TonioTimeDaily

TonioTimeDaily

By Antonio MyersSociety & Culture
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TonioTimeDaily episodes

  • The sexual past of both my pre-adolescence and my adolescence. Final episode on this topic.
    “General Guidelines for Sex Ed: Ideally, we should start having conversations and reading books with our kids by age five when they're still open, curious and unembarrassed. By age nine they become more modest and by 12...yeah, better not to start at 12 unless you enjoy being scrutinized, critiqued, and shut down by your kids. That doesn't mean don't talk about this stuff when they're tweens and teens (definitely do), but if you've been doing it all along in age-appropriate ways, it won't be totally awkward.
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    Early on we want to teach out kids about body parts, safe touch, and how babies are (usually) made. We want to teach about consent in general (see page on Boundaries & Consent) and consent regarding sex specifically.
    - We need to explicitly tell our kids that people only engage in sexual touching when everyone agrees.
    - We need to explicitly say that sex is not for kids and EVERY big kid and adult knows that.
    - We need to explicitly say that an adult should never ask them to keep a secret because adults know that children don't keep secrets from their parents when they're young.
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    Around age eight we want them to know their body is going to change so we want to make sure the topic of puberty is normalized.
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    By late middle school kids should know all about sex -- the different kinds, their values, birth control, and STIs, so that when sexual experimenting and dating starts they can make good choices for themselves.
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    Teens who have recurring conversations with their parents about sex-related topics are more likely to delay sex until they are older, and use birth control when they do become sexually active. If you're clear about what you want for them, they'll be more likely to adopt similar hopes so give them a clear message about your personal values and beliefs about sex and relationships. Believe it or not, most teens name their parents as the biggest influence in their decisions about sex.
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    We want kids to know their personal limits before they go out on a date with someone. We can encourage them to consider how far they're willing to go that night with that particular person. We also want them to have as clear a sense as possible about what their personal rules are. For example, how many dates before there's any physical touch, what they're willing to do and not do in a car or public place, etc. Of course they're not robots and they also possess impulsive teenage brains so they may not always stick to the rules but having guidelines in place helps in the heat of the moment.
    You may also decide to have family rules about dating. Maybe your child has to bring home their love interest at least twice before there's a private date. It's our job to help our kids be savvy daters and relaters.” “Just to be clear, sex positive parenting does NOT mean teaching your kids to go ahead and have sex anywhere with anyone or multiple people at the same time.
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    Sex positive parenting is the philosophy that sexuality is a natural, healthy and positive part of childhood, adolescence and adulthood and that children deserve to be educated about it.
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    A major goal of sex positive parenting is for kids to engage in sexual activity only when they're socially, emotionally and physically ready. Ideally, they come away from their first sexual experience feeling like they made a good decision, and that sex is a positive part of life.” -https://www.thefeministparent.com/mixed-messages-confusion.
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    33 min
  • Many women gave me mixed messages about sex, sexuality, romance, living arrangements, sensuality, dating, marriage, kids, pets, & eroticism.
    “My relationships with women consist of due regard, consideration, thoughtfulness, honor, attentiveness, politeness, courtesy, civility, deference, high regard, high opinion, reverence, veneration, appreciation, approbation, recognition, acclaim, sensitivity, gentleness, generosity, and respect.” -Antonio Myers.
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    48 min
  • Resolving and solving work-family conflict
    “How does an inactive lifestyle affect your body?
    When you have an inactive lifestyle,:
    You burn fewer calories. This makes you more likely to gain weight.
    You may lose muscle strength and endurance, because you are not using your muscles as much
    Your bones may get weaker and lose some mineral content
    Your metabolism may be affected, and your body may have more trouble breaking down fats and sugars
    Your immune system may not work as well
    You may have poorer blood circulation
    Your body may have more inflammation
    You may develop a hormonal imbalance. “How can I be more active around the house?
    There are some ways you can be active around your house:
    Housework, gardening, and yard work are all physical work. To increase the intensity, you could try doing them at a more vigorous pace.
    Keep moving while you watch TV. Lift hand weights, do some gentle yoga stretches, or pedal an exercise bike. Instead of using the TV remote, get up and change the channels yourself.
    Work out at home with a workout video (on your TV or on the internet)
    Go for a walk in your neighborhood. It can be more fun if you walk your dog, walk your kids to school, or walk with a friend.
    Stand up when talking on the phone
    Get some exercise equipment for your home. Treadmills and elliptical trainers are great, but not everyone has the money or space for one. Less expensive equipment such as yoga balls, exercise mats, stretch bands, and hand weights can help you get a workout at home too.
    How can I be more active at work?
    Most of us sit when we are working, often in front of a computer. In fact, less than 20% of Americans have physically active jobs. It can be challenging to fit physical activity into your busy workday, but here are some tips to help you get moving:
    Get up from your chair and move around at least once an hour
    Stand when you are talking on the phone
    Find out whether your company can get you a stand-up or treadmill desk
    Take the stairs instead of the elevator
    Use your break or part of your lunch hour to walk around the building
    Stand up and walk to a colleague's office instead of sending an email
    Have "walking" or standing meetings with co-workers instead of sitting in a conference room.” -https://medlineplus.gov/healthrisksofaninactivelifestyle.html. “I am applying all of this good advice to my life.” -Antonio Myers.
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    39 min
  • Many mothers of autistic children (Autism moms), many black women, and many church women are urging me to be their husband and father of their children.

