Ultimate XI

Quizmaster general LukePingu, creator of YouTube's best football trivia videos, dons his manager hat and picks his Derby County Ultimate XI. Although the Rams are widely remembered for their record-breaking low Premier League points total in the mid-2000s, as Luke proves with his selections they have also been home to some fantastic players in recent history, many of whom have forged their legacies in the club's toughest years outside the top flight. True to his Derbyshire roots, Luke's XI features names that embody the heart, tenacity and loyalty that those representing Derby County have had to show in the last two decades, and some that hope to be part of a new era at Pride Park.

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Absolute Radio host and absolute legend Andy Bush is on the mic picking his Everton Ultimate XI. The broadcast luminary takes us back to the Toffees' golden era of First Division success with some of his selections, but also manages to sprinkle a delicious smattering of "Dudes can literally just sit around naming random footballers" which will certainly win over the Premier League purists. Headbutts and hedge funds, wildcard substitutions, and an ethereal Assistant Manager all combine to make an Ultimate XI that truly embodies the footballing heritage of the blue half of Merseyside.

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Drummer, football podcaster and Roots Hall addict Piers Hewitt reveals his carefully selected Southend United Ultimate XI. We're down in the lower leagues again, which means many things; loan player love-ins, bald club legends, and cries of "I Had No Idea He Played For Them" galore. Whilst this XI may lack top-flight experience, the players Piers has fallen in love with more than make up for it in grit, loyalty and ambition. And this is apparent in the number of players The Boxer Rebellion drummer picks from the highs (back-to-back promotions) and lows (financial chaos) of the Shrimpers' recent history.

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This episode we are joined by powerhouse journalist Mehreen Khan, The Times economics editor and co-host of Heroes and Humans of Football podcast, and she manages to pick a side that is spiritually and intrinsically 'Chelsea' but does not necessarily feature some of the names we would expect to make it in to an all-time Blues XI. Her unbridled passion for her team shines through though; Mehreen talks about how she first fell in love with the West London club and reflects fervently on the players she picks that represent her attitude to life and football, and what gets created is an XI that all Chelsea fans will appreciate and that Mehreen can stand behind proudly.

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In this episode I chatted to Barnsley's brightest young social media superstar, the lovely Kadie-Leigh Hanlon. Kadie-Leigh is an EFL evangelist on Instagram and talks all things Tykes on TikTok; her video interviews are fast becoming must-watches for all football content consumers, so it was a pleasure to hear her select her greatest Barnsley XI. Once I had got over the initial shock of realising that I own football socks that are older than Kadie is, I let myself get swept away and fell in love with the home-grown heroes and Premier League-level talent that the Yorkshire side have had represent them over the years. With a few names from recent years and some icons that even Kadie-Leigh's grandparents would struggle to remember clearly, this Ultimate XI epitomises everything that's great about Kadie-Leigh and her beloved Barnsley F.C.; youthful and dynamic but with a proud understanding of tradition.

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This week I am joined by creator of arguably the funniest videos on Instagram and TikTok, Ed Jones. He is a superb comedian and sketch comedy performer, and in this episode he paints his own personal picture of what it has been to be an Arsenal fan. Some of his choices, I think you will agree, do not scream "first name on the team sheet" - but yet, the way Ed speaks about them, you can see why they hold such a dear place in his heart and you'd be forgiven for thinking they have racked up more appearances for the North London club than they actually have. Lovingly dubbed 'Moment FC', it's true that you won't find statues of many of Ed's selections outside the Emirates, but if you're interested in hearing about eleven of the Gunners' greatest "Barclaysmen", then look no further.

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The lovely Dee Allum, hilarious stand up comedian, picks her favourite Watford players this week - and true to the Hornet's recent transfer policy, it's a really mixed bag. Players of all levels, nationalities and appearance records feature in the side, but truthfully 'tis just a preamble until Dee tackles the most difficult selection of all; which of Watford's 648 managers since 2010 will she pick as her assistant?

Buy tickets to see Dee's Edinburgh Festival Fringe show here: tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/dee-allum-deadname

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You've seen him on camera presenting football on Sky Sports, now hear the cool-headed Blues fan Kyle Walker pick his Man City Ultimate XI. Featuring a host of talent from the recent era of City success, but also containing an incredibly rogue shout for left-back, which we always welcome on this show. Kyle's team is packed full of class, in truth an XI of the players he didn't pick would give anyone a run for their money, but listen now to find out the answer to the question everyone is thinking - does Kyle's namesake make it in the Man City Ultimate XI?

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The satirist, writer and a 'fan for all seasons' Jon Harvey is famous for sending up those in power with a deluded sense of entitlement, and clearly this is also his approach to managing a squad of footballers as he attempts to balance 6 (SIX) midfielders into his all-star Tottenham Hotspur Ultimate XI. And, honestly, I think he manages it - yes, some players will be knocking furiously on the door of his manager's office to ask him why he insists on playing them out of position. Or why, when he has picked only three defenders, is one of them also being charged with trying to win the Golden Boot. But if there's one thing Jon knows it is speaking truth to power, and this "romantic failure" of a Spurs Ultimate XI certainly does that.

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Driven, ambitious, talented. All words that can be used to describe both this week's guest and most of the Coventry City Ultimate XI team that he selected. Louis Jones is the creator of Surprise Shirts, which has fast become the must-have subscription for football shirt collectors, and he puts his entrepreneurial skills to good use in selecting his Sky Blues side. Whilst the young innovator may not have known Coventry's heyday as a Premier League side, the team he picks features top tier quality, club legends, and eclectic characters including one player that Louis dubs having "the attitude of a Sunday League player with the talent of a Champions League player".

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