Are you feeling parched? Well, it’s time for another Two Librans episode, so open your cake holes and we’ll douse you from our content firehose!

Before we start to discuss The Fall, which is ostensibly the subject of this podcast, we start the episode with a new, short-lived and deeply problematic segment dubbed “The Dog House” (a.k.a. “the Meat is Back”) in which we wanted to go over the latest breakups in comics scene, for all the single minglers out there. We cut almost all of it, out of respect for our colleagues.

MEIN DYKHOFF

Once we get that out of our systems, we get to the real subject of today’s episode, a discussion of the classic track Lie Dream of a Casino Soul.

Adorned with classic Savage Pencil art, this non-album single slaps in every possible way, from the pling-plong keyboards to the lyrics, which are discussed to no end and no point on The Annotated Fall.

There’s a lot of bickering in the comments there until, on the seventy-ninth comment, someone posts the lyrics, written by Marc E. Smith himself, scanned for a Omega Auction of his estate:

So there you have it, he doesn’t say “So I think I’ll cut my dick off”, he says “I think I’ll cut my Dykhoff”, which makes zero sense.

NEW FACTS EMERGE

Oh, but does he? When putting together these notes months after the recordings, we came across another Omega auction with the lyrics to the song, with hand-written additions by Marc.

So this will remain a mystery until we use AI to resurrect Marc so we can ask him ourselves. Get on it, Zuckenberg!

ALSO DISCUSSED

The great Savage Pencil (who is still alive)

SavX’s badass artwork for Big Black’s (middling) Headache EP

… which replaced the original, truly reprehensible packaging conceived by the original edgelord, Steve Albini (do not look this up).

They’re just pumpkins.

It’s just a cheeseburger (squint).

Okay, Gooner.

How do you celebrate 3/11?

Chechnya in Cars 2

Marc Bell invented The Minions, period.

Jeffrey Lewis’s terrific Legend of the Fall

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has become public domain, apparently.

Also, his new book is up for preorder! Don’t miss his sombre side with this one.

And whoa! Tom finished his portfolio, fucking finally! Mostly professional animation work but also has some of his drawings and prints. And he’s working on a new comic, he swears!

http://tvd.design

He’s also going to start his blog again, he swears!

https://substack.com/@tomvandeusen

Hey everyone! The Two Libs are back with an important new episode. We’re doing the difficult but necessary work to cool the hateful political rhetoric poisoning our country right now, so we can all see each other’s inherent human good and right to free discussion.

Specifically, we’re talking about the legacy of the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies! You know, that swing revival band with a name that straddles between stupid and abhorrent? Roman indulges Tom in a full 30 minutes of “Daddycast”, and lo and behold, they’re both more problematic than you remember and impossibly worse now. So strap in for that! What was our podcast about again?

SOCCER SCORES

That’s right! It’s about soccer (football, for the limeys) and the week’s scores! Specifically from 20 years ago, and specifically read by the lead singer of The Fall, one Mark E. Smith. He performs a very straight-faced reading of a bunch of football results with scores like “Nil-Nil”. When he’s finished he insults the host’s looks. Not to be missed, especially if you believe the comments, since this video has everyone in hysterics for some reason.

Also, Roman tells a long, confusing sex “joke” which he later says is “more of a story”. He eventually drew it into a four panel comic which you can read right here.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Tom Morello wankery (per usual)

The Actual Zoot Suit Riots

The worst anything, ever

The biggest dichotomy between an album’s music and its cover

Toilet paper lore

Also features Roman’s manly new song “Once I was Just a Young Man, Now I’m a Slightly Older Man.”

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has been making relatable comics for your co-workers.

And here’s Tom’s Substack he’s sorely neglected because he’s been working on career stuff.

Hello and welcome back to Two Librans, a podcast hosted by the “least empathetic cartoonists of the last 20 years”. Today marks our 12th episode, and to celebrate wee-’re introducing an exciting new segment which you won’t want to piss miss! So grab a big beverage, hold it down with your #1 favorite podcast!

A GUITAR LINE WITH A “GREEK MOTIF”

Roman’s pick this week is Theme From Sparta F.C., a banger track from “The Real New Fall L.P. Formerly ‘Country on the Click’”, which is a surprisingly good album despite the horrendous title. Roman, the commensurate jock of the show, insisted we not only cover a song related to his favorite sport of “footie”. Get your fuckin’ bitch-ass ready for a testosterone-fueled bro down! WOOF WOOF!!

