since the forefathers of the United States noted the right of “pursuit of happiness.”

First, their concept of happiness was far deeper than our current definition of a feeling of elation — usually about something that “happens.”  But second, pursuit is different than having.

When we chase happiness, it stays just out of reach.  Keeping us trapped in the chase… trying to find the next thing that will finally do it… only to find that it fails, too.

What’s the answer?

Listen to this episode to find the way out of the trap.

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A couple of episodes back, I discussed some lessons I have learned in my less-than-half a year in jiu jitsu.  One of my lessons was about “egoless learning.”  Several people asked what I meant by my ego being involved.  And what’s wrong with that… the ego?

Well, the ego tends to trip us up, throughout our lives.  Why?  Because our ego keeps us focused on how we appear, what others think of us, what we look like.  And because of that, we try to keep up an image.

And because of that, we trip.

Soon after I learned to scuba dive, I decided I wanted to become an instructor.  Partly because I wanted to learn more, partly because I enjoy teaching.

So, after some time of accumulating classes, dive time, and teaching experience, I was ready for my certification process.  It was supposed to be a learning event.  A place for me to learn more about teaching, got some feedback on how I was teaching, and demonstrated my capacity to teach.

They weren’t looking for me to be the best teacher.  I was at the beginning of my teaching.

That said, part of my task was to teach… so they could evaluate me and help me to be better.  And to get ready, I had practiced.  I created a killer PowerPoint.  I had “show and tells.”  I just knew they would see what an amazing teacher I was.  I would show them!

I finished.  They offered feedback.  The first piece, “You went 2 minutes longer than your limit.”  I was in the middle of a rebuttal, when I realized… I was not learning.  I was proving.  I was worried about my appearance.  My ego was there.

More feedback.  More temptation for rebuttal.  My ego tripped me up, and I knew it wasn’t the first time.  When ego appears, learning disappears.

Listen to this episode to hear how ego trips us up.

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We always start at survival.  You have to survive to do anything else.  Surviving is based in dealing with scarcity and threats.

Sometimes, people get stuck in survival mode… whether it is necessary or not.  For most people, survival mode is less a necessity and more a habit.

Then, we live.  Living is about finding comfort.  People to support you, work to do, things to enjoy.  And for many people, this is the stage that feels like success.  The paycheck and opportunity gives enough comfort to enjoy life.

So, many people get stuck in the live mode.

But then, there is the opportunity to thrive.

Survive >>>> Live >>>>> Thrive

What makes the shift?  Realizing that the living isn’t enough.  There is something more.  Something deeper and more satisfying.  It’s about finding your purpose, finding your deeper meaning, making an impact in the world.

It requires taking on the challenges, looking for the opportunities… growing and stretching.

While surviving is about scarcity, living is about comfort, thriving is about abundance.  It isn’t a change in what is around you, as much as a shift in perspective.

Listen to this week’s episode to learn more about making the shifts.

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Let me be clear:  I can claim NO expertise in jiu jitsu.  I have only been involved since January.  So, what can I possibily tell you about jiu jitsu after just 6 months of practice?

Nothing.

But I CAN tell you some lessons I have learned from those 6 months.  Not about jiu jitsu, but about living, about starting new things, and about learning.

This is not my first foray into the martial arts.  It is more a lifelong interest.

During my teen years, I took tae kwon do.  Lacking in natural coordination and strength, I was gangly and a non-natural.  But I took classes for years.  I even advanced through the ranks.

When I left for college, I packed up my gi and belts, and I didn’t take any further lessons.  Although I threatened to many times.  I just let life get in the way.

Until this year.  I turned 52 in March.  But before the new year, I decided that I would give jiu jitsu a try… at least while it was cold and I couldn’t be outside as much as I would like.  After waiting to make sure our insurance policy was in place, and both of our adult children had left us after the holidays, I headed to class.

This week, I’ll share 5 big lessons I have learned along the way.