The things behind this song are a bit too personal to go into detail here, so I'll just say: This is a song I wrote about how short-term gratification will always be at the expense of long-term life goals and dreams.

LYRICS

I love this

This numbness

There’s nothing

Above this

This gluttony

Starts subtly

Then consumes

Me utterly

Here with the lost

The lost and the blind

I’m exhausted, confined

I’m complete I am mine

My dreams were drowned

I held them down

Forced them under till they choked

And struggled while I joked

My dreams were drowned

My dreams were drowned

Yeah

This is not the man I’m meant to be

This is not the man I’m meant to be

This is not

This is not

A weakness

For sweetness

So tragic

So needless

Stick to the lies

The lies the deception

That hide this obsession

That I never mention

My dreams were drowned

I held them down

Forced them under till they choked

And struggled while I joked

My dreams were drowned

My dreams were drowned

Yeah

This most beautiful gift

The gift of time

I smashed it all up

So it cannot be mine

Kept my anaesthetic dose up

And all that pathetic hope up

While I waste and waste and waste

This most beautiful gift

The gift of time

This is not the man I’m meant to be

This is not the man I’m meant to be

This is not

This is not

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2025 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Website: https://www.markcbh.com

Contact / sync: [email protected]

This song was written in July 2025; this video is a stripped back version played just on Yamaha Pacifica electric guitar with vocals.

The vocal mic is a good ol' Shure SM58 and the processing / mixing was done in Logic Pro.

I think you can tell that I'm less rehearsed performing this version than the piano version [ https://youtu.be/ZhJRtfS_Fwc ] but I wanted to upload it anyway. Who cares?

LYRICS

My god what’s this?

My gutlessness

It knows no bounds

It makes no sounds

Just silent me

Anxiety

Chokes down each wish

Strangled, dismissed

Give in

Capitulate a bit

Give up your dreams

Give up your dreams

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

It’s my duty

Does this to me

A noiseless drum

An empty gun

A plastic man

Is what I am

No force, no drive

No more alive

Resign, concede

Don’t take the lead

Regret and grieve

Regret and grieve

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

Approve approve!

Can’t think, can’t move

Can’t stand, can’t sit

Permit permit!

Please validate

Please validate

Apparently

This is my fate

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

It’s all just been a waste of time

Oh no

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2025 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Website: https://www.markcbh.com

Contact / sync: [email protected]

What happens when you’re always too needy in a relationship? Is being needy sabotaging the relationship you’re trying to keep going?

This song is about being needy, being too much of a people pleaser, and what it can mean for your relationships. It’s a song about always having to check in with the other person before you do anything. Sure, it may start out as a very gallant and considerate attitude but as time goes on, it’s likely that you actually come to resent the fact that when you act this way, it stops you from doing the things YOU want to do.

More than this, setting unrealistic expectations in your partner’s mind about your level of commitment means that THEY never get used to dealing with or compromising with YOUR wishes, and so you can end up in a relationship that only reflects the desires and wishes of one of the people.

That can lead to a lot of resentment, and this song is about that - It’s about realising that being needy and over-pleasing has created a relationship that doesn’t feel like home for you, and it’s about realising that you are still powerless to stop it. It’s a song about regrets in relationships.

That’s pretty deep for 4 minutes of music. Maybe I’m over-thinking it.

LYRICS

My god what’s this

My gutlessness

It knows no bounds

It makes no sounds

Just silent me

Anxiety

Chokes down each wish

Strangled, dismissed

Give in

Capitulate a bit

Give up your dreams

Give up your dreams

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Give up

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

It’s my duty

Does this to me

A noiseless drum

An empty gun

A plastic man

Is what I am

No force no drive

No more alive

Resign, concede

Don’t take the lead

Regret and grieve

Regret and grieve

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Regret

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

Approve approve!

Can’t think, can’t move

Can’t stand, can’t sit

Permit permit!

Please validate

Please validate

Apparently

This is my fate

Again again again

Every single time

Again again again

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

This life’s no good

This life’s not mine

It’s all just been a waste of time

Oh no

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2025 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Website: https://www.markcbh.com

Contact / sync: [email protected]

This is me recording a rehearsal of my Live Set version of this song.

It's interesting how at this faster tempo the song comes across as quite angry and slightly erratic, whereas the slowed down piano and guitar versions sound quite sad (check my other tracks for these).

Anyway, here's my running through my live version, mistakes and all. How many errors can YOU count? 😆

LYRICS

From far above the frozen sea

D’you think you’ll ever notice me?

As I give myself constantly

Kept overkeen, kept feverish

But keep devout, keep faith in this

Transfixed upon a deeper wish

..I wasn’t here

Wish I wasn’t here

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

No matter what I say

No matter what I do

Can’t give enough

To keep this love

Not good enough for you

Acceptance meant much more to me

Than fairness or stability

So now what’s left is killing me

Humiliation has its price

Intoxication has its vice

This situation, is it nice?

…is overrated

Nice is overrated

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

I hide myself in shadows I find

I keep my own needs outta my mind

Completely always totally blind

To all the

Things that I need

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2025 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Website: https://www.markcbh.com

Contact / sync: [email protected]

This song was originally written as a fairly quick kind of post-punk dance number, fairly high bpm.

Then a weird thing started happening whenever I would practise it or even perform it out and about, slowed down and acoustic - on piano or guitar.

It was only then that the real emotion and nature of the song started to come through. Which just goes to show, even if you write the song yourself you don't necessarily know how it will sound best yourself.

Here's my slowed down guitar-only version. I think it really allows the nature of it to come through.

LYRICS

From far above the frozen sea

D’you think you’ll ever notice me?