ALSO DISCUSSED

Mark E. Smith reads the weeks’ football results and it’s HILARIOUS!!!

Fred Durst Breaks Stuff for 9/11

Our favorite Nelly tracks

Bono doesn’t just suck at music

This band had this name in 1998 and that was considered okay. Oh wait, they’re still a band and haven’t changed their names.

Prince Vincent Gallo

The back cover of Roman’s next book

Now on YouTube too!

Attn: Gen Z! It’s time to revisit the classic eps with YouTube video content. You won’t see us, but you can probably have a great time vegging out to the trippy video loops.

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has put out two new Terrible Father adventures, on sleep and smell.

Tom’s busy working on a comic and redoing his website, but you can catch up on his Substack, which will eventually cover his agony getting back into comics

Patti Smith's N-word pass, Kramer apology remix, poly book club, oh and a song by the Fall.

Hello and welcome back to our eleventh episode of the Two Librans. You’re in for a special treat, because this is our first in-person episode.

Recorded at Lincoln Center or some other place in New York, so please forgive the occasional cheers from our adoring fans, as well as Roman mumbling, and Tom talking much louder with his large American mouth.

This time we’re talking about Service, a melancholy number from the Infotainment Scan, which is one of Roman’s favorites, and one so impactful to Tom that he can’t remember if he’s heard or not. Roman recommends the Peel session version, which you’ll hear excerpted in the episode.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Patti Smith says a choice word on record, repeatedly

This takes up probably half of the episode, and good god, it goes places.

Poly book club update

Yes, big news for the locals—Roman finally enacted some real societal change in a city he no longer inhabits. We also discuss the literary value of the Ethical Slut.

Jerry Seinfeld on what’s “NOT FUNNY.”

Also

Tom questions Roman’s self-described victimhood, and a more successful cartoonist than us says (privately) that Roman draws like a woman (we should reiterate at this point that this is absolutely fine, and we have nothing but respect and admiration for that cartoonist, and Roman does draw like a woman).

Lastly, we finally connect Pizza Gate and Pizza Island. They could’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky meddling .

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Tom hasn’t updated his in a while so who gives a shit. Roman has rebooted fan-favorite Terrible Father…

…and made some Resident Evil 4 fan-art.

Welcome to the TENTH episode of your favorite podcaster’s favorite podcast, Two Librans. We’ve spent the better part of a week together on a European holiday, and haven’t killed each other quite yet, and even managed to finally edit another episode, based on this certified banger:

We both agree it’s about living in squalor, but both Roman and the weirdos at The Annotated Fall think it has something to do with Mark E. Smith expecting the previous tenant of his flat to leave a belt for him to wear when the move out (?). There are plenty of demented theories in the comments, and we ride along on their leaps of logic till they become too stupid to deal with.

This week’s episode is also our new format! From here on out we’re only going to cover one topic or song. It’s shorter! This one is a 1hr! 1hr! 1hr! Enduction ep. This is also our first episode with an HR complaint, as we navigate the tricky world of slack-based workspace bullying.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Mark Zuckerberg’s Neck

Roman brags about eating charcoal for some reason

Women of the World Take Over the Pod

Jeffrey Lewis’s fun “documentary” on The Fall

Miami Review of Comics

Drew Lerman’s proper comics podcast which has no mention of astrology or the Fall (which is why it’s not as good as ours). A recent episode of it may’ve been sampled into nonsense in this ep (the real thing is much more sober and informative than what we do here).

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently got hospitalized (he’s fine-ish now) and improvised some demented comics about the oldest profession.

And Tom is about to post pretty long travelogue series on his trip to Europe, including lots of shocking and disturbing revelations about Roman that MIGHT end our friendship! Subscribe so you don’t miss one juicy bit.

Welcome back Foodie Fam! It’s ya boys, JellyRoll and GobbleGoo for another delicious episode of Two Librans, the only podcast that dares to ask how much food can one stuff into their mouth! This week isn’t just about eating, it’s also about chewing, and this week we’re chewing on The Fall’s fantastic cover of the Kinks Klassic “Victoria”!

