Today's topic is a bit personal. I am not sure if I have an opportunity to talk about this with friends but I want to talk. Today I am going to talk about the idea of "toxic positivity". I have been obsessed with this idea for some reason. For those who have never heard of the word, let me give you a rough explanation of it. According to verywellmind.com, "Toxic positivity" is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. While there are benefits to being optimistic and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity rejects all difficult emotions in favour of a cheerful and often falsely positive façade. Examples of the signs of toxic positivity, experiencing guilt for being sad or angry, dismissing others' difficult feelings, or reciting "positive" quotes about hard situations.
If you are the one who presses on yourself to be positive in an extreme way, and you often feel overwhelmed by it, you gotta be careful, not to do so of course. But things today I want to talk about toxic positivity is not this case, but rather how to deal with toxic positive people around you. To be honest with you, I love this topic in a more cynical, ironic way. Let me tell you how.
Generally speaking, living abroad requires a lot of patience, effort, sacrifice and a robust mindset. This is mainly because people face a lot of challenges in new life such as understanding different cultures, finding a good job, and finding new people who you can rely on and on and on and on. Then, the only thing we can do is to stay positive in order to overcome the situation. That is totally okay, no problem to be safe to some extent. But I met many people who merely forced me to obey positive people or advice. For example, I saw numerous posts about the traits of people who are successful in studying or living abroad on X or Instagram. They always said that one of the traits of people who are successful in Canada is “people who can try anything even if you are not interested in”, “people who don’t hesitate to speak to people” or “people who try to make Canadian friends not Japanese” Then, the posts end up “you should do that way if you want to be successful” Then, I hate this. It might be true that these worked for those people. But I don’t have to be forced to follow those opinions. By the way, what is a success they mentioned? It should depend on people’s goals. You cannot determine people's successes as you like. Plus, that is too boring to follow because what they are saying such as “try anything”” talk to people” and” make local friends anyway” is too common to be impressed. Only after I found a unique uncommon way to succeed in a specific area, I would recommend it to others. Even in this case, I don’t force anyone to do so. Forcing someone to follow positive people’s boring lesson doesn’t make sense to me rather silly because I try things I want to. I wanna talk to people I feel interested in. I wanna be friends only who I want to, no matter where they are from. The other example might be unconventional. I have many people who want to tell me something positive. In most cases, in my case, I don’t need it. For example, when I talk about what I gave up in my life and what I will do in the future, sometimes people say “You are too pessimistic”, “You can do anything you want to!” I am like “No. I am just realistic to make my life best.” The other example is when I talk about how few I could become friends. People like “Poor you, I have a party tonight. You should come if you don’t have friends” I am like “No. No need. By the way what I was telling you that I have a few friends was not a sad story, though.” This is when they are telling me something positive that I don’t need. I don’t know why they tend to be loud and they are proud of joining the party. Then I found the word “Toxic Positivity” which convinced me perfectly. I was like this was how I wanted to express my situation!