For much of my life I have felt unworthy of people's attention, am not allowed to look at them in the eyes, speak before spoken to. I believe that they'll get angry at me for looking at them!
I often feel unwelcome at group events, whether I know them or not. This has me often feeling alone and desperately craving acceptance and feeling wanted.
Most of this has come from years of bullying and abuse from my classmates in school, suffering traumatic and horrible rejection, being laughed at or scolded! "How Dare You?!?" So many times and so harsh that I just became programmed to expect it or to avoid it all together to feel safe and avoid becoming triggered.
It has presented me to others as Anti-Social, awkward, shy, uninterested, a loner. How does this change? Lot's of therapy, that's for sure!
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