As I give myself constantly

Kept overkeen, kept feverish

But keep devout, keep faith in this

Transfixed upon a deeper wish

..I wasn’t here

Wish I wasn’t here

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

No matter what I say

No matter what I do

Can’t give enough

To keep this love

Not good enough for you

Acceptance meant much more to me

Than fairness or stability

So now what’s left is killing me

Humiliation has its price

Intoxication has its vice

This situation, is it nice?

…is overrated

Nice is overrated

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

I hide myself in shadows I find

I keep my own needs outta my mind

Completely always totally blind

To all the

Things that I need

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

Words and music Copyright (C) 2025 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

This song is kind of about having two conflicting states of mind that are constantly fighting with one another, and maybe even causing each other.

On the one hand, it's about being an over-pleaser, and going flat out to try and satisfy and impress another person, but being resentful that they don't notice or appreciate your frantic efforts.

The other side of the song is that in doing this, you actually end up putting your own needs last and pretending that you want what they want.

The underlying question of the song is this: Do you attract people who are hard to please, because you yourself need to feel worthless?

Who knows.

Anyway, here are the lyrics. Go figure.

LYRICS

From far above the frozen sea

D’you think you’ll ever notice me?

As I give myself constantly

Kept overkeen, kept feverish

But keep devout, keep faith in this

Transfixed upon a deeper wish

..I wasn’t here

Wish I wasn’t here

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

No matter what I say

No matter what I do

Can’t give enough

To keep this love

Not good enough for you

Acceptance meant much more to me

Than fairness or stability

So now what’s left is killing me

Humiliation has its price

Intoxication has its vice

This situation, is it nice?

…is overrated

Nice is overrated

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

I hide myself in shadows I find

I keep my own needs outta my mind

Completely always totally blind

To all the

Things that I need

No matter what I do

No matter how I try

Not brave enough

Or cool or tough

Not good enough, am I?

Words and music Copyright (C) 2025 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Coming to terms with the fact that you're always hating on yourself when you make even the smallest tiniest of mistakes, even when there's nobody around to see it? In fact, ESPECIALLY when there's nobody around to see it.

Uh huh. Me too. Here's a song all about it.

LYRICS

Consumed with fatigue

So far out my league

And all cos I stupidly think

I’m unique

Perpetual neglect

Of my self-respect

Has taken its toll

Well, what did I expect?

Take more blame

Ignore shame

But look what I...

I became

I became

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

Guess what?

With burnout

It actually turns out

The catalyst right at its heart

Is self-doubt

Uncomfortably numb

Is what I’ve become

After beating myself

Like some infinite drum

Diagnosis

Psychosis

Losing my mind

Just focus

Just focus!

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

For you

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2024 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

If I could give my younger self just one piece of advice it would be this: Look after your self-respect.

Why? For a couple of reasons.

Firstly because if you don't look after it, when the time comes for you to actually need it, it won't be anywhere to be found.

The second reason is because when you don't have self-respect, all the ways in which you criticise yourself and put yourself down will all add up in your own mental image of yourself, and this is not healthy at all.

In the end it just leads to burnout and self-loathing, and it all starts from the smallest of seeds. Somebody put this unkind voice in your head - it wasn't you - but when you let it stay there and you never fight back, you're setting yourself up for a pretty crappy ride, mentally speaking.

So.

Look after your self-respect.

x

Here's the song...

LYRICS

Consumed with fatigue

So far out my league

And all cos I stupidly think

I’m unique

Perpetual neglect

Of my self-respect

Has taken its toll

Well, what did I expect?

Take more blame

Ignore shame

But look what I...

I became

I became

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

Guess what?

With burnout

It actually turns out

The catalyst right at its heart

Is self-doubt

Uncomfortably numb

Is what I’ve become

After beating myself

Like some infinite drum

Diagnosis

Psychosis

Losing my mind

Just focus

Just focus!

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2024 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Contact / sync: [email protected]

Recording of a live rehearsal, mistakes n all.

A song about how I self-sabotage all the time, discouraging myself and giving myself a hard time, and I pretend it's all in the name of self-improvement. It isn't.

LYRICS

Consumed with fatigue

So far out my league

And all cos I stupidly think

I’m unique

Perpetual neglect

Of my self-respect

Has taken its toll

Well, what did I expect?

Take more blame

Ignore shame

But look what I...

I became

I became

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

Guess what?

With burnout

It actually turns out

The catalyst right at its heart

Is self-doubt

Uncomfortably numb

Is what I’ve become

After beating myself

Like some infinite drum

Diagnosis

Psychosis

Losing my mind

Just focus

Just focus!

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2024 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Contact / sync: [email protected]

I wrote this song because I was so sick of burning myself out, trying to perfect literally EVERYTHING and giving myself all kinds of sh💩t if I fell short at all, ever.

I used to pretend to myself that this was all some form of self-improvement until one day I realised that it was in fact a form of self-sabotage. So, I wrote this song.

LYRICS

Consumed with fatigue

So far out my league

And all cos I stupidly think

I’m unique

Perpetual neglect

Of my self-respect

Has taken its toll

Well, what did I expect?

Take more blame

Ignore shame

But look what I...

I became

I became

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

Guess what?

With burnout

It actually turns out

The catalyst right at its heart

Is self-doubt

Uncomfortably numb

Is what I’ve become

After beating myself

Like some infinite drum

Diagnosis

Psychosis

Losing my mind

Just focus

Just focus!

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

This sabotage

These habits are

A social form of camouflage

Learning to hate myself

To curse and berate myself

Just to get good

Just to get better

Feigning incognisance

Of praises and compliments

Just to get good

Just to get better

For you

For you

Music & Lyrics Copyright (c) 2024 Mark CBH

Lyrics reproduced with permission

Contact / sync: [email protected]