Today we are covering several terrible songs by probably the worst ex-member (although the membership itself is disputed) of the Fall, E* Bl*n*y. We censored his name because he seems like the sort of person who googles himself, and I don’t think there’s a single kind word said about him in this whole episode. So, E*, if you stumbled upon this, just walk away. You have a life, a family, and a career. This is just a tiny podcast made by practitioners of the lowest artform in history.

For everyone else, prepare to explore the wild world of this guy, as well as various forums and obscure musical review sites, where E*’s mates have gone out of their way to write something positive about his “skronking wonk bonk.”

Note: This video is age-restricted for pretty graphic real-life war footage. It should also be taste-restricted for being utter shit.

This is a bit of an unusual, ‘proper’ podcast, where we ‘do a journalism’ and go deep down a rabbit hole of mediocrity, instead of just endlessly derailing each other. It’s the NPR of Two Librans, except actually good.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Pascal Le Gras’s cover art

Honking Skronk Rock recorded at a rented house in Holmfirth

Another act from the Manchester Bl*n*y-verse

Seriously, who in the hell IS this guy?!

Mark hits a nadir

Proto-Blaney from Fast Show

Eric Clapton on his racist past: “I just thought it was funny”

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks!

Roman has a new graphic novel coming up on Feb.24th from Fantagraphics. And if you’re in London, you can get it signed on Feb.26th at Gosh Comics.

Tom has nothing to plug on his ‘stack, he’s still slowly working on his comic and his prints. Follow him on Instagram, why don’cha?

We continue our European travelogue through our misadventures through Berlin and Leipzig last summer, and to accompany it we chose to discuss The Fall’s “Das Vulture Ans Ein Nutter-Wain”, a song whose title in German means absolutely nothing.

We also discuss our old bugbear Patti Smith (the bleeper had to do overtime on this ep), Jordan Peterson’s all-meat diet, and Roman’s dangerously truthful Trumpberg-trolling on Instagram. Roman is pretty trashed on this one after a full day of irritating his audience online for no reason. Probably not his finest performance, but the man was dealing with Society, give him a break, damn it! Tom is drinking too, but that’s pretty par for the course.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Roman’s Epstein moment

Jordan Peterson DESTROYS feminism by talking over woman

Patti Smith’s N-word pass revisited

Previously discussed in episode 11.

Beyond Bath and Beyond

Here she is confirming that she indeed is a n************. This might be the most irritating interview with anyone, ever. She uses N-word within the first minute (different times).

IYKYK

Other classics

Tom interrupting Roman’s “meditating”

Saul Steinberg getting a little flirty with the interviewer

(different times)

The Crumb bio

that probably desperately needs promo from our very popular pod

Roman’s cursed children’s book that brought him questionable new audiences

Friend of the pod Anna Haifisch

Friend and collaborator of the pod James Turek

Men sleep on layers of bedsheets and think it’s fine

Us

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks!

Roman has a new graphic novel coming up on Feb.24th from Fantagraphics. And if you’re in London, you can get it signed on Feb.26th at Gosh Comics.

Tom has nothing to plug on his ‘stack, he’s still slowly working on his comic and his prints. Follow him on Instagram, why don’cha?

WARNING, INFANT!

If you came to the pod looking for informed Fall commentary, this episode might not be the best place to start. It was ostensibly to be about the Fall-filler “classic” Papal Visit, but things got badly derailed when we discussed our European adventure together earlier this year. If you’re looking for a decent introduction to our somewhat-Fall-related banter, check out our recent recent ep on Bonkers in Phoenix. Otherwise, enjoy the travelogue!

As a result, the least-deserving song in the Fall catalogue is a two-episode special, so stay tuned.

LADZ ON TOUR

We’re going over our first and last pub crawl pilgrimage to Manchester, and get derailed into discussing beastmodes, Leigh Bowery at the Tate, sensitive actor Pedro Pascal, early British indie games, bouncy castles and other worthy matters.

