Let’s talk religion today, and don’t worry – I’m not choosing sides or preaching.

With all the good that religion has given to the world, it’s been the crux of much of the bad, too. Wars almost all have had as their basis religious wrangling. Humans are hard-wired to be tribal, to fear and distrust those different from “our” tribe, and to try to convert others to our way of thinking and believing.

When you read the religious texts, it’s clear that all religions have beneficial tenets, and all have some parts that we would consider barbaric today.

I’ll never forget the day my late father-in-law started running down Jewish people. In front of his grandchildren. In my home. In the 21st century.

Maybe you know someone who’s backward thinking comes out of their mouth at times, too? Try not to argue – instead, look at them as if they just broke your heart, and then change the subject. If they persist, leave the room and don’t come back until the topic has changed.

People are entitled to their opinions – you don’t have to participate in them.

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Is there something that feels big, feels scary, and feels outside of your control? Maybe it’s a war, maybe it’s a life-threatening diagnosis for someone you care about or for you, or maybe it’s that you feel uncertain if your job is secure.

Give yourself 10 minutes today to write down what the big scary thing is, why it scares you – all the reasons you can think of, and what, if anything, you can do to tame the monster. If it’s not in your control, then it doesn't need to take up space inside your head and your heart.

This is a great place for the mental stop sign – when you catch yourself filled with gloom and doom, put up a mental stop sign right in front of your eyes. See it in all its red and white glory, no matter what direction you move your eyes or your head. Find something else to concentrate on – read a book, throw yourself into work, sing a song – and every time the gloom and doom returns, put up the mental stop sign again.

At first you’ll be doing this a lot – that’s normal. Be patient with yourself, use the stop sign, focus on something else, and soon the big scary thing won’t be so in control of your thoughts or your emotions.

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Do you remember the last 5 Olympic gold medalists in any sport? Can you name the last 5 Nobel Peace Prize winners? Can you name your state’s Senators, your Representative, and the mayor of the town you live in?

Don’t worry – most people can’t.

Do you remember a teacher who had a big impact on you? Can you name 3 friends who would help you if you needed them? Who are 5 people you love to spend time with?

Bet you could answer those questions, couldn’t you?

The people closest to you in proximity have far more influence on you and your life than politicians, sports stars, and celebrities ever could. Yes, their accomplishments may be quite impressive – not as impressive as the ability to listen to you when your heart is broken, the willingness to help you when you need help, and the day-to-day inspiration that some people provide just by showing you, up close and personally, what you are capable of.

Stop overestimating the importance of famous people in your life, and start appreciating the importance of those closest to you more.

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Do you find yourself waiting for people who are late…a lot? Do you hate waiting for people who are late? This Tiny Bite should help you feel better, like it did me when I learned this info.

On-time people often perceive late people as arrogant, or like they think their time is more valuable than anyone else’s. Pretty irritating, right?

What if the person who’s habitually late actually has such a low opinion of themselves that they don’t think you’ll miss them if they don’t show up? What if, when they were a child, they learned that being on time wasn’t important, or maybe even only for stupid people? What if they are so engrossed in what they were doing that they couldn’t shift gears in time to be on time?

There are a lot of reasons people are late, so try not to jump to conclusions. And do check on them, but don’t wait until you’re angry. You know that thing that you take pictures with, and check your socials on, and buy things with? It makes calls, too…call!

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“We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.”

Anais Nin wrote that in 1961, before neuroscience research could back it up. Turns out, she was right.

In 2015, social media exploded in a debate over whether a photo showed a black and blue dress or a gold and white dress. People thought it was a hoax – that everyone was seeing it the same way they were and lying about it for pure entertainment value.

The truth is – everyone perceives the world differently and that was just a vivid example. And do you know that for literally centuries, science has shown that color doesn’t exist out in the world – it exists within our minds, each brain interpreting different wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation slightly – or more than slightly – differently.

