This quote passed through my social feed last week,

“Most men don’t fail their families because they don’t care. They fail them because they believe success today will buy presence tomorrow.”

I saved it. (I didn’t record the source, or the author.)

I was sitting in the Orlando airport recapping my visit with a client and the quote reappeared in my notes app.

I spent some time with the quote while waiting to get on a plane to get back to my family.

The quote really struck me in that moment because of my situation. I was really missing my family. It made me pause and reflect.

Am I failing my family chasing success today believing that it will buy presence tomorrow?

Heart wrenching thought as I’m sitting in a airport terminal. Lonely. Wrapping up a 2 week travel stint.

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It also resonated with me because I see it in the owners I work with.

Fathers.

Husbands.

Grinding out 80 hour work weeks.

Business owners who tell themselves... just one more year. A few more deals. Once I get to $3M in revenue.

THEN I’ll slow down.

Folks.

The day never comes.

The Trap Most Men Fall Into

Men are wired to provide.

It’s in our DNA.

HuntGatherPlantHarvetProtect. At all Cost.

In a world that has forgotten (or don’t even know) what delayed gratification is, most men are chasing what society calls “success”.

It’s a phantom.

Success has morphed into something toxic. It’s no longer about ensuring needs are met. Whether physically, emotionally or spiritually, it has become about ensuring the family has an overabundance.

This is where the problem starts.

The chase for overabundance pulls fathers away from their children and wives. They tell themselves the short term sacrifice will result in long term gains. They believe that if they just work hard enough now, they’ll be able to buy back the time later.

Buy you can’t buy presence.

You can’t purchase your Childs first steps back. You can’t purchase your childs first touchdown, first basket, first double base hit.

You can’t negotiate your way into a relationship that you weren’t there to build.

As time goes on, and life experience happens, I’m watching fathers regret being absent in search of society’s definition of success, rather than being rooted in essentialism and contentment.

The Real Question: Fear or Desire?

As I sat in the airport pondering the quote. It lead me down an interesting thought path.

I asked myself.. what is the driver? What is the motivation behind chasing these phantoms? Is it a bad thing?

Is it greed? Is it ambition? Is it ego?

I don’t think so. Well.. not necessarily.

I think it’s deeper.

I think its fear or desire, and both lead to the same trap if you don’t address the heart issue.

Man #1 wants abundance.

He can’t find the peace and security needed to stop sacrificing his family on the alter of success.

So he chases.

And chases.

And chases.

His desire masks his fear.

Man #2 fears insufficiency.

He’s hit rock bottom once or twice. He’s been broke. Humiliated. Desperate.

He refuses to go back there.

So he chases too. But differently.

He’s more likely to figure out how to be present for his family while chasing stability.

These are the business owners who somehow mange to be wildly successful and have tight bonds with their families.

What’s the difference?

It’s a matter of the heart.

Chasing success can be an addiction. Or it can be a fire in your soul that drives you to develop superhuman abilities to seemingly be omnipresent.

But the reality is, event Man #2, the one who is “winning”, might still be serving the wrong master.

The Paradox of Effort

I’ve noticed something fascinating about the men I know who are both successful and present.

They have mastered something most men never figure out. They’ve mastered the art of essentialism.

They’ve internalized 2 principles:

* The Pareto Principle (80/20): They’ve figured out which 20% of their work drives 80% of their results. And they’ve stopped doing the other 80%. This frees massive time for the things that are essential.

* Parkinson’s Law: They’ve imposed constraints on themselves. “I work until 5pm. Period.” This forces them to design their business around that constraint, not around unlimited hours.

The failing man never does either. He just keeps adding hours, assuming more input = more output. He’s still operating under the illusion that time is infinite and presence is a luxury good you buy later.But here’s what I’ve noticed: the man who’s at peace doesn’t have to chase success.

Success seems to come to him.

I pondered this for a bit. I came across this interesting phenomenon.

