How to take the oath, claim expenses, find an office and drink champagne... the first hectic few weeks of being an MP.

Foot and mouth disease, John Prescott, comedy-loving voters. . . Remembering the 2001 general election and my first visit to the Commons as a newly-elected MP.

Labour conference (again), losing Donald Dewar, my first trip to the US, and leaving one of the world's greatest football managers stranded in an Edinburgh hotel. Life comes at you fast when you're a Labour parliamentary candidate.

The big day finally arrives. Cathcart Labour chooses its new parliamentary candidate to fight the 2001 general election and nothing – not even a strike by road hauliers – is going to stand in my way. . .

The selection for Labour's parliamentary candidate finally gets underway in Glasgow Cathcart and Tom stares defeat in the face except not really.

It's 1999 and Tom prepares to fight a selection contest while dancing to the Bay City Rollers and getting drunk at 10 Downing Street.

In which Tom battles not very hard against New Labour control freaky and a fortuitous turn of events brings that parliamentary nomination a step closer.

In which the 1997 general election takes place and Tom makes plans for the future with the love of his life. No, not Tony. . .

Reality bites in 1993, but over the horizon comes a white charger carrying. . . You Know Who.

The 1992 general election and other nightmares.