ALSO DISCUSSED

LS Lowry 360 experience

VR Colonoscopy

Leigh Bowery

SHUT UP, LITTLE MAN!

That egg gate

Dizzy

Roman’s scenic death march

A bouncy castle near a church (church was on the left)

The Mancunian Neckbeard

The semi-official MES pub crawl

Honey, we have Cuphead at home

Bank Holidays in Manchester

BEAST MODE

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks.

Roman is back with an exciting new Terrible Father adventure:

Tom is still cranking away furiously on his comic, and you can read the last installment with its proper formatting.

PPS.

From one of the lavatories.

This episode we cover such festive topics as school shootings, Zohran’s waifu (who is definitely listening to the pod), and the prison industrial complex! Since this is the first episode we recorded and edited in a timely manner, we even talked about the newest Jeffrey Epstein “drop” and other topical matters—listen now, or feel irrelevant forever.

JINGLE BELL ROCK

Merry Mark E. Smith-smas, boys and girls, it’s the very first Two Librans Holiday Special! This episode’s Fall song is a bizarre cover of Jingle Bell Rock from a mid 90s John Peel session, with a wild story behind its improvised lyrics. We delve into the song’s history, and its many, many cover versions, almost all of them terrible.

For comparison, here is the original. We’ll go over all the missing and added lyrics, green M&S bags, Brussels sprouts, old beef, and all.

We’re a little drunk on this one. So sneak off from staid and awkward family time, lock yourself in the bathroom and spend some quality time with your real family.

ALSO DISCUSSED

The story behind the cover

From the new audiobook version of Steve Hanley’s the Big Midweek.

Roman’s exceedingly thoughtful gift for Tom

Gets yours here

NY post headlines

Prison

Just friends

Kurt Vonnegut farting around

River City Ransom US cover art

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks.

Tom is still cranking away furiously on his comic, and you can read the last installment with its proper formatting.

Roman recently had a work trip and made some exciting drawings about office life. If you’re reading this before the end of the year, his annual subscription has a discount, and he’s pledging to put out more posts.

Howdy-ho, fellow and honorary Librans, to a brand-spankin’-new episode we recorded months ago! Now that we’ve crossed the threshold into winter, it’s a great time to release an episode that we recorded in late spring and said will “probably come out this summer.” When Tom heard that while editing the episode it made him very sad! He looked outside at the frosty gray day from his millennial gray apartment. He then looked back at Adobe Audition and started sobbing. Poor Tom.

But Tom was rapidly filled with cheer as he realized this was the episode where we discuss…

BRITISH PEOPLE IN HOT WEATHER

Yes, what better time to share a song about summer than in the middle of the winter of our diss-content? This banging tune will certainly warm you up, whatever cold region you might be currently inhabiting.

Mark brings himself to giggles singing about how poorly the British handle the heat in this weird B-Side released around the time he went through a divorce and recorded Extricate. It might be their most spite-fueled album, which is really saying something when you consider their catalogue, and it’s nice to hear Mark get a little silly in this pretty throw-away track.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Spending the summer with Tom Hank’s son (really.)

No joke, this is Tom Hank’s son

Fellow faux-Jamaican-Patoi lover, Adrian Brody

Sound of the Summer.

Kubrik’s scene compositions in Barry Lyndon

This great interview with Robert Crumb at the 92nd St. Y (if you listen closely you can hear Tom laughing in the audience!)

The intensely disturbing Claymation film The Adventures of Mark Twain

Here, watch the whole fuckin’ movie!

Roman’s very short career in Facebook games

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman recently came back from France with some very French comics to show.

And whoa! Tom is writing comics again!

Holy shit, you’d better subscribe so you can READ THE WHOLE BOOK as he slowly draws it!

Just in time for spooky szn, one of the more disturbing Fall songs from an album with a kind of holiday skull. More importantly, we finally fulfill the astrological premise of our podcast, and talk for an unreasonable amount of time about a certain Bushwick bar, centered around the stars and their signs.

