TonioTimeDaily

"Most churches in the United States have an average church attendance of around 500 adults, 125 children. Most congregations are dominated by married adults, so in this “average church,” there are 200 married couples, 275 women and 225 men, 64 girls and 61 boys. This means that in this church:

That’s a possible 256 people– 40% of this “average” congregation— who have been violently wounded by some kind of horrific abuse. This isn’t something we can afford to ignore. This is something that should utterly break us and radically transform everything we do as a church body. We can’t be dismissive of hurt. We can’t ignore that there’s darkness and pain and suffering. We can’t preach messages filled to the brim with ideas that can be turned into weapons by abusers. We can’t afford the blithe, non-committal “if you’re being abused, you need to get out,” and then move past that as if it doesn’t happen here. We have to stop burying our heads in the sand with our “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle!” and our “faith like a mustard seed!”

We have to be the ones who love the hurting and the broken, who acknowledge their pain."

Sex positive people tend to have the following traits:

• They are open to learning more about sex and sexual activity. They try to understand their bodies, their partners’ bodies, and all of the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects involved with intimacy. If they have questions about sex, they feel comfortable asking.

• They understand the importance of safe sex for both themselves and their partners. Safe sex can include discussing sexual histories, using condoms, and being tested for sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) like HIV. It can also include emotional and psychological safety, such as supporting a partner with a sexual dysfunction or one with a history of sexual abuse.

• They consider sex to be a healthy part of life that should be enjoyed. For sex positive people, sex can be discussed without shame or awkwardness. It is not a taboo subject.

• They acknowledge that sometimes they won’t want to have sex and that partners might not want to have sex with them.

• They accept others’ sexual practices, as long as the participants consent and feel safe, without moral judgment. This means accepting sexual behaviors that might be different from their own, such as having many partners, engaging in threesomes, or swapping marital partners.

This also means accepting others’ sexual orientations and lifestyles without judgment.

Being sex positive can be complicated. For example, some sexual behaviors may not align with a person’s cultural and religious values. Or, a person might have experienced sexual trauma in the past. Such trauma can be difficult to discuss and make that person feel anxious and frightened in sexual situations.

Overall, however, the concept of being sex positive involves understanding your own sexuality and what it means for you and your relationships.

"Since each stage of life has its own unique gift to give to humanity, we need to do whatever we can to support each stage, and to protect each stage from attempts to suppress its individual contribution to the human life cycle.  Thus, we need to be wary, for example, of attempts to thwart a young child’s need to play through the establishment high-pressure formal academic preschools.  We should protect the wisdom of aged from elder abuse.  We need to do what we can to help our adolescents at risk.  We need to advocate for prenatal education and services for poor mothers, and support safe and healthy birthing methods in third world countries. We ought to take the same attitude toward nurturing the human life cycle as we do toward saving the environment from global warming and industrial pollutants.  For by supporting each stage of the human life cycle, we will help to ensure that all of its members are given care and helped to blossom to their fullest degree.

"Hey men, what are you planning to do better? Because you need to do better. Here are ideas on how you should treat women better.

"Tenacity and Resilience – determination and challenging opinions. To read more on this topic, have a look at this article.

 Accepting of Difference – less likely to judge others; may question norms. My adult children never judge people on the basis of social status, career, accomplishments etc. They love people for who they are.

Integrity – honest, loyal and committed. For example, my daughter has never missed a shift in two years of volunteering at a no-kill cat charity. She says, “Those cats need me and depend on me. They need to be loved.”

Attention to Detail – there is both a thoroughness and accuracy around specific details. This can be a real plus in jobs that require that skill such as quality control. Some more ideas for jobs can be found in this article by Temple Grandin.

Deep Focus – concentration level can be very focused, allowing for freedom from distraction. My adult children spend hours on an activity that they enjoy. My son reads 2- 3 non-fiction books aloud to himself every week."

A big reason why I am secular:

"The biggest difference between belief and knowledge is – it is the tendency of most people to test their beliefs and not their knowledge. When we are sure we know something, we do not really go back and try to verify it. We tend to accept our knowledge more readily than our beliefs. Our beliefs, however, are constantly put to test; by us, by people around, by situations, experiences among many other things."

"Knowledge is indispensable, yes. However, belief is equally important. A simple example – if I do not believe that a tablet of an analgesic will take care of my headache, I will never test my belief. Hence I may never know for a fact that an analgesic actually does relieve headache. However, even if I don’t believe, it does not change the fact that analgesic tablets do relieve headaches. In this sense, knowledge is not based on belief. However, the more you can base your belief with fact, the stronger your belief will become. (or in turn, the lesser facts you find to base your belief on, the weaker it will become). Hence belief is affected by the knowledge you have."

It's free of coercion and fear.

Since healthy relationships are built on open, honest, and respectful communication, it is safe to say that there’s no room for pressure or fear when it comes to sex. Love and respect cannot be present in a relationship where there is coercion or fear. Pressuring someone to be intimate with you by threatening to hurt them or do something bad to them if they don’t agree to what you are asking to (like spreading rumors or naked pictures on social media) are no-nos when it comes to sex and consent. Pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to or using scare tactics to get you there, are definitely not caring or trusting ways to have a relationship, they are techniques used to keep power and control over someone.

