Tiny Pictures

This episode is greatly inspired by this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHZ48AE3TOI

Paraphrasing Yngwie Malmsteen…

You tell me something
that you perceive to be true
in good faith
for it is obvious to you
that I don't know
"Less" you say, "is more"

But how can less be more?
What form
of alien math
do you practice
to make this calculation?

For it makes no sense.
Only more is more, you fool
and one plus that
must always be
one more.

If less was more
A farmer might plant less seed
and grow more crops next season
or perhaps the heat of the fire
would be less
by adding more coals

So less can never be more
Unless by less
you mean to add
another special ingredient
which was not there before
In which case,
it's still more.

If less was more
A fisherman
might put less bait on a hook,
and expect to catch more fish
or maybe then he could just
throw away the fishing line altogether
and catch more fish
with his bare hands.
Then again, why even have hands?
He'll catch more fish if you chop his hands off.
But why then keep his arms? and so on.
So you see, eventually you are left
without even a person!

This philosophy
can only lead to nothing
And we all know, of course
that there is something,
even if we're unsure
of exactly what that is.

So less, can never be more
Only more is more
How can less by fucking more? you idiots.

I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival
With live theatre, but quite comedic
It will involve hand puppets
and some animatronics
It's also about sustainability
but not too woke

I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival
about electronic circuits
with contemporary dance.
There'll be some cool video projections
and an explosive door prize
entry is just 5 bucks

I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
with maybe, a bit of magic and a few surprises
Instead of a rabbit coming out of a hat,
it's a koala!
And the audience sits in the trees
while the performers build a fire
 
But I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
with a live band
and a sword-swallowing amputee
Picture belly dancers with reptiles
while members of the audience
recite anonymous stories
of disastrous first dates

Then, I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
A kind of, burlesque science fiction
Dinner will be served on vinyl records
And there’s an upside-down DJ
and a children’s choir
live streamed, of course
 
But I really want to make this show for the Fringe Festival
with a naked lady covered in glitter,
who makes love to a transgender sex worker,
on James St,
in a box made of mirrors.

If buildings could speak
they'd have much to say
about their creaky concrete bones
and how sore they are
from the weight
of all the things
that happen inside them

They have so many belly aches
from mountains of documents
still in filing cabinets
and computer systems
and furniture
and floor coverings
and wall hangings

They'd probably tell you about the migraines
from all the footstepsthrough hallways
and talking
and shuffling
and coffee brewing
and business making

Maybe they'd be worried about the future
as their lungs filled up with stale air
through dirty air conditioner filters
and old machines with noisy fans
and stale cookingand breathing

Still, mostly at night
the buildings go to sleep
and sometimes, they dream
dream that they could speak

and for once, only in their dreams
everyone would listen
and understand their important musings
if buildings could speak

This week
I failed
Sorry

The quantum computer is coming
They're just trying to make
those little qubit things
immune to interference
from the big world

Because when the big world leaks in
the qubits stop working
and the solutions
are all wrong

Once they work out an answer
to this problem
they'll be able to calculate
bigger numbers
than we ever imagined

The big world
Is like the real world
The one that you and I can see
It's just a problem
That it keeps leaking in
to the little one

It makes that little qubit
sound a bit like
a nice dream
that you're fighting to stay inside
on the verge of waking up

and when you do wake up
you may be sad
because you can't fly
you don't have 600 million dollars
and the cat you tried putting in a box
with some radioactive material
is still dead

But recently, they discovered something else
Those little qubit things
Don't need to be completely isolated
from the big world
Because they can correct for the errors later

But even then,
there's a problem

The quantum computer
can calculate
so much information
that there is no computer
big enough
to test if the answer
Is correct

So as you can see
it's nice to dream
but there's really no point
in building a quantum computer

thank you

If only the way forward was clear
instead, it's like watching a movie
on a faulty monitor screen
that keeps flashing on and off

If only the way forward was clear
but it's like walking through a storm
and the wind is blowing you backwards
while the rain stings your face

If only the way forward was clear
but it's like trying to see a beautiful body
through glass bricks
in a bathroom

if only the way forward, could be clear
but it's like trying to play a game
that no-one ever taught you
where the rules are always changing

If only the way forward was clear
there'd be a sign, pointing clearly
in one direction
instead of spinning in the wind

If only the way forward was clear
there'd be trails of bodies
on the paths that shouldn't be taken
piling up and blocking the way

If only the way forward was clear
then the world wouldn't sound like an orchestra
forever tuning their instrumentswhile the first note of the concert is never played

(move forward
take a couple of steps
turn right
take two steps forward again
turn left)

If only the way forward was clear
but it's like someone whispering directions
in your left ear
while another voice recites poetry in your right

If only the way forward was clear...