Unfortunately, The Annotated Fall let us down yet again, and has no page dedicated to this cover song. It kind of makes sense, considering they didn’t change any of the lyrics of the original, but we still miss goofing on the deranged and lonely men arguing in the comments. Still, there’s plenty for us to discuss, from our love of The Kinks to the original design of the Michelin Man.

PRESS YOUR LUCK

This week’s interview is amazing, maybe the best we’ve covered so far. Featuring the very charming Kristy MacColl and a surprisingly agreeable Mark E. Smith popping on a fun show called Video View. The host plays a video, and all three have a giant buzzer to press when they’ve had enough. Everyone talks a lot of shit, and Mark even looks rather tame compared to the razor-tongued MacColl. Really worth watching before we discuss it.

ALSO COVERED

How many harmonicas does one band need?!

We kinda lost it watching this one. Play along if you want the full communal experience.

Jim Carrey’s savage and disrespectful political cartoons

This.

And its forefather

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently illustrated a children’s book, ripe for the extended foodie fam:

And Tom had an existential crisis when he completely fucked up a screenprint. This is the penultimate post in the saga you have all been following so closely!

This marks our first child-themed episode, and it runs the gauntlet from how to dress your child, horrible movies your children will demand to watch, mistakes your child can make when under the influence of Rock and Roll music, and of course, the song Spoilt Victorian Child.

Truly one of The Fall’s great “bangers”, frontloading the already excellent This Nation’s Saving Grace. We have a nuanced conversation about the lyrics, which are relatively straightforward by Fall standards. Also, we miss some very obvious references. Have any guesses as to what “SVC” could stand for in this song? Tune in to hear us take an entire episode to figure it out!

We also go back to school and cover Tom’s hit lists and Roman’s enormous genitals on the pages of Nikolai Gogol’s Dead Souls. Ah, youth..

A DIP INTO THE COMMENTS CESSPOOL

We’ve danced around the petty, strange world of the comments accompanying the “annotations” on the Annotated Fall, but this week we do a deep dive into their chatter about “SVC”. We read aloud a very stupid, petty argument among grown men over the lyrics to the song, before someone posts the lyrics sheet as listed in the official single, almost as if it’s an irrelevant aside.

ALSO COVERED

Gaston Bachelard vs Fletcher Hanks

Fantagraphics childwear

(still for sale at the moment of writing)

Fuck Al/Fuck AI

Tom’s college classmates

The revolution will begin with Limp Bizkit

Robert Christgau, “The Dean of American Rock Critics”

Tom’s Hit List

The only reason to visit Bethesda, Maryland

PS

As always, don’t forget to follow our own substacks.

Tom’s been writing weekly about “making art” in the screenprinting studio, and also documenting his terrific dietary habits.

Roman recently posted some very dumb cartoons, and the very first one of these you can hear being riffed out in one of the upcoming episodes.

In this Tempo House we discuss: a very long and weird song from possibly the Fall's best album, the proud-boys-to-proud-men pipeline, the story of our meeting, the art of editing, Snow White and her Dwarfs, Twilight soundtrack, and Tom's mom.

…in which these men discuss crime (cyber, and regular), gloryholes, the manosphere, and The Fall, ft. Caitlin Moran

Why hello there, did you miss us? We're back from a short hiatus you may or may not have noticed. We have both been incredibly busy with outside projects (also Tom was very sick), and discovered that keeping a weekly schedule was slowly ruining us. So, if we miss a week, please go back and catch up on any episodes you may have missed. Do not listen to any other podcasts.

This week we cover an obscure track that’s only appeared on bootlegged live performances or tacked on as a bonus track on reissues, “That Man.” It’s a somewhat obnoxious song that neither of us particularly like, and the mealy-mouthed explanation of why Tom chose it falls apart pretty quickly as the discussion progresses. Even the unlovable goofballs on the now defunct Annotated Fall disapprove. Nevertheless, because we are covering everything Mark E. Smith ever penned, we do a full lyrical analysis of this stupid song, and discover it’s rife with extremely-specific Manchester references and (according to the Annotated Fall) William Blake references? Sure, buddy.

