TonioTimeDaily

"I don't define divine the ways religion people does which is about earthly life tribalism and afterlife tribalism, I would define divine secularly (inner beauty is the definition.)" -Antonio Myers

"The last section is an eye-opener. It deals with "Jesus for the Non-Religious," a phrase from Lutheran theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer who envisioned a new religionless Christianity. Bishop John Shelby Spong, like many others, laments the doctrines of conservative Christianity which have given rise to the religious anger that fuels the hatred of women, homosexuals, and non-believers in the inerrancy of the Bible. "I submit," he counters, "that this constant onslaught of ecclesiastical negativity comes directly from our theistic portrait of God, who has been traditionally understood as a punishing parent figure." The themes of guilt and degradation have been hammered home to believers in millions of sermons and Bible tracts.

This religion-based anger is divisive and characterized by enmity for outsiders and strangers. Jesus offers another option. Spong sees him as the breaker of tribal boundaries. He presented to his disciples and others "a new and inclusive kind of life" outside of tradition and in solidarity with all people. Spong also sees Jesus as the breaker of prejudices and stereotypes, and this makes him really relevant to our times when race, gender, and sexual orientation are the major areas where hatred divides people from each other. And, finally, there is Jesus as the breaker of religious boundaries, which was, of course, the thing that got him into so much trouble."

Equally controversial is Spong’s assertion that religion is simply a human construct designed to reduce the inherent anxiety of being human. We are hard-wired for survival, so humans created a theistic God who would rule from the heavens, and formed a Christian religion designed to replicate the false security of an insular tribal structure. It’s rather novel for an Episcopal bishop – a man who has devoted his entire life to Christianity – to reject the major teachings of his faith. While Spong is never unkind, he is not afraid to call out his fellow Christians on their antiquated beliefs, tendency towards righteous anger, and harmful prejudices.

At the end of this fascinating deconstruction, Spong argues for a new understanding of Jesus that I found inspiring and moving. Jesus wasn’t divine, but rather fully human – he lived life to its fullest, ignored social boundaries, preached inclusion, and “loved wastefully,” an expression that I rather like."

Beth Andrews, September 2012

"Get comfortable with your own body — and be kind to it

What do you do for self-care? What can you do to incorporate your body into that? Maybe it’s taking a candlelit bath. Maybe it’s giving yourself a manicure or pedicure. Maybe it’s sleeping naked. Maybe it’s getting a massage, shaving your legs, exfoliating your face… I don’t know. Regardless, it’s crucial to find ways to take care of your body while you’re exploring your own sexuality. Look at your body in the mirror. Listen to music while you’re getting dressed and ready for the day. Anything that you can do to get comfortable with your body and establish some positive experiences with it is going to be helpful to you. And make sure to nourish your body, too — eat yummy, healthy, exciting foods, and if you’d like, do something that you enjoy for exercise. These, too, will help promote self-care and teach you to appreciate your body, which is a big step. After all, you can’t have sex with yourself or explore your own sexuality in a healthy way if you are ashamed or repulsed by your own body.

Don’t leave yourself in the lurch! This will be a learning experience, and at times it might be difficult or emotional or even confusing. Understand that this is normal, and give yourself space to process the things that you’ve learned and discovered about yourself. Maybe that means writing songs. Maybe it’s scribbling a diary entry at the end of every day, or just when you feel like it. Maybe you take photos or make an art piece to sort through your feelings. No matter what it is, make sure that you have a creative or expressive outlet. That way, if you struggle with shame or confusion or negativity or self-hatred, you can process it and hopefully develop more understanding. This also encourages honesty and transparency, and the more you have of that, the better and easier your journey will become, especially in regards to sex.

What do you do when a thought about sex or sexuality comes into your head? Do you feel shameful? Do you dismiss it? Do you cringe? Do you try not to think about it? Whatever your response is, if it’s negative, it’s worthy of modifying your perspective. Encourage yourself to dive into those thoughts. When one goes through your head, either internally or out loud, tell yourself, “Hey, this is normal, this is healthy.” Your body is speaking to you, and telling you that this is a topic worthy of exploring. Your body is worthy of love and understanding. And if you ever feel shame, ask yourself what you can do in that moment to alleviate the shame. Can you hop on a sex-positive social media account? Can you listen to a song about self-love and acceptance (“Born This Way,” perhaps — ha!)? Can you stop and take a moment to tell yourself, “I am learning, and I am normal, and I have no reason to be ashamed”? Develop a way to address these negative narratives so that you can encourage more positive ones."

Self-awareness is always a wonderful quality to have.

In times of crisis, great change, and self-discovery, being self-aware is particularly useful.

When I began to consider whether I was polyamorous or not, I had so many difficult thoughts and feelings. At first, I pushed all the thoughts aside because thinking about being polyamorous was so emotionally taxing for me.

But eventually, I realized it was really helpful – imperative, even – for me to dig deep into my psyche and ask myself some probing questions.

Ask yourself, why is it that you feel you’re polyamorous?

Is it that you feel that you’re capable of loving more than one person at a time? Do you feel you need to love more than one person at a time? Do you feel you need to be loved by more than one person at a time?