Consent is ongoing.

You may have literally said “yes” to kissing or making out or expressed interest with a nod or smile, but that is not an automatic yes to “going all the way.” You have the right to change your mind.  Just because you said yes at the beginning of whatever you were doing, that doesn’t count as an ongoing, automatic yes to any other actions or behaviors that may follow. Open communication and clear boundaries are crucial to ensure that consent is present and ongoing at every step of the way in your relationship!

It's enthusiastic.

Enthusiasm means both partners are excited and engaged with each other about holding hands, doing stuff together, kissing, or touching. When there is enthusiasm there is no room for threats, coercion, manipulation, physical punishment or making anyone feel like you “owe them” anything. Enthusiasm about intimacy can also spill over into enthusiasm about the relationship as a whole, so be a “blabbermouth” as Scarleteen calls it, so you and your partner can feel emotionally and physically save while having rewarding sex and sexual relationships, whether it is a short or a long-term relationship.

You're both interested in each other.

When there is mutual interest in a healthy relationship, it’s likely that both partners want similar things. They care about each other’s needs, work together toward a common goal and treat each other with respect. Mutual interest is a vital part of sex and consent because it means that both partners are in tuned and want the same outcome for each other, they understand respect, have clear boundaries, and ensure both parties feel confident, secure and respected."

"1. You Put Yourself in Dangerous Situations

Let’s start with one of the most obvious signs of a problematic relationship with sex: not being safe. Sex comes with lots of risks, including pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. If you want to have a healthy and happy sex life, you have to educate yourself about the risk levels of your preferred sexual activities. You have to use protection and insist that your partners use protection. You have to get tested regularly, share your results with your partners, and ask them to share their results in return.

2. You’re Not Picky Enough

Your body is your temple! Cheesy but true. You should be choosy about the people you let into your pants, even if you’re having casual sex. You should share at least a basic level of comfort and respect with all of your sexual partners.

Want an easy litmus test? If you would feel embarrassed telling your best friend that you slept with a certain someone, maybe don't have sex with that person. Some other guidelines: don’t have sex with someone just because you want them to like you, or because you feel like you “owe” them. Don’t have sex with people you’re not attracted to. Have standards and stick to them.

7. You Care More About Your Partners Than Yourself

Most of us want to please our partners, but some people are so eager to please that they’re willing to betray their own wants and needs in favor of their partners’. Some people will have sex when they don’t want to, or engage in activities that they don’t desire, simply because their partner wanted it or pushed for it.

It's fine to compromise on things that you don't have a strong opinion about, but you should also have a set of firm boundaries that you won't cross. For example, let's say you've never been that interested in being spanked, but you're willing to try it if your partner is into it. That's much different than allowing your partner to pressure you into having unprotected sex.

8. You Don’t Respect Other’s Boundaries

On the flip side of the coin, some people are so adamant about getting what they want that they ignore or even violate their partner’s boundaries. This can come in the form of pressuring a partner, mocking their requests, ignoring safe words or, at the most extreme, forcing yourself on them. It should go without saying that your relationship with sex is pretty messed up if you do any of the above.

9. You Don’t Pay Attention to Your Body

Sex can be fun and pleasurable, and it can also be painful and scary. We each need to take care of ourselves and our bodies when we’re being intimate. Don’t ever push yourself to keep having sex if you’re experiencing pain or discomfort. Don’t ignore triggers. Don’t tune out gut feelings that something is wrong. Listen to your body. It knows much more than you realize.

If you recognize yourself in any of these categories, know that sometimes, just acknowledging your patterns is enough to make a change. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you may want to consider enlisting the help of an experienced sex therapist."

"5. The Jesus way has got me to see that we cannot cast off responsibility for the plights and problems of "other people."

I was reminded of the Jesus ethic recently when I popped into a Mexican restaurant and was stopped in my tracks by an arresting poster near the door. It was a sketch of a Middle Eastern-looking man with a baby tucked in his coat. "Refugees," the poster bade, "are welcome here. Stop profiling Muslims."

Given the ethnic background of the restaurant proprietors and staff, you'd think they had enough to worry about with respect to "their own kind" being demonized during this season of anti-immigrant sentiment. How moving -- how motivating -- that they could extend their sphere of concern and stand in solidarity with members of another threatened group.

This yearning for justice -- justice for all -- is something Jesus promoted and practiced. The Jesus way has got me to see that if we are going to live meaningful and ethical lives, we must reject the notion that we have to look out only for ourselves and our kind. Jesus taught that everyone counts, that the only "group" we're part of is the human group, and that if one segment of our global neighborhood bears the weight of suffering and injustice, so do we all."

I support the secular movement and the human rights of faith-based persons.

SUPER POWER | TSP x ANTONIO MYERS - YouTube (link)

I was a guest on Camille Essick's show

"Season 9 is ending and I had do so with someone amazing!!!  Asperger Syndrome affects about 37.2 million people worldwide with discretionary rates when it comes to prevention and care for Black communities.   Antonio Myers returns to: - Discuss the release of his new book - Overcoming discrimination as a member of the ASD community  - Give insight into how he has overcome adversity and so much more."