Naomi Van Wyk Links:
Website: naomivanwyk.com
Instagram: @naomivwofficial
Shop: naomivanwyk.com/pages/shop
I'm the oldest of nine kids, raised in a homeschool family where my dad was a pastor. We moved all over the country and I thought I had the perfect little life, it was just a lot of religion. Then when I was twelve, a girl at church had a crush on me, and my dad spoke something over me that I didn't even understand at the time, he told me this "lesbian thing" was going to be what the enemy used to try to destroy my life. I had no idea what he meant. But from that moment on, girls kept pursuing me, and at twenty I finally gave in to a relationship with my female boss. We bought a home together. We adopted a cat and a dog. We were on the path to marriage. I call it now what it really was, a counterfeit love that filled the exact wounds my dad's rejection had left in me, but it was never the love of the Lord.
I share in this episode the night I stood in my kitchen trying to rip a dish towel in two and told the Lord, "I love this woman, but I cannot stay with her." Walking away took a year and a half of two steps forward, two steps back, and once I was finally out, the guilt nearly buried me. I felt dirty, filthy, like no husband would ever want me and my whole future was ruined. So every morning at 4am, in a little guest house in Studio City, I would drag myself out of bed and kneel at the foot of the cross in prayer, picturing the blood of Jesus dripping down and cleansing me. I learned something there that I don't think enough people talk about, being forgiven for your sin and forgiving yourself for your sin are two completely different battles, and only one of them happens the moment you repent.
The harder forgiveness came later, forgiving my own father, a man who kept trying to sabotage my life for years afterward, even following me to churches to get me kicked out. One morning at the foot of the cross, God did something I never expected, he let me feel his own heart breaking for my dad's soul, and I found myself weeping for the very man who hurt me the most. I want to be honest with you, forgiveness was not a one-time decision for me, it's a choice I still have to make some days, because I can't manufacture that kind of love on my own, it only comes through the blood of the cross. If you're carrying guilt you think is unforgivable, or bitterness toward someone who may never say sorry, I hope my story shows you there's freedom on the other side. Have an awesome day, and check out our merch line, every purchase helps support this ministry and podcast.
Naomi Van Wyk Links:
Website: naomivanwyk.com
Instagram: @naomivwofficial
Shop: naomivanwyk.com/pages/shop