Or is your reason completely different? Do you feel okay with the idea of being in a relationship with someone who’s in relationships with others?

You might want to reflect on past relationships. If you felt that you had to conform to monogamous standards before, how did it work for you?

When I explored these questions, I had to look back at my past relationships with a different lens. While I had been in happy, healthy monogamous relationships, I occasionally found myself developing feelings for people while still feeling committed to others.

At the time I thought of myself as a selfish, awful person – but now I began to realize I was just a confused polyamorous person who struggled to manage their feelings.

How do you feel about monogamy? Jealousy? Sharing romantic and/or sexual partners with other people?

You might not have all the answers right now. And that’s perfectly okay – this is a journey to self-awareness, not an exam!

The answers to these questions might change over time. Remember that as people change, the way they approach their relationships might change.

The way we might experience love, romance and/or sexual attraction – if we experience it at all! – can be very fluid.

When I entered my first polyamorous relationship, I honestly had more questions than answers. I still find myself constantly re-examining previous perceptions I had about myself and my sexuality.

My feelings change depending on my partner, my emotional situation, and my mental health. For example, I hardly ever feel jealous about sharing my partner with other people, but if I’m feeling insecure about my career, body or financial situation, I tend to be more jealous.

This feeling of jealousy usually signifies that I have to dig deep emotionally and ask myself why I feel insecure.

It’s incredibly important to stay aware of these feelings and to manage them when they come instead of denying they exist at all."

FYI (For Your Information): I love to live totally alone. No roommate conditions for me, and no pet-owning for me. I am single forever!

In the first year alone, a parent can spend thousands of dollars as the sole provider in a small person’s life.

As years go by, diapers and bottles are replaced with school supplies and saving for higher education, if possible. It adds up.

There’s a reason tax forms consider children “dependents.”

For at least eighteen years (unless the they become legally emancipated), children rely on their parents for all their needs. That doesn’t even include the fun, millenial trend of graduating college then moving back home with the parents.

Talk about a huge emotional and financial responsibility!

Between the expense and today’s economy, raising children is far from cheap. For some, it is flat-out unaffordable. I am in awe of all parents who make it work.

Child-rearing may not be how you want to spend your money. That is understandable.

Maybe you don’t want to bring new people into your family if you can’t afford to support them. That reasoning is beneficial to both you and a potential child, should you choose to have one.

Money is personal.

Decisions regarding our bodies and lives should be equally personal.

You choose how you spend your money. You choose what goes on with your body. You choose what you can in your way of life.

Whenever my elders question why I do not want to have children, I think that they are conveniently ignoring some facts of life.

Some people cannot physically have children, have a medical history of reproductive health issues, and/or have miscarried. Fertility treatments are not 100% guaranteed to work, and they are expensive. You know what else is super-expensive? Hiring a surrogate.

Also, an idea often forgotten when it comes to baby-making: Not everyone has penis-in-vagina sex!

As a cisgender lesbian in a relationship with another cisgender woman, my sex life doesn’t include pregnancy prevention. I literally cannot have an “Oops Baby.”

In fact, if I wanted to have a child physically or through adoption, it would be a “Plan It Out and Lawyer Up Baby.”

Speaking of adoption, the U.S. process of application, home study, approval, matching, placement, and legalization is arduous for everyone, especially marginalized groups.

There are so many physiological, financial, and legal obstacles that can occur before a child enters a family. Some people know the risks and start families anyway, which speaks to their commitment.

If it’s not for you, though, that’s absolutely okay."

"OURSELVES

There is only one life and we owe it to ourselves to make the most of it.  No one will do it for us.  Our happiness is our own responsibility, and within our own control.

We are not alone in this world and our interaction with others can have a profound effect on the quality of our lives, depending upon how we perceive and treat them.

"1. Denial

Denying we could ever have racist thoughts, or that we reap the benefits as a member of the majority race, is a common defense of liberal White Americans. By denying the existence of our racist thoughts, we negate the depth of the racial divide.

“But I don’t even see color.”

As if by being “colorblind” we can resolve the racial pain people of color live out. Pendler and Beverly note, “An inability to be open to the possibility that the experience of the other could be valid is a consistent element of white supremacy.”

When focus remains on the White person, and our emotional wounds, this is classic deflection and redirection.

“I’m so embarrassed I said that!”

This common phrase can be heard when something hurtful may have been said to a person of color. The truly injured party, however, remains unrecognized. By having the courage to confront a racial slight, a person of color is made to feel that they have misread us, or hurt our feelings.

We might also say: “I’m hurt that you think of me like that.” This further draws the attention back to us, and away from the real issue of pain felt by the person of color. When sympathy transfers to the white person, no awareness or learning occurs. No trust is built.

Try this next time you’re confronted with something insensitive: “I hear how my words or actions hurt you. Thank you for pointing that out to me.”

Shutting down or going blank is a common symptom of white fragility. Racism retains a foothold when white people reach a threshold in their racial sensitivity and invoke their white privilege to “check out,” and go silent, instead of sticking out the racial awareness process.

The other side of that coin is simply to choose ignorance.