And this being Two Librans, our discourse flies off the handle. In addition to That Man, These Men discuss Chuck E. Cheese, South American retreats for adherents to the Manosphere, glory holes (quite a bit on this actually), and Cyber Punishment for Cyber Crimes. Also: Tom plays a kazoo.

DO YOU LIKE SEX

This week’s interview is from some awful television show called Naked City, where host Caitlin Moran tries to drum up controversy with an extremely bemused and increasingly drunk Mark E. Smith.

Perhaps the best part is when he’s asked who his favorite comedian is, and he answers Bernard Manning, an English comedian and nightclub owner whose sense of humor resembles your racist uncle telling jokes to try to impress uncles even more racist than him. He looks and sounds like an anthropomorphic jowl, so good luck trying to understand the clips they play of him blathering about immigrants or women or something.

The whole interview has a strange, 90s Vaseline sheen, and is so oddly-produced that it’s pretty entertaining.

ALSO COVERED

Translated Russian dubs from the Soviet era

VERY heterosexual men's retreats, no vegans welcome

Preventative measures for glory holes in Seattle

Note: this is a photo Tom took in 2012 of the bathroom he discusses in Volunteer ParkBonus: Here’s a comic he scribbled out at a drink-and-draw night in 2016 that features it:

Tom teaches Roman about Chuck-E-Cheese / Dave & Busters

Tom’s cousin’s MTV reality show about models

Porn-’n-Chicken Night at the Old Pink in Buffalo (RIP)

The difference between Love & Lust

Russian pirate labels listed on Allmusic

Roman steals a question from Caitlin Moran in his comic

PS

As always, don’t forget to follow our personal substacks!

Roman recently wrote a manifesto no-one asked for:

The second half of our discussion on Winter, sixty seconds of Mark E. Smith mumbling about drinking while “drowning in a sea of Boddingtons”, and over a hundred minutes of discussion on things that are decidedly not the Fall.

SCENARIO: A Fall superfan discovers a brand new podcast about their favorite band. Better yet, there’s two whole episodes and over THREE HOURS of discussion on their favorite song, Winter from the 1981 masterpiece Hex Enduction Hour. They subscribe, pop open their podcatcher and are utterly baffled by sound collages, lengthy descriptions of a deranged Seinfeld episode that sound like a fever dream, and stories about blacking out from drinking in Buffalo in the mid 00’s. No, sir, this isn’t your grandmother’s Fall podcast (though I heard that’s pretty good, too), this is Two Librans; the intersection of comics, astrology, Patti Smith’s poetry and The Fall. Only listen to this once a day. Your brain might be destroyed!

Our original plan for last week was to cover the entirety of the two-part song Winter, but like all good trains, it got derailed. Tom joked before that recording that we could discuss Winter 2 the following week, but that is exactly what happened. The boys wrap up the discussion with the help of some very lonely and bored men who loitered on the defunct Annotated Fall when it was still a going concern, and also talk about all sorts of other things. This one is a hoot, and we laughed at ourselves quite a bit while editing. Radical Self-Love, I think that’s what they call it.

MARK E. SMITH LIKES A BEER AND IS NOT ASHAMED

This week we’re treated to a damn-near incomprehensible monologue by our spiritual leader MES, where he proffers such invaluable truths as “You cannot be an alcoholic if you have your drink in the open”. Actually that’s about the only wisdom he provides, the rest is just typical kvetching about other bands and the media. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. 60 seconds of pure gold.

ALSO COVERED

Roman’s one-night-long stoner phase

Tom’s view at TCAF, 2017

Patti Smith staying relevant with youth culture

Emmanuel Macron staying relevant with youth culture

Roman’s comic about painting with children which was enjoyed by the stingy scum of Antwerp

Best museum for day drinking in Paris

Meeting Public Figures on Facebook Marketplace

The original crop from a couple years ago:

There were so many that at a certain point Roman just started copy-pasting the text instead of screenshotting:

Recent updates:

David Hockney sliding into Roman’s dad’s DMs 👍

Cow Tools

Roman’s first memory

Did Kramer impregnate a secondary character?

Roman may’ve misremembered a few things, but other people of the internet are on the same page:

Listeners, what do you think?

Also, was William Blake a nudist?

John “the Baptist” Cale

And once again, Brain Ticket

More Radical Self-Love

As always, links to Tom and Romans’s personal Substacks.