Truer Love Stories

Do you find yourself regularly wanting to "fix" or change the people that you're dating? You know, the ones you could see yourself being with "for real" -- they have so much "potential" -- except something always just seems to be missing? 

This is the case for our guest this episode, who repeatedly finds herself in relationships with people she calls "fixer-uppers" -- people who seem almost perfect for her, except that they aren't showing her that they're quite ready for a "real" relationship. 

If her story sounds at all familiar to you, you'll have a lot to gain from this episode, as we discuss how having an anxious attachment style leads to us settling for and staying in relationships that are past their expiration date, and why trying to "fix" the other person (or yourself) is actually a response to your needs not being fully met. 

Show notes: 

Quiz: What's Your Relationship Attachment Style? https://view.flodesk.com/pages/5fc856fff10e2d3a22974fbc

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron

www.truerlove.com

In a world that idealizes both romantic love and living as an independent woman, it's easy to find yourself stuck between these two black and white extremes. Our guest this month has found herself at this very crossroads; protective of the loving relationship she's carefully crafted for herself over the years while also longing to eventually build a life with a partner who she connects deeply with. Using a wide array of perspectives including social conditioning, Jungian Archetypes, and of course, Attachment Theory, Love Guide + Women's Empowerment Coach Taryn Newton-Gill helps our guest break down her black and white thinking into smaller shades of gray so that she can learn to balance and integrate her co-existing identities as both a strong, independent woman and a loving partner. To learn your own attachment style or take Truer Love's Conscious Communication Mini Course mentioned in the episode, please visit www.truerlove.com

Have you ever wondered why you seem to attract unavailable people? And no matter how much you're aware of this pattern, you can't help but find yourself in it time and time again, wondering if people who want a relationship actually exist? Maybe people around you have even noticed, and can't understand why you can't just find a nice person who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Well know this now: nothing is wrong with you if you answered yes to any of these questions! This is an unbelievably common and infuriating pattern, and there's often a reason behind it: likely you’re caught in what’s often known as the Anxious-Avoidant loop, a common dynamic created by people with Anxious (or Fearful Avoidant) attachment styles and Avoidant attachment styles being attracted to each other and then emotionally triggering each other in a repetitive loop until the relationship eventually implodes or fades out. This pattern, which is a result of behavioral science, gets disguised as common myths such as "you have to play the game," "let them chase you," "don't make yourself too available," "they'll figure it out someday" and even gender stereotypes like "men are non-committal" We bust all these myths and more as we talk about what this loop has to do with sex, self-worth, + trust in this month’s powerful episode. To get to know your own attachment style, take our quiz at www.truerlove.com.

In this episode, our guest shares her journey going from total fear of communicating her needs to learning how to connect more authentically in her most important relationships. She openly takes us through her internal process of how the anticipation of rejection or hurting someone's feelings affects her mind, body, and soul, and what tools have helped her get past those fears and gain more confidence around speaking her truth. Understanding where our fear comes from is key to getting past it, so this discussion covers what impacts our ability to communicate, from our dynamic with our parents, to our attachment style, to our relationship expectations, cultural identities, self-judgement, and more. We also talk about new ways of approaching communication, and what you can do to help communication become more second-nature so it can serve you across all of your relationships. 

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES mentioned in this podcast can be found in the link in my Instagram bio @_truerlove_.

Quiz: What's Your Relationship Attachment Style? 

25 Prompts for Setting Boundaries With Kindness

Effective Communication Prompts - Ways to Communicate When Dating Someone New

How do we let go of a person who isn't right for us, but who we love deeply? Love Guide + Women's Empowerment Coach, Taryn Newton-Gill, helps a guest navigate her grief around a recent breakup. Using the framework of Attachment Theory, Taryn sheds light on the common attachment issue that's making letting go of her ex so painful, and provides her with holistic tools for moving through her pain so that she can eventually move on to a relationship that's more aligned with who she is and what she truly wants. If you're in the midst of working through your own process of letting go, sign up for Truer Love's workshop, Moving Through Grief, led by spirit worker Sarah Dwyer from The Wonderment Society (link in Instagram bio @_truerlove_) and download my playlist, Healing Heartbreak, (link in Instagram bio @_truerlove_). And if you like today's episode, please make sure to subscribe to this podcast + sign up for the Truer Love Newsletter (also in my Insta bio!)