    “In the intersection of work and personal life, the work–life balance is the equilibrium between the two. There are many aspects of one's personal life that can intersect with work, including family, leisure, and health. A work–life balance is bidirectional; for instance, work can interfere with private life, and private life can interfere with work. This balance or interface can be adverse in nature (e.g., work–life conflict) or can be beneficial (e.g., work–life enrichment) in nature.[1] Recent research has shown that the work–life interface has become more boundary-less, especially for technology-enabled workers.[2][3][4][5]” -Wikipedia.

    "When I read Dianne M. Stewart’s “Black Women, Black Love: America’s War on African American Marriage,” I felt seen in her descriptions of the systemic forces working against us. Stewart lays out the issue masterfully when she says, “Most heterosexual Black women in America today, whether parenting offspring or not, are single by circumstance, not by choice.” Stewart continues, “The trouble is not with Black women failing to value marriage; it is the shrinking demographic of those whom Black women want to marry . . . In some cases, Black women lack dating prospects within their socioeconomic group, and in other cases, they don’t have any dating prospects at all!”

    She characterizes Black women’s lack of opportunities for love and marriage with Black men as “the nation’s most hidden and thus neglected civil rights issue to date.” Stewart provides the historical receipts that reveal Black love as a contested site in this nation and details the way that the “war on African American marriage” was waged in the past and present." _

    Ekemini Uwan.

    "I have always found the idea of blaming the autistic child for the deterioration of marriage unfair to autistic people. Yet, when my own marriage ended, I couldn’t help but wonder if any of those ideas behind the eighty per-cent divorce rates and autism might in some way be true.

    A single mom of an autistic child for several years now, I’ve seen that when relationships fall apart, we begin by looking outside ourselves for the external causes to blame. No matter what the circumstance, illness, disability, death are the certainties of a full life. We make vows for better or for worse, even if most of us want the “better.” Frequent divorce seems to reflect the advent of the re-start button — an impatient, quickly gratified culture with many options at our fingertips, and a waning attention span. It’s perhaps an unforgiving view about what as I see as the marriage du jour — the one that bypasses commitment. Even so, two people who come together with the best of intentions (or delusions), sometimes cannot endure the stress when faced with life’s many challenges. This has nothing to do with autism.

