Trashy Royals

Powerful women have always had to play the game a little differently than their male counterparts, but the story of Irene of Athens, who played politics with enough dexterity to become Empress of the Byzantine Empire for about 20 years in the 8th century, is extraordinarily complicated. The daughter of a prominent Greek family, she was brought to Constantinople as a possible bride for the future Emperor Leo IV. The marriage happened, a son was produced, but religious factionalism ultimately tore the marriage apart.

Upon Leo IV's death, Irene - as one would - stepped in as regent for their young son, the future Constantine VI. She outwitted Leo's half-brothers who were attempting to install the eldest to the throne by having them ordained as priests, and then took unusual steps to unify her kingdom's faith and pursue friendlier relations with the Carolingian empire in Europe.

New conflicts emerged when Constantine VI came of age, a situation that Irene met by undermining his rule and eventually ensuring he met an untimely and painful end. Irene was eventually deposed in 802 and was exiled to the Isle of Lesbos. She spent her final year spinning wool to support herself.

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To round out our Meet the Bonapartes series, we turn to Napoleon's eldest - and apparently coolest - brother, Joseph. Affable, charming, and comfortable in his own skin, he was a contrast to most of his siblings, including Napoleon. His easygoing nature made him popular even with political opponents, and Joseph was an important player in Napoleon's rise.

As a reward, Emperor Napoleon named Joseph the King of Naples, where he fashioned himself a man of the people and governed them well, implementing various government reforms, fighting crime, and creating jobs by building infrastructure. His reign in Naples was short lived, however, as Napoleon replaced him with their sister Caroline and her husband, Joachim Murat.

Napoleon then dispatched Joseph to govern occupied Spain, where the public mood was very different. Not only was Spain's King Joseph reviled by commoners and elites alike, he himself became fairly burned out with the family business in this era. After Napoleon's defeat, he hopped a boat for New York and in a lot of ways, never looked back. He spent decades mostly living a quiet, prosperous life in New Jersey, before returning to Europe to be closer to his remaining family in his later years.

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Napoleon's eldest sister shared many of his more imperious personal qualities, but would prove to be surprisingly gifted at governance after her brother named her Princess of the Italian principalities of Piombino and Lucca. More territories would be added to the holdings she governed, eventually including the Grand Duchy of Tuscany, with Florence as its capital.

Napoleon made Elisa its Grand Duchess, but also added new strings to her ability to govern independently. She was obligated to enforce Napoleon's decisions without modification, and the period of being a popular sovereign making well-received reforms and investments in her lands came to a close. As with the rest of her siblings, her fortunes fell as her brother's did, and died following an illness a few months before Napoleon himself.

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It never hurts to have a hype man, and Napoleon's younger brother Lucien just happened to be a talented writer and orator. One could even say he was his brother's propagandist and co-conspirator in a ballot stuffing operation that led to Napoleon's initial domination of the government of France.

But Lucien, who was also the tallest of the Bonaparte siblings, came to have significant differences with his brother. The two were at odds for a number of years, with Lucien marrying secretly - twice - and refusing to divorce for strategic marriages Napoleon hoped to engineer. The brothers did eventually reconcile, with Lucien advocating strongly for Napoleon after the disastrous Hundred Days - effectively accusing France's ruling class of disloyalty - but the die was cast, and Napoleon's time as ruler of France was done.

Like several of his siblings, Lucien lived out his days in Italy, succumbing to stomach cancer in 1840.

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Napoleon's meddling in his siblings' lives was the source of considerable angst for several of them. Napoleon had high expectations for his younger brother Louis, but Louis chafed at his brother's authority. Still, he ultimately agreed to marry Napoleon's step-daughter with Josephine, Hortense de Beauharnais, a marriage that would become notable most for the profound unhappiness of its spouses.

Four years into their terrible marriage, Napoleon decided that the territory of the modern Netherlands was a bit too independent, and installed Louis as its new king. The French Emperor expected his brother to serve merely as a titled governor of the region, but Louis really stepped up in the position. He began learning Dutch, renounced his French citizenship and declared himself Dutch, and demanded that his mostly-French ministers do the same. He also demanded it of his wife, who had only reluctantly accompanied her husband to Holland.

But Hortense also thrived in her role as Queen, and her popularity among her Dutch subjects irritated her jealous husband - who was also popular and effective, to be clear - irrationally. And the couples' success as monarchs there - Louis was known as 'Louis the Good' in Holland - irritated Napoleon irrationally. In 1810, their four year reign ended when Napoleon took it away from them by annexing it into France.

This effectively ended the sham of their marriage and the couple would spend the remainder of their lives apart. Neither lived long enough to see their youngest son become France's last monarch, Napoleon III.

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If Pauline was Napoleon's most loyal sister, Caroline was undoubtedly his most scheming. As a child, she took orders from her big brother, but as he rose from celebrated military commander to Emperor, she made sure he never forgot to improve her fortunes, as well. After she married one of Napoleon's military advisors - a match he was only persuaded to support by his wife Josephine - Caroline swiftly moved up the odd intra-family career ladder.

In 1804, with Napoleon on his self-appointed throne, Caroline and her sisters became Imperial Princesses. In 1806, she became a Grand Duchess of two German principalities in Napoleon's portfolio. In 1808, she became Queen Consort of Naples, with her husband Joachim Murat becoming its flamboyant king.