Why is it important for you to know all this? Next time you’re in a discussion over the rightness of something, remember – you’re seeing the world as you are, and the other person is seeing it as they are. You could very well both be right!

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Let’s talk about verbal bullying.

I heard two people in a cafe talking about the “right” way to take a shower, as if anyone who did it differently was a weirdo. I remember a girl in my high school gym class who said women who only shave their legs to just above the knee are freaks.

What do those have in common? When spoken aloud and directed at another person, that’s verbal bullying.

One of my aunts bullied Mom relentlessly about the way toilet paper was hung in our home. This may seem like trivial bullying – trust me, when it’s directed at you in a way that makes you feel “less than” you’ll feel the seriousness of it and the poison in it.

Every human on this planet has a different set of life experiences, different knowledge, and different emotional reactions. No one has the right to make anther person feel bad because they do things differently.

If you work with someone who makes these kind of bullying statements, or if someone directs verbal bullying at you, use this phrase:

“Are you trying to be helpful or hurtful?”

Don’t wait for an answer – let them marinate in your question while you exit the conversation. Take that, verbal bully!

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We’ve all had that one friend – you know the one.

I hope, if you’ve had that friend, that they’re in your past now. If you currently have a friend like that, this next sentence might help you put them in your past: Disrespect closes doors that apologies can’t reopen.

Really take those words in – people who disrespect you, your feelings, and your boundaries often apologize later. Do those apologies help? Maybe for a while, until that person disrespects you once too often and you’re done.

My suggestion – skip the drama and be done far sooner. They’re showing you who they are – believe them. You deserve to be surrounded by people who respect you, not disrespect you.

Close the door.

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Can you let someone else love something you really don't love? Think before you answer – this is something that most of us struggle with.

From childhood, being right was drilled into us. It’s the way learning works – “right” is good and “wrong” is not so good, so we’re incentivized to be right. That creates a pattern of thought in the brain that makes you certain that what you know is the way it is, and when you find someone who doesn’t agree, you feel the need to defend your position and show the other person the error of their ways.

The problem is that the other person feels as “right” in their knowledge as you feel in yours, so the other person won’t be very receptive to your attempt at correcting them.

A much more powerful way to handle this is to let the other person be right, too.

This one powerful concept will release more stress in your life than almost anything else.

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Have you ever been part of a true brainstorming session? Real brainstorming sessions are about positive ideas building on each other, with no “yeah but” allowed.

I was working at a great Washington DC radio station when I was first exposed to brainstorming, and the person running the session had to remind me – more than once! – that we were looking for ideas, not the reasons ideas might not work.

It was an eye-opening experience – we can actually focus just on the positives, not the potential drawbacks?

Maybe you were taught to weigh the pros and the cons while making decisions, and maybe you did that with yourself and your life too. Have you ever tried brainstorming when trying to decide how to move forward on your life goals?

What if you allowed only ideas that felt good to you? What if you saved the “yeah but” until later? Block out about 10 minutes today and brainstorm one thing about your life you’d like to improve. Generate as many fun ideas as you can think of and write them down. Don’t judge – just write. Then get on with your day and watch for clues about which direction your ideas will take you on the way to your goals.

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Adulting. What a fun word adulting is. It’s a playful way of saying that the child inside you is a little bit tired of taking care of responsibilities and obligations.

Yes, no matter how old you are, how many wrinkles and grey hairs you have, there is still that spark of innocent fun that you had as a child, and it’s that part of you that pushes back against all that adulting.

Don’t get me wrong – adulting is important. It’s how the world progresses, it’s how you pay your bills and feed yourself and your family, and it’s vital to the continuity of civilization.

Play is important, too. Light-hearted moments are important, scheduling fun is important, laughing with friends and loved ones and co-workers is important.

Never lose track of the child inside you – never get so adult that you lose your sense of play, squash your need for laughter, and forget to look to the skies on Christmas eve. Remember to make childing a thing in your life, too.

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