Let’s talk about our new superhero: Chaotic. He’s the lovechild of James Bond and Rambo, drinks tariffs straight from the bottle, and his theme song is played by a mariachi band on the border wall. He doesn’t just drain swamps — he turns them into commercial real estate.

This isn’t your grandpa’s Republican leadership. This is post-bureaucratic Trump. The kind of guy who unties himself from a torture chair, penis-whips the villain, kisses the girl, and still finds time to negotiate a bilateral trade deal. Democrats call it chaos. We call it Tuesday.

Now they’re furious that the GOP learned the rules and decided to play better. Republicans are drawing maps with actual math, while Democrats are over there with a Ouija board, trying to summon a majority from the grave.

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