Do you wish porn would cut out all that sex to concentrate on the terrible dialogue and wooden delivery?

Chance Ellis joins us this week for tighty whities (whitey tighties?), soapless showering, and absolutely nothing else. We watched 1313: Haunted Frat and cannot stress enough that you shouldn't.

Who am I? What am I? Prepare to not only have those questions not answered, but have even more when it's over. Watch how far one middle aged David Brenner impersonator's vanity and real estate money can go!

Returning guest Caroline Sulek joins the boys for artificial intelligence, scotch tape mustaches, and voice modulation in Neil Breen's Twisted Pair.

The original voice of Frosty the Snowman has intercourse with and eats various sex workers using his microwave. Yeah, this one is pretty problematic even by our low standards.

Join guest Amanda Schiff for plastic crab sandwiches, comatose line readings, and a lady slathered with mayonnaise in 1983's Microwave Massacre!

Middle aged coeds, unearned twists, and a nude Clu Gulager. Don't get too excited, though, it's pretty boring!

Join the boys and returning guest Ashley Alkek as they explore 1984's The Initiation.

Join us for sexy goat-headed demons, "Sussudio" era Phil Collins, and traditional Italian jailbait. This week the boys and special guest Casey Barnett tune into a catholic mass that's actually fun, 1989's The Church!

Join the boys and returning guest, Matt Ryan, for the most incomprehensible movie they've done yet!

Meet characters whose names you never learn, watch them eat full meals in real time, and learn the history of African American horror cinema from 3 (mostly) white guys. They watched 1992's horror/comedy (?) "Ax 'Em".

Spend Christmas with the only comic strip character to make Family Circus look like The Aristocrats (ask your parents). Samia Abu-Shawish returns for the kind of holiday cheer that only a small, mute virgin can provide. We watched 1982's animated non-classic, Ziggy's Gift.

Comedian Brendan K. O'Grady joins the boys for screen legend Lauren Bacall's comeback vehicle, 1981's The Fan. They'll talk flat notes, black Hitler, and Wright's confirmed heterosexuality.

*Note - The deepest voice featured in this episode is Lauren Bacall.

It's our special too-late-for-Halloween-horror-spectacular! Join returning guest Tessa Morrison for matronly peep shows, osha violations, and monster handjobs in the movie Tobe Hooper turned down E.T. to make, 1981's The Funhouse!

This week on Trash in the Can, the boys are joined by returning guest, writer, and Eric's weary spouse, Kat Samaniego. They subject themselves to hot tub drowning, infectious feline bites, and a throbbing George Kennedy in the worst non-musical cat centered production, 1988's Uninvited!