“I had no idea about that!”

You’re feeling of being clueless leads to detachment. The responsibility to look inward is traded for making the person of color “assume the responsibility for bringing cultural and racial awareness to the surface.”

When a white liberal’s guilt runs amuck, it may become a deep-seated need to take his or her racial lumps. Taking the neighborhood’s homeless black man in for a meal may help him, but does the giving come from a place of joy or guilt? What happens when he steals from you?

In retrospect, was your original act helpful or masochistic? Perhaps a $10 donation on the street might have served both of you better. White liberals, who unconsciously seek self-punishment for historical oppression, appear racially sensitive.

But they actually perpetuate racism by simply becoming “a receptacle for potential and actual abuse,” instead of examining their racially-biased behavior.

“I’m so sorry. I feel your pain.”

This is an example of a deflective technique many white people use to draw attention away from an initial, biased encounter. Again, not taking time to look inward stops short of sincere sensitivity.

Pendler and Beverly comment, “While displaying empathy toward another is often associated with an act of connection, the speed with which white people rush to express sympathy and understanding, at the expense of acknowledging their participation in racist behavior and ideology, discourages a deep relational connection in the moment.”

Basically, don’t apologize first. Try this instead: “I’m here to listen and learn.”

"1. They understand what normal really means.

The definition of “normal” is typical or average. We can all agree on that, yeah? So you probably won’t be surprised when I tell you that a “normal” sex life is awkward. And that most people are self-conscious and critical of their bodies.

Or that the average person doesn’t feel sexually confident. They worry about performance and whether they are doing it right. Sometimes they are too shy to ask for what they want.

A normal sex life includes health problems and emotional exhaustion. Sex often happens between two tired bodies who focus on work far more than they should. They are easily distracted and regard sex as an extracurricular activity, rather than a necessity.

Sexually intelligent people get that, and they rally against having a “normal” sex life. But they are also don’t mind fuck themselves with romanticized ideas about what sex should look like. They don’t expect the mood and the ambiance to be perfect. They understand that the ever-changing landscape of the human body includes unwellness.

They don’t wait for the right time. They accept that good sex may or may not include orgasm. And here’s a biggie, they don’t assume that all sexual activity will lead to intercourse.

Sexual intellects understand that sex is more than PIV. And they don’t let the absence of erection or slow arousal response define the totality of the experience.

They measure sexual success by whether pleasure is experienced or not. That’s it, that’s all.

2. They know that the whole body is erogenous.

The human nervous system is the superhighway of sensation. Every square inch of your body is wired to feel. It was previously thought that sexual stimulation was limited to the mouth, nipples, genitalia, and anus — with the neck, butt, and thighs added for good measure.

But while those areas may be concentrated hot spots, there is no place on your body that is not capable of instigating sexual arousal. Naturally, results vary from person to person.

Some parts of the body may be less responsive when you’re feeling angry or sad. Mood, environment, and circumstances affect the potential and duration of arousal. But the fact remains that your whole body is an erogenous zone. And sexually intelligent people recognize this fact.

Acknowledging the erotic potential of the human body map encourages experimentation. It creates opportunities to explore with less emphasis on orgasm and more focus on pleasure.

All body parts are sexual organs. Eyebrows and elbows. Knees and toes. Shoulders and flanks. Nailbeds and heels. I once became aroused by the beat of someone else’s heart! So when I tell you that opening your mind will increase the sum of your pleasure — I mean it!"

There are many similarities between the mythical elements of Jesus and Buddha. Here are just a few of the most striking similarities.

Although the distance between the homelands of Jesus and Buddha was great, there was plenty of contact between the two areas and 600 years for ideas to spread. Both trade and the wars of the ever-expanding Roman Empire facilitated contact.

There is also the possibility that ideas “met halfway.” It did not require one person to traverse the 3000 miles. The ideas could have been passed along like the Olympic baton.

There is a lot of evidence of trade between the two regions. There are various overland routes stretching from China, Asia, Arabia, and Europe, some going back as far as 1500 BCE. These routes were known as The Silk Road (or Silk Route), the Incense Route, and the Spice Route. The transport of goods along these routes relied mainly upon pack animals (camels) and river boats. Goods were also transported by boats across the Indian Ocean.

There are cuneiform tablets dating to 2400 BCE describing shipments of cotton cloth, spices, oil, grains, (and even peacocks) which arrest to this trade. Even the Holy Bible attests to this trade with the story of The Three Wise Men from the East traveling by camel with gifts of frankincense and myrrh.

You can be sure more than goods were being exchanged. Ideas also traveled these routes. The Buddhist ideas were undoubtedly among the ideas being spread, especially since Buddhist monks had a tradition of missionary zeal.

Buddhism does not reject other creeds and religions. Thus, Buddhist ideas could be easily blended with whatever local religious beliefs the monks encountered. Buddhist settled into many areas of the Roman Empire, including Judea. The historian/philosopher Philo, who lived during the time of Jesus, recorded the presence of Buddhists in Egypt.

It is quite likely that the authors of The Holy Bible were aware of both Buddha and Buddhist ideas."