    Consider some of our flippant views about marriage and commitment against the last decade of autism in the media. The media and many in the medical field created an environment of fascination and fear about autism. Most parents relate to the panic we felt on the day of the official autism diagnosis. We heard and read that we had a six year window in which to cure our children. That is, we were told that if our children didn’t talk and lose those autism behaviors by the age of six, our children were doomed to be autistic for the rest of their lives. With such pressure, as individuals and couples, we can be extremely challenged. Coping with stress and even grief is different for all people. Press restart?

    It shouldn’t come as a surprise, then, that autism is frequently blamed by some autism charities, and in the media, for divorce. When we blame something else other than ourselves, such as perpetuating the notion that autism is to blame, the innocent autistic child is targeted." _Estée Klar.

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    36 min
  • How do I meet my romantic needs & my sexual needs? Yes, I am still open to my autism mom companion.
    “Benefits of being an autistic mother:
    Our clinical experience is that there are many benefits to being an autistic mother. These include creating a home environment where neurodiversity is accepted and admired, as well as encouraging knowledge, creativity, and originality in problem-solving. There is empathy for being bullied, teased, socially rejected and humiliated and a determination to prevent their autistic child having those experiences.
    Autistic mothers ensure there is consistency and routine in daily activities and expectations. There is a preference for logic rather than obedience and seeking opportunities to boost their autistic child’s self-confidence. Autistic mothers can easily explain their autistic child’s social and sensory perception to peers and teachers and encourage an understanding and acceptance of autism that may not have been experienced in their childhood.” -By Professor Tony Attwood and Dr Michelle Garnett.
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    49 min
  • Final episode on the good parts of mainstream porn entities (human rights champion adult performers.)
    “Porn performers aren’t respected in our society and nothing underlines this fact better than the Stormy Daniels/Donald Trump scandal. When the world learned that President Trump had tried to buy porn performer Stormy Daniel’s silence about their affair before the 2016 election, she was the one who was skewered in the court of public opinion. Trump, on the other hand, emerged unscathed.
    This is business as usual when it comes to the treatment of porn performers in our society. Porn actors aren’t seen as worthy of respect.
    As model Amber Rose told Marlow Stern, Senior Entertainment Editor of The Daily Beast:
    “Porn stars are here for our convenience. Everyone uses them when they want to use them and then throws them away after. We don’t respect them enough.”
    Stereotyped and stigmatized, porn performers are denied their humanity. It doesn’t make a difference that the stereotypes aren’t true.
    Feminist porn director, Erika Lust, told Dazed:
    “It’s often assumed that to be an adult performer you’re troubled, on drugs, have money problems and no self-esteem. Even though those cases certainly exist, it’s not a fair judgment to pass on to everyone who chooses to do adult films, and it’s not my experience at all.”
    When society denies that porn performers are three-dimensional beings with the same needs and desires as other people, this creates a world in which it’s okay to deny them their rights.” -https://aninjusticemag.com/its-time-to-stop-the-unfair-violation-of-porn-performers-rights-3f9c9b153e87.
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    45 min
  • My final episode on porn etiquette
    “2. Porn overemphasizes visual stimuli
    Researchers have gone back and forth on whether cisgender men’s and women’s brains differ in their responses to sexual imagery. The latest research appears to show that there’s no difference.
    Either way, I know that the way I like to have sex has been shaped by watching porn, rather than, say, reading or listening to it.
    Along with showing a variety of penetrative sex positions, the typical porn scene features an assortment of camera angles. These often focus on women’s butts, boobs, and vaginas, while minimizing shots of the men’s bodies other than their penis.
    Male pornstars have talked about this: “You need to get yourself in uncomfortable positions, because it disconnects you from the scene. And it allows the audience to put themselves in.”
    This has definitely distorted how I show up in the bedroom. It’s hard to imagine feeling pleasure if I closed my eyes or was wearing a blindfold.