Obviously, these titles and positions of power would not hold. After Napoleon's fall, and Joachim's death, she styled herself a countess from her exile in Austria, then lived out her life in Florence.

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It's probably no surprise that in a family with as much internal intrigue as the Bonapartes had, Napoleon had a favorite among his three sisters. Pauline Bonaparte was eleven years younger than her brother, but was similarly ambitious and was generally happy to take part in his plans for himself and her. A natural beauty with a flirtatious, if slightly sinister, reputation, Napoleon pushed her into two strategic marriages, and ended up with the titles Princess consort of Sulmona and of Rossano - this through her second, unhappy marriage - and Princess of Guastalla. This title referred to a Duchy her brother granted her in Italy, but upon finding out that the place was basically backwater, she organized its sale to Parma for six million francs and a courtesy title.

Pauline was the only one of Napoleon's siblings who visited him in exile, and their bond was so strong that there were rumors of incest throughout their lives. Pauline enjoyed them, believing that such stories implied that she had far more influence over her brother than she probably really did. As a woman who constantly courted scandal and attention, Pauline made an important contribution to the Italian art world when, during her marriage to Prince Camillo Borghese, she commissioned sculptor Antonio Canova to create a statue of her as the goddess Venus, and insisted on posing nude in Catholic Rome while the work was produced. Upon the Venus Victrix's arrival at their home at Palazzo Salviati-Borghese in Florence, Camillo immediately had it moved to a storage area, far from the eyes of guests.

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Napoleon's youngest brother Jerome was an endless headache for him. Lacking ambition but loving luxury, he fled a stint in the French navy (after nearly sparking a war with England) for America to wait out his brother's wrath.

It was in Baltimore that he met the woman who would become his first wife, socialite Elizabeth Patterson. Marrying her against both her father's wishes and his brother's permission created quite a conundrum for all involved. Worse, when the young couple, now pregnant, tried to return to Europe to smooth things over, Jerome abandoned Betsy in order to be brought back into the fold - and eventually made King of Westphalia.

Betsy gave birth to their son in London, the only harbor that would let her ship dock, and returned to America to build a fortune through canny real estate investing. She and her son spent decades splitting their time between America and Europe, where the Bonaparte women decided - finally - that they liked the headstrong Betsy, though she and Bo really wanted nothing to do with them. Perhaps that was the secret all along.

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When it came time for Napoleon to find a successor to Josephine as his wife, pickings were slimmer than you might expect. Russia's Alexander I wouldn't entertain the idea of a marriage between the French emperor and Alex's youngest sister, Anna Pavlovna. Austria, which had spent years battling - and losing to - France, became the unlikely solution to Napoleon's problem. Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria was 19, suitable in rank, and available. The fact that she was Marie Antoinette's grand-niece was perhaps not brought up by the French side during negotiations for her hand.

Her marriage to Napoleon in April 1810 started badly, but things would level out between the couple and she gave birth to their son, Napoleon II, on March 20, 1811. The heir situation handled, Napoleon resumed his increasingly disastrous military campaigns, including a failed invasion of Russia that cost him half a million soldiers. After a thorough defeat by unified European armies - including Austria's - in 1814, Napoleon was exiled to Elba, and Marie Louise and her son made their way back to Vienna, and what would become a surprising new chapter of her life.

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Part of the joy of history is how resonant it often is. Imagine an ambitious if dysfunctional family with some minor claim to nobility in some far off backwater rising to power - to the highest office in the land - on the strength of a charismatic son known as much for his professional acumen as his arrogant, sometimes outrageous behavior.

Welcome to revolutionary France! When the Italian-by-way-of-Corsica Bonaparte family arrived in France in 1779, when young Napoleon was 9, it set into motion a course of events that would change history. Trained in prestigious French military academies, Napoleon would become a military hero and an influential supporter of the French Revolution and the various governments that followed - including the ones that had nearly beheaded, and then released, Josephine de Beauharnais.

It is a historical irony that Josephine, Empress of France, was not even Josephine until her relationship with Napoleon, and Beauharnais was her first husband's name. Napoleon didn't like her given name of Rose, so he changed it, and Josephine's first extremely unhappy marriage was ended by the revolutionaries' guillotine to her husband's neck. Born in colonial Martinique, Josephine made her way to France in place of her recently deceased sister, who had been betrothed to the Viscount of Beauharnais.

Napoleon and Josephine had a passionate, if rocky, marriage that his family always detested. His mother referred to his wife in highly derogatory terms, and his brothers turned themselves into the Hardy Boys of Gossip Against Josephine. Napoleon's sisters hated Josephine as well, so it's a wonder that the couple made it 14 years. Still, once you go from Republican-leaning military officer to Emperor, you have to give your country an heir, and while Josephine entered the marriage with two children from her first, Napoleon had been notably childless both with her and his many mistresses.

Then - like a miracle, and possibly through his own family's trickery - one of his mistresses gave birth to a baby he believed was his own! Josephine's time as his wife was clearly limited; they annulled their 14-year-long marriage in 1810, and Josephine lived out her days at the Chateau de Malmaison outside of Paris, tending a lavish garden of roses and remaining close to her former husband until her death in 1814.

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