Desperation creates tension.

Have you ever noticed that desperate people end up repelling those they come in contact with?

Tense and desperate people often make poor decisions. They communicate poorly. And their presence is undesirable.

People can sense it subconsciously.

Clients feel it.

Employees feel it.

Your kids certainly feel it.

But the man who is at peace?He broadcasts confidence, clarity, and security.

People move toward him.

Opportunities come to him.

He is not fighting for scraps. He is attracting abundance.

There is actually a neurological reason for this.

Mirror Neurons. Emotional contagion.

Your nervous system literally communicates to others nervous systems.

The desperate man repels. The peaceful man attracts.

The Spiritual Reality

If you are a man of faith, this will be more familiar territory.

“Seek first the kingdom of God... and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

This is not saying to sacrifice everything for God and maybe you’ll be blessed later.

It’s saying to prioritize what matters first (presence, faith, family) and the other things (success, provision) follow naturally.

The man who is at peace has actually surrendered. He isn’t concerned with the outcome. He knows that by focusing on what is most important (the 20%), he’s set the constraint (Parkinson’s Law), and then he’s let go. He’s trusting that what needs to happen, will happen.

The desperate man is still trying to control the outcome. He’s working harder, not smarter. This lack of surrender creates an aura of anxiety that repels.

Parkinson’s Law is actually a spiritual discipline.

When you say, “I stop at 5PM”, you’re saying, “I trust what needs to happen will happen in the time I’ve allocated.”

That is faith.

The Inversion

After about 30 mins of thinking, writing, reflecting... I’ll summarize it like this.

Most men operate from:Success Today → Presence Tomorrow.

This is linear.

Its transactional.

“I’ll sacrifice now, and collect later.”

But the men who are winning at both? They’ve discovered the opposite:

Presence today → Success tomorrow.

Its cyclical.

Generative.

“I’ll be present now, and success will follow.”

Success in this context isn’t overabundance.

Its enough.

The essentials.

Now. I think it’s important to recognize that presence is not a productivity hack.

But.

Because presence creates peace.

And,

Peace creates clarity.

Clarity creates better decisions.

Better decisions create success.

Success reinforces presence.

It’s a virtuous cycle. Not a tradeoff.

Here is your challenge

If presence creates success, why don’t more men believe this?

I think it’s because it requires faith.

It requires surrendering the illusion of control.

It requires trusting that if you do the right thing (be present), the outcome will follow. Even though you can’t guarantee it.

The desperate man can guarantee effort.

He can work 80 hours.

Week after week.

He can see the input.

The peaceful man can only trust the process.

He works 20 hours.

Focused hours.

Then he stops.

He can’t see the end result.

But he trusts that he’s done what’s essential.

That’s a real test of faith.

Men succeed at both family and work when they realize that presence today creates success tomorrow.

Stop chasing success.

Start being present.

And watch what happens.

Your family needs you now. Not later.

Your employees need you clear. Not exhausted.

Your community needs you grounded. Not scattered.

What will you choose?

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In this episode, I tell a story from inside a horse corral that changed how I see sales, leadership, and customer attraction.

We tried everything to push three horses through an obstacle course we’d set up. The more we pushed, the more they resisted. When we stopped forcing, calmed down, and simply moved with intention, the horses followed on their own.

That’s the exact shift most owners need to make in their business.

Instead of more scripts and more pressure, you need a different way of showing up as a leader. Your energy, presence, and clarity are what make your business magnetic — not just your marketing.

What you’ll learn:

Why your “sales problem” might actually be an energy problem

How forcing, chasing, and over-talking push good customers away

What it looks like to lead with calm confidence instead of desperation

How to invite people into your process without dragging them

Three practical shifts to become a more attractive leader in your market

3 Practical Takeaways:

Reset your intention before important conversations so you show up as a guide, not a chaser.

Stand with your customer in their reality before you ever explain your process.