We go in deep, reading google reviews and missions statements, and, as usual, end up in the doghouse, discussing whether it’s cool or not to ruin your ex-wife’s songs. We also talk about “straight bars” where we feel safe, Roman’s amorous escapades, rejection vouchers, and many other things. Listen till the end for a bonus interview with the man Mark E.Smith and the woman Brix Smith themselves.

ALSO DISCUSSED

This fucking style

Get Your Birthday Song from Hermeto Pascoal

The Less “Doctored” Earlier Version

What do you think, listener, is it better? We think it is, and Mark was a bit of a knob to dismantle this song further for no good reason.

Normal Men Weigh In on Brix’s Contributions

Aaaawesome Book for Real Dudes of the Manosphere

The Classical

The Other Great Kr*utr*ck Album Art

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman is halfway through his long depressing book, and in the next chapter the umbrella story from this episode might reappear in a slightly altered form.

Roman’s 15 minutes on Substack from back when Ghibli AI was relevant.

Are you feeling parched? Well, it’s time for another Two Librans episode, so open your cake holes and we’ll douse you from our content firehose!

Before we start to discuss The Fall, which is ostensibly the subject of this podcast, we start the episode with a new, short-lived and deeply problematic segment dubbed “The Dog House” (a.k.a. “the Meat is Back”) in which we wanted to go over the latest breakups in comics scene, for all the single minglers out there. We cut almost all of it, out of respect for our colleagues.

MEIN DYKHOFF

Once we get that out of our systems, we get to the real subject of today’s episode, a discussion of the classic track Lie Dream of a Casino Soul.

Adorned with classic Savage Pencil art, this non-album single slaps in every possible way, from the pling-plong keyboards to the lyrics, which are discussed to no end and no point on The Annotated Fall.

There’s a lot of bickering in the comments there until, on the seventy-ninth comment, someone posts the lyrics, written by Marc E. Smith himself, scanned for a Omega Auction of his estate:

So there you have it, he doesn’t say “So I think I’ll cut my dick off”, he says “I think I’ll cut my Dykhoff”, which makes zero sense.

NEW FACTS EMERGE

Oh, but does he? When putting together these notes months after the recordings, we came across another Omega auction with the lyrics to the song, with hand-written additions by Marc.

So this will remain a mystery until we use AI to resurrect Marc so we can ask him ourselves. Get on it, Zuckenberg!

ALSO DISCUSSED

The great Savage Pencil (who is still alive)

SavX’s badass artwork for Big Black’s (middling) Headache EP

… which replaced the original, truly reprehensible packaging conceived by the original edgelord, Steve Albini (do not look this up).

They’re just pumpkins.

It’s just a cheeseburger (squint).

Okay, Gooner.

How do you celebrate 3/11?

Chechnya in Cars 2

Marc Bell invented The Minions, period.

Jeffrey Lewis’s terrific Legend of the Fall

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has become public domain, apparently.

Also, his new book is up for preorder! Don’t miss his sombre side with this one.

And whoa! Tom finished his portfolio, fucking finally! Mostly professional animation work but also has some of his drawings and prints. And he’s working on a new comic, he swears!

http://tvd.design

He’s also going to start his blog again, he swears!

https://substack.com/@tomvandeusen

Hey everyone! The Two Libs are back with an important new episode. We’re doing the difficult but necessary work to cool the hateful political rhetoric poisoning our country right now, so we can all see each other’s inherent human good and right to free discussion.

Specifically, we’re talking about the legacy of the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies! You know, that swing revival band with a name that straddles between stupid and abhorrent? Roman indulges Tom in a full 30 minutes of “Daddycast”, and lo and behold, they’re both more problematic than you remember and impossibly worse now. So strap in for that! What was our podcast about again?