    Just like with the emphasis on penetration, focusing on vision is a narrow way to experience sex. There are sensations, sounds, words, tastes, smells, and who knows what else floating around the room.
    In fact, a new study found that people who place more value on their sense of smell in romantic encounters consistently had a stronger sexual desire for their partners.
    Fortunately, there are now a number of sites the feature audio porn. “Audio really stimulates someone’s inner life, their imagination, which is fertile ground for sexual fantasy,” writer and host of the “Why Are People Into That?!” podcast Tina Horn told Men’s Health. There’s also erotica, or written word porn.” -https://jeremymohler.medium.com/5-ways-porn-conditions-men-to-have-worse-sex-cc3bf4f6c777
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    54 min
  • Female misogynists within my youth (The Nice Girl Syndrome)
    “The Misogynistic Puritan
    The Misogynistic Puritan takes the ideal woman to be domestic, subservient, nurturing, kind, mild-tempered, alluring, youthful, and sexually pure prior to marriage. She has adopted this feminine ideal from her misogynistic husband, family or acquaintances.
    She takes herself to be pretty darn close to the feminine ideal. She is subservient, always standing behind her man as a solid pillar of support.
    She hates women who deviate from the feminine ideal and takes it to be her life's mission to find ways to discipline them and ultimately get them on the "right track. The Misogynistic Self-Critic
    The Misogynistic Self-Critic is disdainful toward women who are not very feminine, whether it’s because they choose not to be or because they are just bad at acting in a traditional way—for instance, women she takes to be too fat, too big, too masculine, too angry, too loud, too competitive, too hardcore, or too alpha.
    She is in favor of traditional gender roles and will use any opportunity she gets to preach their social virtue. Men should be dominant alphas, women should be soft and compliant.
    She may regard herself as one of the feminine misfits. The Misogynistic Self-Loather
    The Misogynistic Self-Loather has adopted a general attitude of contempt toward every one of her own “filthy” kind, including herself.
    She regards women, including herself, as promiscuous, manipulative, dishonest, irrational, incompetent or unintelligent.
    She tends to be in denial about her own self-loathing but not usually about her contempt for other women.” -https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201908/12-ways-spot-female-misogynist.
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    53 min
  • Sexual acute trauma, sexual complex trauma, sexual chronic trauma, sexual secondary trauma, sexual vicarious trauma, sexual trauma bonding, and sexually adverse childhood experiences (SACEs.)
    “Trauma bonds (also referred to as traumatic bonds) are emotional bonds that arise from a cyclical pattern of abuse. A trauma bond occurs in an abusive relationship wherein the victim forms an emotional bond with the perpetrator.[1] The concept was developed by psychologists Donald Dutton and Susan Painter.[2][3][4]
    Two main factors involved in the establishment of a trauma bond are a power imbalance and intermittent reward and punishment.[2][1][5] Trauma bonding can occur within romantic relationships, platonic friendships, parent-child relationships, incestuous relationships, cults, hostage situations, sex trafficking (especially that of minors), or tours of duty among military personnel.[2][6]
    Trauma bonds are based on terror, dominance, and unpredictability. As the trauma bond between an abuser and a victim strengthens, it can lead to cyclical patterns of conflicting emotions. Frequently, victims in trauma bonds do not have agency, autonomy, or an individual sense of self. Their self-image is an internalization of the abuser's conceptualization of them.[7]
    Trauma bonds have severe detrimental effects on the victim. Some long-term impacts of trauma bonding include remaining in abusive relationships, adverse mental health outcomes like low self-esteem, negative self-image, an increased likelihood of depression and bipolar disorder, and perpetuating a generational cycle of abuse.[1][5][8][9] Victims who develop trauma bonds are often unable or unwilling to leave these relationships. Many abuse victims who experience trauma bonding return to the abusive relationship.[10][11]” -Wikipedia.
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    1 hr 10 min

About TonioTimeDaily

From the publisher's feed

Autism is my super blessing! I'm a high-school valedictorian, college graduate, world traveler, disability advocate. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I'm a Progressive Liberal. I'm about equal rights, human rights, civil & political rights, & economic, social, &cultural rights.