Work on becoming the kind of owner you’d want to follow — calm, clear, and consistent.

If you’re a local service business owner who feels like you’re always pushing, always chasing, and never quite ahead, this episode will help you start turning your business from a draining job with overhead into a life asset that gives you margin back.

Lead better. Work less. Live more.

I’ve been thinking about something the last couple of days, and I wanted to share it with you.

It comes from a conversation that I get often when working with blue collar business owners trying to stop living the E-Myth.

But it was brought back to the surface this week in a few phone calls I’ve had.

I implore you to take some time to read this (I know. Its long. And im’ not giving you a TL;DR version either) because I believe... eh.

I KNOW it will fundamentally shift the way you look at recruiting ideal talent to your company.

I get asked the same question all the time, and its the essence of many posts in the FB groups... “How do we find good employees?”

It’s a reasonable question.

But as I’ve paused and pondered it, I’m becoming convinced that its also the wrong one question.

That question assumes the problem is supply. It assumes good people exist out there somewhere, and we just need to find them. So we post ads, we call staffing agencies, we hope someone walks through the door.

But what if the real problem isn’t supply?What if it’s attraction?

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After a few conversations, and taking the time to write thoughts out (this is how I process things that baffle me), I’m convinced that the better question is:

“How do we need to adjust our business to make it attractive to the right employees?”

This is a fundamentally different question.And it requires a fundamentally different answer.

The first question is about tactics.Where to look, what to say, how to filter.

The second question is about culture.What we actually offer, how we treat people, what we stand for, and whether we’re willing to change to meet talented people where they are.

Here’s what I mean:

When you ask “How do we find good employees?”, you’re implicitly saying: “Our business is fine as it is. We just need to find people who fit it.”

When you ask “How do we become attractive to good employees?”, you’re saying: “Maybe we need to change. Maybe we need to listen to what talented people actually want, and build our business around that.”

One is about hunting. The other is about being magnetic.

I want you to really consider this:

The companies winning the talent war right now aren’t the ones with the biggest recruiting budgets.

They’re the ones that asked themselves the hard question:What do our people actually need to thrive?And then they had the courage to answer honestly... then take action.

Maybe it’s flexible scheduling.Maybe it’s higher pay.Maybe it’s a clear path to advancement.Maybe it’s an owner who shows up and is present.Maybe it’s all of the above.

The point is: they listened. And they changed.

And when you do that... when you genuinely adapt your business to meet talented people where they are... something shifts.

You stop chasing talent.Talent starts coming to you.

On the micro level, you see a steadier flow of candidates. Better candidates. People who stay longer. People who care about the work.

On the macro level, your culture changes. Your retention improves. Your margins improve. Your reputation improves.

It all starts with asking a different question.

I’ve been digging into this for a few of my clients, and I’m seeing some real patterns emerge. I’m also connecting with some interesting tools and strategies that can amplify this work once the foundation is solid.

But the foundation has to come first.The question has to shift.

I wanted to share this with you because I think it’s worth thinking about. Not as a tactic.As a philosophy.

I will going to continue to explore this shift in philosophy because finding good talent is a challenge... across the board. I believe this shift can have significant impact. Start by asking yourself the question:

What would it look like if we designed our business to attract the exact people we want?

And spend time allowing your brain to contemplate radical things that could be the difference maker.

Most of us start a business with vision and hard work, then somewhere along the way, we believe we have to control everything to make it work. That belief leads to burnout, fragility, and fear.

In this episode, Toby shares an ancient but powerful framework for sustainable growth: Plant with clarity. Water with consistency. Trust the process for growth you can’t force.

You’ll learn how to:

* Define and plant your vision so your business has a clear direction.

* Build systems and train leaders to water what you’ve started.

* Release control of outcomes so you can adapt and thrive through stress and uncertainty.

If you’ve felt the crushing pressure to hold everything together, this conversation will help you let go — and build a business strong enough to survive what you can’t predict.

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