SOCCER SCORES

That’s right! It’s about soccer (football, for the limeys) and the week’s scores! Specifically from 20 years ago, and specifically read by the lead singer of The Fall, one Mark E. Smith. He performs a very straight-faced reading of a bunch of football results with scores like “Nil-Nil”. When he’s finished he insults the host’s looks. Not to be missed, especially if you believe the comments, since this video has everyone in hysterics for some reason.

Also, Roman tells a long, confusing sex “joke” which he later says is “more of a story”. He eventually drew it into a four panel comic which you can read right here.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Tom Morello wankery (per usual)

The Actual Zoot Suit Riots

The worst anything, ever

The biggest dichotomy between an album’s music and its cover

Toilet paper lore

Also features Roman’s manly new song “Once I was Just a Young Man, Now I’m a Slightly Older Man.”

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has been making relatable comics for your co-workers.

And here’s Tom’s Substack he’s sorely neglected because he’s been working on career stuff.

Hello and welcome back to Two Librans, a podcast hosted by the “least empathetic cartoonists of the last 20 years”. Today marks our 12th episode, and to celebrate wee-’re introducing an exciting new segment which you won’t want to piss miss! So grab a big beverage, hold it down with your #1 favorite podcast!

A GUITAR LINE WITH A “GREEK MOTIF”

Roman’s pick this week is Theme From Sparta F.C., a banger track from “The Real New Fall L.P. Formerly ‘Country on the Click’”, which is a surprisingly good album despite the horrendous title. Roman, the commensurate jock of the show, insisted we not only cover a song related to his favorite sport of “footie”. Get your fuckin’ bitch-ass ready for a testosterone-fueled bro down! WOOF WOOF!!

ALSO DISCUSSED

Mark E. Smith reads the weeks’ football results and it’s HILARIOUS!!!

Fred Durst Breaks Stuff for 9/11

Our favorite Nelly tracks

Bono doesn’t just suck at music

This band had this name in 1998 and that was considered okay. Oh wait, they’re still a band and haven’t changed their names.

Prince Vincent Gallo

The back cover of Roman’s next book

Now on YouTube too!

Attn: Gen Z! It’s time to revisit the classic eps with YouTube video content. You won’t see us, but you can probably have a great time vegging out to the trippy video loops.

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Roman has put out two new Terrible Father adventures, on sleep and smell.

Tom’s busy working on a comic and redoing his website, but you can catch up on his Substack, which will eventually cover his agony getting back into comics

Patti Smith's N-word pass, Kramer apology remix, poly book club, oh and a song by the Fall.

Hello and welcome back to our eleventh episode of the Two Librans. You’re in for a special treat, because this is our first in-person episode.

Recorded at Lincoln Center or some other place in New York, so please forgive the occasional cheers from our adoring fans, as well as Roman mumbling, and Tom talking much louder with his large American mouth.

This time we’re talking about Service, a melancholy number from the Infotainment Scan, which is one of Roman’s favorites, and one so impactful to Tom that he can’t remember if he’s heard or not. Roman recommends the Peel session version, which you’ll hear excerpted in the episode.

ALSO DISCUSSED

Patti Smith says a choice word on record, repeatedly

This takes up probably half of the episode, and good god, it goes places.

Poly book club update

Yes, big news for the locals—Roman finally enacted some real societal change in a city he no longer inhabits. We also discuss the literary value of the Ethical Slut.

Jerry Seinfeld on what’s “NOT FUNNY.”

Also

Tom questions Roman’s self-described victimhood, and a more successful cartoonist than us says (privately) that Roman draws like a woman (we should reiterate at this point that this is absolutely fine, and we have nothing but respect and admiration for that cartoonist, and Roman does draw like a woman).

Lastly, we finally connect Pizza Gate and Pizza Island. They could’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky meddling .

PS.

Don’t forget to follow our personal stacks. Tom hasn’t updated his in a while so who gives a shit. Roman has rebooted fan-favorite Terrible Father…

…and made some Resident Evil 4 fan-art.