The vibration began in Jesus' pocket
It wouldn't normally be a problem
but Jesus was in the middle of a live stream
with his iPhone connected to his AirPods

Unfortunately, there was a bug in the software
which sent the vibrating and buzzing
over the top of his audible address
to millions of his fans and followers

Meanwhile, Kanye had joined the room
and was also live on the voice channel
along with Taylor Swift, who was already there
She's always been a big fan of Jesus

The buzzing didn't stop
Indeed, it only got louder across the airwaves
awakening in Kanye a certain sense of artistic absurdism
He began to repeat the phrase 'doo doo dum dum?'
The pitch went up at the end like that
apparently signifying a question
He kept saying it, over and over
while the buzzing continued
'doo doo dum dum?'

Taylor started giggling
and whispered a question to Jesus
with imitation tears
'Jesus, what are you trying to say to us?'
Jesus knew that this entire live stream
was compromised
He couldn't work out how to stop the buzzing
which was still growing louder
And Kanye continued, 'doo doo dum dum?'
Jesus replied to Taylor with as much authority as he could manage
aided by turning up the reverb on his console 'I don't know'

The words echoed around the globe
For some followers this was all too much
and they tuned out
Others waited
to see what would happen next
'doo doo dum dum?'

Thousands of trolls were now typing into the live chat window
insensitive comments and hurtful remarks
however true, difficult to read
for the small number of true followers left
But none of this had any effect on Jesus
He had removed his headphones
and was no longer listening, to anyone
He's been missing ever since

Did you hear what Elon's up to?

He wants to plug our brains
directly into computers
so we don't have to wait so long
when we Google something

He's also going to send some of us into space
He's already launched a car up there
It's still flying around the sun
It has travelled further than any other car
in the history of cars

Elon, his name even sounds like a planet
Did you hear what he did in South Australia
when they had problems with their power infrastructure?
He made them a big battery, the biggest ever.

Did you hear what Elon said about Lidar?
Lidar is like radar for self-driving cars
But Elon worked out you don't even need it
Because you can do it all with regular cameras
Huh

Did you see Elon on Joe Rogan
when he smoked that joint?
He didn't even get high
I guess because he's already such a space man
or maybe just because he bumsucked

What about Elon's tunnel drilling company?
It's called the 'Boring' company
which some people might say is ironic
But it's not really

When Elon's Cybertruck got a broken window at the product launch
It could've been a PR disaster
Instead, a toy company made a remote control version
With a cracked window decal
and everyone had a laugh

Also, you know
that project you're working on
Do you know what Elon would do?
He'd strip it right back
to first principles
You might get a little frustrated
because you thought you were almost there, almost finished
But Elon would explain that you didn't think it through hard enough yet
You didn't really break it down
into first principles
like he would

In a strange way,
Elon can see into the future
But that's hardly surprising really
because he's making the future

Thanks Elon.

music and prose by Roly Skender

I arrive at the palace by bus

The Queen and I are getting on surprisingly well
She’s dressed elegantly in red
In the giant hall
we dance beneath chandeliers
and cameras flash around us

Family, dignitaries and the press watch on
We talk about history and philosophy
She confides in me some little-known annoyances,
that she experiences in her role as monarch
It’s a job in which, she discloses,
she does her best

She’s so easy to talk to
Then, mid-conversation, she reaches down
and grabs hold of my genitals
I push her hand away and say ‘that’s not why I’m here’
but I don’t really know why I’m here

Her strength is surprising
With knees bent, I push her wrist away from my crotch
We eventually drop to the floor together
I apologise

Men arrive to take her away from me,
but she breaks free of them and rushes towards me
This time I catch the force of her underarm grab
with both hands at her forearm
and the force is re-directed

I remain in a broad, bent-knee stance
as my feet slide backwards across the dance floor
I narrowly avoid contact with a table of canapes
Quite suddenly, it’s time to leave

But I enjoyed dancing
with the queen

Guitar by Roly Skender

Cool Vibes by Kevin MacLeod https://incompetech.com/ Promoted by MrSnooze https://youtu.be/iYOvAO1rAM0 License: CC BY 3.0 https://goo.gl/Yibru5


This tiger king
What's the deal?
A story of arseholes
somehow spreading across the globe
like a virus
Is it any surprise,watching caged animals
from cages
of our own?

So I've been listening to jazz
The soft, detective kind
and thinking up tropes
about bad guys

there's the bad guy in a bar

The new bad guy that you start rooting for
because he's now fucking over the original bad guy

The bad guy that starts off good

The bad guy with a weakness
Usually in the form of a female child
for whom he is also the protector

the bad guy that keeps coming back

the bad guy that plays pool

the bad guy that tricks you

the bad guy whose dad was a bad guy

the bad guy that eats people

and the bad guy that's a nihilist

Netflix shares are up
the rest is a bloodbath
and somehow
we know it's for the best

Because the Tiger King is on TVHe can teach you
how to lie to yourself
so you don't have to feel the pain

Only in America

But beware of false prophets
copycats, with mullets
looking for their own throne
and a kingdom to rule